Hi it's Lisa here from Newcastle,
New South Wales,
Australia and my story is called Fear is Here and it's a story about my panic attacks actually.
I have a job where I have to do public speaking and I have this fear of public speaking.
I just feel that sense of wanting to flee when I have lots of eyes looking at me.
However I care deeply about my work so I continued to carry on in this role for many many years and I noticed particularly when I had to meet a new group in the first week I would feel this strong sense.
I had to go to the toilet a lot before the group started in the evening.
I would feel worried and stressed all day.
I would try my mindfulness practice such as the lying down body scan to try and soothe and calm my nervous system.
However in that moment when I had to introduce myself I would feel this fear or this contraction in my stomach.
It had moved up my body very quickly.
It felt like a jolt through my diaphragm.
My heart rate would go up,
My breathing would increase and I'd also feel this tightening in my throat and a pulsing in my head almost like I could feel my heartbeat in my ears and then there would be this moment where my thoughts would almost freeze or fold.
It would be harder for me to find thoughts in my mind so I continued to do this work because I believed about the work that I was doing but in my mind there would be this mental noting stop stop don't have a panic attack don't have a panic attack and the more I pushed against it the stronger it would feel in my body and it wasn't until one evening when I was facilitating this course and I placed my hand on my belly and quietly noted in my mind fear is here and in that moment I was able to meet that very unpleasant strong sensation in my belly and in that moment my body felt soothed it was like oh thank goodness you've finally given me some attention finally taken the time to meet the fear with your awareness.
I was quite surprised actually that I could actually name it and the panic didn't increase in my body it sort of soothed my gut as I gave it some attention very gently I just took a breath named internally oh fear is here and it didn't race up my body to that sense of feeling that panic so this happened probably about six years ago I've been running this course for many years all the participants wouldn't have known that I was feeling so anxious and stressed I was still able to take care of the space and the group but once I could attend that fear in my body through touch and that gentle mental noting I could really navigate it in a more wholesome balanced way and I just wanted to share this because for many years I was in such that heightened state with my stress arousal and many people for years I said oh you know you've got to really try and meet it and be with it but I didn't know how to do it it wasn't till I think I'd just had enough of the feeling that I remembered to do it in the moment that I could actually place my hand on my belly drop my awareness into my gut and then I could self soothe with that top-down regulation so I hope this story can help you if you have any areas of your body that have these strong responses for me it worked with touch and breath and just tuning in just for only took a few seconds and then it changed my internal state and I could really navigate my internal state a lot better by tuning in and being with because it was something that was in the way and I had to go through it to really feel and navigate so thank you so much for listening and I hope it can support you in some way bye for now