Seeking Out Rejection As A Hypersensitive Person

I am a hypersensitive content creator, comedian, and screenwriter. Years ago, I was way too afraid to follow my dreams. Even the tiniest rejection was enough for me to spiral into hiding for days. In 2022, I started on a rejection journey where I actively sought out rejections. The hope was that, through regular exposure to rejection, I could build up my strength and resilience and do the big scary things, even though I'm a hypersensitive person.

The results have been nothing short of life-changing.

Music by Chris Collins

Transcript

There seems to be this widely accepted belief that hypersensitive people can't do hard things.

That we can't put ourselves out there because the inevitable rejection would be debilitating.

We watch from the safety of this cage,

Built from limiting beliefs,

As other people pursue their dreams and live their lives out loud,

And we think,

Oh gosh,

I could never do that.

I am way too sensitive.

I was an I-could-never-do-that kind of person,

But there was a caveat.

I could never do that,

But oh god,

I really want to.

I wanted to write,

To sing,

To be on stage,

To dance.

I wanted to share my soul and message and messy insides with the world and appease that little voice that kept whispering,

Please,

Please step outside of the cage,

Please try.

But I was so scared.

Not just scary thoughts scared.

Dysregulated nervous system fight-or-flight alarms going off in my body kind of scared.

Essentially my hearing anything less than,

Oh my gosh,

You are the best,

Felt like a gut punch.

And I reacted as such.

I would shut down.

I would cry.

I would spiral into a dark pit of despair,

Which frankly is not a fun type of person to be around.

No amount of external validation would have ever been enough.

So instead of trying,

I complained,

I sulked,

I hid.

I remember one night I was having an existential crisis face-first on the living room floor.

You know,

A normal Tuesday.

I was complaining to my partner for the umpteenth time that I wanted to write a movie.

But to be honest,

I wanted to have written a movie.

I didn't want to do the work.

He finally looked at me and said,

Either write the darn movie or stop talking about it.

You have been saying the same thing,

Having the same meltdown for three years.

So stop complaining and do it.

As a hypersensitive person,

I was rarely called out on my behavior.

People were afraid of my reaction,

That I would spiral into depression,

And I hate to say it,

But they weren't wrong.

I had unknowingly become one of those eggshell people.

The do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do people.

The oh-I-would-if-I-could-but-I-can't-so-I-won't people.

I had built a cage around myself.

A cage of,

I am too sensitive for the big spiky world out there.

And then my partner gave me the business,

Do something about your dream or let it go.

So we implemented what we called the checkmark system,

Where every day,

No matter what,

I would do something toward my movie script.

It could be one sentence or even one comma.

But no matter what,

Every day,

I needed to be butt in chair,

Open the document,

Press a key on the keyboard,

And take any tiny baby action step toward my dream.

Of course,

This was easier at first,

Right?

Because of the novelty of it,

The honeymoon phase of a new task or habit combined with desperately wanting to prove my partner wrong,

Made me amped to show up every day for a bit.

But once that wore off and things like resistance and avoidance started to creep back up,

Excuses,

Oh,

But I'm tired,

Oh,

But I don't have anything to write,

Oh,

But,

But,

But,

Jen,

Just write one word,

One word.

Something started to happen.

If I listened to the resistance or avoidance or the excuses,

I would lie in bed at night upset,

Sulky,

Annoyed.

My partner would ask,

Did you do your checkmark?

No.

Well.

.

.

So I would peel myself out of the cozy cloud bed,

Harumph to the office,

Open the gosh darn document,

And make one bit of progress.

And 100% of the time,

I felt peace afterward.

Oftentimes I would begrudgingly sit down with no idea what to write,

And inspiration would burst in like the Kool-Aid man and hang with me for hours.

We would write and write and write,

And it would flow through me effortlessly.

But other days I would show up,

Minorly panic,

Write one sentence,

Close out of the document,

And go the heck to bed.

But over the course of a year of these checkmarks,

I wrote my first feature-length screenplay.

A year may seem like a long time,

But guess what?

It's going to happen anyway.

Might as well take baby checkmark steps toward that dream or goal.

I realize now that the checkmark system was a way for me to build accountability within myself.

After a lifetime of empty promises to myself,

Holding myself back because of being so afraid of failure,

Or even of success,

Or afraid of just simply leaving the house and making eye contact with another human,

I needed to start consistently showing up for myself.

I needed to rebuild that trust,

Or possibly build it for the very first time.

That screenplay,

That movie script,

Went on to win awards from screenwriting contests.

Not the Oscars,

Yet.

I started documenting this journey through avoidance,

Through resistance,

Toward rejection,

As videos on social media.

Even though,

Again,

My brain said,

Oh no no no,

You are way too sensitive for social media.

You cannot handle internet trolls,

You're going to break.

I set up a checkmark system with videos,

Too,

Where every day for a year I posted at least one video no matter how silly it was.

I shared how I was a hypersensitive person doing everything in my power to make my dreams a reality.

I shared vulnerably,

Honestly,

Awkwardly,

And comedically.

The full gamut.

One guy promptly commented,

A hypersensitive person could not be a content creator,

There's no way.

Says who?

Says who?

