Letting Go - How To Do It Kindly

Are you holding onto an identity that no longer serves you?
Often it's a part of your identity which has taken a lot of time, effort and money to win.
Like me with my Medical Registration.
I graduated in 1987 and Ive been registered as a doctor ever since.
Till now.
The time is upon me to release this part of my life, so that other, new, exciting opportunities can flood in.
Today I'm exploring how to do this with self compassion and kindness, so that life can flow and emerge organically in the true direction of your desire.

Transcript

Hello well-being family it's Dr.

Leila back again.

I'm always excited to record this podcast but today I'm almost jumping out of my skin because what I want to talk about is how we let go of something big in our lives so that we can embrace the next thing.

And this is such a common theme amongst my clients and it's a it's actually a theme that's been in my life so I'm going to talk about my own experience of this and in the past and the experience that I'm having of it right now because it's crunch time for me at the moment where I'm actually thinking about releasing my medical registration.

So that feels huge and this is the kind of thing that I'm interested in exploring today is that you know we only have one life,

We only have one opportunity to do all the things,

All,

I'm going to underline all the things that we want to do with this life.

And yet what seems to happen is that often we can get stuck in a often a profession but also a job of other kinds but professions are particularly sticky places to get stuck because you work very hard to get where you are,

You spend a lot of money training,

You climb the ladder and you're getting rewarded with money and kudos and status and so forth and it can be very difficult to get unstuck from that place.

And you know when certainly in my own experience as a doctor I stopped working full-time very early in my career because I knew that I just could not sustain it,

That it was something I didn't want.

And so I worked,

I've always pretty much worked part-time since I stopped,

Since I finished my intern year in my registration.

And that's one of the reasons that I did general practice and I took the career path that I did so that I could actually have a lifestyle that suited me.

And I've managed to fit traveling,

Trekking in Annapurna,

Living in France,

Doing all kinds of interesting things into that life.

I've had a few years where I haven't practiced medicine at all.

But normally what happens is that life happens around the edges of that job that we're doing and I can tell you that once you get to the age that I am,

I'm 62,

In next month I'm 62,

Once you get to that age you start realizing that time's going to run out and if you don't do the things that you really want to do now,

Then there'll come a time when you can't do them,

When you're going to be too old,

Too sick,

Too unwell,

Too unfit to actually go and do those things.

So I'm really at that point where I'm thinking I'm very grateful to medicine,

It's been fantastic,

I've loved being a doctor,

I've loved the privilege of seeing into other people's lives,

Supporting them with their health,

Making a difference to them.

And the same with psychotherapy,

That has also been fantastic.

But I actually want more,

I want more for myself,

I want to have more of an experience of life and do other things,

Things that will serve me a little bit more.

And I think this is actually,

I mean this message has been the thrust of my whole well-being business really since I started,

That we have to look after ourselves first in order to be able to give to others.

And so this piece feels like the ultimate bit of really looking after yourself,

Really stopping and asking yourself,

What do I want to do?

What lights me up?

What's exciting to me?

What fills me with vitality and fun and excitement?

Because when you ask yourself that question and give yourself permission to ask that question and answer that question,

Then you're on the road,

You've set yourself on the road,

Even if you then have to take a step back.

So this is what happens,

Right?

This is what I actually want to talk about,

Is the process of releasing from something that has had you in its thrall for a long time.

So there is a forward and backward movement and what I want to do is just make that normal,

Is name it,

And say this is absolutely normal.

So for me,

For example,

My registration is due at the end of next month and I actually,

For the first time,

I'm thinking I really don't want to renew.

I don't want to renew my registration.

I may have to because I've got some people who are still on Medicare packages,

But really that part of my business is very small.

And what I know about it is that whenever I think about it,

It fills me with excitement and terror,

Right?

So excitement and fear,

And fear is just excitement without the breath.

So I breathe into it and then I have to pull away from it,

Just pull back from that decision and go,

I'm not going to think about that now.

And then the next time it comes up,

I can approach it again.

And it's like a forward,

Backward,

Forward,

Backward,

Approach,

Withdraw,

Approach,

Withdraw.

The answer isn't going to come by me forcing myself to push myself to an answer.

The answer will come if I leave myself space and that what I need to do is actually just consider,

Consider the options,

Find out how that makes me feel and then withdraw back to the status quo of you can always continue your registration for another year.

There's no rush.

Think about all the implications.

Where's the money going to come from?

How are you going to organize your life?

What is going to fill that space that was being a doctor,

Right?

And what I'm beginning to realize as I allow myself very gently,

Can you hear how self-compassionate this process is?

So instead of forcing myself into,

Come on,

You have to make a decision.

You've got to be on the ball.

You've only got this amount of time.

I'm not doing that to myself.

I'm actually being really self-compassionate and saying,

Just let this marinate.

Let it sink in.

Let's see how this feels.

This is big.

This is enormous,

Right?

And there's going to be grief about letting this go.

And once you let it go,

There's no coming back,

Right?

So I'm giving myself that opportunity to just sit with it and actually turn away from it and then sit with it again and turn away from it.

