Welcome to this mindfulness practice.
To start this practice,
Just get comfortable wherever you are,
Either sitting or lying down.
If it feels comfortable for you,
You can close your eyes or simply lower your gaze to a spot in front of you.
We all have times that we speak to ourselves unkindly.
Maybe we tell ourselves to get it together,
Call ourselves hurtful names,
Or criticize ourselves harshly.
If this feels like you,
You're not alone.
And if you are someone who speaks to yourself unkindly,
See if you can take a moment to gently ask yourself,
With curiosity,
What is it that leads me to criticize myself?
What is it that makes me call myself unkind names?
Why do I use a harsh tone of voice with myself?
If you're like many of us,
One of the reasons that came to mind for why you criticize yourself is to try to motivate yourself.
Perhaps your mind said,
I speak critically to myself to make myself do better next time,
Or to improve myself.
I criticize to motivate me.
If self-motivation was an answer that came to your mind,
Take a moment to ask yourself,
Well,
Is it helpful to speak to myself this way?
Does speaking to myself like this actually motivate me,
Particularly in the long run?
Perhaps,
From the self-reflection exercise,
You recognized that this kind of self-talk doesn't actually motivate.
It doesn't make us more productive.
Indeed,
This is what the research tells us.
Those who speak kindly to themselves actually get more done.
So if you're still with me,
Let's see if we can start to break this habit of speaking to ourselves unkindly.
Let's start today by learning to speak to ourselves like a Little League coach.
First,
Take a moment to think about an aggressive coach.
Many of us have had experiences with a coach who yelled at us,
Criticized us,
Or spoke to us harshly to try to motivate us in our sport,
Our instrument,
Or any other hobby.
If you haven't had an aggressive coach,
You've probably seen a depiction of one on a show or in a movie that you could think about instead.
Reflect on how that coach spoke to you or to the characters in the show or film that you're thinking about.
What words did they use?
What body language?
What tone of voice?
How did it make you feel to be spoken to that way?
If you're thinking of a character,
Ask yourself,
How would it make me feel to be spoken to like that?
Probably not great,
Eh?
You don't deserve to be spoken to like that.
Now,
Take a moment to think about a Little League coach.
Though Little League coaches usually refer to baseball coaches,
Feel free to think about the coach of a kid's hockey team,
Soccer team,
Or any other sport that you'd like.
It could be a coach you've had in real life,
One of your children's coaches if you have kids,
Or a coach you've seen on TV or in a movie.
How does that coach speak to their players?
What does that coach do when their team doesn't win?
What kind of body language and tone of voice do they use with their team?
See if you can conjure as clear an image of this person's words and behaviors in your mind as possible,
So you can remember it for future use.
So the next time you notice that you're criticizing yourself,
Ask yourself if you are speaking to yourself like an aggressive coach or like a Little League coach.
And if you're speaking to yourself like an aggressive coach,
Challenge yourself to speak to yourself like a Little League coach.
Let's give it a shot.
Think of a situation in the recent past that led you to criticize yourself.
Try to bring to mind what you said to yourself and how you said it as clearly as you can.
And now,
Ask yourself what a Little League coach would say and how they would say it in response to the same situation that you're thinking about.
Once you have some ideas in mind,
See if you can apply them.
Go ahead and speak to yourself about this situation like a Little League coach.
And as you do this,
Notice what it feels like to speak to yourself more kindly.
Notice if you're experiencing resistance to speaking to yourself kindly.
Maybe your mind is saying,
I deserve to speak to myself harshly,
Or others deserve kind words,
But I don't.
If this is the case,
You might find it helpful to speak to a trusted friend or therapist to explore where these beliefs came from.
But in the meantime,
Keep trying to speak to yourself more kindly about the situation that you're thinking of,
Just like a Little League coach.
The more we practice,
The easier it becomes.
And to finish this practice,
Take a moment to say any last helpful,
Kind words to yourself about the situation that you'd like.
Then,
Slowly move your attention to your breath,
Noticing your chest slowly rise and fall.
And when you're ready,
Expand your awareness to the room around you.
You can slowly flutter open your eyes if they were closed,
And gently return to your day.
