Hi and welcome to this meditation on creating healthy boundaries.
Many of us,
When growing up,
Were taught implicitly that we had no right to boundaries.
We were forced to do things we didn't want to do,
And saying no may have resulted in feeling shame or being rejected by our caregivers.
As adults,
We may still find ourselves automatically saying yes when we feel a no or an I don't know,
And repeatedly sacrificing our well-being to please others,
Which may lead to a growing resentment,
And perhaps even wanting to distance ourselves from others.
The problem is that many of us are unaware that it is our responsibility to communicate our limits to others on how we want to be treated,
And that setting boundaries is essential to preserving our safety,
Health,
Time,
And energy.
Far from being rude or selfish,
Communicating our boundaries is an act of kindness within our relationships.
By telling someone what we cannot tolerate,
We allow them to understand when their behavior causes us discomfort or harm,
Which will then enable them to adjust accordingly.
And if someone repeatedly crosses our boundaries,
We can enforce them again in conversation,
Either by repeating what is not okay,
By limiting the time we spend with them,
Or even,
If necessary,
By reassessing the relationship altogether.
To reconnect with our authentic desires and boundaries,
We must first tune into our body and emotions.
The more we pay attention to the subtle shifts in our inner experience when we're in contact with others,
The easier it becomes to communicate these feelings,
To make requests for what we like,
And to confidently say no to what we don't.
This is crucial for building authentic and strong relationships.
That's what we'll be practicing in today's meditation.
Start by finding a comfortable seat,
Making sure you're in a position that allows you to stay both alert and relaxed.
Allow your spine to naturally lengthen without exerting any strain or effort.
Now take a deep inhale through your nose that fills your entire body,
And slowly exhale.
Again,
A deep inhale and slow exhale,
Allowing any obvious tension to be released.
Close your eyes and close your mouth,
Breathing slowly through your nose.
Apart from the movement of your breath,
You are entirely still.
Now choose an anchor for this meditation.
Perhaps the sensations of the breath at the entrance of your nostrils,
In the rise and fall of your chest,
Or in the movements of your belly.
If at any point during this meditation you're bothered by distracting thoughts,
It's perfectly normal and it's part of the practice.
When you notice these thoughts,
Simply refocus your attention on the sensations of your breath,
That is to say on the present moment.
Observe your breathing as if your consciousness was discovering your body for the very first time.
For the next 30 seconds,
Still as if you had just arrived inside yourself,
Scan your body to notice if you're experiencing any particular sensations today.
Observe your breathing as it naturally slows down.
Feel the softness that enters with every inhale.
Think of a time when you felt like a boundary of yours was crossed,
And you didn't speak up,
Perhaps from fear of losing the relationship.
Maybe you said yes to an invitation you didn't want to accept.
Maybe you stretched yourself to help someone when you didn't have the resources.
Choose a moment and visualize it as precisely as possible.
With each breath you take,
Call up the sensations that you feel in your body when your boundaries are crossed.
Notice the physical sensations that you feel.
These might include unpleasant sensations such as a rapid heartbeat or tension in the jaw or hands.
These may be signs of anger,
Which is the guardian emotion of your boundaries,
And it's perfectly okay.
Simply allow whatever sensations are present while gently breathing in and out through your nostrils.
Here and now,
If this feels right,
See if you can bring a sense of forgiveness for yourself for not being able to uphold one of your boundaries in that moment.
Now remember or imagine a moment when you set a clear boundary and manage to act authentically.
Perhaps a moment when you are able to say no despite being afraid of the consequences,
Or a moment when you say yes to yourself,
Perhaps by dancing alone at home,
By taking a moment to do something just for you,
Or any other moment when you allow yourself to be truly you.
Choose a moment and visualize it with as many details as possible.
With each breath,
Call up the sensations you feel in your body when you set a firm boundary with others and say yes to yourself.
We're now going to focus on seven affirmations to help you set clear boundaries and to reconnect with your authenticity.
Allow the words contained in these affirmations to resonate within you while focusing on the sensation of cold air coming in and warm air going out of your nostrils.
First affirmation,
Before agreeing to a request,
I take time to feel what I need.
Second affirmation,
Whatever I do,
I cannot control what others think of me.
Third affirmation,
Anger is a necessary human emotion that I have the right to feel.
Fourth affirmation,
I have the courage to say no.
Fifth affirmation,
The more I observe and feel my present moment experience,
The less I lie to myself and the more authentic I am.
Sixth affirmation,
I find the courage to ask others for what I want and need.
Seventh and final affirmation,
Rather than expecting it from others,
I learn to better give myself the love I need.
Before finishing this meditation,
Take a moment to observe your current mood as if you were inspecting your emotions from the outside looking in.
And when you're ready,
You can slowly come out of this meditation and start noticing the weight of your clothes on your body,
The surrounding sounds,
And of course all the colors around you.
I hope you enjoyed this meditation and I'll see you soon for new meditations.
