Grief SOS | Nervous System Talk Down | Coastal Forest Walk

In this track, we'll do some emotional first aid, to acknowledge and attend to the grieving body. Then, when the nervous system has been regulated a little, we'll go for a walk together with a couple of dogs on a forest trail, out to a cliffside view of the ocean. This is an opportunity to stand at the edge of the great ocean of grief, greeting it and not being afraid of it, but also not having to feel everything today. Today, we're just going for a walk down to the sea.

Transcript

Hey,

Hi,

I'm here.

What's happening inside you right now feels immense and unmanageable.

Your mind and body are undergoing something intense,

And it can feel isolating,

But I'm going to be here with it,

With you,

And we're going to calm your nervous system together.

We're going to do a few things together that can help soften your breathing,

Quiet your mind,

And care for your broken heart.

Where are you right now?

Are you somewhere that you can find privacy?

Can you sit somewhere quiet?

Try to find a spot that feels comfortable.

During this meditation,

I want you to feel safe to close your eyes,

But it's totally fine to keep them open.

We're going to start by slow breathing and humming.

I'll walk you through it.

When you inhale,

You'll inhale slowly through your nose,

As slow as you can go,

Letting the air flow into your back and down your spine to your hips.

And then when you exhale,

You'll hum,

Like this.

Let's try a few together.

Inhaling slowly,

Exhaling,

Humming.

I want you to put your hand over your heart,

If that feels okay.

Maybe another hand on your belly.

Continue to breathe this way.

Inhale slowly,

Filling up your ribs.

Exhale humming,

Let it all go.

I want you to send some love to your own heart.

As you breathe,

Repeat these phrases to yourself.

Thank you for beating,

Strong and healthy,

Keeping me alive through this life.

I am caring for you by breathing slowly and sending you the oxygen you need.

Everything is okay in this body.

I am alive,

And I am breathing.

Next we're going to do a few nervous system reset exercises.

I'll walk you through them.

Just stay with me and use my voice as your point of focus.

First I'll tell you what we're going to do,

And then I'll walk you through it.

We'll take a deep and slow breath in,

Just like we practiced.

You'll squeeze your hands into tight fists,

As tight as you can,

Creating tension in your hands,

Wrists,

And forearms.

At the top of your breath,

You'll hold it in for just a moment,

Keeping your shoulders relaxed,

Focusing the tension just on your hands.

Then when you exhale,

You'll hum,

Releasing your hands to a neutral position.

Are you ready?

Deep inhale through the nose,

Slow as you can go,

Balling up your fists as tightly as you can,

Holding the breath at the very top,

Then exhale humming,

Relaxing everything back down.

Did that feel okay?

Would you like to try again?

First let's spread our hands out,

Starfish them,

Stretch them as far as they can go,

Reaching the fingers and thumb in every direction,

And then slowly inhale,

Tensing up your hands,

Your forearms,

Tight and rigid.

Hold the breath for just a moment,

Then exhale,

Humming,

And let it all go.

You're doing great.

You did a good job coming to find a meditation for this moment.

You know how to take care of yourself.

And I'm here to help.

I'm going to tell you about what we'll do first,

And then we'll do it together.

Just like your hands,

You're going to scrunch up your face this time,

Squeezing your eyes shut,

Wrinkling up your nose,

Maybe opening your mouth really wide like a silent scream,

Or scrunch it up too.

You'll be careful to keep your neck and shoulders relaxed,

Focusing all of this attention on your forehead,

Eyebrows,

Eyes,

Nose,

Cheeks,

Chin,

And mouth.

You'll hold your breath for just a moment,

And then release everything again.

Let's give it a try.

Slowly inhale,

And try to make your face as ugly as humanly possible.

Tense up your expression and squeeze everything together.

Pause at the top of your inhale,

And then exhale,

Humming.

Go ahead and relax everything back to neutral.

Did that one feel good?

Let's try one more time.

This time,

Making an even uglier face.

Inhaling slowly,

Tense it all up,

And go ahead,

Tense your hands up while we're at it.

Why not?

Scrunch and squeeze everything,

Then hold the breath for just one moment,

Before releasing,

Humming,

Relaxing down again.

Good.

I hope you got a little reset there with those exercises.

Listen,

I want you to remember something.

Your body is grieving.

Sometimes it can feel like it's all in our minds,

But you are a breathing,

Living thing.

Your body needs care,

Attention,

Water,

Food,

Rest,

Comfort,

And oxygen.

Are you still breathing?

I just want you to know that you're going to be alright.

Maybe that seems impossible right now,

I know,

But I'm over here,

On the other side of some very bad grief days,

And I'm sitting with you,

In this.

I would never try to take your pain away,

But I can send you compassion and understanding,

And I can take you on a little walk in your imagination.

Does that sound okay?

What I'm going to do is offer you images and sensations that you can picture,

And all you have to do is some deep breathing in,

And some slow breathing out.

Here are two suggestions for those long exhales.

One is humming,

And the other is pursed lip breathing.

That means it looks like you're whistling,

Pushing the air out of your lungs nice and slow.

Are you ready?

Let's take a walk.

We're visiting a beautiful mid-century cabin in the woods,

Not far from the ocean.

Inside it's warm and dark,

With a fire in the big hearth.

There are these long,

Low leather sofas facing one another,

And between them is an ottoman with a tea set out for us.

It's mid-afternoon,

And two dogs are lying on the terracotta tiles in the sunshine that's coming through a window.

The sun is filtered through the trees,

So it dances a little as it warms the dog's fur.

