Navigating The New Normal

Join me as I have a powerful and intentional conversation with Denise Castro centered around a discussion of Embracing The New Normal. In this episode we talk about self-worth, empowerment, and mental health for moms during the pandemic and postpartum itself as we begin to embrace #thisnewnormal.

Transcript

Welcome to the Ohmamah's podcast.

I'm your host,

Christine Maglenci-Yap.

In each episode,

I'll cover topics in the area of maternal health and spiritual wellness.

You'll hear from guests who will share their professional and personal experiences as we navigate the journey to and through motherhood together.

This is an intentional space for you to learn and grow.

So sit back and enjoy.

Hi everyone.

My guest for today is Denise A.

Castro.

She is a Cuban American who currently resides in Miami,

Florida,

And she is the mother of a three-year-old son and baby daughter.

Her entrepreneurial background highlights marketing strategies,

Graphic consulting,

And business leadership expertise.

She is the founder and owner of Virtual Mom Collective and Dac Mac Photography.

She's an active mom blogger who's been published by Scary Mommy,

The Baring All Project,

Motherhood,

The Real Deal,

The Manifestation,

And The Selfie UK.

She holds a dual BFA in photography and graphic design and marketing and business management and an MBA in leadership from Florida International University.

She's passionate about empowering moms to speak about their own stories.

Her own journey into motherhood is what sparked her venture into writing,

And she's an advocate for gender equality in the workplace for women.

So treating gender diversity like the business priority it is,

She promotes self-worth empowerment for working moms.

The Virtual Mom Collective was founded on this principle and her desire is that the VMC serves as a platform of support and community that enables moms to speak their truths during hashtag this new normal.

Welcome Denise.

Thank you.

Thank you for having me.

Very happy to be here.

Of course.

And I'm so glad you're here with us.

I know you are a very busy woman.

You just recently had your daughter,

Your little baby girl.

How old is she now?

She's three months on Sunday.

Yes.

Oh my gosh.

What a blessing.

So you were a pandemic mama,

Which is a struggle in all of its own on top of a normal quote unquote motherhood.

Then we have a pandemic to add to it.

And I know you have a lot of thoughts.

The intention of this conversation was to talk about,

You know,

Mother and maternal mental health during the pandemic,

As well as the effects of that postpartum.

So having a new baby and this pandemic is a whole another layer of the struggles and you know,

The,

The mental health overall of moms.

So tell us a little bit about your journey.

So yes,

My,

My daughter will be three months on Sunday.

And I want to touch on the fact that,

You know when you have a baby,

You might normally without a pandemic thrown into the mix sort of get caught up in the motherhood role,

Which is not necessarily a bad thing,

But sometimes you know,

We might have a loss of identity.

And I think stressful factors with a pandemic.

Definitely.

I under underwent,

You know,

Personally on a personal level,

This struggle of trying to find myself again in the many roles that serve you know,

We were working mothers,

We might have another child at home.

We might have a full time job.

We might have a side project.

We have many hats that we wear.

So,

You know,

With the birth of a child that sort of gets put on hold and your outlet.

So so to speak,

Gets paused,

You know,

Your outlets being able to go out being able to do,

You know,

A recreational things like yoga,

Which with the pandemic's been difficult.

So,

You know,

You rely heavily on the virtual connections like I did,

But you still get that loss of identity.

So I want to I want to touch up on how sometimes you have to really work on self worth,

Especially when you suffer postpartum depression.

And you know,

I am currently seeking help for postpartum depression.

And it was a lot harder with my daughter.

And I'm not sure it's also the condition of the pandemic being part of the the picture.

But it's so important that you ask for help.

Because even when you have,

You know,

A group or a community side by side,

That may not be enough.

So I really want to urge moms,

You know,

May feel like,

You know,

I am indoors,

All the the necessities that I need to move ahead are harder right now with the conditions that are currently you know,

Floating around us,

But it's still necessary to push forward.

Because if you don't,

Then again,

You get lost that identity loss will just sort of live from under the view is like,

You forget about yourself,

You know,

You forget about yourself,

You forget about your needs.

Your your your mental health is directly correlated to your physical health.

So you might be physically fine,

And be able to do it all,

But your your your mind is not in sync with your body.

So it's just so important.

You know,

To listen to listen to your body when when it says that I need a break.

I need help.

Yeah,

That is definitely so important.

And with all the restrictions,

You know,

You're limited in your options of what you get to do with your kids.

And you might not have those supports in place that you had prior,

Whether it was,

You know,

A family member of friends or even like daycare as an offer to you right now.

