Wisdom & Compassion Of Your "No"

This is a track to find the wisdom and compassion of your innate ability to set a boundary and say, “No.” We all have, inside of us, a part that is willing and clear about “No.” We can cultivate that part so that we can get clarity on our boundaries and take care of ourselves when others are not looking out for us.

Transcript

All right,

So making yourself comfortable,

Making sure that you're warm enough or cool enough that your body feels supported,

Making sure that your limbs feel supported,

Your arms,

Your legs,

Making any adjustments you need to make to put your body in a place where you can really rest back,

Rest into the posture that you're in.

Taking a few deep breaths.

Bringing your awareness to your heart space,

Wherever you feel that to be,

The space where kindness,

Compassion,

Love,

Affection,

These things come from.

This can be quite subtle and it might be something new for you,

So bringing some patience to this.

If you're not sure where these kinds of feelings come from,

Then maybe bringing to mind someone or an animal you feel very fondly towards in a very uncomplicated way,

A pet,

A child,

A grandparent,

Someone you feel very loving towards spontaneously.

And then tuning into your body,

Where is it that you feel those feelings of affection from?

You might call this your heart space.

We're going to do a little visualization,

Keeping in mind our heart space or this place where love,

Affection,

Kindness comes from.

You might even like to put your hand on that place in your body,

Connecting with your capacity for love,

Kindness,

Affection.

Remembering to include yourself in these feelings of love,

Kindness,

And affection.

You are no more or less worthy than anybody else to be offered love,

Kindness,

Affection,

And compassion.

And then bringing to mind,

Being aware of an inner scene that maybe mirrors a scene in your outer life,

There's a person in this scene.

This is a person who you find quite challenging.

This is a person who you can feel unsafe around.

You're not sure if your best interests are being kept in mind with this person.

You're not sure what their motivation is.

It can be hard to read the situation.

You generally feel on guard with this person.

As you're doing this,

Being aware of how you're feeling.

We don't want to be in a place of overwhelm as we think about this situation,

Very hard to learn when we're in a place of overwhelm.

So if bringing to mind this person makes you feel overwhelmed,

Maybe choosing somebody else,

Somebody who's a little less triggering,

Practicing with an easier person before you move on and consider a more challenging person.

So visualizing a situation,

It might be quite a familiar situation with this person.

Putting your hand on your heart or some other place on your body as you're revisiting the feelings around being with this person.

Anytime we feel emotionally unsafe with somebody else,

Our body feels it.

Our body responds,

Our body tenses,

Tightens up,

Tells us that there's danger,

There's emotional danger nearby.

This is the wisdom of the body offering us warning signs,

Taking care of us.

And if at any time during this practice you're starting to feel overwhelmed,

It's a beautiful act of self-compassion to pull out,

Pull out of the practice and simply take care of yourself in whatever way resonates for you in the moment.

This is all self-compassion practice.

So now in this scene,

Imagining this person saying something to you or asking you a question that maybe they've asked before or they've said before,

Something that is typical of what they might say or ask or insinuate,

Very familiar pattern.

So you're seeing this person say this thing,

You're hearing them say this thing as you're doing this tuning into your body,

Connecting with your body,

Noticing how you're feeling in imagining,

Drawing on this innate capacity you have to be very clear about what you need.

We all have this innate capacity for self-compassion and self-wisdom.

It might feel a little hard to get a hold of,

But know that you have this capacity within you for protection,

For care of yourself.

Drawing on whatever energy you can access from this place in you.

And as you're hearing this other person say these things or ask these things of you,

Find yourself saying to them,

No.

Respectfully no.

Calmly from a place of kindness,

No.

As you're doing this,

You might even feel yourself firmly rooted to the earth,

The solid foundation,

Feeling strong,

Maybe even feeling wider,

Taking up more landscape than you usually would.

Once again,

Drawing on this inner place of wisdom and compassion and saying it again,

Maybe it's a little bit different this time.

It feels a little different.

Once again,

No.

Noticing how your body feels as you say this.

If you're feeling confusion,

Fear,

A sense of panic,

A sense of doing the wrong thing,

Shame,

Feeling worried that you're going to be kicked out of the tribe.

Validating all of these.

These are all a part of you.

Maybe even seeing all of these as a frightened little child and gathering that little child up,

Holding them against your breast,

Holding their fear.

Maybe even holding their little face so that their face is towards you and not facing out to the world.

This place of wisdom and compassion is who is facing the world.

This little child part of you that needs your love and your kindness right now,

Face them towards your heart.

Protect them.

Hold them.

They need you.

Seeing this other person in this visualization,

Even seeing how they might be responding to your no and allowing yourself to feel a little kindness for them.

They have a little child part as well.

They quite likely do not know how to take care of their little child part.

Starting in your firm foundation,

Allow yourself to see that this is so.

There is nothing you need to do about it.

You have no responsibility to take care of their little child.

You do have responsibility to take care of yours and you can do that.

If you're feeling any tension in your body right now,

Just tuning into your body,

Allowing your shoulders to relax,

Your jaw to relax,

Your belly,

Your chest,

Your throat,

Your hips,

Your thighs,

Your pelvic muscles.

It takes a lot to say no.

Our body can ready itself in anticipation of what happens when we say no.

Your body looks out for us.

Let your body know that it can release any muscle tension in this moment.

We're just practicing.

As we're starting to move towards the completion of this little practice,

Noticing if there's anything else in that scene that you need to take a note of.

Is there anything else that's being said or communicated?

Anything you need to tend to or make a note of to tend to later.

And gently releasing any imagery,

Checking in with your body once more,

Letting it know that you'll come back,

Letting it know that you'll check in again,

Checking in with this little child part of you,

If you connected with a child part,

And letting them know as well that you will check in with them again.

Bringing your awareness to your breathing.

Moving your awareness out to your body as a whole,

Maybe starting to move your fingers,

Your toes,

Your wrists,

Your ankles,

Your shoulders,

Your torso.

Already opening your eyes,

Having a stretch,

A sip of your drink.

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This is one to revisit time to time.