Honoring Your Individual Journey

Join me as I have a beautiful conversation with Jessica Sechoka centered around a discussion of Honoring Your Individual Journey. This episode is a beautiful reminder to be gentle and compassionate with yourself, really honoring where you are on your journey, and remember to take time for yourself.

Transcript

Welcome to the Ohmamah's podcast.

I'm your host,

Christine Maglenchia.

In each episode,

I'll cover topics in the area of maternal health and spiritual wellness.

You'll hear from guests who will share their professional and personal experiences as we navigate the journey to and through motherhood together.

This is an intentional space for you to learn and grow.

So sit back and enjoy.

Hi,

Today on this episode,

We're welcoming Jessica.

Jessica is a mama,

Wife,

And a new mompreneur.

She's worked in early childhood for over 15 years and became a mom herself during this time.

What she learned while working with children and their families and raising a family herself is that mamas often experience a disconnect with themselves and they prioritize family life and work life and often fill everyone's cup over their own and face burnout.

She experienced this herself and decided to start helping families in a new way.

Jessica now offers one on one coaching to support and empower mamas on their journey of self discovery to reconnect with themselves and live a balanced and fulfilled life.

Hi,

Jessica,

Welcome to the podcast.

Thank you so much for joining us today.

Hi,

Christine,

Thank you so much for having me.

Yes,

It was so nice to connect with you offline,

Virtually,

We're in two different states,

But that's okay because this is the new normal.

So it's really nice to be able to speak with you.

Yeah,

Absolutely.

It's nice to see each other virtually face to face.

Finally,

It is it's really nice.

So I kind of wanted to start with,

You know,

The story about your own personal journey to motherhood and kind of what led you on this path to to really step up and support and guide other mothers into leading more fulfilled and balanced lives.

Yeah.

And so,

Like you mentioned,

In my intro,

I spent over 15 years in the early childhood field.

So I've had the pleasure of supporting moms for years now.

But I was supporting the whole family,

I was supporting the children and,

And dads too,

And,

And grandparents oftentimes.

And what I noticed during that time,

Like,

Like you had mentioned,

I became a mom myself during that time.

And so I started to really connect with the moms more in the relationship.

And and connect with connect with them on on struggles and what we faced as moms and and most of the time as working moms and,

And really one of the biggest struggles that that always comes up and still comes up as I'm talking to moms now is this,

The struggle to find balance in our lives.

You know,

We've,

We've got a full plate right with kiddos and and work and family and trying to take care of ourselves.

And,

And that's,

That's a,

That's a tough,

Tough balance to find.

Yeah,

Definitely a lot of the questions I get to because I became a mom and an entrepreneur at the same time is like how to balance both like what is the middle ground while,

You know,

Really taking time for yourself.

And I don't really think there's a wrong or right answer to that.

But it really is about making yourself a priority,

Making your needs a priority and asking for help,

Because so many of us like have such a hard time asking for help because we feel like we have to do it all wear all the hats.

So that's,

Yeah,

That's a really important transition you got to experience becoming a mom yourself and then finally being able to kind of relate to the struggles and the issues that the family dynamic was experiencing.

Yeah,

Yeah,

Absolutely.

And I think you mentioned a good point there too,

You know,

From your experience of becoming an entrepreneur and a mom at the same time.

And that is that a lot of the moms that I talk to really do kind of separate it into those two buckets of like,

Almost like the kids and me and like in our first metaphor,

It's like,

We have so many things on this plate that we're trying to balance.

And then,

But oftentimes,

Moms aren't always even viewing it as that plate,

They're viewing it as like a two sided scale that it's like them and me.

And,

And I think that that can be,

That can be really hard,

You know,

When you're looking at it through that lens of them or me,

Of course,

As a mom,

You're like them all the way.

And so and,

And that's where a lot of the guilt to prioritize ourselves comes in,

I think.

Yeah,

Because we'll always put ourselves last.

Yeah,

Yeah,

Every time.

Exactly.

We're looking at it like,

Okay,

I can either have five minutes to myself,

Or I can have five minutes to my children,

You're always going to give that time to your children.

So I think that's like a good lesson for us to start saying,

Wait,

No,

I get that five minutes to myself.

And it's like a holistic approach at family dynamic,

Right?

It's like,

It's us.

And this is mommy's time.

This is daddy's time.

This is the children's time,

Like having like a more well rounded perspective about how we're organizing,

Basically our time in our days.

Yeah,

Yeah,

Absolutely.

I completely agree with that.

What was something you didn't expect or plan for?

Like when you were stepping into motherhood,

Because you've had so much market research before you were mother.

So what was one thing that kind of caught you off guard?

