Listen To Your Needs And Rekindle Joy

I used to power on at the expense of my well-being all the time. I was handy with a mental whip to lick myself into shape and get the job done.
But here's the thing. My productivity was poor when I engaged in this behavior because at its core was self-denial and harshness. It was a barren desert.

Thankfully, the last twenty years have taught me so much about self-compassion, and how to become more creative and productive while also enjoying the journey. Find out how to be kind and joyful while powering to the top with this mindset shift.

Transcript

Good morning Wellbeing Family,

Lovely to be back with you.

I hope you had a good break.

We've had a long weekend here in Queensland and I went away for five days with some friends and with my youngest son to do a five-day trek up at Kooloola National Park.

So we did the Great Sandy Walk,

The Great Kooloola Walk in the Great Sandy National Park.

It was amazing and it was right out there on the edge of physical capacity for me carrying a 12 kilo pack and doing 20 kilometers a day but so so fun.

And in the lead-up to it you know I noticed how excited and alive I was because I was really putting myself to the edge of what I knew my capacity was.

I knew it would be uncomfortable and I knew that it was going to be a real challenge for me because I don't really like carrying but I do love to be out in wilderness and I loved the idea of walking 85 kilometers and carrying all of our stuff the whole way and needing to carry all our water for the day because there's no water between the campsites.

Like there's something that was very alive about it and quite different from just going on a holiday where everything is provided.

I suppose what I'm saying is it's so different from the normal way that I live where everything's provided there's always a fridge full of food,

There's water coming out of a tap,

There's a car that I can jump into.

This felt really like we're gonna be out there on our own at our own devices and relying on ourselves and how well we prepared and I don't know there's a real metaphor for life here and a metaphor for well-being which is why I'm gonna talk about it today because so many things happened on this walk that made me reflect on life and how I could learn from my experience in my own life and the big one that I wanted to talk about was this idea of taking micro rests right.

So I was the slowest on our you know little group of four.

My 21 year old son was like a centurion he was you know I was listening to a podcast recently where they said that centurions or yeah centurions no just the Roman they're not even the centurion the centurions were the very top but the Roman soldiers I can't remember what they're called would carry 34 kilos of gear with them and walk 40 kilometers a day and then when they arrived there they'd have to make a camp like cut wood make a fence build their little huts it was it's incredible like those guys were tough tough tough.

So he was out there you know without any problem at all and I was coming up the rear and I knew that that it was all going to be a head game for me that I needed to keep my mindset positive and speak to myself kindly and be self-compassionate and remind myself why I was there right and not get into that downward spiral of I can't do this this is too hard I'm too old why did I think all of those things right.

So it was a beautiful opportunity to practice really I mean all of life is a beautiful opportunity to practice but this was particularly a delicious opportunity to practice and I practiced and I have to say that it was just lovely like I have now created enough momentum enough forward momentum in my mental processes that it's easy to go to the positive right.

