Inner Compass Masterclass, Part 1

Feeling conflicted about who you’re meant to be and what you’re meant to do with your life? If so, get ready to stop following other people’s directions and expectations for your life. Find your own internal guidance system - your Inner Compass - so that you can remember who you are, what you stand for, and find what's next for you.

Are you feeling:
- lost
- restless
- not sure who you are anymore
- not sure how you got here
- overwhelmed by the next steps to take in life
- conflicted between external expectations and your internal needs or desires?

If so, then this Masterclass is calling to you. By the end of this Masterclass, you'll

- have a 3-part framework for ditching the inner conflict and finding your Inner Compass,
- know how to tap into what deeply matters to you,
- learn how to spot what gets in the way of honoring what matters to you, and
- have the next step you need to take to find your own path back to yourself and the life you really want!

Transcript

Welcome to your Inner Compass Masterclass.

Over the next three sessions,

I want to share with you a three-part framework for learning how to release the inner conflict you feel between the pressure to meet external expectations and the internal pull to meet your own needs and desires.

And after these three sessions,

You'll also find two guided meditations in parts four and five of this Masterclass series.

I'm Michelle Walter,

Owner of Life From The Summit and certified mindfulness meditation teacher and inner guidance coach.

And I want to guide you through this three-part framework to cultivate your own inner compass.

Before we get started,

I invite you to find a quiet,

Comfortable place where you can maybe write some notes and allow yourself to reflect.

You may also want to pause the recording to grab some paper and something to write or draw with.

Now let's go ahead and jump in.

I'd like to invite you to take a moment to reflect on what comes to mind when you hear the phrase inner compass.

What made you curious about listening to this class about finding your inner compass?

I want to share with you what inner compass has meant to me.

For over 40 years,

I spent my life mindlessly following external expectations of what I thought my life should look like.

And I say mindlessly because I didn't even know I was doing it.

I was just doing what I thought people,

At least people in the United States,

Were supposed to do.

I followed paths that other people had already laid out for me.

I never stopped along the way to ask or consider what I really wanted from my life,

What I stood for,

What was deeply,

Deeply important to me,

And what path I wanted to take.

And any time I even got some nudge that maybe my life could be different or that maybe I wasn't on the right path that was meant for me,

I felt guilty,

Ungrateful for the life and the privileges I had.

I felt crazy for thinking that this life wasn't enough.

So I never gave myself permission to listen to those little nudges that maybe something in my life was off,

That I'd gotten off track,

Or that there might be something else for me out there.

And over time,

I started to feel lost,

Restless,

Like I didn't know who I was anymore.

I didn't know how I'd gotten where I was or where to even go from here.

Does any of that sound familiar to you?

I had started feeling this inner conflict between trying to meet all of these external expectations on one hand,

And on the other hand,

Wanting to follow my own path and what felt most important to me.

And that inner conflict really started to take its toll on me.

I found myself struggling with a lot of depression and anxiety,

Unable to fully engage in my life and my work,

Dreading getting out of bed in the morning,

And spending a lot of time crying alone in my closet.

Eventually,

I started to learn over time that the problem was that I'd spent most of my life following other people's expectations.

My parents,

Culture,

Society,

Groups I belonged to.

Expectations of what was quote normal,

Which were expectations dictated by the dominant culture of whiteness in America.

Expectations that I didn't even realize I had internalized.

Now I want to pause here to say that expectations aren't necessarily quote bad.

Expectations can provide parameters for living in society.

Like an expectation that we won't steal or hurt other people,

Right?

So I'm not talking about those expectations.

I'm talking about the expectations that we have been conditioned to believe that we must adopt in order to be approved or accepted by other people,

By our culture,

By our family,

By society.

I'm talking about the external expectations that we've unwittingly adopted as our own,

Even when they don't really suit us.

And in my experience,

I've found that there can be three problems that arise from adopting other people's expectations for us.

First,

Those external expectations aren't necessarily the right gauge for what's right for you.

Someone else's expectations for you aren't based on what's best for you.

They're based on that person or that culture's own experience and perceptions,

Not your own.

Another person's expectations aren't about you,

They're about them.

So they're not a good compass for living your own life.

The second problem is that these expectations are often unrealistic.

The second problem is that expectations often are unrealistic.

They usually don't take into account your own circumstances,

Abilities,

Challenges,

Etc.

And the third problem is that expectations are often contradictory.

There can be different expectations from different people in your life,

Which might cause you to wonder which expectations to try to meet.

Coming from these problems,

Then,

There can also be harm from adopting and trying to meet external expectations.

One potential harm could be that it could start to breed anger or resentment.

At least it did for me.

Because we can deny our own desires in order to meet other people's expectations.

Or we judge ourselves for not living up to other people's expectations.

And then we end up being filled with a lot of resentment.

Another type of harm that could come is that we lose our ability to make decisions for ourselves.

The voice of external expectations can drown out our own inner voice,

Leaving us without an opinion of our own,

And often low self-esteem because of it.

Lack of confidence.

And the third problem is that these external expectations can create an internal conflict that at least in my case,

Led to mental health struggles like depression and anxiety.

And that can cause us to bury our desires and feelings even deeper.

So I invite you to pause here for a moment.

Pause the recording if you need to,

And reflect or journal on these two prompts.

What are the external expectations from others that you have been trying to uphold?

And what kind of toll is that taking on you?

Once we're aware of the external expectations that we've been trying to uphold that are creating that inner conflict for us,

Well what can we do?