What do you say we see if these dogs want to take a walk?

They perk up immediately and start high-stepping at the door.

Go ahead,

Put on your shoes and jacket,

I'll get their leashes.

Just outside the cabin is a soft,

Packed trail of bark chips.

The ground is spongy,

But dry,

And our feet feel light on it.

The trees tower over us,

Whispering in a faint wind.

If we take the trail to the right,

We can hike down to a valley with a stream.

And if we go left,

We can meet the sea.

Let's go left this time,

Shall we?

It's very quiet.

These trees are so,

So old,

And as they stand so gracefully together,

They seem like ancient beings.

I don't know how much the trees know,

But these huge,

Old trees seem wise to me.

A low,

Wooden log fence sits on either side of the trail,

And the dogs want to stop and sniff here and there.

Just up ahead,

The fence stops,

And the trail becomes wider,

And a bit more wild.

There are huge ferns over here,

Look.

It's early spring,

And the air is dry,

With just a faint hint of ocean mist.

I wonder if we could just follow our noses to the seaside.

The dogs know the way,

And so we let them off their leashes.

Off they go,

Racing ahead of us,

Full of joy,

Just sprinting into the woods.

I want to check in on how you're feeling,

So I put my arm around you,

And give you a little squeeze.

It feels good to be supported,

And we walk a few steps like this,

Leaning into each other a little.

You are in pain,

And that's important to remember.

We're not trying to fix that,

We're just taking a walk.

I won't hold on to you for too long,

Or we might trip on the tree roots here on the trail.

We laugh,

As one of the dogs bounds up the trail toward us,

With a big stick in her mouth.

She drops it at your feet,

And asks you to throw it for her,

Which of course you do.

Off she goes again.

Dogs bring such a simple joy,

Don't they?

All they want is to have fun,

And to love you.

This dog loves you a lot,

And I can tell she wants you to play,

Because she knows it will make you happy too.

Just like those trees,

I wonder if dogs are wiser than they seem.

Just around this bend,

As we get closer to the coast,

There is a very old tree.

It must be a couple hundred years old.

Here it is,

Look.

It is so big,

We could hardly wrap ourselves around it if we tried,

Both of us,

Look.

I press my body up against it,

And give it a big,

Long hug.

The bark against my face is rough,

But something about this tree feels soft.

It has simply accepted everything that has ever happened to it.

How many people has it watched come by this trail?

And how many animals?

What kinds of storms did it weather?

It is so immense,

And yet,

It is such a simple thing,

A tree.

One of many here,

A very old,

Very tall,

Very big tree.

I rest my hand on it,

And try to imagine what its life must be like,

And how far its network of roots must spread around it.

I crane my neck to look at the very top of this tree.

It must be as high as a ten-story building.

What do you think the view is like up there?

Here come the dogs.

I think they're anxious for us to get down to the cliffside with them.

We follow the dogs to the edge of the trail,

Where it drops off to a steep gravel path down to a cliff.

The cliff is bordered by another log fence,

And it looks out over the vast ocean.

We take it slow on the gravel path.

No need to rush today.

It's nearly 3 p.

M.

,

And the sun dances on the deep blue sea that spreads out in front of us.

We're pretty high above the waves,

But I feel the sensation of the seawater in the mist on my face.

The ocean is so immense.

It's impossible to sense just how far away the other continents are.

Sometimes it feels like grief is that way too,

Doesn't it?

It can surge up inside at any moment,

And it feels so incredibly vast.

I don't know if I'll ever find the end of it.

But look,

Here we are,

Safely on the shore,

High above,

With the dogs,

Just watching the enormity of it from a distance.

We don't have to go down there.

We don't have to get all the way in it.

We can just come visit,

Take it in,

Feel what's here to be felt.

Do you want to stay here together for a moment?

We can just listen to the waves,

And feel the air moving around us.

There's no need to do anything,

Except feel the edges of this vast ocean.

We can stay with our feet planted firmly on the heavy and stable stone of this cliff.

I'll stay here with you,

And we can just breathe.

We are alive.

We are breathing.

Our hearts are beating.

The sun is getting lower now,

And I think the dogs are restless to keep moving.

Let's head back to the cabin and make another pot of tea.

Oh,

Here she comes with another stick to throw.

Oh,

It's all slobbery here,

Let me do it.

Hey,

Thanks for coming out here with me today.

On some days,

It's alright just to stay inside the cabin,

You know.

I can come bring you tea,

Or we could just text.

But on days when you feel ready,

I'll walk with you out to the ocean.

We can bring the dogs.

We can even bring tea and a thermos.

We can watch the waves.

We can feel as much or as little as we need to.

Let's follow the dogs home.

Here's our tree,

The great-great-great-grandmother tree.

Think of how many lives have begun and ended since this tree began its life,

Just watching over it all,

In the same spot,

This whole time,

And yet also constantly changing.

Let's put our hands on the bark one last time before we head home.

Thank you,

Tree,

For watching it all.

For the rest of our walk,

I feel a lot of gratitude.

I am grateful for my strong and healthy body,

Moving me easily over the trail.

I am grateful for the day,

And for you,

And the dogs,

And the woods.

Back at the cabin,

I put the kettle on,

And we sink into the deep sofas to enjoy the rest of our afternoon quietly.

Thank you for taking a walk with me.

Reviews

Thank you x

This was very comforting and I thank you for this meditation. I lost my husband suddenly almost 3 months ago and the grief has been all encompassing. Thank you 🙏