Loving-Kindness With Self-Compassion

Loving-Kindness with Self-Compassion is a variant on the classic Loving-Kindness Meditation. This version of loving-kindness meditation helps you generate compassion for a mistake or perceived inadequacy.

Transcript

This guided meditation is a variant on the classic loving-kindness practice,

But tailored specifically to cultivate self-compassion.

So first,

Make sure you are in a comfortable position,

Sitting either on a meditation cushion or on a chair,

Something very comfortable where you can sit upright and yet relaxed.

And settle into your posture.

Notice how your body feels,

The sensation of your feet touching the floor,

Your bottom touching the cushion,

The weight of the arms and your head.

Be in your body right here,

Right now,

Fully inhabiting your lived experience.

Then allow your attention to move outward to sounds.

Good sounds are arising right now.

There are noises outside your window,

A fan blowing,

Leaves rustling.

What sounds do you hear?

Try not to reach out to the sounds,

But just let the sounds arrive,

The sound waves entering your mind and body.

Now focus on your breathing,

The sense of inhaling and exhaling,

Whether you feel the breath most strongly at your nostrils or perhaps as your chest rises and falls.

We'll take a few moments just to rest with our breath,

Simple and easy.

Notice the peacefulness of being quiet,

Of resting as you just gently breathe.

And now I'd like you to bring to mind some aspect of your personality or perhaps some mistake you made,

A failure that has been bothering you lately,

Something that perhaps you've been criticizing yourself for or that has made you feel inadequate in some way.

Whatever this trait or action is,

Try to get in touch with your feelings about it.

What does it make you feel?

Sad?

Frightened?

Isolated?

Inadequate?

How have you felt when you've thought about this inadequacy?

See if you can locate the sensations of the emotions in your body.

Perhaps it's a tightness in your throat,

A heaviness in your heart,

Tension in the shoulders.

What emotions do you feel when you think about this mistake or inadequacy and where are those emotions felt in the body?

Just actually allow them to be there instead of resisting feeling these natural feelings that arise when we judge ourselves.

Just notice them.

What am I feeling?

Where are the emotions in my body?

Get in touch with how much suffering is caused by our self-judgment,

Our fears of not being good enough.

Some of our greatest suffering is caused at our own hands by the belief that somehow we should be perfect.

Take your hand or both hands if you prefer and place it gently over your heart in a calm,

Soft,

Comforting manner.

You might even want to rub a little soothing,

Reassuring circle.

See if you can sense your heart right now.

See if you can let your heart be moved by how difficult your emotional experience is when you think about this thing that makes you feel bad about yourself.

And so what we'll do now is repeat some phrases,

Loving-kindness phrases designed to help you feel compassion for the fact that you're an imperfect being.

And you try your best,

But no one on this planet is perfect.

We're all inadequate in some way.

We all make mistakes.

We all fail.

This is the human experience.

It's okay.

Repeat the phrases silently.

I'll say a few sets of phrases aloud and then you can repeat them silently.

May I be safe.

May I be peaceful.

May I be kind to myself.

May I accept myself as I am,

Feeling the warmth of your hand on your heart.

May I be safe.

May I be peaceful.

May I be kind to myself.

May I accept myself as I am.

So repeat these phrases silently,

Really trying to get in touch with the intention behind the words,

The intention to offer yourself kindness,

Compassion,

Acceptance.

And as your mind wanders,

Which it will inevitably do,

Just refresh the phrases in your mind.

May I be safe.

May I be peaceful.

May I be kind to myself.

May I accept myself as I am.

May I be kind to myself.

May I be kind to myself.

Giving yourself the same kindness and support and acceptance you would give to a good friend who is feeling bad about themselves.

May I be safe.

May I be peaceful.

May I be kind to myself.

May I accept myself as I am.

May I be kind to myself.

Remembering that everyone is in the same boat,

Everyone feels inadequate in some way,

Everyone makes mistakes,

Everyone fails.

This is a human condition.

This is normal.

This is something we all share.

This is okay.

May I be safe.

May I be peaceful.

May I be kind to myself.

Accept myself as I am.

I'm remembering all your fellow humans who struggle with self judgment the way you do.