Have I dealt with rejection?

Oh yeah.

Did it suck?

Yep.

But by continuing to show up,

You know,

After a good cry or a long nap or watching baking shows,

It started to suck less and less.

See my response to the first rejection and first internet troll was,

Well,

Everything is the worst,

And I quit.

I am thankful for the 48 hour rule I've implemented for myself,

Where I'm not allowed to make those drastic decisions for 48 hours.

By the end of the 48 hour period,

My nervous system will have settled,

And my tender heart will have started to blossom open again.

That little voice saying,

Please,

Please try,

Would speak up again,

Louder and louder each time.

So I didn't quit.

I breathed,

I napped,

I cried,

I sulked,

I complained,

And I kept checkmarking.

I kept showing up.

By the 5th,

6th,

7th rejections,

My nerves settled faster.

My mindfulness tools worked more easily.

By the 30th rejection,

I felt barely impacted.

Seriously,

Me,

The person who used to cry if someone looked at me wrong.

This exposure therapy of sorts,

Me continuing to show up and do the thing I was so scared to do,

Helped me begin to feel safe within myself.

I now have hard evidence to totally disprove the story of,

I'm way too sensitive to do that,

Or my favorite flavor of bologna,

Hypersensitive people could never do that.

It turns out I can do it,

I can do the scary thing.

I can handle the rejection or the online bully,

Because the rejection was never the issue.

The online bully was never the issue.

These exist with or without me.

The issue was,

I didn't like the way it felt when I encountered either,

So I made my world smaller and smaller in an attempt to never experience them.

The hiding helped,

Until it didn't.

The smaller I made my world,

The more things triggered and activated me,

The more constricted and claustrophobic I felt,

The more resentful I was toward others.

And this is not some platitude of,

Oh follow your dreams,

And doors will open where there were once walls,

Leap and the net shall appear,

No this is me simply saying hypersensitivity does not have to be a prison sentence.

All the things I was afraid an internet troll would say,

They have said,

And I survived it.

All the rejections I was so afraid of,

They happened,

I survived.

The stumbling through a sales pitch of my script,

The feeling out of my element or silly or ridiculous or unprepared,

It all happened.

I survived it all.

I have survived every single thing I was afraid of,

And each time it got a little bit less miserable.

My world started to get bigger and bigger.

People started feeling safer talking to me and being honest with me because I was learning how to live life on life's terms.

How to breathe through the ups and the downs rather than hide from both.

So my learning to deal with rejection ultimately has been one of the most helpful things ever for my relationships and people feeling comfortable talking to me.

I just finished my third screenplay,

I've given improv and stand-up comedy a try.

I even went to a hip-hop dance class.

Everything I always wanted to do but felt I couldn't handle,

I'm doing it.

Now don't get me wrong,

I still have face-first meltdowns on the living room floor while my boyfriend plays Call of Duty.

I still hide.

Just today I cried in my car after trying the hip-hop dance class because I felt so overwhelmed.

But I don't quit.

And now I'm in this cool transition period where I'm moving from surviving to,

I think,

Thriving.

We are hypersensitive people,

And we can do anything we dream of.

We might just need a good long nap and cry afterward.

So what is your inner whisper?

What is your dream?

And what is your checkmark?

Reviews

Thank you. I needed this today. I’m going to listen to this as often as I remember. This is going on my playlist.

So supportive and transformative. You inspire me! The world feels so prickly.

Powerful & engaging.

Right on. Act on those inner whispers! Tiny steps…nice to hear someone else speak to these fears so well.

Jen’s insight and humor are a gift to all of us who feel the world is just too loud and scary. This meditation is so wonderfully crafted. It perfectly blends the essence of a consistent dedication to tiny tasks and the rewards that follow, with the reality that life will still suck sometimes anyway, but just a little less. ;)

Great story offering the motivation I needed. Thank you!

Dazzling talent!

Thank you for sharing this! It was inspiring to hear your story.

I have been experiencing something similar recently. I was laid off nearly six months ago and in all that time I have had a single interview. Every other application has been rejected. At first I felt so depressed about it and would cry after reading a rejection email, but now it bothers me less. Now I apply to any job and just think "the worst they can do is say no."

I think it has been good for me to be rejected so often so I can see that it is ok. I didn't die.

So inspiring for HSPs, everything feels so difficult right now, you’re right about the baby steps and daily check mark. Thank you 🙏🏻 ✨

Brilliant thanks Jen

Funny how this was just what I needed. Almost didn’t choose this one because “oh I’m not really a hypersensitive person and it won’t apply to me”. Uh I’m totally a hyper person and it definitely applied. This called out my avoidance tendencies and has given me a simple (yet no less difficult) goal to focus on through repetition. Many thanks!

I absolutely loved this lesson! I feel inspired in a way I haven’t felt in a very long time to take these long awaited tiny steps towards my goal and put a daily check mark. Thank you for sharing!

Very inspiring!

This was perfect! Exactly what I needed today, as I am stumbling along the same journey. Thank you!

Marvelous motivation to step out of my comfort zone. And with a solid strategy. Thank you Jen 🙏

What a wonderful talk about doing hard things and believing in yourself. Thank you for sharing!