Six Ways To Thrive In Midlife

Midlife and menopause are often defined by reflection and transition and often we can find it a tricky time to navigate. In this talk, I'll share the insights and ideas that I used to get myself out of a midlife crisis, simple insights that can ensure that this time of life is a time of opportunity and joy.

Transcript

Hello,

I'm Dawn and welcome to my six ways to thrive in midlife.

These ideas or tips that I'm going to share with you are the ideas or insights I used to get myself out of a midlife slump that I fell into for a couple of years.

They may seem simple or obvious,

Perhaps you've heard them before,

But just listen to them as you would a favourite piece of music.

Let the sound of my voice wash over and through you as if you're lying relaxed on a soft summer's day.

And then just notice what strikes a chord in you or what aha moments you have from what you hear.

Midlife and menopause can so often feel like the end,

The beginnings of a slippery slope,

Downwards towards weight gain,

Poor health,

Less vibrant looks.

But my intention for you in this short talk is to suggest some ways,

Ideas to help you flourish in midlife,

To live flamboyantly,

To squeeze as much juice out of your time until you love your life.

So number one,

Ditch the limitations and restrictions.

As I said,

It can be so easy to see midlife as all doom and gloom.

The menopause,

Weight gain,

Lower energy,

Sagging bits,

All those things can make us feel gloomy about our life and unsure about our future.

And yet there are plenty of examples of women our age who are out there creating second careers after the children have gone,

Pushing back our expectations of what's physically possible,

Showing up as beautiful,

Powerful and energetic women.

And so can you.

I firmly believe that midlife can be a powerful time to reassess where we are and where we want to go.

And there may be less limitations on this than we think initially.

So you want to dye your hair purple,

Take off to explore the world,

Start a wild new hobby.

Go ahead.

Why not?

And yet so often we don't because we think we're too old,

It's too late or it won't work.

We see only restrictions and limitations.

The point is that these limitations about what we can and can't do are in our mind.

They're those little niggling thoughts that sneak into our awareness.

And I'd love to just challenge you to start worrying about them less and turn your focus to thinking bigger,

To living without limitation.

Notice where you place restrictions on yourself and be open to ignoring them.

And remember,

You have full permission to live a life that is rich and full.

Number two,

Be daring and brave.

What I love in myself at this age,

And you may well have noticed it too,

Is that I care less what other people think of me.

You see,

The younger me was always so concerned with fitting in,

Being normal and not making a fool of myself.

But as the years have passed,

I've realised that people are so caught up in themselves anyway,

That most people,

Most of the time,

Are not even going to be thinking of us or creating opinions about what we do or say.

And this,

Coupled with a sense that my time is finite,

Can encourage us to be more daring,

Braver and bolder.

So I'd encourage you to start thinking bigger.

Think about what daring moves you made when you were younger.

And I bet,

Even if you've been living with safety for a while,

All of us can think of things that we've done in the past that could have been seen as bold.

Now would be the perfect time to start doing that again.

So how could you be bold?

Ask yourself the question,

Where do I need to be bold?

Where do I need to be brave?

And then start taking small steps towards your vision of daring and brave.

Number three,

Follow what you love.

So what do you love to do?

What activities fill you with joy?

What makes your heart sing?

What would you love to create?

What dreams do you have?

For many of us,

We've spent so long looking after other people and putting our own needs and desires on the back burner that it can be hard to remember what we actually do like doing and where our version of fun lies.

Now,

In middle life though,

It can be a great time to rediscover all those interests that you've long forgotten and try out something new.

And don't forget the daring and brave.

So what would give you a thrill of excitement?

Treat yourself every day to doing something you love,

No matter how small,

And see where that takes you.

Number four,

Rediscover the wonder of the world.

So you're feeling jaded,

Living with a seen-it-all-before feeling.

Well,

In a way,

We have seen it all before when we've reached this age and there can seem as if there's little new.

But wait a moment.

As you listen to my words,

Look around you.

Really pay attention to where you are.

Notice the colours and the shapes.

This is the time to rekindle your observation skills and you can rediscover the wonders of the everyday and even the familiar.

The steam from a mug of coffee,

The smile of a loved one.

When you really stop and pay attention,

These things can bring a new sense of wonder to your heart.

It can be so easy to be hypnotised by the everyday and trivial in our life,

To move from one task to the next in a day's stupor.

And yet when we pull ourselves out of the dream into an awareness of us and our little planet spinning through space,

We can remind ourselves just how magnificent being alive is.

When we turn our attention away from the little everyday mind and think wider,

That's when we begin to see the wonder again.

Number five,

Understand where our experience of midlife comes from.

Now we come to perhaps one of the most important ideas,

Which is understanding where our experience of midlife,

Or any other age for that matter,

Comes from.

You see,

We've all been conditioned to think it comes from things outside us.

Our situation in life,

Our health,

Our finances,

The things that happen to us.

So when all is going well,

We feel great.

But we also take it for granted that when difficulties strike,

It's inevitable that we feel bad.

But this isn't actually how life works.

You see,

Our emotions are never the direct result of what happens to us.

These situations never cause happiness or unhappiness.

Feelings aren't a result of the world and life event,

But our reaction to our thoughts about these situations.

You can test this yourself,

Because some days being stuck in traffic will be absolutely fine one day,

And then the next day it will be really irritating.

Same situation,

Different outcome feelings.

And if a situation led to a specific set of emotions,

Your emotions would remain constant from day to day.

But they don't,

Do they?

Because the same situation on a different day is likely to trigger very different thoughts about what's happening,

And then that leads to very different emotions.