Well,

You know,

Obviously,

I spent a lot of years working in the early childhood field,

Because I love children.

I love teaching,

I love caring for them.

But at the end of the day,

When you work in the early childhood field,

You know,

At whatever time your day ends,

You get to go home without those kids.

So I think the biggest,

You know,

Realization is that mom life is 24 seven.

Yeah,

You know,

You don't get to punch the clock at five o'clock and go home without them.

It's it really is a 24 seven job.

And,

And you don't see that until you become,

Become a mom yourself.

Yeah,

Definitely.

And I think that probably goes back to like the priorities,

The balance,

Like really that structure in the organization of motherhood that so many of us are kind of like out of harmony or out of balance with.

So what are some things that you were able to kind of prioritize?

Or,

You know,

How are you kind of able to find that balance?

I mean,

I spent a lot of years not having that balance.

And I think,

Again,

That's something that all moms struggle with.

There,

There may be seasons where balance is great.

And there may be seasons where,

You know,

Your,

Your little ones in a certain phase,

Or you have extra responsibilities on your plate and that can,

That can go out of whack.

But I think in that it's port,

It's important to know that it can just be a season too.

It's not,

Not the end of the world.

Definitely.

So it goes in like cycles.

Motherhood is very much,

Very sick.

Like I realized my daughter is going to be two in June.

And I did realize I'm like,

Wow,

There really are like seasons and like cycles of motherhood,

Like transitioning from like the newborn phase where you're kind of more like reserved and you're sleepy.

Like it's like that sleepy,

It's like a dormancy.

And then like the toddler years are like a pop of like activity.

So I only speak on the first two years of motherhood that I'm realizing,

But then like,

You know,

Witnessing other people in their motherhood experiences,

It's really fascinating.

So like you were saying,

It's kind of important that we work with those seasons and like adjust to like,

To keep up with the family's dynamic.

It's almost as if like,

We have to be really flexible.

We can't try to control everything.

Like we really have to like go with the flow because the more that we try to control it or resist,

Like what is happening in our lives and it's like the more chaos ensues.

Yes,

Absolutely.

Such an important lesson there.

And like we said,

You know,

Motherhood goes in cycles.

And so when you lose that feeling of balance you know,

Just remembering that you can get there again,

It might look different.

Like we said in the beginning of the conversation that balance isn't a one size fits all situation either.

And it looks so very different for each and every mom,

But it can look so very different for us in each new season.

And and that's the,

The beauty of the beauty of the season.

You know,

We can,

We can change things and we can find new ways that work and we can refind balance when,

When things change.

Yeah,

Absolutely.

And how old are your children now?

So I have one and she is 10 now she's going to be 11 this year.

Oh my gosh.

I know,

I know.

And so like you said,

Each age is just totally different,

Totally different.

And even,

Even working with families for as long as I did and being able to see all those different phases and all those different ages even that's different,

Totally different going through it yourself.

Right.

No,

Absolutely.

So going to your birth experience or coming into your transition into motherhood,

Did you have like the birth experience that you planned for?

How was that aspect of your motherhood journey?

It's so interesting that you asked that and I've been reading,

I read a couple of things recently about birth plans and different struggles around that.

And it really caused me to think back,

Um,

To,

I didn't really have much of a birth plan and I don't know if it's something that's become,

Um,

More talked about in the last 10 years since I've had my daughter,

But 10 years ago and again,

Too,

Maybe it was just my experience in my doctor's office and so forth,

But really having a birth plan wasn't really talked about.

Yeah.

Um,

That's definitely a new concept.

Um,

Yeah.

I think more women are starting to advocate for themselves.

Um,

And really like the whole like Western medicine is starting to accept more holistic and natural methods,

Like using doulas and being more maternal friendly.

Whereas it was kind of like,

Oh,

This is the only way that you could give labor.

Like now,

You know,

We have,

We've always had choices,

But now it's really important for women to recognize their choice and that they have so many different options to,

You know,

To do things.

I think it's really important that we like educate on ourselves.

Like a lot of my platform is trying to do that.

Like,

Remember your choice,

You know,

Remember that you have the choice and that you don't,

You know,

Have to do what you're told just because it's easier for the doctor or easier for the nurses.

Um,

Yeah.

So yeah,

Birth planning is great.

It's really,

Really great.

And you know,

It's like an intention,

Like this is how you would like your birth to go,

But we all know,

You know,

Sometimes it doesn't go that way,

But it's just having that like freedom and flexibility to,

You know,

Empower yourself to choose.

Yeah.

So do you wish that,

You know,

Or that you had birth plans then?

Absolutely.

