Don't Be A Hostage To Your Mind

Don't Be a Hostage of Your Mind. I often find my mind chasing what I desire and avoiding what I fear, causing a lot of suffering. I want to break free from this cycle and experience peace, love, and joy, but my mind is very persistent!

It's programmed to seek pleasure, attaching itself to what I like, and trying to avoid anything unpleasant. It's like being trapped in a loop of craving and aversion, where I never feel satisfied, and really, there is no peace.

When I allow my desires and fears to rule my mind, it creates a sort of "hell realm" within me, where I miss out on fully experiencing life. I end up burdened by unfulfilled desires and unsubstantiated fears.

Psychotherapy is a powerful way to understand this judgmental, grasping, unsatisfied nature of mind and gently stepping away from its grip.

Transcript

Hello well-being family,

Lovely to be back with you for another podcast.

I've been,

Well I've been having a great time actually,

I've been doing a lot of ceramics and on Sunday we did a raku firing which was so exciting and I put a couple of pieces in and they both survived the firing and they both came out with the most wonderful,

It's this wonderful organic glaze where you get sawdust and paper and marks through the glaze so it's very organic,

Very natural and I was really delighted.

So I've got two pieces,

One is a box,

Sort of a Chinese looking box on four legs that looks like it was made 200 years ago because the red glaze on it is so distressed and the other thing is a rectangular bottle with a beautiful kind of scalloped lid and it also has this wonderful turquoise and red glaze all over it.

Anyway I've been having fun with the raku firing,

This is what potters do,

It's all about fire and dirt and mud,

It's very organic.

I hope you're having lots of fun too.

And I wanted to talk today a little bit about mind,

About the nature of mind and you know I don't think that you can really separate psychotherapy from spiritual work because what we're doing in psychotherapy is kind of the same as what the spiritual teachers are talking about.

So I listen to a lot of Eckhart Tolle,

I listen to Michael Singer,

I listen to the Sounds True podcast which is a wonderful mixture of spiritual dharma teachers and whenever I listen to them I feel like I'm like yeah I'm just nodding and nodding in agreement and going yep yep I know that to be true,

Yes that's true.

And what they're talking about,

So the fundamental teaching,

If I was to really just sum up the fundamental teaching of most of the spiritual teachers that I've had contact with and that includes people like Pema Chodron,

Jack Kornfield,

The mindfulness people,

It's that being lost in the mind is a hell realm.

When we're lost in our mind which is the thinking mind,

The judging mind,

The mind which is fearful and constantly moving between craving and aversion or I want this and I don't want that or you know longing and yearning for something and then being fearful of something else,

Which is all driven by unawareness and unconsciousness or what the Buddha called ignorance.

When we're lost in that place it's a hell realm,

It's really uncomfortable and the problem is that everything in our society gears us up to stay lost in the mind.

I had a beautiful yoga teacher who used to talk exactly about this,

He used to say you're lost in the mind,

Lost in the world of little me,

Of I,

Me,

Mine,

Of what I want and what I don't want and what is going to make me happy and what I need to move away from because it's going to make me unhappy and that's this endless cycle and again the Buddha talked about this,

This endless cycle like being caught on a hamster wheel of constantly moving away,

Moving towards,

Moving away,

Moving towards but never finding a sense of peace.

And now why am I talking about this?

I'm not a spiritual teacher right,

I'm a psychotherapist but what I know about this is that when we work in therapy what we're doing is understanding the nature of our mind and that's what my three-step process is about,

You get closer to yourself so you start to engage the body process which is beyond the mind right,

The mind is thinking,

Thinking,

Thinking and it's very often very detached from body process.

Once you start engaging body process and listening to the wisdom of the body you start to experience yourself on a much deeper level and this is what Michael Singer is talking about,

This is what Eckhart Tolle is talking about that there is a you in there who can witness the mind.

Now that might sound a little weird right but who is listening to this voice in your head making judgments?

You know when I talk about the inner critic,

Who is listening to the inner critic?

