What the bleep am I feeling?
For real?
Like the author of Nonviolent Communication,
I think back to the school system and there was not a lot of emotional dialogue of any sort.
It sure seems like it just doesn't matter how or what we feel since we're so focused on learning transitive verbs and Pythagoras' Theorem and making cakes and whatnot.
The right way to think was what mattered.
The right way to think was what mattered.
Woof,
No wonder I'm so attached to being right.
I also remember in my home being discouraged from certain feelings as well,
Which has led me to be very repressive of anger and prone to acting like everything's cool.
So this bit is one of my favorite things to use to control the way people speak.
Oh yes,
All the good stuff.
But when using this as a Jedi instead of a Sith,
This looks like challenging myself when I conflate thoughts with feelings.
Some of the things I hear myself think are,
I feel threatened,
I feel abandoned,
I feel dismissed.
And when I merge the two,
I lose a lot of room to see what's really happening.
Much like observing without evaluating,
When I consider what I'm feeling and what is my judgment,
Reality becomes more clear.
It's tough for sure since,
As mentioned,
We have not been taught this.
Okay,
So those two of you hearing this from totally functional conscious communal communities out there are probably fine,
But the rest of us need some lessons.
So,
As I mentioned,
I think I feel rejected,
But in truth,
I think I've been rejected,
Or in reality,
I'm experiencing rejection,
But I'm feeling hurt,
Or scared,
Or lonely,
Or frustrated,
Or angry,
Or confused,
Or whatever the case may be.
When I feel threatened,
Really,
I perceive that a threat is happening,
Which for me can be as easy as someone having an opposing political view or spiritual view,
And then feel afraid,
Hostile,
Etc.
Another thing that can be happening here is things like saying,
I feel you don't care,
You know,
Which is a pretty common thing to say.
I mean,
I feel people don't care all the time,
And I'm pretty sure I'm right.
I mean,
Why should they?
Maybe people should probably do as they please.
Anyway,
So I probably feel hurt or confused by some unnamed action in this case,
But that they don't care is all assessment.
Beauty here,
Again,
Lies not in lording this newfound information over your unsuspecting friends and family,
No,
But in being able to hear through the words they say into the meaning behind them.
So,
If my imaginary partner says to me,
I feel you don't care about anything I ask you,
I might respond with,
I think I hear you're feeling hurt because the kitchen has become a mess again,
And you would like more shared effort around this.
Of course,
I would have the benefit of imaginary context as well to give me all these clues.
So,
Don't feel bad if you missed that one.
So,
This,
Of course,
Offers the invitation to learn an emotional vocabulary,
Which is a whole thing.
A thing I'm working on myself,
And it's a task.
Sometimes I sit with this body,
And I'm totally baffled at what I'm feeling,
As I mentioned at the top of the talk.
That was some real stuff.
I do know,
Though,
That it's okay not to know,
And to get a little curious is enough.
Learning takes time.
Making mistakes is okay.
It's just a mis-take on the process of getting it.
Thanks.
Till next time.