I think,

You know,

Thinking back about it,

There were obviously it was more,

The guidance from the doctor was to,

You know,

Try at all costs,

Obviously to have a vaginal birth.

You know,

C-section option was mentioned,

Um,

As more of like,

If there was a complication,

Um,

And,

You know,

Maybe a brief overview of,

You know,

Pain medication choices.

Um,

But really that was it.

That was kind of like the basics of it.

Um,

And like you said,

There's so many different options now.

Um,

Which I think is great.

You know,

There's,

There's more and more awareness around it and honoring mother's choices,

Um,

And things like that.

So,

Um,

Of course,

You know,

I wish I knew a little bit more about those options back then,

But,

Um,

All worked out as,

As it was supposed to.

Of course.

Yes.

Very,

Very important.

Um,

So going back earlier,

We were kind of talking about,

You know,

Balance and priorities.

And so I know a lot of the work that you do is to really educate and empower moms on really making themselves a priority and focusing on self-care.

So how can moms achieve this?

How can they make more time for self-care and what are some of your recommendations for ways that they can do it?

I would say,

I think really the most important piece,

Um,

Again,

Going back to something that we talked about early in the conversation is that balance looks different for everyone.

And I think,

Um,

Really having a strong awareness and understanding around that and,

And,

And building a firm foundation around that is just so important.

Um,

You know,

A lot of times we can play the comparison game on social media and with friends and different things.

Um,

But we really need to figure out first what works and what feels good for us.

Um,

So I think,

You know,

Really spending a lot of intentional time reflecting around that I think is important.

And I always suggest to moms to,

You know,

To just learn by trial and error,

You know,

If,

If a self-care technique that a mom is interested in,

Um,

Is to meditate each morning for 15 minutes,

Whatever the case may be,

Try it out,

See if it works,

See how it makes you feel.

Maybe it makes you feel great,

But the time of day doesn't work for you.

You know,

There is no right or wrong answer and you can change things as often as you'd like.

Um,

And so just play with it,

Just start exploring and reflecting on,

On what works for you.

Um,

What you,

How you would like to feel and,

And all of those things.

So,

Yeah,

I think that that's a really great place to start.

And I always suggest also to really start small.

Um,

I'm a firm believer in the baby steps.

I mean,

The,

The baby steps that lead up to the biggest steps you might ever take.

And they're often overlooked,

But,

Um,

I really,

Really advocate for taking baby steps,

You know,

Again,

You know,

We can be talking with friends and family and things like that.

And you're like,

All right,

On Monday,

I'm going to,

You know,

Start eating better again,

And I'm going to meditate every day and I'm going to do some form of physical exercise every day.

And,

You know,

And the list goes on and on and on.

And it's like,

For me,

I've already like fried myself thinking about it.

And,

And so we're setting ourselves up for failure.

So I really,

Really suggest that people start off small,

Start with one new activity or piece of your routine that you would like to change and,

And build upon it,

See how it feels,

Change it.

Um,

If you need to,

But,

But start small,

Don't,

Don't set yourself up for failure.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like don't go to,

Don't say like,

Oh,

I'm going to book myself like a three day spa retreat and feel guilty with all the things.

It's true.

It's,

It's almost like you have to break it up in like easily manageable tasks so that you're kind of like building confidence toward,

Okay,

Like this is good.

Like it feels good.

Like you said,

Like,

How do you want to feel?

So,

Oh,

Carving out 15 minutes of intentional time for myself to meditate.

Like,

Hey,

That actually felt really good because there's just so much,

And you know,

I talk about this all the time and I think it probably comes up in everything that I'm talking to other people with,

But the guilt and shame aspect of motherhood when you're like,

Oh,

Like you feel bad giving yourself 15 minutes,

You know?

So like you said,

When you,

You're working up to it very slowly,

You start like dipping your toe in and like,

Oh,

Okay,

This felt nice.

And then you kind of see like the ripple effect it creates in a family dynamic where,

You know,

If mom feels really good and she's taking care of herself,

You know,

She's less aggravated,

You know,

She's less impatient.

Like it really starts with,

You know,

Like the mom and the family,

Like the matriarch really sets the stage for how everyone's day is going to go,

How everyone else is feeling.

And I think we lose sight of that.

I don't think we realize how important we are and how we affect everyone around us,

You know,

And how our energy really like shows to like our family,

Our friends,

You know,

Our coworkers.

So when we can take care of ourselves and we can really make ourselves a priority,

Then we'll start seeing other shifts because then we allow other people,

Maybe dad now is taking care of himself because he's inspired.

So maybe dad's starting to go out for runs.