There's a deeper part of you that is listening to the inner critic who's actually being bullied by the inner critic and even when we find our inner mentor there's a deeper part of you that's listening to your inner guide and your inner mentor and it's that deeper part of you which can be accessed in therapy right,

Beyond the mind,

Beyond conditioning.

You know what do they say about the mind?

There's 80,

000 thoughts a day,

90% of them repetitive,

95% of them negative.

Just do a little do a little experiment and notice what your thoughts are like,

Notice whether you've had that thought before,

I certainly know that I do.

My mind wants to go to worrying about my children's health,

Worrying about my children's safety,

Worrying about whether my children are going to be able to earn enough money to survive in the world,

Like these are very common themes for my mind right and what I try to do is recognize that that's where I'm going and that it's not helpful to be anxious and whenever I notice myself doing that I try to turn it around into what I would like to manifest for them.

So I turn it around into this practice of I would like them to experience adventure,

Health,

Wealth,

Success,

Love,

Friendship,

Joy,

Excitement,

Opportunity,

Usefulness,

Wealth right.

Do you see what I did there?

So instead of staying with that negative mindset which my mind it's just it's habitual momentum right,

It wants to go to anxiety and it wants to go to catastrophizing and it wants to go to these negative places and my job is actually to notice and to stop it,

To notice and to make a decision.

You can't stop it right but rather than following those thoughts and amplifying them and building them and allowing them to get bigger and bigger and bigger in that downward spiral I intervene and I have a really good intervention,

I have a really good pattern interrupt.

My pattern interrupt I have used so much now that I can easily go into it and it's about turning towards what I do want,

What I do want for them.

I want them to be happy,

Joyful,

Healthy,

Wealthy,

Have a have a bunch of opportunities and success and enjoy their life and enjoy their jobs,

Have lots of friends and and adventures right and that feels quite different from allowing myself to go down the negative spiral.

So this is what I mean about learning about your mind,

Learning about the nature of your mind and we do that in therapy in a very beautiful way where it's not about it's not about being down on yourself that that's what your mind is doing,

It's about going yep that's the nature of mind,

That's what I do,

That's what my conditioning has led me to believe is true.

You know it's my negativity bias combined with my conditioning,

Combined with the pain bodies of my parents and my ancestors and all of that,

It's not an excuse,

It's just an understanding right and that this is why it is the way it is and I don't need to feed it all right,

I don't need to feed it,

I don't need to let it get bigger.

I have the opportunity and the option here,

The choice to do something differently and you know what the spiritual teachers are talking about is to step away from the mind,

Step behind it using meditation,

Using mantra,

Using chanting,

Using whatever works for you,

Yoga,

Tai chi,

Qigong,

There's a lot of practices which will help you to step back from the mind.

Although I know that often what happens in meditation is the mind gets very loud right and meditation is not about stilling or stopping the mind,

We can't right,

The mind is just electrical activity,

Thought arising but what you can do in meditation is find a deeper sense of self by following the breath so that you become aware of the mind and again it's about not following the mind into its mental processes but just noticing,

Really noticing what the mind wants to do and staying with the breath,

Staying with that sense of the self as a mountain,

Solid,

Secure,

Stable right.

And psychotherapy is a beautiful way of,

It's an adjunct to this process,

That's what I would call it,

An adjunct to the process.

It's a really supported kind of healing relationship where you have an opportunity to non-judgmentally explore what the mind is doing and then start to make decisions,

Start to be really deliberate.

Like one of my clients said to me the other day that she has she has started to actually book an appointment with herself each day and she puts it in her calendar as if it's an appointment because she works from home and she wants her employers to think she's got an appointment but this appointment is with herself.

It's her lunch break,

It's her one hour and she goes for a walk with the dog and she said since she's been doing that she feels so much better.

Physical health,

Mental health,

Going for a walk for an hour just does everything right.

But we need to actually be that deliberate by making an appointment with ourselves so that we don't get lost in the mind.

Because if you look around,

I mean advertising,

The material world,

We live in a highly materialistic society that wants us to believe that we're not enough.