And I don't know how long that process is going to take,

But I'm quite happy not to rush myself because this is a huge decision.

What I also know is that it's only going to be through releasing this big thing,

My medical registration,

That I will actually 100% be able to turn towards the other things I want to do that do not require medical registration,

Right?

And there's a lot of those,

Like I don't need medical registration to take people on retreat to Bali or France.

I don't need medical registration to run beautiful women's groups here.

I don't need medical registration to teach yoga.

I don't need medical registration to do one-to-one psychotherapy.

None of that,

Right?

The medical registration is just something that's been a hangover from previous times and it gives me access to Medicare,

Which is in Australia,

The insurance scheme.

So it's big and I want to invite you to let yourself think those scary thoughts without coming down on yourself like a ton of bricks that you have to make a decision because you don't.

What's actually most important is that you allow yourself to experiment.

It's a thought experiment,

Right?

Have a thought experiment.

What would life be like if I relinquished my medical registration?

And that's what I've been doing.

What would life be like?

And I can see that there will be grief,

But I can also see on the other side of that there's all sorts of excitement because it feels like I could step away from so much of what's required of me to maintain that professional status as doctor,

Right?

And actually reinvent myself as something that's much closer to who I really am,

To my authentic self,

Right?

I discovered,

You know,

I've discovered in the last few retreats where I've taught the yoga,

I've discovered how much I love teaching yoga to small groups.

I absolutely love it and doing more music and doing group work.

So there are a lot of things to do in this life.

In fact,

This afternoon I'm going to do a photo shoot,

Right?

So a friend asked me,

Would I do a photo shoot for some advertising?

I said,

Yes,

Sure.

We'll get paid for that.

It'll be fun.

We'll do hair and makeup.

I'm going to find out what I'm like in front of a camera.

I don't know.

And I'm going to find out whether I enjoy it or not.

So this is what I mean,

Like really embracing all of who you can be.

I find that I'm doing a lot more music at the moment.

I'm actually letting that side of myself out more and that feels wonderful.

So I wonder where you are holding on to something that might be past its use by date,

Right?

That's really the bottom line.

My medical registration is past its use by date and it's time for me to start practicing with what would it be like to let it go?

What would it be like to release this?

I know that it would be,

It would make life a whole lot cheaper because it's an expensive business being registered as a doctor.

So I wonder what this is bringing up for you.

And I'm sure that for many of you,

You'll be resonating with some of the things that I'm talking about and I'd love to hear from you.

You can always contact me through the website if you want to give me some feedback.

And I know that there are ways to comment both on Insight Timer and through the podcast system so that you can let me know because I'd like this to be a two-way conversation.

I'd like to know what you struggle with.

And here's the bottom line,

Like there does come a time in life and I mean I'm at that time where we do let go of what we've been and who we've been and then there's this reinvention process that can happen.

And some people do that a whole lot more gracefully than others.

It's called retirement.

I don't like that word.

I like to think of it as freedom.

But some people do that a whole lot better than others.

So in a way,

No matter where you are in life,

This is good practice for that moment in time when that will happen.

And I want to leave you with a little story about an ex,

A client of mine from long,

Long ago who must have been,

Like he was quite young,

So I think he was probably in his early 50s and you know working in a professional capacity full-time doing the you know the professional thing.

And he came in to see me one day and said,

I just came in to say goodbye.

My mother's died,

I've inherited 10 million dollars,

I'm stopping work.

And I remember at the time feeling this expansion in my chest and this feeling of good on you.

It's like you've got financial freedom,

You actually don't need to work anymore to have the financial freedom.

And I actually said to him,

And what will you do?

And he was like,

Oh I've got all these activities lined up and I'm going to do this with my son and that and da da da da.

So you need more imagination to live a life outside of the bounds of a profession.

You certainly need a lot more imagination.

And I think people who do well in retirement have more imagination and they're willing to take that risk and throw themselves into something that they're not necessarily proficient at.

Like I've talked a lot about my ceramics.

You know when I started ceramics I knew nothing,

I had to really be the baby in the ceramics studio.

And slowly that has built and it's very enjoyable.

So it's an experiment.

All of life is an experiment but this particular phase is a real experiment.

And I'd love to know your thoughts,

I'd love to know how you're getting on.

I'll see you next time.

Reviews

Thank you for an excellent guided meditation. I’m nearing the end of a long career in high tech as an engineer, and your talk really resonated with me. I’m facing more physical and mental health challenges than ever before; and it has really struck me how short our lives really are. Thank you for such an inspiring talk. 🙏

Thank you for this talk. I am trying to let go of being a Mom. It’s a little bit different than a profession. But then again maybe not. We lost our son in a vehicle accident about 13 years ago and our daughter has been estranged for 7 years. Time to move on. Thanks again.🙏

Just WOW
I love how your mind thinks
That back and forth volley that happens with major life decisions it’s really a natural part of it isn’t it? Of life unfolding & us trying n different scenarios. what would it be like? What will I do? will I like it? How does it make me feel to try that decision on .that’s a big one to ask yourself
thank you for this meditation