Hi,
I'm Kate Eckman and welcome to my Transcendent Self-Confidence Mini-Course.
I'm so delighted that you're here.
In this course,
You will discover the four powerful steps to build the confidence that can withstand any storm.
I will be your guide each step of the way,
Helping you to integrate everything you've learned into your daily life.
Through my work in front of the camera as a TV personality and model,
I learned what it truly means to be confident.
It's not what you think.
The truth is,
You already have what it takes.
You were born with it.
You just need to remember what that feels like.
I believe it is our birthright to be unstoppable.
We just have to rediscover what it means to be free of judgment,
Fear,
Doubt,
Of anything that weighs us down.
I know it can feel scary and overwhelming to put ourselves out there in a big way and actually do what our hearts are urging us to do.
We think,
Who am I to start this business?
What will people say?
Am I smart,
Talented,
Good enough,
And on and on?
But whatever pain we may experience from another's judgment of us is nothing in comparison to the pain we will undoubtedly feel by playing small.
What does it mean to play small?
Well,
It means shrinking so others won't feel insecure around us.
But when we dare to write our book,
Leave the unhealthy relationship,
Quit a job to start our dream business,
Or whatever it is,
We inspire others to do the same.
The real question then becomes,
Who are you not to start your own business or anything else you feel called to do and show up fully for yourself and others?
Who are you not to be gorgeous,
Brilliant,
Wildly successful,
And joyful?
Expressing our full potential is not just our right.
It's actually our responsibility.
And it starts with confidence.
To have confidence,
We first must define what it means for us.
So take a moment,
Write down what confidence means for you.
You can even pause this video.
If you need a little inspiration getting started,
Here's how I define confidence.
I believe confidence is remembering who we truly are,
Which is love,
And owning that each and every day.
Confidence is honoring who we are,
Perceived flaws in all,
And presenting our highest self to everyone we meet with a smile.
Confidence is making our own rules and refusing to settle for societal standards we don't believe in.
It is forgiveness,
Kindness,
Grace,
And the ability to laugh at ourselves.
It is taking our lives seriously so we don't have to take ourselves so seriously.
Confidence is more than just knowing we deserve the best.
It's making choices that actually reflect that.
It's saying no when we want to say no and not feeling bad about it.
It's staying in bed when we need to rest without feeling guilty and listening to and caring for our bodies.
Confidence is choosing to be the victor,
Not victim,
And admitting when we are wrong and sincerely apologizing.
It's following our heart's desires and values and asking for help.
Confidence is knowing we were created by the same loving force that created the sun,
The moon,
And stars and living from that magnificent space and not needing anyone else's approval,
Validation,
Or applause.
Confidence is looking within and asking,
Who do I need to be to transform this relationship,
Situation,
Society,
The world?
It's a recognition that love,
Peace,
Freedom,
Abundance,
Everything we want to experience starts with us.
It's the willingness to show up fully,
Speak up passionately,
And stand up straight.
Confidence is the spark that lights up every room.
It doesn't label,
Judge,
Shame,
Blame,
Or attack.
If you struggle with feeling confident on a consistent basis,
Don't fret,
You're normal.
We've all felt that staying up being let down,
Frustrated,
Unfulfilled are not quite good enough in our lives and our relationships.
I've certainly been guilty of having unrealistic expectations of others,
Wanting them to shower me with compliments,
Approval,
And validation,
Sometimes even trying to control situations or outcomes in an attempt to get what I thought would make me feel good.
It was a painful,
Exhausting way to live.
Studies show that basing our self-worth on external factors is actually harmful to our mental health.
One study at the University of Michigan found that college students who base their self-worth on external sources,
Including academic performance,
Appearance,
And approval from others,
Reported more stress,
Anger,
Academic problems,
And relationship conflicts.
They also had higher levels of alcohol and drug use,
As well as more symptoms of eating disorders.