So what would you recommend for moms who are like yourself going through that isolation,

That isolation period of motherhood because you know,

Typically mothers have that isolation period,

Like up to four months of sometimes even up to six months of keeping your child at home,

You staying at home,

You know,

Fear of,

You know,

Diseases that can easily spread to a newborn child and all that,

That anxiety and that worry.

How have people to cope and find,

You know,

Some comfort and some time?

Like,

Do you have any tips or insights?

Yeah,

Absolutely.

I want to say the first thing is you,

You really gotta,

You gotta,

You have to understand that your shame is coming from a place,

You know,

Deep rooted from,

You know,

Mom guilt.

And my you know,

I,

When I,

When I realized that I was having inadequate thoughts of being an inadequate mother that,

You know,

I wasn't,

I wasn't feeling the joy and the connection of,

You know,

Having my second child immediately.

I already had that shame,

Shame,

Shame,

Shame.

And the funny thing about shame is it you know,

Inhibits your true feelings of not seeking help.

So,

You know,

You might be reading online a lot of tips and recommendations of unseen other moms and do the comparison thing on maybe on social media because right now let's face it,

You know,

That it's what's available mostly you know,

Virtual,

Virtual things.

It it's brought in a lot,

Probably a lot more shame to mothers myself included where,

You know,

We don't want to talk about the truth.

So I want to say when you're ready to say,

Talk about your truth and it might take you a while.

And it took me,

I want to say a good month to say,

Hey,

You know,

I am not doing well right now.

And in the sense that I,

I feel like I'm not a hundred percent,

You know,

Happy and joyful for this period of,

You know,

Postpartum period that I'm,

That I'm undergoing.

And until I,

You know,

Admitted that I was ashamed even so when I,

You know,

Have a community that helps and serves this particular purpose I felt that shame.

So my,

You know,

For,

For tips to,

To get,

Once you get over that shame,

The honesty,

Right.

The rivers of honesty start flowing as I like to say,

And I let that those rivers of honesty,

Just pour out of me,

All the ugly things,

Even if they're not attractive and,

You know,

They're not,

You know,

The picture perfect mother and baby scenarios.

And so we also created a series on the virtual collective called raw motherhood,

Where we really want to talk about the,

You know,

Periods were not so nice.

Where,

You know,

You have mom guilt,

You have shame,

You have hurdles of not being able to connect with your daughter through breastfeeding,

For example.

So,

You know,

That also I was ashamed.

That's another quick point.

I was ashamed because I was hospitalized again,

My second week postpartum of my daughter and we were separated for a week.

And that week,

You know,

Unfortunately I had kidney stones.

My daughter was not no longer latching.

She didn't want to breastfeed.

So I felt,

You know,

All these terrible,

Terrible moments of like,

I'm not connecting with her.

She doesn't love me.

She,

You know,

I'm a bad mom.

I can't breastfeed and I have so much supply,

But she doesn't want it.

So you feel like all of this,

Just all these spiraling different emotions.

So once I brought that to the forefront of like,

This is what younger virtual is undergoing,

You know,

I felt so much more connected to my community because they all related to their stories and told me,

I've been there.

I have been with my son,

Happened with my daughter.

I'm currently,

You know,

About to have a baby,

You know,

What are your tips?

And,

You know,

There's no way around this kind of scenario.

Maybe you don't have the scenario that happened to me.

Maybe it's a little bit easier for you,

But my,

Really my tips is to always practice with honesty,

Like I said,

And tackle your shame because that is the best first step to then wanting to seek help like I did.

So,

Yeah,

That's,

Those are my tips.

Yeah,

No,

The honesty piece is huge because we don't want to be honest because we're programmed to think,

Oh,

I can't show people all the messy bits.

Like,

You know,

It's that perfect stylized photo of the mom on Instagram who has a full set of makeup and her hair perfectly done and she's vacuuming and she's holding the baby and she's smiling and,

Gosh,

And then we think we're inadequate.

Like you said earlier,

It's the inadequacy of motherhood when you're in that comparison game of,

Wow,

This mom has it all under control.

I am a mess.

I'm the only outlier.

Like I am the only mom who's a mess.

When in reality,

We all have those moments,

Right?

And it's the messiness of motherhood that I think they do get to normalize,

Like you said,

And that's what I really love about your community,

The virtual mom collective.

It's normalizing these conversations around you don't have your shit together.

You're not perfect.

Right,

Right.

There's so much stigma.

Yeah,

It's that stigma of like that perfectly stylized blog and that mom,

The image of the mom,

Like the super mom.

And we're all super moms.

Just because you have a bad day doesn't make you a bad mom.

