Metta Mondays - May 9, 2022

The simple translation of the Pali word “Metta” into English is typically defined as: “Loving Kindness” - it also captures aspects of benevolence, compassion, friendliness, amity, and goodwill. Metta meditation uses words, images, and feelings to evoke feelings of compassion and friendliness. It is a method of developing unconditional love and acceptance toward oneself and others.

Transcript

Live from New York,

This is Saturday night!

No wait,

Sorry,

It's Monday.

Hello there.

Thank you for joining us tonight.

I am Jeffrey.

This is Meta Mondays,

And welcome to Being Human.

Before we start with our grounding practice,

Please allow me to remind you that as humans,

We have powerful thought generating machines.

So as we do our grounding practice,

Remember your mind will wander,

Throw out ideas.

It's not our job to prevent these thoughts,

But to simply allow them to appear,

And then dissipate through the simple act of acknowledging them,

Without self-judgment or effort.

This is one of the authors that we spend a lot of time reading about,

And has some funny stories as well.

Interesting quote,

Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky.

Conscious breathing is my anchor.

We've used that in the past,

Probably use it again,

Probably even later this evening.

But as promised,

We're going to continue to try new things.

The anchor is essentially something to give our mind to pay attention to,

To play with,

Or to contemplate.

The practice of meditation itself comes when we're able to notice that you have been distracted by a thought,

And then are able to return to your anchor.

As I mentioned,

We'll use breath as our anchor during our meta practice,

But for today,

I'd like to suggest,

As with the theme of today,

Trying something completely different.

It might be not that different,

But.

.

.

In order to do so,

I thought it might make sense to revisit the idea of what a grounding practice is,

And what purpose does it serve.

I like to think about it,

Or describe the grounding practice as to allow not only your physical being to be present,

But also to welcome and help settle our thought generating machines into the space,

Both physically and virtually.

This allows both body and mind to be present,

To be here.

So,

For today's grounding practice,

If it's practical and workable for you,

Given whatever situation you have to be in,

I'd like to suggest standing.

And believe it or not,

We have the ability to practice meditation through walking.

Often,

We will practice meditation if it's comfortable for you with our eyes closed.

In this instance,

If you're comfortable,

And able,

And happy to stand,

My suggestion would be to perhaps leave your eyes open.

So,

Find a space that will allow you to take several steps in any one direction.

If we were all together,

We could form a circle,

Hold hands,

And sing a song.

Well,

Maybe not the song part,

But I've often found it very interesting to be able to actually walk in a circle.

And the purpose of the goal we're trying to accomplish here is,

Instead of focusing on a breath,

We're going to,

As best you can,

Focus your attention solely,

No pun intended,

On the sensations and feelings in your feet.

If standing and walking isn't going to work for you for whatever reason,

That's perfectly fine.

If you're able to press your toes or your heels into something,

You can imitate a walking movement that way.

Or also,

If that's not comfortable or workable for you,

Again,

Another option would be,

Say,

Using your hands,

And maybe pushing them into the top of your thighs.

So,

As it suits you,

In a gentle,

Calm fashion,

You can start by taking a couple of steps.

As you're taking your steps,

In addition to trying not to fall over or trip,

You can also think about each time your step goes down,

Where do you feel the flow?

Perhaps it starts at your heel.

Perhaps you notice it at all of your feet.

There's no wrong.

Simply paying attention to the feelings that you notice.

I was in steel toe work boots today,

And one of my toes is a bit sore.

That's fine.

It's unfortunate.

As I step up that foot,

It's the feeling that I have to notice.

Maybe you notice,

Instead of stepping on the floor,

As you place your foot down,

Maybe you get a sensation of the floor actually coming up to meet your foot,

To provide you with a sense of support,

And perhaps comfort.

So,

If this was Walking Wednesdays,

We'd continue to do this for a while.

But since it's Medo Mondays,

It's comfortable for you to move.

So,

Thank your body for allowing it to move in whichever way that it worked best for you to do.

Then well done.

Welcome.

And now having done our grounding practice,

Welcome to all of you,

All parts of you,

Including your thought generating machine.

Talk a little bit about our choices,

Acceptance,

And compassion today,

Before we start our loving kindness meditation.

Since I was doing some somewhat vigorous yard work,

Landscaping work today,

I had an amazing thought pop into my head that I'm sure wasn't the first one to come up with it.

