So when you were talking about going deeper,
Wandering in,
Wanting God,
I'm having trouble discerning my ego wanting that versus my awareness wanting that.
And when the ego wants it,
Of course it doesn't happen and then it's just back up into resistance.
And I don't know what to do when I hit that wall and I sort of,
I've been sort of experiencing that every single time and I get deeper each day,
The faster it deepens.
Okay,
So in this moment,
We sort of take a wide lens with your awareness that would allow everything that's here,
Any irritation in your body and that mental grip and trying.
So if this moment is arising like this,
Where does your awareness go that allows it all in a wide embrace?
It's almost like it goes in and out simultaneously.
It becomes like sort of a visual,
Almost a focal point in like the middle of wherever this is.
I don't know where this is,
But that's how it's moving.
It's like the sound starts to come in.
Sure.
Sure.
It is all in something.
Yeah.
It's not necessarily in you,
But if you're sensing the in-ness,
Then what is that that holds it?
It has to be God.
It does,
But look directly from that same wide perception and it almost keeps dropping in that this is the only moment,
And it's showing up like this.
So where is God here?
It's everywhere.
Yes.
Stay right there.
Just witness that,
And is that which is witnessing separate from it?
It is it,
And everything's included.
Heartburn,
Runny nose.
Stay with that.
This music,
A cough,
What would take you out?
My agenda to go deeper.
Yes.
Yes.
I'll say these words and then an agenda forms to go deeper.
My agenda to go deeper starts to eclipse,
And then the next movement is how do I drop the agenda?
But can you see,
It's lovely.
The agenda,
The how-to,
It's also welcome here,
Is also part of the moment.
And suddenly I can feel my heart start to,
There's a movement there.
Yeah.
The presence.
The presence of God.
It kind of opens that field of your heart.
God meets you.
The presence of God meets you,
And it holds you.
Yeah,
That movement.
That's that slight kundalini straightening your spine,
Opening the heart,
Straightening through the spine.
And then let's stay here for one moment.
On the awareness,
Without the agenda,
Is the awareness deepening?
This God is everywhere.
Yeah,
Just stay with the heart.
And just stay with it.
And is there a depth available?
Can you see how there's surrender,
Or like you've got to kind of drop some stuff to really allow that vastness to meet that deepness?
Not just the agenda,
But something subtler,
Like a me.
Go to meet all this that is,
And to really be with it,
You have to keep moving with it.
Not with you.
And right here,
It drops into so much silence,
Like it would be difficult for you to language anything.
Right here.
This is the beginning of that sweet,
Beautiful,
Black,
Peace,
Velvet.
Just stay with this.
Stay with where you are,
With where the vastness is.
You too.
An invitation for you too.
Also,
Follow this.
Not you.
It's this expansion that keeps deepening.
Right there in the heart,
It keeps expanding.
The all that is keeps deepening.
And through all that,
Nothing is lost.
There's still my voice.
There just isn't one place of me.
And it's so good.
Not to a me,
But to itself.
Good.