Maybe the kids are being more confident and empowered about asking to do things that they want to explore and try,

You know?

So we don't realize that when we are able to fully step up into what we want,

Then we allow others around us for the same space to,

To grow.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think as a family dynamic,

We're probably suffocating each other because with guilt and shame,

Like our guilt and shame is just suffocating everyone.

Like,

Oh,

I can't possibly take 15 minutes to myself.

I have to keep on stalking my children and making sure that the house is tidy.

And it's like,

We're just suffocating each other.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's a great point.

There's that guilt and shame associated with,

And then like some resent comes into play there too.

Um,

But I think that you,

You also just made another important point and that is,

Um,

You know,

There is this narrative or misconception that self care is selfish.

Right.

Yeah.

Um,

And I know you wrote about that in your book as well.

Um,

And,

And again,

This is a misconception that moms feel that if they are taking care of themselves and devoting all of this time to themselves,

Um,

That that's selfish.

Right.

But like you said,

There's also that ripple effect when we do care for our care for ourselves.

So,

Um,

When we prioritize our overall wellbeing and we see that ripple effect,

It's really not selfish.

We can see that proof right there.

Cause then we are able to better care for our family.

We are able to,

Um,

Find that balance.

We are able to,

Um,

Do well at our jobs or whatever,

You know,

That ripple keeps going.

Um,

And so it's,

It's really hard that we get that we can get stuck in that mentality of,

Of feeling like prioritizing ourselves as selfish when it really is the exact opposite.

It allows us to care for other things and other people in the way that we truly want to.

Absolutely.

So true.

And it's so important.

It's,

It really is.

It's important for all of us to understand that,

You know,

We still have an individual journey.

Motherhood is just one of our roles,

But so often we get that backwards.

We're like,

Oh no,

Motherhood is,

Is my entire role.

And it's not,

It's just one of the things that you get to do.

And so I think it's really important that we remember,

You know,

We have individual needs as well,

And we should honor and respect those needs just as we should honor and respect the needs of our other family members and our children.

Yeah.

Yes.

So true.

And I think that that's really where,

Um,

Really where that balance can be found for moms.

Like that's,

That's it.

Yeah.

So going more to,

So one of the things that you'd like to coach moms through and talk about is living more aligned and fulfilled lives.

So what does that mean to you and what are some of your tips for moms?

Yeah.

So I feel like that's really directly connected to that.

We just spoke about,

Um,

To me living in aligned life is finding that balance.

Um,

You know,

That balance of honoring the person that you are as an individual,

Um,

While also finding balance with those other roles that you carry,

You know,

Mom,

Employee spouse,

You know,

Whatever the case may be.

Um,

But,

But to me,

Living aligned is,

Is honoring yourself as an individual and honoring your purpose and path in life.

And not,

You know,

Hiding that or shoving that down,

Um,

To only honor your other roles in life.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So really living in alignment is about like being honest with yourself.

Right.

It's like,

Like,

Don't try to deny that you have wants and desires for space or for rest or for shopping or whatever the thing is that you want.

It's like admitting that you have those things and admitting that,

You know,

You,

You might not want to be a mom 24 seven.

You might want to also be a writer for a little bit.

You might also want to be a girlfriend,

You know,

Have friends.

And so really it's being in integrity with who you are as an entire person,

Like,

And not feeling that guilt or that pressure or the shame to kind of conform or to do what you think other people want you to do or how they want you to show up.

So really living in alignment is,

You know,

Giving yourself that space.

Like we talked about giving yourself that balance and really honoring your individual journey.

Yes.

Yes,

Absolutely.

So to wrap up in a perfect world,

What do you wish all mothers knew?

Really what we just talked about.

And that is,

You know,

That you are a unique and special person with a special place and purpose on this earth.

And and that you are a unique individual,

You know,

Outside of all of those many hats you may wear and roles you may carry,

You know,

Deep down who you are as an individual matters.

Yeah,

I think that's so important.

That's so important because so many women don't allow themselves to,

It's like they don't give themselves permission to be that anymore to be that person.

So that's really beautiful.

Words of advice for sure that all of us can really take with us and,

You know,

Try to live every day and incorporate into our daily routine,

That self care piece,

Making yourself a priority,

Honoring your individual journey.

Also important.

All right,

Thank you so much,

Jessica.

That was a really beautiful conversation,

Really beautiful reminders of,

You know,

Being gentle and compassionate with yourself and really honoring where you are.

And,

You know,

Taking some time for you.

Thank you so much for having me,

Christine.

I really enjoyed this conversation as well.

And I hope that it will help lots of moms out there and all the moms in your community.

Thank you so much.

Talk to you next time.

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