What can we do about that inner conflict?

And what I've found is that we can learn to find and trust our own internal voice,

Our own inner compass.

In looking back at how I was able to release some of those external expectations and be guided by my own inner compass,

I've realized that there were three steps I took.

And this is the framework that I want to share with you over the next three sessions.

So let me give you an overview of this three-part framework.

In the first session,

In the first part of this framework,

We will look at finding your direction.

We're going to get clear on what matters to you,

Your core values.

In the second lesson,

We'll look at the second part of this framework,

Which is what I call seeing the fork.

We're going to become aware of the unconscious values that you've adopted that no longer serve you so that you can take the fork in the path that you've been following and move toward what really matters to you,

Toward those core values.

And then in the third lesson,

The third part of this framework,

Is that you'll be able to take one step.

Right and take your first step down that fork in the path that you've chosen towards your core values,

Toward what really matters to you,

And away from what doesn't.

All right,

Are you ready?

Let's start with step one.

Find your direction.

Finding your direction means knowing your core values.

Your core values are what we know deep inside to be our truest sense of direction.

They're like our North Star.

Core values represent who we are and what we hold dear at our most fundamental level.

Our core values affect how we see other people and view events in our lives.

They're subjective and they're personal to you.

And even when you've inherited or absorbed core values from your family,

Culture,

Society,

Church,

Groups,

News,

Advertisements,

Whatever it might be,

Your core values are what you consciously choose for yourself as to what matters most to you in life.

In one word,

Your core values are your why.

W-H-Y.

Now I want to be clear that your core values are not goals.

Okay?

Goals are a destination.

Core values are what guide you,

Maybe in setting or achieving a goal.

So why are these core values so important?

Because if you go through life without knowing your core values and without living in a way that honors those core values,

You can start to feel disconnected,

Lost,

Adrift,

Purposeless,

Directionless.

You may even find it harder to achieve your tangible goals because you won't be guided by what's most important to you.

And that's what I call misalignment.

Misalignment is when we begin to feel like our life isn't aligned with what's true for us,

Like something is off.

So to become aligned,

We need that inner compass.

And that starts with the first part of this framework,

Finding your direction.

Now I want to take you through some reflections to help you find your direction,

Find your core values.

Again,

Pause the recording when you need to and maybe write down these prompts so that you can come back to reflect on them later if you'd like.

The first prompt is to reflect on what feels most important to you in life.

What feels most important to you in life?

The next reflection is,

What are the most important factors that you consider when making big decisions?

And also,

What are the most important factors that you consider in making small decisions?

The next prompt is,

How do you want to spend your time?

How do you want to spend your time?

The next prompt is,

What pulls at your heart and soul?

What pulls at your heart and soul?

The next prompt,

What must you experience so that you feel fulfilled in life?

What must you experience so that you feel fulfilled in life?

And the final prompt is to fill in the blank.

I want blank in my life.

Or you could write,

I want to experience blank in my life.

So fill in those blanks.

I want blank in my life.

Or I want to experience blank in my life.

So take some time,

Pause the recording,

Reflect on those prompts and come back when you're ready.

Okay,

Once you've reflected or journaled on those prompts,

I want you to jot down three to five words from those reflections that feel like they really summarize what you reflected on.

I know that's going to be hard to narrow it down and that's okay.

Over time,

You may be,

Maybe come back to this practice and you can come up and winnow it down with three to five.

Looking back on those reflections,

See if you can come up with those three to five words that really summarize your reflections on those prompts.

Those three to five words will be your core values.

They're what feels most important to you.

They're the factors you consider when making decisions.

They represent how you want to spend your time,

What pulls at your heart and soul,

What you must experience so that you feel fulfilled in life.

They are what you want in your life,

What you want to experience.

I'll give you an example.

For me,

My core values,

I have five of them,

Are growth,

Which includes all kinds of subvalues like physical growth,

Personal growth,

Spiritual,

Financial growth.

My second value is honesty and then compassion,

Vulnerability,

And freedom.

These five core values speak to what's most important to me,

What I consider when I make decisions,

Where I want to focus my time,

What I feel like I must experience in order to feel fulfilled.

So once you have your core values,

Now I want you to pick just one for now and we'll walk through the rest of the process.

You can then rinse and repeat this process for each of your other core values when you're ready,

But you don't have to do all that right now.

Let's just start small with one.

Maybe it's the one that really calls to you the most right now.

And now we're going to do some more reflections on some other prompts.

So again,

Pause the recording as you need to.

And for that one core value that you've picked,

Answer these questions.

How do you define that core value?

When have you honored that core value in your life?

And what did that feel like to honor that core value?

When have you not honored that core value in your life?

And what did that feel like?

And then finally,

On a scale of one to 10,

With one being none at all,

And 10 being 100%,

How much time and energy do you feel like you devote to honoring that core value on an average basis?

Record those reflections,

Write them down,

And keep them handy because we're going to come back to those in the third part of the framework.

I want to encourage you to take your time with this first step of finding your direction.

Please resist any urge to sit down and bang it out or get it right.

Let it breathe for a while.

Sleep on it.

Come back to it tomorrow.

See if you have any new insights that have emerged.

And in the next session,

We'll move on to part two,

Seeing the fork.

I want to honor you for taking this time for yourself to do this really important work.

And I invite you to send me a message if you have any questions or reflections that you'd like to share.

So until next time,

May you stay safe and well.