Like all of these things that we get to normalize now in motherhood that was so like taboo,

Like,

Oh,

Don't tell anyone that you hate breastfeeding.

Like don't tell anyone that you don't want to be around your child right now.

And these are the mental health issues I think that we get to detach from,

Like the mental images of like that perfect motherhood experience that was so ingrained,

Even like the perfect labor.

Oh,

You know,

You have a perfect labor and all of like the perfectionism that we get to kind of dispel.

And I love that you have a campaign going on about raw motherhood where we really get to shift the narrative.

And we really get to be honest and embrace our stories.

No matter how they look,

It's that messiness that we get to talk about that really provides people with the healing and saying like,

Oh,

I'm not alone.

And you know,

It's that uncomfortable emotion.

But you know,

We finally have a space to have it where we don't have to feel judged or like a horrible mom because you're like,

Oh,

Well,

Here I am surrounded by other horrible moms,

I guess,

You know.

Exactly.

So it's a really beautiful purpose and mission that you know,

The virtual mom collective has and I just see the impact of all of your panels.

And so talk to us a little more about the panel that you guys are going to be curating about body image and self worth.

And I'm sure that ties in a lot.

And it probably really resonates with you being only three months postpartum right now.

Absolutely.

Yes,

We have this the topic for this month is a woman's body of the motherhood,

You know,

The mental and physical changes that we undergo.

And really the expectations of you know,

Having it together after six or eight week postpartum period,

Which,

You know,

Some people,

You know,

It might be some women in my work and then some others.

It's it's just too short.

For me,

It's too short.

I especially with my second child,

I,

I feel like,

You know,

Having that conversation,

Like you said,

On the on the forefront of and from experts who,

You know,

We have a sleep consultant who talks about the importance of getting a sleep routine,

But understanding how you sleep first.

So that dictates then how you are going to,

You know,

Sleep train your children.

So,

You know,

And there's no perfect way.

Obviously,

This is,

We all go through different motions.

But I think it's important that we we talk about the ugliness too,

You know,

Like,

We're not 100% excited either to notice that we have a lot of hormonal changes,

Our hair falls out.

In particular,

You know,

You're,

You're breastfeeding,

If you if you do breastfeed constantly is it is a very,

Very time consuming.

Wonderful.

It's a bonding experience,

But it's very time consuming.

And it can also be very mentally jarring for for some moms.

So we want to,

You know,

Just highlight what the body does because ready to wear a vessel and then after you know,

Pregnancy,

That vessel starts changing.

And uterus,

As I like to say,

It's almost like it mourns the child,

You go through periods where your body feels like,

Hey,

You know,

What happened here,

I had a little person that was taken care of.

And you're,

You know,

Your organs just feel different,

Your hormones feel different.

And the way that you operate is going to be completely different.

I am a different mom now.

I am a different version.

So as I say,

Mom 2.

0 and I'm mom,

You know,

Whatever 2.

5 with a,

An upgrade.

So I'm,

I'm trying to understand,

Like the,

The mental and physical changes and how those two together work and they don't work because they necessarily some days they don't work.

I don't,

I,

You know,

Do not feel happy that my hair is falling out in particular,

Like it,

It makes it that bodily response is losing a part of myself.

You know I like getting ready and it was a ritual for me in the morning.

So getting ready and noticing that my hair hair is falling out is,

Is very,

It's,

You know,

It's,

It's,

It's physically and mentally debilitating sometimes because you're not ready for those changes.

So,

But embracing that and understanding and other moms who have obviously maybe have undergone the same thing,

But having those conversations and,

You know,

For C-section mamas,

For example,

That healing is a lot longer and we need to start normalizing that,

You know,

Healing,

Whether you have a C-section or a regular delivery,

It's still very painful.

And your body goes through this,

You know,

Trauma mom talk,

Who's a specialist.

She's a,

What a massage therapist in particular for birth trauma.

So she's going to talk about,

You know,

How she sees and from her own personal,

You know,

Birth story and how she now promotes massage therapy for the postnatal care for moms,

Because we just,

You know,

We,

We have a baby,

We are in the hospital a couple of days and then we,

You know,

We have minimum supplies as we like to say,

The enlarged pad and we all be up the squirt bottle and all the painkillers and you take any.

And so your body's just like in shock,

You know?

So I feel like my body now is now waking up,

You know,

Now sort of connecting the dots with the mind.

Like I'm not pregnant anymore.

I'm still supplying milk,

But you know,

How do I get this body of mine to work around the schedule that I had before?

The reality is you don't,

You don't,

You have to create something new.

