Taking In The Big Picture

In this meditation, we are guided through the ceaseless transformation of our lives from childhood to the present, getting perspective on all we've been through, all the comings and goings, the success and failures, especially all we've learned. In contemplating our lives in this way, a deep letting go opens up as we take in the big picture of our lives as a mysterious, winding river.

Transcript

So begin by reflecting on what you have thought mattered in the past and no longer do.

What mattered to you as a child?

What mattered to you as an adolescent?

What mattered to you as a young adult?

Midlife,

Currently?

What are the different things that have mattered to you?

Maybe some of them are still important and some of them have utterly vanished.

What emotions attended these convictions of what mattered?

Were there conflicts that arose?

Beliefs you held and no longer do.

The beliefs that you had when you were young that now you look at as utterly silly,

Foolish,

Limited.

Different emotions that have attended your convictions,

Arguments,

Aggression,

Defensiveness.

What beliefs do you hold now that you didn't hold a year ago,

Five years ago,

Ten years ago?

Have there been times when you turned from confidence to doubt?

Belief was buoying you up in life and then it bottomed out.

Perhaps there have been beliefs or practices other people did that you criticized when you were younger and now you've adopted them.

Invite in memories of romantic loves,

The romantic loves of your youth.

Perhaps you can remember your first love,

Your first crush.

Teenage,

Young adult,

All the romantic loves,

The obsessions,

Fixations on this person or that person as the ultimate solution.

Think of all the emotions that have arisen and passed in regards to these different people.

All the emotions,

Perhaps like and love turn to disgust or disinterest or hate.

Perhaps someone in your life,

You viewed them with indifference,

Later they became the beloved.

Let come to mind different phases,

Different seasons of love.

Think of all the sex that was hot and of vital importance to you that now is just a faded memory.

All the people that were of vital importance to you,

Maybe still here,

Maybe gone,

Having exited your life.

Invite in all the other relationships that have come together and dissolved.

Important relationships when you were a child.

Relationships of your college years.

Relationships of the near past.

Think of people who have come into your life who touched your heart and have left an imprint.

Perhaps there were people that began as friends and the relationship turned into an adversarial.

Perhaps someone in your life who was irritating and confronting enough that you quit a job or you moved out of a house.

That potent force now gone or perhaps the same kind of person returned to your life just with a different face and name.

Think of promises made.

All the relationships.

Consider family.

Times of closeness with family.

Who those people were then and who they are now.

Loved ones,

Family or friends or pets that are no longer around.

The hobbies that you've undertaken in your life.

Various things that consumed your time and attention.

Perhaps Hot Wheels or Cabbage Patch Kids were the apex of your existence.

And how that changed.

As you grew older.

What consumed your time and attention as a teenager.

In your 20s.

30s,

40s,

50s,

60s beyond.

All the projects.

That rise up various projects you've put much time and heart into.

Stress that at the time felt like it would crush you.

The fulfillment that at the time felt.

Complete.

Like some kind of resting point.

The next project came.

How do you feel about those projects from this point?

That person who did them.

How do you see them from here?

And related the various jobs that you've held.

How many different things have you done?

Some sort of trade or compensation.

Or pay check.

Think of the version of yourself that had their first job.

Their second job.

Who was that person in that job?

What was their outlook?

How did they make it through the day?

What sustained them?

Think of careers,

Perhaps.

The self you were in a particular company or community or workplace.

That whole network of relationships.

All struggle for recognition and appreciation.

All the fun.

All the creativity.

All of that led into the next thing,

Not disconnected.

Has there been a thread that connects it all?

Have you been following a trail?

Has there been a theme?

Consider your emotional life.

Who you've been as an emotional being.

The sensitivity or lack of it you had as a child.

Young adult.

Recall times when you've been in what seemed like a deep ocean of sorrow.

Where you could not see any shore.

Where it seemed that the depression or the despair would just continue endlessly.

But then it didn't.

Think of the times of great joy.

