When we start living authentically,
Speaking our truth and making choices that align with our values,
The patterns within us which need to be released become apparent.
These can be old habits,
Relationship patterns,
Dysfunctional coping strategies.
All of it starts to come to the surface.
Shedding that which no longer serves us sounds romantically desirable.
We all want to get rid of things in our lives that keep us small or cause us pain.
We may think things like,
Yes,
Let's cut cords,
Let's set this free,
Let's leave this behind.
But the reality of shedding those old patterns for better self-alignment isn't always so romantic.
In fact,
It can be incredibly painful.
Old habits are hard to break.
When we create a vacancy in our long-standing method of operation,
We need to replace it with something more healthy,
Which can be a challenge.
Sometimes we just don't like the healthy options.
Sometimes our friends and family don't like the healthy options,
Or they don't like the version of us who chooses the healthy option.
Sometimes speaking the truth to things that have been covered over for a very long time can be jarring,
For us and for those around us.
Even if the intentions are good,
It can feel confrontational or combative or just plain foreign.
And often,
Old habits and beliefs don't disappear with a swift and majestic swoosh.
It requires repeated attention and intention to remind,
Reassure,
And reaffirm the new beliefs and behaviors in our minds,
In our hearts,
And in our lives.
When we expect a shift to happen seamlessly,
And instead are met with resistance and challenge,
We often feel confused or discouraged and stop doing the work.
We turn away from the pain of growth and go back to living the way we did when things felt familiar.
And in doing this,
We stay stuck.
I recently watched a talk by Michael Matthew about how crabs outgrow their shells.
He explained that as the crab's body gets bigger,
The shells get tighter and tighter until eventually,
The crab must shed the old shell.
When it emerges,
It is in a delicately soft and vulnerable state.
Eventually,
The new shell hardens and the crab is once again fully protected and ready to live in its new form until it starts the process all over again.
When the crab is molting,
It doesn't shrink down to make itself comfortable again.
It doesn't resist the pain.
It continues forward.
In the talk,
Michael says,
Every stage of growth requires leaving behind the old protection and stepping temporarily into uncertainty.
Growth always feels like pressure before it feels like expansion.
Pain is a message.
Whether it's physical or emotional,
It's a signal to us that something needs attention.
As you walk along your path to personal growth,
The parts of you that need healing are going to show themselves,
And this will likely happen in a way that is uncomfortable,
Perhaps even quite painful.
Pay attention to your pain.
Hear it out.
Listen to your deepest fears and hardest sadnesses.
Don't look away.
Don't run away.
Don't hide.
Stand in what hurts.
Let it wash over you and run through you like a current.
Let it tell you where it came from,
And then open your hands to let it move on to where it needs to go,
Which sometimes may simply be beside you instead of on top of you.
In the desire to release what no longer serves us,
We often fail to see,
Or simply forget,
That it did serve us at one point in time.
Maybe it offered escape from pain.
Maybe it offered some sort of protection.
Maybe it offered an illusion of peace to us and those around us.
However it served deserves to be honored.
We can acknowledge the good intentions of our misguided behaviors and choose not to continue with them.
Honoring who we are at every stage of our journey is the true marker of self-love.
Giving ourselves grace as we learn opens a space for us to grow.
Grace is our equivalent of the soft shell of the crab,
The tender and loving vulnerability that is integral to our expansion.
Take a moment now to just be with whatever is arising within you and asking to be seen.
Take a few slow,
Deep breaths.
Feel the gentle movement of your body ebbing and flowing with each breath,
Like waves on the shore.
What's here for you right now?
What story are you telling yourself right now that may not be true?
Where did that story come from?
Who told it to you first?
Can you find compassion for the part of you who believes this story?
Not refuting it,
Not trying to fix it.
Just loving the part of you who got confused somewhere along your journey.
Just loving the part of you who got confused somewhere along your journey.
Just loving.
Can you open your hands and allow the pain of this belief to flow through you?
Where does it want to go?
Into the ocean?
Out into the cosmos?
Or maybe it needs to stand by your side,
Being loved just a little longer.
And then you can choose.
Do you want to stay here,
Just loving some more?
Or is there something your higher self would like this part of you to know?
Some words of encouragement or reassurance?
A better,
More solid truth?
And as we stay here,
With the pain or without it now,
Knowing our more authentic truth,
And also knowing that we may not yet be done with this particular pain,
And knowing that another pain may someday need to course through us as well.
Through it all,
Whatever comes and whatever goes,
Knowing we are doing the best we can,
Giving grace for where we are,
And knowing that we are so very,
Very loved.