You have to work,

Work with what you've got,

Right?

What you got is beautiful either way,

But yeah,

I just want to say that.

No,

Definitely.

And I like,

Let's talk for a second about the pressures,

Like the societal pressures,

I guess,

Of motherhood is what you touched on where after six weeks you're expected to be back in shape and you're expected to be you know,

I'm just taking a moment here to reflect on my own personal journey because my daughter is a year and a half old and a lot of what you said resonates with me,

Like having an entirely new body.

So you become pregnant and your body changes and then your postpartum,

Your body changes and it's like your body is just constantly changing now.

It's like a metamorphosis of like not only age,

But like experience of motherhood as you go through it.

And it's kind of like that acceptance of okay.

And that mourning that we go through of our former selves,

Right.

And that acceptance and embracing like,

Okay,

This is who I am right now because when the baby's three months versus when the baby six months,

When the baby's a year versus when the baby's 10 years old,

It's just once you hit that,

The journey of motherhood is just a continuous evolution,

Just milestones upon milestones.

And when you have that self realization and that acceptance and that wild like compassion for yourself and that gratitude,

I think that's when we can start to shift things and like take off all of that pressure from like societal conditionings.

Because I remember I had a vaginal birth,

But at six weeks I was like,

What?

Like I did sit ups just because I was like,

Okay,

It's six weeks now everyone says I should get in shape.

And I was like,

I'm not doing this.

My body just felt so tender.

It felt so foreign still.

It was like you said mourning,

Like my womb was just it was not ready to like contract again.

It was still very much like,

Where's our baby?

And even now,

Like my body is changing again,

You know,

A year and a half later.

I still feel like my body I'm still breastfeeding,

Weaning off of breastfeeding.

And cleaning those parts of my body back is still like a foreign experience.

It is.

And that's hard.

That's really hard the weaning because you're,

You,

You,

It's like that bond you feel like,

Okay,

It's time,

But then you're like,

You feel like you're severing the bond,

Right?

Yeah.

Talk about guilt and shame.

Oh man.

Yeah.

That's a whole other layer of it when you're like,

I'm taking away a natural response of my child and like the comfort and our instincts,

You know,

As like,

Humans and like animals are like our nature,

Like our body wants to take over and,

You know,

But like you said,

Like that identity shift,

Right,

The identity and the role of the mother,

How we get to shift that and how it gets to evolve as our children grow.

And trying to do the best for our children to learn them individuality to teach them individuality and to be self sufficient and supportive.

So it's just a continual process and what I love,

You know,

Your community has mothers who went from newborns to teenagers to like empty nesters,

Like college kids,

And there's just so much to learn along the way when we realize that it is a process.

And it's never going to be solved today,

Like your body image and all of those things that we identify with are constantly going to change.

And it's just how do we keep up?

Like,

How do we keep up with that acceptance piece?

Right.

Right.

Yeah,

I know what I can say is that you really should give yourself grace as much as much grace as possible.

Yeah,

I am completely guilty of not giving myself enough grace.

Like I wanted to bounce back really quick and,

You know,

Be like,

You know,

I'm just felt like I was on top of the world.

And I was so excited about,

You know,

The virtual collective and in particular,

Everything that was happening.

And I needed,

I needed to take a step back and focus on myself and focus on my family and focus on the phase that I was currently undergoing.

And,

You know,

I felt also like,

Oh,

Great,

You know,

I created this community alongside my dear friend,

Odalis.

And by the way,

I just want to say she's done a fantastic job.

And,

You know,

When I was,

You know,

Not participating at the beginning of the year,

Balancing it on she has two kids,

She has a two year old and a five year old.

So I just want to say,

You know,

Moms will cut other moms a lot of slack.

And that is a that is a wonderful,

You know,

Way of empowering one another,

When one mother says to another,

I can't,

I need help.

And they come in and swoop in and they make it happen.

So I just want to say that to our founder,

Dallas,

You're a badass.

You kept virtual collective going.

And from that,

You know,

I realized that when I had the time for myself,

Then I could contribute again to the community.

When I stopped feeling the chain,

Then I could again,

Empower my community.

And it's just a beautiful thing.

It's a cyclical thing.

It's,

I say I'm a work in progress.

I'll always be a work in progress.

And I'm okay with that.

Yeah,

No,

Definitely,

Definitely.

And that's why community is so important.

Like you said,

Having that support system,

Having a place where you can go and feel like you're supported feel like you can be heard,

Participate in events and learn from other moms,

And really get that level of attention.

And like you said,

Like that evolution piece,

Like having somewhere where you can go and we're constantly learning and listening.

