Forgiveness is a powerful practice,
One that can get imposed on us at times in our culture.
You gotta forgive.
Well,
I've learned that before we forgive,
It's valuable to assign appropriate blame and know what we're really forgiving,
Else it's just a spiritual bypass.
My beloved mentor Temple said that the harp practices are like strings on a ukulele,
And as we become skilled with them,
We can play them all as the situation calls for.
I've found that when my heart is open,
It can often lead into compassion,
Gratitude,
Or joy in the direction of the person I'm forgiving.
And since forgiveness is an unofficial harp practice,
Let's get out our five-string yuki and see if we can generate a beautiful G major chord in our hearts and minds.
Let's practice.
Notice.
Get comfortable.
Notice seeing.
With your eyes open,
Just notice sights,
Shapes,
Shadows.
And when you close your eyes,
Notice that you're still seeing.
Notice thinking.
Thinking,
Thinking.
You might even want to say specific thinking,
Such as ruminating,
Or planning,
Or catastrophizing,
If you like.
Notice hearing.
Smell.
Any smells.
Any smells you smell.
Sense of taste.
If you notice any sensations,
Do a scan from head to toe,
Or toe to head,
If you like.
Now bring someone to mind who you love and who loves you dearly,
Imagining you've done something really damaging to them,
Betrayed them in some way,
Perhaps.
Imagine the pain this caused you both.
Now imagine this person telling you,
We're okay.
I love you.
All debts are paid.
Now this might have got weird if you're focusing on your cat,
But just roll with it.
You're now in your own Pixar movie.
Now bringing this energy of being forgiven,
How that feels,
Into the next part of this exercise.
Bring to mind someone who has gently wronged you,
Like the level of someone who dominates conversations with conspiracy theories.
Feel the hurt.
And now it's the intention of freeing yourself and connecting to the needs that forgiveness will meet in you.
Maybe the need for peace,
The need for calm,
The need for joy and clarity,
Whatever.
With that in mind,
Repeat the following phrases with this person.
I now forgive you for all the harm you caused in body,
Mind,
And spirit.
I know you acted from unconsciousness and the unhealed parts.
May you be free of all your suffering.
I thank you for all you gave and all you couldn't and all we shared.
I forgive you and I thank you.
Stay with these phrases for a while,
Letting yourself feel the truth of them all.
For at the core of every relationship,
There is harm,
There is suffering,
And there's gifts,
Even if the gifts are difficult to see through all the uncomfortable interactions.
And I forgive you for all the harm you caused in body,
Mind,
And spirit.
I know you acted from unconsciousness and unhealed parts.
And may you be free of all your suffering.
I thank you for all you gave,
All you couldn't,
And all we shared.
I forgive you and I thank you.
When you get lost in a story,
Revenge fantasy or otherwise,
Forgive it and come on back.
If some intense emotions or resistance do come up though,
Just take a moment to allow that,
Feel it before returning to the phrases.
So even if none of this quite rings true yet,
We're just setting the intention to cultivate wholesome mind states and in doing so bring about a new earth.
We're just trying them on like new shoes for now.
See how they feel,
Wear them around for a while and see how it goes.
Now,
Let this flat earth friend go and may they have all green lights on their way home.
Don't bring to mind someone who's wronged you in a more sticky way,
Something that really has some weight to it.
Maybe like a friend who let you down in your time of great need kind of thing.
And again with that intention to meet your own needs through forgiveness,
The need for peace,
The need for understanding and ease and clarity.
Because resentment is actually a misguided way to try and meet these things.
Forgiveness is a true way to do so.
Now with this person in mind,
Repeat the phrases.
And I'll forgive you for all the harm you caused in body,
Mind and spirit.
I know you acted from unconsciousness and unhealed parts.
And may you be free of all your suffering.
I thank you for all you gave,
All you couldn't and all we shared.
I forgive you and I thank you.
Let yourself feel what arises as you go from forgiveness to compassion to gratitude.
Notice any resistance or lightness.
Remember the trickery,
The fear,
The hurt,
The anger,
The dishonesty or whatever it may be.
Allow them to be there.
This is the connection of the appropriate blame that leads to forgiveness.
There is harm and it demands the light of truth.
When you get caught up in a story or you're judging yourself or their self,
Just come on back.
It's normal human stuff.
Even your most beloved spiritual teacher is judging people in their head,
I promise.
Forgive yourself and let it continue.
Now let this person go.
And as they go,
May they always find good parking and have impeccable Wi-Fi signals.
Now bring to mind someone who makes you want to turn this track off.
Maybe this resentment has become part of your identity.
One of your imperfect parents.
Maybe a partner who betrayed you.
Perhaps one of your children.
You may be resisting the thought that this person ever gave you anything to be grateful for.
And that's okay,
Honor that resistance.
But I ask you to just make a little space to consider it.
Tune into the awful hurt.
Let it be okay to be here.
And with the intention to let yourself be free.
To let yourself be okay without this huge burden.
And the phrase is on them.
I forgive you for all the harm you caused,
Your body,
Mind,
And spirit.
I know you acted out of unconsciousness and from unhealed parts of yourself.
May you be free from all your suffering.
I thank you for all you gave,
All you couldn't,
And all we shared.
I forgive you.
I thank you.
Consider that there really is no thing that is unforgivable.
In a world of horrors,
It is possible.
Mothers have forgiven their son's killer.
Assaulted have forgiven the assaulter.
They did,
And we do this for our own happiness and freedom.
For our own freedom.
Now letting this person go,
Wishing them well.
As they do go,
May the sun be on their face and the wind be at their back.
And thank you for being willing to go as deep as you did.
As you go,
Consider that if you have indeed felt the blame for these wrongs yet,
If not to consider really allowing yourself to go there before you continue with forgiving.
The anger has a place.
The fear has a place.
The resentment makes sense.
Forgiveness has a place.
Take care,
Dear ones.
You are loved.