It wants us to believe that you know we need this thing and we don't want that thing and we need more of this and more of this and more of this.

And it's a bit like retail therapy.

I don't know if you've had the experience of going and buying something and having that momentary sense of satisfaction that's then immediately followed by the rush of the vacuum again,

The rush of that empty vacuum of now what,

Right.

This is what I'm talking about that the way the mind is craving,

The things that the mind craves never bring satisfaction.

Whereas when you get into that deeper sense of self where there is peace and joy and love,

Then you start to operate from a place where real satisfaction can occur.

If you go for a walk in nature from that place you will find satisfaction in every step,

Satisfaction in every leaf and every tree,

Every bird,

Every sound.

It's actually so easy when you can get into that place.

So I hope this is making sense.

As always let me know if it's making sense,

Let me know if it's landing for you.

I mean often when I listen to spiritual teachers it's not that,

And they say this,

They say we're not teaching anything,

We're just reminding you because we know,

We actually know at some level that this is the truth,

Right.

And what I see a lot of with my clients is they're on a hamster wheel of work,

Work,

Work,

Work,

Work,

Money,

Money,

Money,

Money,

Money,

Make more money,

Work harder,

Have more,

Be more,

Do more,

And it's never,

This is why it's a hell realm,

It's never enough.

It's crazy right,

It's never enough,

And it just invites you to do more,

Be more,

Commit to that and that and that,

And if I just keep committing and doing more and pushing myself harder,

One day maybe I'll feel some satisfaction.

But actually satisfaction never comes,

Because satisfaction comes from being at peace with ourselves,

Feeling that we're enough,

Feeling that we're okay just exactly as we are,

Which doesn't mean that you end up sitting on the couch eating potato chips and watching tv all day long right.

When you reach that place of a deep sense of peace and joy and bliss and start creating from that place,

You're such a powerful being right,

Because you're no longer doing things for external achievement,

You're doing things because of the peace,

Joy and love in your own heart and because they will bring you more peace,

Joy and love and that is a beautiful place to be.

And I would say that that's why I do this podcast right,

When I started this podcast I worked with a coach,

A business coach,

And the first thing she said to me was,

Whatever your podcast is about,

It has to be for you,

It has to be for you,

Because if you're doing it for other people you will ghost it,

You'll end up getting burned out and just leaving it.

And so I thought long and hard about that and I thought yeah I actually I really enjoy talking about these themes of how to decrease suffering and increase joy,

How to improve our emotional and physical well-being.

And so the podcast is actually something I do for myself right,

First and foremost out of a sense of joy and sharing and gratitude that I'm in this place and that I have something to share.

And if it lands for you then that's great and how fantastic,

I love it that it lands for people and it might help some of you,

Might support you on your journey right,

But primarily I do it for myself.

I was saying to a client this morning that the Bali retreats didn't come out of a sense of lack,

They came out of a sense of joy and excitement and how good would that be right,

So that's what I'm saying,

That's the difference.

When you find this place that is beyond the mind it doesn't mean that you stop being active and creative in the world,

It actually means that you start becoming a really powerful creator in the world,

Because you're creating from a place that has endless resource,

Really endless resource.

So that was fun,

I enjoyed recording this podcast and I hope that it lands for you,

Do let me know.

I'll see you on the next one.

Reviews

Oh, this one definitely landed and I found it so supportive and helpful. Thank you. ✨💞✨

Dear Leila, Thank you for your infectious enthusiasm and joy coming through as a lovely supportive reminder landing perfectly. 🙏 New subscriber.

Good reminders, thank you🙏

Can heat the smile in your voice, thank you

Touch Down 🥰🙏🥰
Beautiful with many empowering reminders of BEing… just as I AM 🥰💜🥰
Heart nourishing, warm lovingness thank you 💜🙏💜

Another BRILLIANT Talk!! Thank you!!🙏🏽💜✨🙏🏽

This did land with me ❣️🤩
Looking forward to hearing more from you. Many thanks 🙏

It definitely landed for me. Thank you for the reminder 🧡