Hurt By Someone’s Words? A Self-Compassion Practice

If someone’s words have hurt you, no matter what the setting, this practice offers a gentle way to steady yourself.

If you tend to feel things deeply or find that other people’s words affect you more than you’d like, you’re not alone.

Together, we’ll move through a simple, supportive process to help you recognise what you’re feeling, soften the reaction in the body, and respond with more self-compassion.

You can return to this practice anytime you feel impacted by other people’s words or reactions.

Transcript

Hello, I'm Kate and I'm so glad you've joined me for this practice today. We're going to be looking at how to stay steady and calm and centred, Particularly when you feel that someone might have criticised you or attacked you verbally in some way. And this practice was inspired by something that happened to me recently on social media. I tend to post what I see as quite harmless content, All that's designed to help others. However, Even in that space, Someone decided to write something quite unkind, Quite cruel. It felt like an attack. I felt my body tense up. I felt a sense of overwhelm, Almost a sense of shock that someone could be so unkind. Perhaps you can relate to this. Perhaps you also, Like me, Are sensitive to other people's behaviour, Perhaps more so than others. And perhaps you sometimes find that other people's words knock you off course. You might feel it physically or emotionally. And so this practice today will help with that. It will help you to have the tools to move through difficult reactions, Difficult words from others. We're going to be doing a simple RAIN practice, Which I use time and time again when I'm feeling a little vulnerable, A little emotional, A little knocked off course by something that someone else might have said. So when you're ready, Let's get comfortable. Whatever that means for you. You might want to sit upright or if for any reason you're tired or in pain, It's no problem to lie down. And in your own time, Gently closing the eyes down, Or if you prefer, You can lower your gaze to the floor. And I'd like you to start by bringing to mind the situation that's troubling you. Ideally, Nothing too traumatic or big, But perhaps something that someone said to you that upset you, Perhaps in writing or face to face, Or perhaps just a feeling of judgment that you've experienced in a group setting, Maybe at work or socially. There's no right or wrong. So just choose something that comes to mind that feels right. And I'd like you to start with the R of RAIN by just recognizing what's here. Just looking inwards and seeing what you notice when you think about this difficult situation, These difficult words, This difficult feeling. Just recognizing it, Looking it straight in the eye. And then moving into the A of RAIN, That's the point of acceptance. It's that moment of accepting that you're feeling something that's valid. You're feeling an emotion that needs to be felt. There's good reason why you're struggling and feeling a little emotional or upset or charged. So just accepting what's here. And notice how that feels in your body as you start to allow that feeling to settle. And then moving into the I of RAIN, Investigate. Starting to really look at how this situation, These words, That feeling of judgment, Is impacting you. So just starting now to look at how this feeling shows up in your body. Can you feel any areas of tension? Perhaps the more you think about this thing, The more a particular part of your body speaks to you. I know for me, I often feel it in my chest, In my solar plexus. And for others, It might be in the shoulders, A tightening of the throat, A tension in the head. So just taking a moment to notice how this feeling shows up in your body. If the mind's wondering, That's okay. Just coming back to the body and finding those places of tension, That places where the emotion is speaking to us, Wanting to be felt and heard. Really investigating. And you might want to move now from investigating the body to investigating the mind. What do you notice when you think about this difficult situation, That judgment, Those words? How is your mind feeling? Which emotions are getting stronger? And while it might feel uncomfortable, I would encourage you to allow the emotions to be felt, To really investigate and look them in the eye. Because by doing this and by expressing how you feel about this difficulty, You'll more easily move through this difficult moment in your life. And now moving from the I of RAIN into the N of NURTURE. And this is the moment where you start to really take care of yourself and hold yourself with self-compassion. This is the most important stage in this practice. That moment where you realize that you have all the tools to support yourself and to help others. And that's when you start to hold yourself, Even in the face of the most difficult judgment, The harshest of words. And I'd encourage you to place one hand on your belly and one hand on your chest, Your heart space, And gently hold yourself. And just notice how it feels to connect with yourself in this way. And seeing if you can imagine a person who you find incredibly supportive, Who makes you feel safe, Who makes you feel seen. Imagine their presence. Seeing if you can imagine how it feels to hold them in your mind's eye in the face of this difficulty. You might imagine them smiling at you, And just seeing how that makes you feel. And if it's difficult to bring a person to mind, That's okay. You might want to just bring to mind the sense of a supportive being, Maybe just nature all around you, Whatever feels most supportive. And just allowing the light of their presence, This being, To come to you. Just being this person, Allowing it to shine down on you, Make you feel safe, And make you feel seen. And to take it one step further, You might want to imagine what this person might say to you as you're going through this difficulty, This feeling of perhaps being attacked by someone else's words or judgment. What might this person, This being, This supportive presence, What might they say to you? And how does that make you feel? And now starting to notice any shift in your body as you take care of yourself in this way. Is anything easing? Is any tension able to release and let go a little? And as we move towards the end of this practice, Just taking a moment or so to really connect in with the hands on your belly and on your chest. And just really taking a moment to really hold yourself and support yourself, Knowing that you're enough just as you are. And you might even want to repeat internally a few times, I am enough just as I am. And in your own time, Gently moving your hands back down to your lap or by your sides. And just taking a moment to notice how you're feeling. Has anything shifted since you started the practice? And gathering up any benefits and in your own time, Gently opening your eyes. Thank you so much for joining me today. I'd encourage you to come back to this practice whenever you're feeling charged, Upset, Impacted by other people, Their words, Their judgment. All of us sensitive people feel things deeply. It's a beautiful superpower, But it can be hard sometimes too. So do come back to this practice whenever you need. Thank you so much for joining me. Take care.