Toxic Commitment

Toxic commitment can hold us back from living our fullest lives, but it's never too late to break free and reclaim our power. By recognizing the signs, setting boundaries, and cultivating healthier commitments, we can embark on a journey of self-discovery and empowerment.

Transcript

Hello,

Hello,

Welcome to the Embodying Greatness podcast.

My name is Kris Delgado and in this week's episode,

I want to talk about what is toxic commitment and do we do this without even realizing it?

So I love this conversation.

I stumbled upon this the other week and I tried to do some research about toxic commitment and I can't actually really find anything about that.

So I decided to think about what I think it is,

What my version of toxic commitment is based on my experiences and so that's what we're going to talk about.

Before we dive into toxic commitment,

I want to give my definition of what commitment is.

So commitment,

According to transformation,

And this is also my definition,

But this is the transformational distinction of commitment.

Commitment involves dedicating yourself fully to something like a person,

Vision,

Or cause and then taking action towards it.

Commitment is a willingness to do whatever it takes.

You're focused on the outcome while using discipline and focus as a driving force for all of the things that you do and then all of the ways of being you embody while you're going for the result that you are declaring.

Your feelings may get in the way and we shift out of being feelings driven and get back to being commitment driven.

Commitment is the combination of focus and discipline.

The affirmation pertains to our conscious and unconscious commitments.

Unconscious commitments are things like being unconsciously committed to being right about our limiting beliefs and how we're unconsciously doing whatever it takes for those commitments to turn out as well.

So being right about things and then self-sabotaging basically.

We may not feel like we're focused in discipline about our limiting beliefs,

But of course we certainly are because we're human beings and we always want to be right or our ego wants to be right.

Commitment is a state of being where we are all in relating to a promise or desired result.

So that basically is what commitment is according to transformation,

The distinction.

Now how do we go from being all in and doing whatever it takes to have the things that we want to have or the success we want to have and however you define success?

And then how does that equate to or at what point is a turn toxic?

Now I love this conversation because I now believe that toxic commitment refers to where you are excessively dedicated or overly focused or loyal to a person,

A relationship,

A job,

A belief system,

A cause,

Anything where it almost becomes harmful to yourself.

So I think toxic commitment is where you sacrifice things,

Your own well-being,

Your mental state,

Your mental health,

Your emotional health,

Your physical health.

It's where you have boundaries but you let people cross them or you don't maintain your own boundaries.

I think examples of toxic commitment,

Staying in an abusive relationship despite knowing that it's harmful or remaining loyal to a job or company that constantly undermines your worth or possibly even exploits you,

Uses you,

Takes you for granted.

It's blindly following some ideology or belief system when evidence shows that it could be harmful.

So in essence toxic commitment involves an unhealthy level of dedication that perpetuates the negative consequences rather than nurtures or fosters or grows happiness and fulfillment.

So recognizing and addressing toxic commitment absolutely is essential for our well-being especially if we're going to prioritize our well-being and cultivate healthier relationships and a healthier lifestyle.

Now I do believe that toxic commitment starts out subtle and then it just keeps growing and then at some point we could probably all look back and we feel like we're trapped in a cycle of again with relationships or I know that I've been in relationships where I look back now and I can see that they were not the healthiest relationships and that I was committed to the commitment.

I have a really good friend of mine who is in a relationship years beyond the shelf life of that relationship and he knows it but he's committed to the commitment and that's where it becomes detrimental to our well-being,

Our mental health.

Whether it's a toxic relationship or a job that's stifling,

Something that no longer serves us.

Something that you know at the end of the day it leaves you feeling drained and disempowered.

Now I think that we there are several signs to watch for again knowing at the end of the day if you feel drained from leaving a situation,

You feel unhappy,

You almost feel like your needs are not being met or you're being neglected.

If you're rationalizing your behavior,

These are all signs to look for to start identifying if you have a commitment that is toxic because what that's going to do is it's going to tear down your self-esteem.

It's going to start maybe slowly at first but it's going to start chipping away at your mental health,

Your overall sense of happiness or fulfillment.

So the first step in identifying it is becoming self-aware and also like always I think every single episode I always talk about grace and compassion.

Have some grace,

Have some compassion with yourself while you're recognizing these signs.

As you become self-aware,

You can start making other choices.

Recognize that you deserve to be treated with respect and kindness both from yourself and from the people around you.

Set boundaries and communicate your needs in a very clear and distinct manner.

Surround yourself with supportive people who uplift you and empower you.

You know the people who you feel good being around and you know the people who you feel drained when you're around them.

Notice that.

Trust your intuition.

And like I said,

Be patient with yourself as you navigate through this journey.

This is a self-love journey.

This is always about growing and healing and loving ourselves.

Focus on building relationships based on mutual respect,

Based on trust,

Based on authenticity.

And anyone who wants to be in your circle,

Anyone who's on your side and wants to champion you or cheerlead you,

They're going to understand that you get to prioritize your own well-being above anything else,

Okay?

That you want to go after your passion.

You want to do activities that bring you joy and fulfillment.

It's okay to walk away from relationships or situationships that no longer serve you or serve the higher good.

You get to honor your own needs and boundaries and create space for those meaningful connections and those opportunities to come in.

And again,

A lot of people,

I know a lot of people who have done this with jobs,

I've been guilty of this before.

You want to ask yourself those questions like,

Are these people respecting me?

I had a job one time where I was deathly ill.

I had no business going to work,

But I felt like I had to go to work.

I felt like I could not have someone fill in for me because that meant something.

That my commitment to the company wasn't there then.

That my bosses were going to see that I wasn't committed to that particular job.

And I did it.

And I put my big girl panties on and I got through that job.

And it just doesn't serve.

Looking back on that,

What was I thinking?

Why did I think that,

Oh,

You know,

I get to have my commitment happen no matter what and I'm commitment driven.

I know,

And anyone who knows me,

100% knows that I am commitment driven.

I always joke,

I am commitment driven like a mother effer,

Okay?

I get commitment.

And what I didn't get at the time was that my highest commitment,

And I am saying highest commitment on purpose,

Do not use highest commitment as a weapon.

Use it as a tool though,

Because we're always committed to something.

But my higher commitment at that time was not to myself,

Was not to my mental health or my physical health in that case.

I no longer work for that company.

I have not worked for that company for years.

But at the time I was so blinded by what their definition of commitment was that I didn't think that I could do anything else.

So that's just one example.

So I'm going to keep this episode short and sweet,

But I want to leave you with this question.

Where in life are you committed and where in life do you think that you've turned the corner and that commitment is toxic commitment?

Because that toxic commitment is going to hold us back from living our fully expressed truth self.

Okay?

So it's never too late to break free and reclaim your power.

Okay?

Let's recognize the signs.

Let's set boundaries.

Let's start nurturing or building or growing healthier commitments.

Because again,

This whole journey,

It's all about self discovery.

It's all about being powerful.

It's all about self love,

Giving from the overflow.

You've heard me say that before.

Can't give from an empty cup,

But you can give from the overflow.

Anyway,

That's all I have for today.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this.

I hope that you enjoyed it.

If you know anyone who may be in a situation and they're questioning their commitment,

Send this episode to them.

I would love for you to pass this along.

This is always about learning and growing and exploring the world together.

So remember that you are in charge of your happiness.

Go out and create something amazing today because you say so.