Calming Triggers With Internal Family Systems (IFS)

When we are triggered, it can incredibly difficult to avoid acting out in some way (raging, eating, drinking, spending, shutting down, looking at porn, dissociating, cutting). That's because a trigger is a part of us that is in pain, and it takes us over because it needs our help. Parts of us that act out are trying to help the pain go away, but always make it worse. In this calming meditation, we will respond to triggers in a much more compassionate and effective way that helps them heal.

Transcript

Hello my friend and welcome to Move Toward with Jenna where we learn to move toward all parts of ourselves with curiosity and compassion.

In today's meditation we will move toward and get to know the parts of us involved when we are feeling triggered to act out.

It's important to know that there are typically at least two parts of you involved in an acting out trigger.

There's a vulnerable part that's carrying pain,

Such as shame,

Rejection,

Loneliness or powerlessness.

And then there's the part of you that's trying to help you avoid feeling that pain by acting out in some way,

Such as raging,

Spending,

Eating,

Drinking or acting out sexually.

Today we'll get to know both of them.

But right now if you're feeling the urge to act out,

You're probably most connected to the part that is trying to help you avoid feeling pain by acting out.

So let's get to know that part first with our three steps of notice,

Know and need.

So just begin to draw your awareness to that urge to act out and notice where it's showing up in or around your body.

How are you aware that it's present?

It might be a physical sensation or an urge,

Some thoughts.

Notice however you're experiencing it and see if you can do something very counterintuitive,

Which is to welcome this part of you.

We're not saying the behavior that it wants to engage in is okay.

But we are saying that we understand it's well-intentioned and trying to help you avoid pain even if it's gotten stuck in an unhelpful way of doing that.

So just continue to notice how this part of you is showing up when it takes over and stay with it until you begin to experience some open-heartedness toward this part of you.

Perhaps feeling some curiosity towards it,

Curious about why it continues to do this in your life or maybe even some compassion for this difficult job that it's gotten stuck in doing over and over again.

Once you've found that open-heartedness and may be able to even extend that curiosity to the acting out part,

Now you're ready for step two,

Which is know.

Ask the acting out part what it wants you to know about how it's trying to help you.

You can ask it how it feels about having to do this job in your inner world.

It may want to give you a sense of where it first learned how to try to help you in this way,

And you may get some early life memories coming to mind.

Let this part show you or give you a sense of how it feels about having this job and anything else it wants you to know about itself.

Once you've gotten to know a bit about this part,

You're ready to move to step three,

Which is need.

Ask this part what it needs from you right now to feel a little less activated and a little bit more comforted.

And in that response,

You may notice that it's concerned about the vulnerable part of you.

In fact,

It's probably gotten triggered specifically because it's trying to protect that vulnerable part of you.

So now,

Turn your attention to the vulnerable part of you.

This part was probably triggered right before the acting out part jumped in.

So you may notice a part of you that carries shame,

A sense of worthlessness,

Powerlessness,

Rejection,

Not being good enough.

And just invite the vulnerable part to come forward in your mind's eye,

Really connecting with it.

And we'll use these same three steps of notice,

Know,

And need to get to know this vulnerable one.

Just notice where the vulnerable one shows up in your body.

How are you aware when that painful emotion or way of thinking appears?

And again,

Once you've gotten a sense of that,

Let's do something very counterintuitive,

Which is to welcome that vulnerable part of you,

Knowing it's a part that's in a lot of pain that needs our love and compassion.

Welcome it and stay with the noticing of it until you can feel openhearted toward it,

Perhaps sending some loving kindness to this vulnerable,

Tender,

Hurting part of you.

And once you are feeling a bit openhearted toward this tender part,

You can move to step two,

Which is know.

Ask this vulnerable,

Tender part what it wants you to know about why it got activated.

Now,

It's not uncommon when our vulnerable parts first get to be with us because they're in so much pain that they take us over altogether.

They flood us at a hundred percent and when they do that,

They lose access to us.

So if you're noticing the intensity of this vulnerable feeling is too strong,

Ask the part to bring the intensity down just a little.

We don't want it to go all the way away,

But just enough that you can get what it's feeling,

But not be overwhelmed by it so that it doesn't have to be alone with its pain anymore,

But you can stay here and be with it.

When you've got that sense of balance that this part can communicate how it's feeling to you,

But not take you over all the way,

Then let it tell you anything it wants you to know about how much pain it's been in.

It might want to let you know when it first in your life started to feel this painful emotion and just notice if any early memories come up.

When you feel like you're really beginning to understand what it's been like for this part,

That's been carrying this painful emotion,

You can ask it step three,

What do you need from me right now to feel just a little more comforted,

A little less triggered and anxious?

And with these vulnerable parts of our inner worlds,

We often hear and know that what they need from us in our adult self is what they didn't get from a trusted adult early in life.

So you may notice this part needs you to come to it and hold it while it cries or to take it out of a painful memory and bring it somewhere that feels much more comfortable and safe.

Whatever sense you get,

See if you can meet this need for this hurting part of you and notice how it feels when you do.

And you may want to invite the part that was trying to help you by acting out to come and observe how the vulnerable part is doing now,

Now that you've had a chance to be with it and to help it a bit.

Let the acting out part see that it's actually much more effective to help this vulnerable part with you than with its acting out habits.

And let it know that if it trusts you to do this,

It can have the option to not have to act out in the future and allow you to help the vulnerable part instead.

But whatever you're aware of,

If it feels right,

Just thank these parts for showing up for you and communicating with you today,

Letting them know that they are not alone,

That you are here now with them and you are here to take care of them and sending them some love or some gratitude and then gently allowing this visualization to dissolve back into your mind's eye and bringing your attention back out into the room around you.

I always encourage people after a meditation with our parts to journal or jot down any notes about what you learned or anything that these parts may have shown you about themselves.

Particularly if they needed something from you,

Be sure to make a note of that so that you can follow through.

Thank you for joining me today,

My friend,

The divine image in me sees and honors the divine image in you.

Namaste.

Reviews

Life changing. This opened more pathways to understanding and healing. I was shaking and overwhelmed when meeting the vulnerable part but the prompts in the meditation guided me to find more of a balance so I could (as my present adult self) parent my vulnerable and younger part. Journaled afterwards. This sequence was guiding and anticipating my needs. Helped me break one instance of an unhelpful cycle in which I impulsively act out to unproductively protect my vulnerable part from pain. Will definitely be returning to practice again.

Omg what a perfect meditation ❤️ this will definitely help me through some tough moments and help me get closer to the hurt parts in me. Thank you so much, bless your heart darling ❤️

Your work is helping so many including myself. Happy to stumble upon your work.

lovely and gentle

Perfect guided meditation to process my triggger and meet the parts involved. Will return to this one 🙏

This meditation is unique and very healing. I find the music to be comforting as well.

I have a hard time connecting with myself but I’m learning to find those parts. It was interesting and looking forward doing more of this type of work

Thanks for the lovely meditation I will return to it

Great parts work

⭐️❤️👍🏼🌟

Good exercise to consciously move toward accessing and healing vulnerabilities.

A beautiful journey inwards!

Thank you so much🙏

I learned a lot today. Some of it I don’t quite understand yet but will listen to this Meditation again many times. Thank you so much for helping me begin to truly connect with my triggers.

Excellent

Exactly what I needed to stay sober and overcome my anxiety in the moment. Thank you.

Very enlightening

Really good, and beautiful! Thank you! 💜🙏💫

Very helpful. I will also look forward to a longer version with more time to work with my parts.

Such a helpful meditation…exactly what I needed today. Will certainly come back to this one.