I know that you know it feels very trite it's become a Facebook meme oh you know be grateful every day have an attitude of gratitude all that stuff right it can be very trite and even annoying it is annoying actually but the bottom line is it's actually true like when we take time and I say this out of my own experience I have taken time I have made an enormous effort because I think I actually had a very negative mindset like the only reason that people become psychotherapists is because what did a friend of mine say the wettest the wettest logs are closest to the fire right we do it for our own healing and I feel so grateful because I feel like I've kind of got my own healing now I've got to this point like it's never a hundred percent right but I've got to this point where I can recognize that my mental states used to be really negative I would easily dive into a negative mental state and I would stay there I'd get totally stuck there right and what I've learned over the last 20 years is that that is actually in my control it's not just part of my personality it's not just who I am it's not pre-ordained in my genes like I hear this so much from people I come from a family of depressives I come from an anxious family and while there is utterly no doubt that we track the people around us and we model ourselves and we learn from the people around us and there is even some genetic inheritance there's also so much we can do to shift our own mindset and when we start to take responsibility for that life becomes amazing so I mean there's not a day that goes by that I don't spend some time cultivating my positive mindset cultivating what I want to create in life right I can't tell you how powerful that is instead of I think the way I lived my life in the past was just well stuff happens and wow wasn't that lucky that something good happened and oh yeah here's something shit that's happening again right that's kind of how I lived and when the shit things happened it was like it would send me down for a long time and it would take me a long time to come back up right so I was very dependent on external events for my own positive or for my own mental state whereas now I don't feel that I am like difficult things happen and I feel like I hurt all over them in my stride it's like I just hurt all over them the way I don't know if any of you did hurtling I did hurtling when I was a kid and you're supposed to jump over a hurdle and your head doesn't change height right so you literally it's just your legs that are moving and that's how it feels now I can hurtle over these difficult things and everything just keeps going in the direction I have preordained for it so I want to invite you to take a moment here and actually close your eyes and think to yourself what is it I want in life what is my deepest desire and come up with simple words you can just come up with words if an actual image can't arise so I'll tell you mine like at the moment I'm thinking about my son because he's at that crossroads in life where he's just finished his academic career and now he needs to get out into the world and you know it's it's a very vulnerable place it's a new beginning he requires opportunities and so forth and so what I do is I go through what I would like to create for him what I would like to evolve in his life and it goes like this I wish for him love and connection and laughter and fun vibrant good health and abundance wealth money love again adventure opportunity bliss joy success and I'll stop there normally I go on for longer and I create adjectives and I let it really ramp up and even in that short 15 seconds that I was doing that I can feel my belly start to get excited it's like the fire comes on there's a spark in my chest so I want to invite you to find whatever your mantra needs to be about what it is you want to create in life because thoughts are very powerful and the way that thoughts make you feel is even more powerful and when we let ourselves be in that feeling place of excitement expectation gratitude appreciation things happen positive things happen so one of the things that I noticed during the walk was that I needed to take micro rests the rest of the group would kind of trudge trudge trudge trudge again the gladiator reference seems to come to mind and then they would stop after two hours and have a long break and I was at the back of the pack and often it felt like I was on the trail by myself which was actually really lovely knowing that they were up ahead and I would find them eventually and I just got into my own pace and especially on the uphills which I found quite challenging my gluteus medius muscle got a huge conditioning during this trip I would just stop when I needed to I'd have little micro rests sometimes that involves stopping with my pack on my back I would take 10 I would literally take 10 steps and stop take a breath take 10 steps stop take a breath and then I would realize that I needed to actually have a longer break so I'd take my pack off I had a sarong with me I'd lay that out on the ground I would lie down on my back do a little bit of gentle yoga to release my outer hips take five breaths and then get back up again and those micro rests actually improved my whole experience because it just allowed my body to catch up with me and the thing that I noticed is how amazingly my body could restore itself even like definitely overnight but even with small rests my body would restore itself and could go on again so it made me think about well how do I take micro rests in my life because it's very easy and I think adults do this I've talked about this before about how as adults we are so prone to getting our blinkers on like those horses you know blinkers on and just trudging trudging trudging continuing on on on and never stopping and again I see a lot of that in my work with my clients that they've just created this life for themselves which is like a hamster wheel it's like Groundhog Day it's like I get up and I do this and I work a 15 hour day and then I go home and I look up to my family and there's nothing in it uplifting the joy has gone out of it and what I know about that is that those people just need to get more in touch with themselves and what they need and allow those needs to filter through and to start listening to them and meeting some of those needs and then the joy starts to return it's actually quite a simple process but it takes this little bit of magic which is that you actually start listening and I guess that's what I was doing on the trek I was I've never been so in touch with my body and my physicality for such a long time right like so yoga is great for this and when I do yoga it really invites me to turn inward and and notice my body think about what my body needs and during the poses and the moves it uncovers a whole lot of things about my body that I didn't realize oh I didn't know that my left ankle was that sore that tight and so what I was doing on this trek that I just described is I was actually listening to what I needed and responding to my needs okay it's not rocket science but it is actually the key piece that I really want to leave you with today that magic happens when we stop denying ourselves when we stop whipping ourselves when we stop pushing ourselves and it doesn't mean that you're going to turn into a couch potato right I still got there I might have got there five minutes behind them sometimes or 20 minutes behind them sometimes but I got there and I enjoyed the trip I enjoyed every moment of it and I enjoyed the amazing views like there were points where there was one particular uphill that was really long and then when I got to the top I was on this ridge that was like a magical ridge it was like being in heaven this sandy white path in a low forest of Banksia and over through the walk through the trees I could see the sparkling blue sea on one side and on the other side the Noosa River and the fig tree inlet and Lake Kotharaba on the other like it was just sublime utterly sublime the weather was amazing and you know by the time I got there I was in a good state and could enjoy that view right so I had listened to what my body needed I responded I gave it what it needed when I felt I'd rested enough I got back up and I kept going right so when we allow ourselves to listen to our needs we we still get to where we want to go but we get there in a better shape I guess that's what I'm saying really we get that in better shape more able to enjoy the whole experience and life is life is a lighter brighter more fun place to be so I want to leave you with a piece of homework how in your life can you take some micro rests I'm really reflecting on this because I know that I can get stuck in that blinkered I want to go to the ceramic studio and I want to spend three hours and I want to make 12 pots and I want to get all the glazing done and actually no I want to go to the ceramic studio and meet my friend and make sure that I have time to go and have a cup of tea and it's actually very nice at the moment because I've made this new little friend at the studio that I'm going to and so we're supporting each other to take that micro rest by taking turns in bringing a delicious lunch like we'll go and get botanica salads or go to New Farm Deli and get a really delicious takeaway and that way we entice each other to take a rest like don't take it so seriously it doesn't matter whether you make 12 pots today or you get all your glazing done it really doesn't matter what matters is that we enjoy the journey I'll see you next time

Reviews

Just lovely. Thank you.

Totally what I needed this morning. Thank you.

Your enthusiasm is contagious fresh and inspiring

Thank you Leila for sharing your experience and teachings. I appreciate the support during my inner awakening journey. 🙏

Love this
Micro breaks allow me to trek longer and further than just barrelling on through… which causes pain.

Wow! I just discovered this beautiful soul! Thank you for sharing your life, your wisdom and your love through this medium. I am of similar age and stage of life and just REALLY needed to hear this as I begin my day and the BEST of my life! 💕

Wonderful. I can relate. Sometimes the change of environment helps us hear, see and feel something different that wouldn’t have been possible in our typical everyday blinkered life.