And,

You know,

Giving yourself that space and that grace to develop,

Whether it's as an individual or as a better mother.

So that's definitely important.

And asking for help is huge,

Because women,

You know,

We're taught not to ask for help,

We're taught to have to like be the martyr,

Do everything on your own,

Like,

And I think that's changing a lot.

I think a lot of us are starting to realize,

Hey,

This is not sustainable,

Especially after the pandemic,

Knowing that we can't live in isolation,

We're not meant to parent in isolation.

So that's just a really beautiful like message and lesson of like the past two years,

Really,

Of what this whole situation has been teaching us.

Right.

So where do you envision the community growing?

Like,

What is your intention and your hope for the virtual mom collective?

So I want to say that our message definitely remains the same,

We're always going to be the community that empowers to stay at home and working with their in quarantine or post quarantine.

But in particular to navigating this normal,

Because we don't really know what this is yet.

We're still kind of feeling it out.

We still don't have,

You know,

Childcare,

We're not unsure whether we want to send our children to school.

So you know,

Those,

Those items are really important because we're back to work or we are self employed as well and have our own business at home,

It can be even more challenging with what the future looks like.

So I see the virtual one collective against as the lifesaver,

The beacon of support,

The community that will continue to serve.

Even if we do get to meet in person,

Which we're excited that we'll be having our first social distance lunch in June.

And I see it as a beautiful collection of all the moms we've done with connected with in quarantine,

Being able to make perhaps not embrace but have a conversation where we don't really they feel like it's time.

And it's going to continue to serve with the same the same needs of the mother,

Right?

Because even if we do hybrid events,

In person and virtual,

We will always have a stepping cornerstone in,

You know,

Female empowerment of finding help through post pandemic conditions.

Or,

You know,

If it gets better,

We maybe perhaps will will be a I want to say like a full on yearly conference where moms can get together and sort of talk about how their business is transformed,

You know,

During this whole process,

Or maybe they started a business in the middle of the pandemic,

Or,

Or whatnot.

But it's definitely going to be a community that's going to serve for hybrid purposes,

Because we also serve a lot of moms who are not in state,

They're all,

You know,

All over the United States and around the globe.

And that's a beautiful thing,

Because if you can help truly bomb through,

You know,

Any sort of resources that we offer,

Whether it be the webinars or events,

Or a masterclass course,

Or like one on one business connections,

Which has happened within our community,

Which is incredible,

It we just want to continue to,

You know,

Do the same,

Spark those connections and be there for our moms.

So we're growing,

You know,

We had last year,

I want to say 30 numbers,

And now we're almost up to 70 numbers.

So we're,

We're,

We're excited.

We're really excited.

Yeah,

That's beautiful.

And that's just such a beautiful way to bring moms together who are stay at home moms and who are working moms,

Who are dealing with the same,

If not more level of like scrutiny and mental health issues,

And who may not be,

They're experiencing a different level of isolation than people who are,

Who are not.

So that's a beautiful cause and to be able to get people together through these virtual events and just have,

There's just so much like substance there and just so much to be able to take away and like learn from other women and feel really supported and connected.

So thank you so much,

Denise,

This was amazing.

And you're familiar with momtras.

So what is your personal mantra?

My personal mantra?

That's a really good question,

Christine.

I think it's okay to think about that.

My mantra would have probably been different after I had,

Before I had the baby.

Oh yeah.

But I think I think,

Yeah,

I think my mantra would be know yourself worth in your best and worst state.

You know?

Yeah.

Because if you don't understand,

Right,

You don't understand the sadness that you go through,

You won't really ever understand what true joy feels like.

So yeah,

Just know yourself worth at all times and in your bad moments and in good moments.

Beautiful,

Beautiful,

Beautiful,

Beautiful.

All right.

Thank you,

Denise.

So we'll include all of the links and all of the ways that people can join and engage with the virtual mom collective.

And thank you for being a member.

MomMamas is one of our,

You know,

We love you.

You host a lot of our,

Our,

Our webinar events and you're one of our favorite friend partners,

As we like to say.

So thank you for your continued support.

You're a phenomenal mom and you have a phenomenal platform as well.

Thank you so much.

Yeah.

I'm just so grateful to have been in community with you and to support all of the amazing initiatives and things that you do,

Because it's just so important for all of us to kind of stick together and find our people,

You know,

So we're not alone.

Yes.

Thank you all for listening and we'll see you next week.

Thank you for listening to the All Mamas podcast.

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Our book,

Momtras,

Mantras for Mindful Moms is currently available on Amazon.

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