Hello,
In Sri Lanka there's a practice of having a loved one read to the dying all of their good deeds so as to leave this world remembering that the good that they did.
I believe this practice can also be used at day's end to purify the mind for a peaceful sleep and I've found it to be so in my own life.
The paramis are qualities that the Buddha was said to have perfected in his life and while none of us likely have,
I know we each have them within us.
It will be the medicine of this practice.
So for this time,
Set aside any aversion you may have to thinking of good things about yourself or your deeds and just soak it in.
You can go back to judging yourself without mercy right after this.
As this is a sleep practice,
I'll only use a bell to begin.
Let's practice.
Since this is a sleep practice,
I'll assume that you're already in your sleeping posture either in bed or in the bathtub,
Wherever you choose to sleep.
But if you're not,
Get yourself into your posture.
The first parami is generosity.
Bring to mind any ways that you've been generous.
It doesn't have to be get your name on a boulevard level.
Just holding a door and being kind to a stranger works just great.
Let yourself feel the goodness of this act and the goodness that is within you.
You are good.
Spend some time either just savoring this generous act or cycling through a number of them.
And if you get distracted,
Drift off,
Just come back to thinking of your generous deeds,
Savoring,
Letting go of the generous act you're remembering now and moving on to virtue,
The second parami.
In Buddhist terms,
This is connected to the five precepts of non-harming of living beings,
Using honest,
Non-harmful speech,
Not taking what's not given,
Not harming with sexual conduct,
And not getting intoxicated so as to break any of the previous.
These can be your starting point,
But please use your own notions of virtue and examples when you acted as such.
Distractions may arise and even things such as times when you acted not so virtuously.
That's okay.
Just let those go.
Both exist within all of us.
Just come back to the times when you have been virtuous and allow yourself to soak it in.
Now letting go of your virtuous deeds,
Move on to the third which is renunciation or simplicity.
Think of the ways you've practiced simplicity or you might call it moderation.
Perhaps you gave up technology when you went camping for a week.
Perhaps you practiced sober October.
Reflect on ways you've simplified your life and how it felt to do so.
Letting go of the reflection you're on now,
Moving on to wisdom.
This refers specifically to seeing clearly the truth of suffering in that no worldly things are truly satisfying,
That all things are impermanent,
And that the things we typically think to be our self really are just stuff that happened and conditioned us.
This can be a bit esoteric,
But perhaps just reflect on ways you've seen through the seduction of this world.
If you find yourself unable to come up with an example,
Simply return to one from the previous section and savor the goodness that is in you.
Energy is the fifth parami.
This specifically refers to the four great efforts of removing and preventing unwholesome mind states such as hatred and craving,
As well as cultivating and sustaining wholesome ones such as love and compassion.
Reflect on ways you have used your energy to make your life happier and more peaceful.
If you find yourself coming up with examples that you've used already,
This is no problem.
There will be some overlap.
Just roll with it.
Sixth is patience or tolerance.
This one's pretty straightforward.
Remember when you were patient with difficult people or situations.
Remember when you didn't assault your co-worker or any other example.
Maybe you were even kind to them.
Now remember when you were honest,
Perhaps when it was difficult to do so.
Reflect on when you didn't participate in harmful speech as well.
Remember when you spoke up.
Next is determination.
Remember when you were determined to follow through on something and you did.
Bonus points if it relates to following the spiritual path.
Still full marks otherwise though.
Remember when you graduated and all the work it took to get there.
Next perfection is loving kindness.
Remember when you had an open loving heart towards anyone or everyone.
And again if you find there's some overlap,
That's okay.
Just soak it up.
Equanimity is our final paramy.
A beloved teacher of mine,
Ajahn Sona,
Has a talk on equanimity playfully titled,
How to Be Cool.
He describes it as a cool head with a warm heart.
So perhaps you could remember a time when there's an intense situation and something you deeply cared about,
But you stayed calm and weren't attached to the outcome.
This is equanimity.
And now that you've reflected on your goodness,
You have pleasant dreams,
Ones that you deserve to have.
Thanks for your practice.