That same study found that students who base their self-worth on internal sources not only felt better,
But also received higher grades and were less likely to use drugs and alcohol or to develop eating disorders.
Through the consistent practices of self-compassion and meditation,
I've discovered a few perspective shifts that have transformed my sense of self-worth.
I found that when I base my self-worth on who I am and my inherent value as a human being rather than what others think or how much I achieve,
My confidence soars and my inner critic quiets.
Mindset shift number one,
Develop self-sufficiency.
For the majority of my life,
I got my self-worth from the outside world.
Someone else's approval or validation dictated how I felt about myself.
What a setup that is.
I've learned that when we place our self-worth outside of ourselves,
Career,
Money,
Material,
Possessions,
Relationships,
Appearance,
We can never have enough or be enough.
Being independent from someone else's thoughts of me,
Both positive and negative,
And instead trusting in God,
Spirit,
Universe for my value,
I've become more self-sufficient and as a result,
Experienced more peace,
Freedom,
And material success.
Sure,
Compliments are very nice to hear,
But my mood and mental and physical health and worth are no longer dependent on another's approval of me.
As long as we are basing our self-worth on another's opinion of us or how people choose to treat us,
We will never be able to live up to our full potential and experience true joy.
Mindset shift number two,
Let people off the hook.
Instead of looking to others for validation and to make us feel worthy or enough,
How about reframing to the notion that nobody owes us anything?
Wow.
What a relief.
When we are truly anchored in our own self-love and get our self-worth from the unique qualities that make us one of a kind,
We become self-sufficient.
We don't need to go to our partners,
Friends,
Work,
Food,
Alcohol,
Or social media for a quick ego boost.
We can turn inward and look to a higher power for our value,
Knowing we are simply enough because we are alive.
Mindset shift number three,
Accept that people cannot give you what they don't have.
Wow.
I've looked to significant others,
Bosses,
Parents,
Or friends to tell me something to make me feel better or treat me a certain way so I could feel valued,
Respected,
And loved.
But if a client simply doesn't have any more money in their budget to pay me,
They can't give it to me.
And perhaps the solution is to find another opportunity where the compensation matches the value,
Skills,
And experience I bring to the table.
Maybe our partner isn't respecting us because he or she lacks self-respect.
If a customer service representative is frustrating us,
We've all been there,
Because they can't help us with our request,
Maybe that person hasn't been properly trained and is simply doing the best they can.
I've learned that the people who have cheated on us,
Hurt us,
Or done us wrong cannot necessarily make amends.
Whether they are unwilling or unable.
Waiting for someone to,
Waiting or expecting others to apologize or make it up to us or even admit they were wrong implies a belief that their actions can make us feel whole again.
But when we are dependent on others to make us happy or behave a certain way,
We will always be disappointed on some level.
The good news is if we put our faith in the God of our own understanding,
We will never be let down.
The universe is self-organizing and self-correcting.
And number four,
It's not about keeping everyone happy,
It's about fulfilling your life's purpose.
As long as we are doing our best,
Honoring ourselves and our purpose,
We will feel less and less inclined to seek the approval of others.
Instead of feeling offended when people fail to acknowledge us,
What if we could see it as an opportunity to expand and grow?
What if we embrace the fact that we are being prepared to take our lives to the next level and start fulfilling our mission?
The less I depend on people to validate me,
The stronger my emotional muscles become and in turn,
The stronger my sense of self-worth.
I have accomplished more both personally and professionally in less time and need fewer and fewer compliments to keep me going simply because of my faith in myself and in the universe.
Focusing on the special characteristics that make me me is much easier and more rewarding than waiting around for someone to say or do something that will make me feel good for only a matter of minutes before I need my next fix again.
Our lives truly become more full when we turn our attention inward to the miracle that we are,
Release expectations and stay detached from outcomes and other people's opinions.
Try this out for yourself and please let me know how it goes.
I'd love to hear from you.
