Welcome to this guided reflection,
Loving Yourself Into Healthy Habits.
We'll be exploring an aspect of mindset,
Or more specifically,
How important our inner self talk is to developing and maintaining healthy habits.
Exploring how the inner critic may be negatively impacting desired change.
There's a saying,
Be careful what you say to yourself because you're listening.
The good news is we can transform this inner critic into a kinder,
More supportive,
And compassionate voice,
And discover that we grow from a place of love and support,
From being an inner ally and a good friend.
Building ourselves up,
Not beating ourselves up,
Is an essential aspect of positive change.
In this guided reflection,
There'll be an opportunity to get to know your inner voice a little better,
And to learn how to move from a place of self-criticism and fear-based motivation to a place of love,
Support,
And kindness.
As Maya Angelou once said,
I learned long ago that the wisest thing I can do is to be on my own side.
This is especially true when motivating ourselves to make behavior changes.
So let's begin this exploration together.
It will be part paper and pen exercise,
And so you'll have moments to reflect and moments to write.
So go ahead and pause the recording if you need to get a paper and pen.
And so now let's begin by finding a posture that feels supportive,
Relaxed,
Yet awake,
Closing the eyes if that feels right,
And just allowing the hands to rest comfortably in your lap or on your knees.
And let's just take a moment or two to connect with that very simple knowing that you're breathing in,
And knowing that you're breathing out wherever the breath is most clearly felt for you.
Just feeling these wave-like movements of breath for one or two more rounds of breathing.
And so now I'm gonna be inviting you to think about a behavior that you'd like to change,
Something that you often beat yourself up about,
Criticize yourself for,
Or judge yourself.
And choosing a behavior now that's causing you problems in your life,
But selecting something in the mild to moderate range in terms of the difficulty that it's causing you.
And so here are some examples of behaviors that you might be criticizing yourself for and that are causing you problems in your life.
And so maybe it's I don't exercise enough,
Or I don't meditate enough.
Maybe I engage in too much stress eating,
Or eat too much sugar.
Maybe I spend too much time on social media,
Or I procrastinate too much.
I'm too impatient or too accommodating.
So just choosing one for the purposes of this exercise.
And if you wish,
Writing down the behavior that you'd like to change,
And also the problems that it's causing you.
And now please reflect on how you typically speak to yourself when you find yourself engaged in this behavior.
How does your inner voice or this inner critic express itself?
Maybe there are unkind words that are used,
Or maybe there are no words,
But it's more in the tone of voice.
Maybe it's a harsh tone.
Sometimes it's all in the tone.
And when there are no words,
Sometimes it can be sensed as a coldness,
Or disappointment,
Or even despair when you find yourself behaving in this way.
So if this is more true for you,
You might even sense that there's a physical posture or image that comes to mind,
Or maybe a felt sense in the body.
How does this critical attitude express itself for you?
And now switching perspectives and taking a moment to get in touch with the part of yourself that feels criticized.
And so taking a moment to notice how it feels to receive these messages.
What has been the impact on you?
And if it's been difficult,
You might even take a moment to give yourself compassion for how hard it's been to be the recipient of harsh criticism.
If it feels right,
Taking a sympathetic moment for yourself,
Perhaps by validating the pain.
Wow,
This has been hard,
Or ouch,
This hurts.
And now turning toward your inner critic with interest and curiosity,
Reflecting for a moment on why the criticism has gone on for some of you,
Perhaps for a very long time.
Is the inner critic trying to protect you in some way,
Keep you safe,
Or to help you even if the result has been unproductive?
And so if this is true for you,
Just taking a moment to write down what motivates the inner critic.
And if you can't find a way that your inner critic is trying to help you,
Sometimes self-criticism has no redeeming value whatsoever.
But if you did identify some way your inner critic might be trying to keep you safe,
See if you can acknowledge its efforts,
Perhaps even writing down a few words of thanks,
Letting your inner critic know that even though it may not be serving you very well now,
Its intention was good,
It was doing its best.
And now that your self-critical voice has been heard,
We're gonna switch gears now and connect with our compassionate voice.
So let's make some space now for another voice,
This inner compassionate voice or inner ally.
And this aspect of yourself loves you and accepts you unconditionally.
It's also wise and clear-sighted and recognizes how the behavior you criticize yourself for is creating problems in your life,
Maybe causing you harm.
And so it wants you to change too,
But for very different reasons.
And so closing your eyes if that feels right and placing a hand over your heart or another soothing place.
Again,
If that feels right,
And just taking a moment to feel the warmth and gentle pressure of your hand and allowing the compassionate side of you to emerge.
Maybe it emerges as an image or a posture or simply a warm feeling.
And reflecting again on the behavior that you're struggling with.
And your inner compassionate self would like you to make a change too,
But not because you're unacceptable as you are right now,
But because it wants the best for you.
It wants you to be your best self.
To be your best self.
And so just taking a moment now to find phrases that capture the essence of this compassionate voice.
And here are some examples that may resonate.
I care about you,
And that's why I want you to make a change.
I'm here to support you.
I want what's best for you.
I'm here for you no matter what.
I'm here for you no matter what.
Every step of the way,
I'm not gonna let you down.
And if you prefer,
You can also bring to mind the image of a person who cares deeply about you.
It could also be a spiritual figure who means a lot to you,
Or even an ideal image that represents compassion to you.
And then just imagining what this person might say to you right now.
And if you'd like,
Just taking a moment now to open your eyes if they were closed,
And to begin to write a little letter to yourself in a compassionate voice,
Freely and spontaneously,
Addressing the behavior you'd like to change.
And just see what emerges from the deep wish or feeling that I care about you,
And I don't want you to suffer.
What words do you need to hear to make a change?
And if you're struggling to find words,
Sometimes it can be easier to write down the words that would flow from your own loving heart when speaking to a dear friend who's struggling with the same issue as you.
What would you say to a dear friend?
And see if it's possible to offer yourself the same message.
And if you manage to write a few compassionate words to yourself,
Feel free to read them now and savor the feelings that those words generate.
And if you had difficulty finding compassionate words,
That's okay too.
It can take time.
The important thing is that we set our intention to do our best to be kinder to ourselves,
And eventually new habits will form.
And so now just gently letting go of the reflection and just allowing whatever your experience is to be just as it is.