Take,

For example,

Standing waiting in a queue.

One person may view this as highly irritating interruption to the day.

Another person may be glad of the chance to stop,

Slow down and enjoy the pause.

There's no one preset emotional response that we can have to the scenario.

So what impact does this have on our midlife?

Well,

It means that what midlife means to us is less a reflection of what's out there as some objective reality of how the world views this time of life,

And more a reflection of our own thoughts about it.

And there are some very important ideas we need to understand about our thoughts.

First of all,

We can't control our thoughts.

We've got no idea what next thought is going to come into our mind,

And there's no way we can predict whether it will be the type of thought we've had before,

Or whether it will be something new and completely fresh.

Most of the time our thoughts are fairly repetitive,

But every so often a really odd thought will come into our mind that seems to come out of nowhere.

What we also need to understand is that these thoughts aren't necessarily true.

They can't predict the future,

And many are not in fact worth paying attention to at all.

We don't have to give them the starring role in our lives.

They're just thoughts that come and go,

And the less attention we give to them,

The quieter our mind becomes.

So let me share how this can make a difference with an example.

Coming across this awareness has been huge for me in my own experience of what mine might be described as a mini midlife crisis.

When I hit my late 40s,

I felt really miserable for a few years,

Thinking that my life was over on a downward slide.

There were still so many things I wanted to experience,

And I felt convinced that it was all too late.

To be honest,

I felt bitter,

Resentful and fed up.

But when I discovered this understanding,

I realised the downs I'd experienced were due to believing my thoughts.

You see,

I thought they were a reality,

A true reflection of my midlife worth and future life prospects.

But these thoughts were never the truth.

And when I finally,

Deep down,

Really understood that my feelings were due to my believing my faulty,

Inaccurate thinking,

That was huge.

I realised the feelings these thoughts generate come and go.

Thoughts about my age,

The menopause,

Midlife,

Drift in and out of my mind.

Some days,

They were focused around the new opportunities I could see surrounding me.

On other days,

My mind was full of preoccupations about what was being taken away – smooth skin and youthful looks.

Now sometimes,

Yes,

I still worry about drooping and saggy body bits,

And regret past opportunities.

But I know these thoughts and feelings will pass.

And if it's a useful thought,

Such as needing to take more exercise or eat less chocolate,

I take action without overthinking or analysing it.

So it might be worth pausing for a moment and thinking about how this relates to you.

Don't worry if it's not making complete sense.

If it is,

That's wonderful.

But maybe you need to give yourself time to start becoming more aware of the thoughts you have when you're feeling happy and energised.

What sort of thoughts are you thinking?

When you're in a less than cheerful mood,

Again,

What's going on in your mind?

6.

Trust your own inner guidance system It's funny,

But once you start to take your thoughts less seriously,

They start to fade or become quieter,

And it's far easier to tap into your own wisdom and guidance.

This is the place that's always available for you,

For inspiration.

Always doing fine,

No matter what crisis or drama shows up in your life.

It's the part of us that's waiting for us when we're relaxed and happy.

For me,

It shows up naturally when I'm by the sea,

Swimming in the waves and relaxing.

It's the deep contentment.

My thinking's calm and slow,

My thinking's calm and slow,

And it's when a deep knowing is likely to show up.

So can you think of times when you felt this way?

A time when you just knew whatever issues or problems were turning up in your life,

All would be well.

Perhaps you had the solution to a problem just popping into your mind,

Or you suddenly felt a deep wisdom guiding you just when you needed it,

Simply by virtue of being human.

We all have these abilities and qualities.

They're a fundamental part of who we are.

We don't need to learn any techniques or do anything to tap into them.

We simply need to clear away the clutter of thoughts,

And there they are for us.

You see,

None of us needs fixing.

Whatever issues or problems we think we have,

In all of us lies a foundation of emotional and mental wellness.

But we can draw upon a guidance system that's there whenever we need it.

So midlife can be a time of rediscovery of yourself,

An evolution into a joyous way of being.

It's your choice.

So I know we've covered a lot of ground here.

You may find it useful to listen to this again,

Or it might be about simply allowing insights about how this relates to you and your experience to pop into your mind over the next few days.

Don't force them,

But play with the ideas and see what happens.

Hold on less tightly to your thoughts.

Let them come and go and give them less significance.

Know deep down that you're perfection.

Know that you've got creativity and wisdom already in you.

You just have to quieten and listen.

I want to stress again that it's not about learning new techniques for dealing with whatever problems or issues you're dealing with.

It's just awakening to your true nature.

And as with all insights,

Once you've seen this,

You can never turn the clock back.

You find yourself naturally living more fully.

Change happens without effort,

And you notice that you developed without having to do anything.

The less you try and do,

The better.

So thanks so much for listening to this talk.

I've got courses on Insight Timer,

The Joy of Adventure,

The Wellbeing Formula,

Effortless Self-Confidence,

As well as Lives and Short Talks.

So please have a look at my profile,

And if you'd love to follow me,

That would be wonderful.

Enjoy your midlife.

Know that you can truly thrive at this time.

And in the meantime,

I'm sending you lots of love,

And I hope to meet you again soon.

Bye-bye.

Reviews

I've led a very bold life, but since my last birthday I've had a new voice in my head, and it keeps saying "you're getting too old for...." fill in the blank. This talk put me back on track! Thank you. Here's to an even bolder bad ass bucket list for this new year of life!

Thank you for offering support and sensibility through this talk. Many notes resonated with me to challenge my thoughts and move forward!