When people talk about unwanted habits,
So often things like drinking,
Smoking,
Drugs,
Binge eating,
Gambling,
Or mindless scrolling on social media come to mind.
But what about the mind's habits,
Like worry,
Panic,
Anger,
Or intrusive thoughts?
Believe it or not,
Those are habits too.
I didn't always see it that way,
But it's been eye-opening for me to recognize my mind's habit or tendency to experience worry,
Fear,
Or anxiety.
There are times when these feelings seem really ramped up and last for an extended period of time.
It can feel like thousands upon thousands of butterflies have made my stomach their habitat.
Sometimes I wish that I could jump out of my skin or just make the sensation go away.
Now,
Despite what it seems like,
These butterflies aren't there 24-7.
They come and they go,
And there are periods of calm,
Peace,
And relaxation,
Even if briefly.
But when the butterflies are there and I am struggling,
I can understand why people innocently turn to things like alcohol,
Drugs,
Or food to make it go away or to help themselves feel better.
In moments when I'm experiencing an uptick of anxiety or worry,
I notice that I'm moodier,
Have little patience for anyone or anything,
And more judgmental or insecure thoughts are present,
I feel like a wreck,
Like I am a total mess.
I recall a time when I felt this way,
And I turned to my husband before bed and said,
I am a mess.
I shared that my mind was just constantly going and going with all of these horrible imaginary scenarios,
And I didn't like it one bit.
And I didn't like how I was showing up for my family or in the world.
And so again,
I said to my husband,
I am a mess.
And his response to me was,
You are not a mess.
You are just going through a rough time,
Jess.
And what a beautiful gift that was.
He could see during a time when I couldn't,
That these thoughts and feelings were not who I was.
It was just a temporary experience.
I was reminded that no matter what I was thinking or feeling,
My innate wellbeing was still there and untouched.
This is true for me,
And it's true for you too.
There are other lessons that I've taken away from my experiences with anxiety that I want to share with you.
As Alan Watts said,
No amount of anxiety makes any difference to anything that is going to happen.
And that is so true.
No matter what the mind says or thinks it can predict,
Life unfolds the way it unfolds.
Our thoughts and worries don't change that.
It's fascinating to me to see how quickly a vivid and compelling story can be created when the phone rings late at night,
My kids don't respond quickly to a text,
My dog is at the groomer for longer than I expected while I'm waiting for a test result or I'm planning a vacation.
And it's been great to see that my mind is a far better storyteller than fortune teller.
Unless I am in clear and present danger,
Like my house is on fire or I'm being chased by a bear,
The feelings and sensations in the body aren't alerting me to something bad that is going to happen.
It's feedback letting me know that I am innocently identifying with an untrue story.
The mind doesn't know the difference between real danger and imagined danger,
But our bodies let us know.
These butterflies that are flying in my stomach,
Tightness that I feel in my body or any other sensation are completely and totally safe.
We are designed to feel them all and there's no need to change,
Avoid or fix the experience.
Before any labels or meaning the mind gives,
What we feel is energy that just wants to move through.
No feeling or sensation is bad,
Wrong or a problem that needs to be solved.
They just want to be felt.
And this is great news because in this lifetime,
We get multiple opportunities to feel.
Just as a real butterfly does not land anywhere permanently and will fly away on its own,
The same is true for thoughts and feelings.
They will move,
Shift and go away all on their own.
This or any other mind habit isn't personal at all.
As my mentor says,
It's just what minds do.
I'm very,
Very grateful for these lessons and I hope you found them valuable as well.