Let's change the phrases slightly so that we include everyone in our intention for self compassion.

May we all feel safe.

May we all be peaceful.

May we be kind to ourselves.

May we accept ourselves as we are.

May we be safe.

May we be peaceful.

May we be kind to ourselves.

May we accept ourselves as we are.

Just gently repeating the phrases silently.

Now I'd like you to think of something that's been causing you suffering that you don't necessarily blame yourself for.

Maybe you have a loved one who is sick or something's going wrong in your life just due to external circumstances.

Something that's very hard to bear,

Hard to deal with.

And also give yourself compassion for this source of suffering.

Our suffering comes from two main sources.

From ourselves not being as we want or from our lives not being as we want.

So thinking of this aspect of your life that's causing you pain.

Repeat the following phrases.

May I be safe.

May I be peaceful.

May I be kind to myself.

May I accept my life as it is.

This is the way things are.

May I be safe.

May I be peaceful.

May I be kind to myself.

May I accept my life as it is.

Repeating the phrases silently to yourself.

Soothing and comforting yourself for the difficulties of living a human life.

Really feel your caring concern,

Tenderness for yourself,

Struggling like so many others.

May I be safe.

May I be peaceful.

May I be kind to myself.

May I accept my life as it is.

Again,

Put your hand on your heart or if it's been there the whole time really feel your hand on your heart.

And while we've been focusing on comforting ourselves for painful feelings,

For suffering,

Now see if you can feel what the compassion itself feels like.

Maybe your heart is tingling or feels warm,

Feels vibrant in some way.

Notice the good qualities of an open heart that's filled with compassion.

The beautiful feelings of tenderness,

Care,

Concern,

Kindness.

Noticing the joy of compassion,

Of connectedness,

Of open-heartedness.

This also is part of the human experience.

And thank yourself for being a good supportive friend.

May we all be well and safe,

Happy and free.

Reviews

Thank you so much. Love this meditation and will keep coming back to this one. Feeling peaceful, calm and enjoying the blanket of self compassion and kindness right now. Best way to start the day 🥰♥️🙏

Love Kristin’s voice and words even though I’ve heard similar meditations before- this one is truly soothing and peaceful, and I will be listening to it many times!

Lovely - peaceful - calming - felt restless initially then settled - ends a bit abruptly 🤔

sweet and always helpful … please since i have heard dr neff speak it was more easier to flow with her voice

This was perfect and appropriate for me right now. Thank you

Amazing. This brought me such peace, and interrupted some ruminating thoughts that just wouldn't quit this week. Thank you so much.

My favourite session to come back to time and time again. 🍀

I love this longer practice, starting with self, radiating outward.

This is my go-to meditation. As I heal from PTSD, depression, and anxiety, this meditation feels like pinpointing the parts of my psychology that are hurting me and directly rewiring them. Since I started listing to this about three times a week, I can see dramatic improvement in my mental health and relationships. Thank you a thousand times.

Thank you, may you be safe, may you be peaceful, may you be kind to your self and may you accept you as you are 🙏🏼

I really loved this. Gentle suggestions and reminders all delivered in a relaxing tone and clear manner at a perfect speed. I just lost the end and wondered if it had finished but then maybe that’s meant to be. ❤️

Lovely gentle loving kindness practice. I loved this tender guiding, feeling into the heart of compassion. Thankyou
namaste 💗🙏💗

A vice-grip on my heart lifted during this guided practice, creating space to breathe and let self-compassion lighten this weight I have been carrying. Thank you!

Wonderful, relaxing, normalised thoughts which is validating, non-threatening, felt safe & great mantra to reinforce grace towards oneself.

So calming. This meditation brings me out of the chaos in my mind + body & helps me focus on the positive. Very helpful for black & white thinkers like me. Thank you Kristin!

Great twist on the classic loving kindness meditation

Really peacefull and compassionate way to start my morning. Thank you!

Just the words I needed to hear this morning. Thank you 🙏

Really needed this meditation this morning. Absolutely will be coming back to it. Thank you 🙏!

Very nice meditation. I had a bit of tension with my son that I felt a sense of ease about after doing this meditation. Thank you