Hello and welcome to Five Minutes in Nature with me Liz Scott.
I'm still walking alongside the River Ex and it's still very beautiful.
If you caught me here yesterday you'll know that I share a footpath with runners and cyclists and I'm not far away from the bridge that passes over the River Ex so you might hear a bit of traffic noise as well but I am out and about on my morning walk heading towards the city centre to get a very welcome cup of coffee.
And yesterday we were talking about crying and I want to continue that today,
The crying and the release of tears.
For some reason in our culture there's a reticence sometimes to express emotion through tears and crying particularly when you're around other people and if you are someone who is around someone that's crying you might find that a little bit uncomfortable and I just want to say look there's nothing wrong in any of this it's just noticing where you are around it and for me there is something so healthy about crying and tears.
I love being around people that are okay with crying but there is sometimes the occasion when you don't want to cry or it's not you don't feel it's the right time to cry maybe that's a better way to put it.
Certainly for me you know there are times when I don't want to cry or I'm feeling a little bit wobbly but I know now is not the right time to process my tears and that's really good and if you're around somebody particularly I can imagine at a work in a work situation somebody comes in they're a little bit tearful they're absolutely fine to be at work they want to be at work they don't want to cry because they just want to get on with their work it's like how might you be around them and you know the temptation can be when we see someone crying and we're comfortable around tears is that we ask them questions about why they're upset and try and empathise or sympathise or keep on the subject of what's having them feel tearful.
If you're around someone that's crying the best thing you can do is I always would say is be guided by them be guided by them some people really don't want to talk about their tears they don't want to have to explain it they just want to feel their tears and what they really want is someone around them that could just be with them and allow them to be they don't want to be hugged or to be said they're there or given sympathy they just want to be acknowledged that they're upset and they're fine and that it's a process that they're going through and you're just there to support them as another human being often that's all people want and like I say there might there might be times when the tears just don't feel appropriate and when that's the case I just want to share something with you that I find really really helpful.
When I was training as a counsellor many many years ago one of the tips the trainers gave me when you're dealing in a counselling session with somebody that's feeling upset is they said look when you come towards the end of the session often somebody will be crying during the session it's really helpful to support them in moving away from that emotional state so that they can go back and engage in the world it's almost like they've had their processing time and my trainer he said the best way you can do that is just ask them some really practical questions you what you're doing is you're moving their awareness away from their heart centre to from their emotion back to their head back to the practical so in in that example you might say what are you going to do when you leave here what have you got planned for the day can you see those sorts of questions have people move into a a logical left brain practical thinking mode of being so I just offer that as a little tip if you are around someone who is crying firstly do they just want you to be a rock solid person that is with them as they cry if so be that person if they want to be facilitated from moving on from their tears or from expressing their tears at a later time or not now then a really really good tip and this is the purpose of today really is just to encourage that person to tell you some practical things they're going to be doing what they're going to be doing next what do they got planned today have they got any plans for the weekend those practical do they need to get any shopping those practical things can help bring someone back into the world so that they can then manage dealing with the world as it is in front of them and then process their tears in a space that feels more appropriate anyway I do hope you found that helpful a big one for crying I think it's such a healthy nourishing thing to do and I really want to encourage as many people as possible to support those who cry and just to be around them as a supportive listening ear
