Welcome to Wonder Ball.
How are you doing?
This is day 22 of our Mindfulness in Isolation course.
Keeping you company and helping you learn a healthy new habit.
How are you all getting along with each other in your bubble?
Lots of us have had to adapt to big changes in the way we interact with others.
So it's a great time to use some of the concepts of mindfulness to improve our communication skills.
There's two parts to communication,
Listening and speaking.
Let's start with listening.
Always start with listening.
This requires full attention.
Not just putting aside devices or other distractions,
But also putting aside judgment and putting aside your reactions for a moment.
Did you know that most of us can only remember 25% of what someone says,
Even just a few minutes after the conversation?
So next time you're chatting to someone,
Try to do better.
Try to focus all your attention on them,
On what they are saying and how they are feeling.
You can reflect this attention with your body by turning to and looking at the speaker.
If your mind tries to take over with thoughts,
Try to notice that and then return to listening.
The aim is to focus on what the person is saying instead of what you're going to say next.
When the person finishes speaking,
Try to respond rather than react.
Buy yourself some time by making your first response a quick summary of what they've said.
Then they'll know you are listening and you'll know you've understood correctly.
Try this no matter what form your conversation takes.
It's easier to get away with not listening as well when we're on the phone or on a Zoom chat.
But don't let that be an excuse.
Make this your personal challenge during these times to improve your mindful listening skills.
So to build our listening skills,
Let's build our general focus skills by paying attention to the breath for a few minutes.
We'll do this today by imagining the breath as a color.
You choose a color.
And then imagine the breath as this color traveling into the body all the way to the bottom of the abdomen and then back out.
Follow it with your mind.
In and out.
Now imagine that color going all the way down to your toes each time you breathe in.
And back out.
And now add your arms so that you are breathing this color all the way in to fill your whole body.
If your mind gets distracted,
Try not to beat yourself up.
Just gently come back.
Good one.
Now what about mindful speaking?
The other half of the equation.
Here we can learn a lesson from the Sufi tradition.
Their teachings say,
Before you speak,
Let your words pass through three gates.
At the first gate,
You must think about what we are about to say and ask,
Is it true?
If the words are not true,
They should not pass through the first gate.
At the second gate,
We ask ourselves,
Is it necessary?
If not,
Then do not proceed.
And finally,
At the third gate,
Ask,
Is it kind?
Only when the words can pass through all three gates,
Should we speak.
And when we mess it up and we don't listen,
Or we allow our own thoughts to take over,
Or we speak words that really shouldn't have made it through the three gates,
Maybe just ask for a do-over.
I'm sorry.
That didn't come out very well.
Can we try it again?
One day at a time.
Thanks for being here.