Chapters of your life that were bright and easy,

Engaging.

Times of confusion.

Times of confusion where meaning eluded you.

Or sense of purpose eluded you.

Or what mattered eluded you.

Times when that's been clear.

Where you knew what your life was about.

Times of being shut down.

Having been numb.

Perhaps necessary to endure something you shouldn't have had to endure.

Of times that you've been resentful.

And you locked the heart.

You locked your warmth away.

What was the motivation of that person?

What were they thinking and believing at that time?

And why did they feel they needed to do that?

Think of times you've been open and without so much defense.

You felt like you could be yourself.

You were safe enough to really show up the whole of yourself.

You were loved and therefore you loved back.

Recall the warmth of that.

Perhaps the elusiveness of that.

I'm going to cycle back through so that we give room for more nuance to our reflection to arise.

What in the past have you thought mattered and no longer do?

Convictions you no longer invest in.

Beliefs you no longer hold.

Think of romantic loves.

Who you were at that time.

Why you were attracted to that person.

And from here,

How do you see that couple?

What has changed in you since you were that person in love?

And if the love is still ongoing,

What has changed about the love?

How has it evolved?

How has your understanding of relationship itself evolved?

And if you like,

Let rise up any betrayals.

Maybe betrayed by someone else.

Or betrayed by bad judgment.

Foolhardiness.

Has it happened for you that love has turned into hate?

That affection has turned into aggression?

Or aggression into affection?

And family and friends.

Think of different configurations of your family that have existed at certain times.

Perhaps in childhood different people were around and that changed.

New people came in,

There were marriages and there were funerals.

There were children born.

How did these comings and goings shift who you were and how you saw?

Consider anyone whose way of being really set you on a new course.

Who did things differently.

Positive or negative.

Someone you saw how you didn't want to be.

Someone who showed you how you do want to be.

That professor.

Or that woman on the bus.

Or that actor.

Whoever it might be.

Think of anyone you ever despised so deeply you had violent or aggressive fantasies about them.

You wished they wouldn't show up at work.

You wished them the worst.

Think about how this felt in your body.

How it felt that they kept showing up at work.

Perhaps there was a time when this resolved.

And what was a conflict became grounds for a connection.

Perhaps that relationship faded still in gridlock.

Again to hobbies.

Just the various things that strongly drew your attention and interest.

And you put energy into.

The athlete you were.

Or the artist you were.

Or the scientist you were.

Is there a thread that reaches back that has continued until this time?

Were you the member of a religion that you no longer have any affinity for?

A faith that you can no longer lean into.

Think of all the money you put into boating.

Or garbage pail kids.

Or records.

Or wine.

Or whatever.

All the meals that have moved through you.

And once again consider the overall emotional tone of your being.

The ability to empathize.

Or the lack of it when you were young.

Older.

Perhaps times when grief marked your days.

Bitterness.

Perhaps a time of great evenness and calmness with all the vicissitudes of life.

When looking back at who you were emotionally.

Or spiritually.

The understanding and the availability of that 13 year old.

That 7 year old.

That 30 year old.

What were they doing?

How were they living?

What was the context for that tone of being?

What were they believing?

Now just invite an unparametered arising.

A reflection on all the states of being.

Uncountable.

All the encounters.

All the people you've been and known.

Hold presence but open enough with an invitation for them to just arise.

Guided by the question who have I been?

Who have other people been?

Yes again?

Who have I been?

Who have I been in the eyes of others?

Who am I now in the eyes of others?

And in your own timing,

Let the reflections dissolve.

Rest in this presence that has never not been there,

And without complaint or preference slips in and out of the many roles and costumes and ways of being.

Feel this ageless presence.

Who have I been?

And reflections and thoughts arise within this presence,

And they dissolve back into it.

Who have I been?

Who have I been?

Feeling,

Being this ageless presence.

Who have I been?

Reviews

An interesting and engaging practice. Time travelling. Helpful to remember that things have not just changed for me, but also for others in my life. Thank you.