Meditation To Unhook From Parental Guilt

Parenting is a stressful job and the pay is not great... Come join me in learning to slow down, take time for yourself, and use the skill of acceptance in responding differently to parental guilt. Inspired by Dr Neff's Mindful Self-Compassion work and Dr Harris' ACT Made Simple.

Transcript

As we begin our practice,

Take a moment to set your intention.

What would you like to get out of your time here today?

What do you need?

As a busy parent,

You are constantly meeting the needs of others,

Including prioritizing your children's needs and countless other draws on your time and energy.

Let's take a minute to pause and reflect.

This time is for you.

Meeting your needs not only helps you,

It helps your family.

Being a rested,

Calm,

And patient parent can help you show up as you want.

By lessening the guilt,

You can reduce the number of times you need to apologize for speaking out in frustration or not being as patient as you would like.

Lessening the guilt helps you show up as you want.

So throughout this meditation,

Consider,

How do I want to show up in the world?

What kind of parent do I want to be?

What kind of person do I want to be?

Let us begin by finding a comfortable seat,

Alert,

Upright,

And also relaxed position.

It can be helpful to imagine a string connecting from the top of your head to the ceiling,

Maintaining this alert posture.

It may also help to place your feet flat on the floor,

Connecting to the earth in this way.

You may gently close your eyes or lower and soften your gaze.

If your eyes are open,

Find something neutral to focus on in the room.

If your eyes are closed,

Soften around the corners,

Ensuring you have a relaxed facial expression.

If your tongue is on the roof of your mouth,

Go ahead and release.

Imagine your breath traveling in through your nose,

Throughout your entire body,

And then release through the mouth.

It can be helpful to make an audible sigh,

Such as,

Ah.

Repeat as needed now and throughout the practice,

Breathing in through your nose,

Opening your chest and lungs,

And out through your mouth.

You may also cover one nostril with a few fingers,

One nostril with a finger,

Breathing in through one nostril instead of two,

And note awareness of your breath temperature.

Note the sensation.

See if your breath is cooler,

Breathing in,

And warmer,

Breathing out.

Or maybe there's other observations you can make.

Be thoughtful to note your experiences,

Not judge them.

Now turning our attention to our body,

Note any additional bodily areas of tension.

Go through your body,

Starting with your feet.

Note any areas of tension or holding.

Upon noticing,

Release.

Move your attention to your calves.

Note and release any tension or holding.

Move to your thighs and your sit bones.

Note any areas of tension and release.

Shift your attention to your low back,

Stomach.

Note any tension and release.

Move to your upper chest and back.

Release any tension or holding.

Move to shoulders,

Neck.

Note any tension and release.

Moving to upper arms,

Lower arms.

Release any tension you may have.

Note the tops and bottoms of your hands.

Release any holding.

And release any holding.

Shifting your attention now to your lower jaw.

Release the tension in your jaw and your tongue if it has returned to the roof of your mouth.

Shift your attention to your eyes,

Temples,

Ears,

And top of your head.

Just gently note any tension and release.

You may have been surprised,

Or not,

At the physical holding or tension throughout your body.

Often,

Our body holds stress we may or may not be aware of.

Big emotions such as guilt,

Stress,

Overwhelm,

Worry.

These take up space in our body and have physical ramifications.

Take a moment now to zero in on the experience of guilt.

Consider how your life would be,

How it would shift if you held on to less guilt.

Guilt about not being there for every event.

Guilt about when you were physically there,

But mentally pulled in a million different directions.

Guilt about how you handled things.

How you handled things when you're more overwhelmed.

What would change in your life if guilt was not in the driver's seat?

If guilt was less of a roar and more of a whisper?

One skill that may be helpful to use with different emotions,

Including guilt,

Is acceptance.

Acceptance doesn't mean never making changes.

It means accepting things we cannot change,

And changing the things we can,

And having less tug-of-war between the two.

In order to visualize the practice of acceptance,

I want you to hold out one of your hands.

Clench tightly,

With the top of your hand facing up,

And imagine trying to hold sand in your palm,

Tightly in your fist,

Fingers curled inward.

See how tightly you can clench your hand without hurting,

And imagine the sand leaking quickly out the bottom through the cracks in your fingers.

How does your body respond to the sensation of a clenched fist?

And the futility of holding in sand in this way?

How does your mind respond?

Now try turning your hand over with an open palm,

Making a small cup in which sand can rest.

How does your body respond to the sensation of an open palm?

How does your mind respond?

Note that acceptance is like holding your palm open,

Holding so much more space and less tension.

The task was the same,

Holding the sand,

But your response was different.

Clenching tightly versus opening.

When you note that guilt has hooked you,

Or other big emotions.

When you want to hold your hand tightly and not let go,

Try shifting your position to an open hand and loosen your grip.

As parents,

We are often asked to adapt to challenging situations,

Often at a moment's notice without much time to prepare.

We are also asked to adapt as our children age.

And unique challenges at every age can appear.

We may not always show up as we want,

Especially when we are already stretched thin.

No matter the age of your child,

There are new and different experiences that may challenge them,

And also us in return as parents.

In those moments,

There are also beautiful opportunities to show up and adapt.

Beautiful opportunities to show up with open palms and hold ourselves and them lightly.

It also is a beautiful gift to demonstrate to our children how to respond openly and with acceptance of these big emotions,

Rather than responding with fear or guilt.

As we bring our practice to a close,

Let's now return to the intention set at the beginning of this exercise.

Turning inward now,

Note what was your intention?

Has it shifted?

Maybe it stayed the same.

Does your intention lead to any committed action?

Any tangible things you would like to do,

Or how you want to show up in the world?

As a person?

As a parent?

How does your body respond when thinking of your intention,

And what you want to take away with you today?

Perhaps there is a word that describes this feeling or sensation.

Even if there is not a clear response,

Be gentle and kind to yourself.

And thank you for showing up today for yourself in this way.

We will now end with a return to the beginning with our breath.

Breathing in through our nose and out through our mouth,

Deepening and lengthening as is comfortable.

Returning to our breath and our body is always accessible to us,

Especially as parents experiencing points of overwhelm.

It only takes a minute and can make a world of difference.

It also is a way that we can teach our children how to respond to these big emotions in their bodies.

You can also remind yourself to open your palm to all these experiences,

Emotions,

And opportunities in your life.

Thank you for taking the time to practice with me today,

And you can also thank yourself.

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