Stay in a marriage or search for a new partner.
Make the most of a secure but staid career or create an exciting new business.
Our lives revolve around a constant stream of decisions,
Some with implications that will last for decades,
Others no more life-changing than choosing between a biscuit or a large slice of cake.
I'm always in favour of the latter.
And whilst there's nothing to stop us from resorting to the ever-faithful flip-a-coin technique,
Consult tea leaves or ask a friend,
Insight can very definitely shine a beacon of light through the dark night of indecision.
For many decisions,
The time to make them is as soon as they appear as a question in our head.
Sitting in a restaurant with a menu full of delicious choices,
There's no point mulling it over for the next few hours.
But with others,
We suffer from premature decisionitis.
We're too impatient to wait.
We dislike sitting in the uncomfortable position of uncertainty.
We want to skip ahead and get up caught up in loops of doubt,
Forcing choices before their decisions to be made.
My daughter sometimes gets herself into complete state by trying to decide her future career now.
Should she look after horses or become a teacher?
Would she be happiest being a marine biologist?
Or a novelist?
As I write this,
She's twelve.
You and I both know how much can change by the time she needs to make that choice.
Her ultimate career may turn out to be one that's not even yet invented.
If she insists on making a decision now,
Her choice may become completely redundant by the time she's working.
There's very little demand for lighthouse keepers or for anyone to light street lamps at night these days.
Over the past few years,
Her interests are invariably going to change.
Circumstances will evolve,
And this decision can remain fluid right up until the point when it's time to be made.
Trying to rush decisions,
Making them ahead of time,
Is as pointless as trying to choreograph an entire discussion with a friend three weeks in advance.
Not only do we have absolutely no idea which topics of conversation will seem relevant at the time,
Even if we know our friend well,
How could we ever predict how they're going to respond or what they're going to say?
Far more sensible to turn up and respond to what happens in the moment.
If there's an optimal time for making a decision,
There's also a state of mind that helps,
And big hint,
It isn't when we're caught up in turmoil and worry.
When you feel you're up to your eyes in stress and lost in the depths of a low mood,
Or have a strong sense of urgency that this problem desperately needs to be sorted now,
Once and for all,
Trying to force a decision is not going to work.
Making important decisions is not recommended when you're in the midst of a stress thought storm.
It's much more helpful to wait until it's passed.
Sitting it out until our feelings are more stable,
Which shows our thinking is more helpful and clearer,
Is a wiser idea.
Once we start to tap into this deep inner knowing or internal wisdom,
It becomes obvious that we do know what needs to be done.
Doors need to be slammed shut on doomed love matches,
Gooey chocolate cakes need to be left on supermarket shelves,
And tickets for exciting new adventures need to be booked.
But if we've fallen into the middle of a stress response,
When our thinking is dodgy and our mood is low,
We're not in the best frame of mind to make decision.
Our thinking is contaminated with the dust and dirt of pessimism.
We lack the clarity to see clearly.
That would be like deciding to always wear wellies and thick coats because we once looked out the window and the weather was dreary and grey.
Contrast this with when our thinking and our mood are on a more even keel,
And then we're more able to think more clearly and make more helpful decisions.
We have a more realistic grasp of the reality of any situation.
Choose your timing wisely.
So here are my tips for making decisions.
Number one,
By all means do your research.
Find out your options,
Explore all possibilities,
And use insight to provide you with fresh and juicy ideas.
When it's time for a decision to be made,
You'll feel it.
You'll have a feeling of simply knowing what to do.
Waiting until that time is going to save you so much internal angst.
Number two,
If you're pondering several alternatives and one option really does make more sense over the other,
Then play with the possibility that your final choice may in fact be relevant.
Both options will bring advantages and lessons,
And sometimes the most important thing is to just get on and make a decision.
Number three,
The best decisions are usually made when you're in an easy,
Quiet state of mind,
And if you're feeling a sense of panic or urgency,
It's best to leave the life-changing choices for another time.
And finally,
Decisions tend to have built-in parameters for the best time to be made,
And when that time has been reached,
Very often either the right choice becomes very obvious or there are additional factors to be considered that could never have been anticipated or predicted.
Looking for the whispers.
As I've settled into living life this way,
I've noticed how insights arrived with more regularity,
And I've also become more skilled at noticing solutions that haven't come from within me,
But from something in the outside world I'd previously been blind to.
I've probably been walking past the answer day in,
Day out,
Not seeing,
Until some perceptual filter is lifted and there it is right in front of me.
It's been a long time since I've been there all along,
But it takes the space from an internal shift for me to see it.
It's what an early mentor of mine,
Jill Edwards,
Called listening to the whispers.
When you're in a situation you need to change,
Keep your mind open for new or unusual solutions to come from other people,
Your day-to-day world,
Or things you hear or see,
And be ready to be amazed by how easy and straightforward the solution will be.
And so thank you so much for joining me here today.
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And I'd love you to follow me and join me,
And I look forward to being with you again soon.
Enjoy the rest of your day.
Bye-bye.
