Letting The Critic In

In this practice, we invite our critic in so we can ruminate on any the situations we feel guilt, regret, shame or unhappiness towards. Instead of self criticism, we will shift this perspective to one of deep Self love, forgiveness and contentment.

Transcript

In this meditation,

You'll be invited to participate in an exercise called letting the critic in.

As you get settled in,

Just take a moment to settle into your body.

Notice how your feet feel in your shoes,

Or if you're not wearing shoes,

How your feet feel resting against the floor.

Notice how it feels to be sitting in this chair.

Any sensations or pressure in different parts of your body.

Notice any tension you may have been holding throughout the day.

Maybe you hold that tension in your neck or shoulders or back and let it all just melt away.

You find yourself getting distracted by thoughts about the future or the past.

Just keep returning to the present,

To the sound of my voice.

Now take a moment to think of a time recently when you were critical of yourself for something you did or didn't do.

Try and think of a time where you felt you weren't enough.

Maybe you felt stupid or unprepared or unattractive.

Maybe you got a bad grade on an exam because you didn't study enough or studied the wrong thing.

Maybe you said or did something in a social situation that other people reacted negatively to.

Maybe you tried to do something you didn't know how to do.

Now when you have that incident in your mind,

Just let yourself ruminate on what you did or didn't do and why it was bad.

And just notice the thoughts about you that come up as you do this.

Notice the self-criticisms.

What are they exactly?

And now see if you can notice that there are two parts of you here.

The one doing the criticizing and judging and the one hearing those criticisms and judgments and feeling something in response to them.

So you have the criticizer and the feeler.

Imagine them as actually being two people.

In the past,

When you've been self-critical,

You could easily see things from the point of view of the criticizer and just feel crappy about the situation.

But let's do something a bit different and imagine yourself occupying the space of the feeler getting up behind that person's eyes.

Imagine what the criticizer looks like.

Imagine the criticizer's facial expression.

Is it angry?

Impatient?

Is it sad?

Listen.

And now imagine what it's like to be the feeler.

What do they feel as they watch and listen to the criticizer?

Sad?

Discouraged?

Guilty or shameful?

What is that like?

Just sit in that experience a moment.

Not so that you can be punished for what you did,

But just to really get a feel for what it's like to be in this place.

Just sit in it and focus on the experience of being criticized.

Now check in and see how you feel towards the criticizer.

Is there some anger or fear or annoyance?

A desire to push the criticizer away or to run away?

A desire to tell it to just shut up?

Whatever you feel towards the criticizer,

Just notice that.

And now imagine what's motivating the criticizer.

This part of you may just seem mean and motivated by hostility,

But see if you can notice if there's some motivation or feeling underneath.

Is there fear or anxiety maybe?

Fear that you won't succeed?

Anxiety that you'll be left alone?

Or maybe it's just really wanting to be accepted by others?

Or just wanting you to do well or be good in some way that feels important?

See if you can notice that the criticizer is feeling pain too.

That fear or that longing for things to be different for you than how they are.

And when you do notice that,

See if you notice any compassion for that scared or hurting criticizer.

If not,

That's okay too.

But see if you can notice that the criticizer is using judgments and criticisms in an attempt to help you become a better you.

This is all it knows how to do,

Even though those criticisms generally don't help.

This poor part of you is scared or hurting and just wants things to be better for you,

But it's going about it in such an ineffective way.

And now take a moment to imagine what this criticizer might need.

Comfort?

Reassurance?

Maybe just to know that it's cared about.

And now see if it would be possible to bring this criticizer close.

To approach it and give it what it needs.

See if you can't make space for it so that you can keep it safe and care for it without buying into what it has to say.

Reviews

Brilliant. Like she was talking directly to me.

Very instructive... helpful way to look at self criticism and turn it upside down on its head. Thank you.

Truly beautiful and helpful. One to come back to. The ending is a bit abrupt though. But thank you 🙏🏻

Thank you! This is a helpful reminder to look at the underlying emotion behind a criticism.

Very helpful! I plan to listen to again and again. Thank you!

Great mindfulness meditation! Very unique.

Well done. Thank you.

Thanks! This meditation is consistent with an approach from the Hearing Voices Network, on how to understand your Voices and gain some control back. Much appreciated, and very useful. I will share this with other voice hearers. Thanks!

An excellent meditation with such a good approach to the inner critic - not disowning him/her or being cruel back but treating her/ him with as much compassion as anyone/anything else. This is something I have been working on for a while and it's helpful to find it in a meditation. Thank you.