But it's one that I wanted to share with all of you this evening.

Take a minute to think about it.

Every single choice that you have ever made in your entire life as a human on this planet has resulted in you being here now.

Any choice that was made differently has resulted in something completely different.

There's an infinite number of possible choices you could have made over your life.

Choices that you made 10 or 15 minutes ago,

Five days ago,

Five months ago,

Five years ago.

Lucky for me,

I'm not quite ready to go the five after that.

Charles Darwin willing?

Soon enough.

So realizing how every single choice you've made in your life has brought you to this moment right here will help allow to accept all of the things that have happened,

Whether they were our choices or our choices were simply a response to the actions or inactions of others in the universe.

Some of the things that have happened may have been pleasant.

Some may have been unpleasant.

Believe it or not,

Most of them were neutral.

Our brains have been wired for our evolutionary survival as a species to have a bias towards the negative.

Be it forward looking or backward looking.

To accept the choices that brought you here to this moment,

This day is to be free from any judgments about any of your past choices.

It's not necessarily good or bad.

We may have an internal moral compass that points to certain universal truths.

Such as be physically and verbally kind to others,

Respect the property of others.

I'm sure there's others that you can think of as well.

There may be instances in which we have made a choice that either at the time or at some point after recognize that it did not necessarily align with our internal moral compass.

We often judge ourselves and personalize that decision as bad and by doing so,

Owning,

Identifying,

And personalizing ourselves as bad.

But really,

It was simply a choice.

Alternatively,

We could accept what happened.

The choice you made and depersonalize the choice from yourself.

In hindsight,

The choice may not have been aligned with your internal moral compass,

But you as a human being are not bad.

With the benefit of hindsight,

It's easy to spot a decision we made and wish we had made an alternative decision.

The number of times I selected lotto tickets didn't quite work out.

In hindsight,

I would have picked differently.

Unfortunately,

I don't have a DeLorean parked out in front of my house.

But what about our mind's negative bias?

How many decisions have we made that were either neutral or positive?

In mentioning discussing the poor choice,

Previously,

If you're like me,

That idea generated a whole cascade by mind of a long list of poor choices that I have made.

But what about any neutral or positive choices you've made?

Why does our mind not flood us with examples of these?

In my opinion,

It's because we're human.

So author Stephen Levine says,

Healing comes when we meet our wounded places with compassion.

Pretty interesting fellow.

So we spoke about the choices that we make.

What about the choices that are made by others?

Many of our own choices are made as a result of something happening to us.

Because the actions of another human.

Are the choices made by the other.

Good or bad?

From a moral compass perspective,

They could be.

But unless you're not able to perfectly read the other person's mind,

But also be aware of every single influence on them from their birth to that moment.

It would be nearly impossible to reach an actual conclusion.

As this is not likely.

We can instead accept the actions of others as either desirable,

Neutral or undesirable and avoid labeling the person as good or bad.

This makes it easier to accept what it is that they've done.

By accepting their actions,

It does not necessarily mean we agree with the action or condone it.

But it gives us space.

Powerful quote every time I read it.

Between stimulus and response,

There is space.

In that space.

Is our power to choose our response.

In our response lies our growth and our freedom.

I freely admit that although I've accepted the actions of others,

Despite my disagreement with those actions,

In some instances,

It's taken me many months or even years to allow myself to feel any degree of compassion for that person.

I'm human.

And I've not always taken advantage of this space between stimulus and response,

As our friend Victor suggested.

Does this make me a bad person?

I often feel like it.

But I do work hard to depersonalize my own choices,

Accept the consequences of my actions.

Apologize if necessary.

And then attempt to allow space in my heart for compassion for myself.

So how does all of this relate to our meta practice?

The way I like to think about it is the reputation of the phrases and the firing of the neurons in our brain as we think and feel the phrases creates the potential for us to alter some of our many automated responses.

Especially when we become mentally hijacked by our amygdala.

On a side note,

I received a question last week after our session.

And as I've always believed,

There are no such thing as bad questions,

Just stupid answers.

In this case,

I'll not give you a stupid or silly answer as much as I'd like to.

The question was,

Who do I picture for the first couple of sets of loving kindness phrases?

I'll tell you the first one.

We have a hamster named Peaches.

Or Peachy.

She,

Although I'm not 100% sure,

So maybe she's non-binary and hopefully will be okay with the term she,

Is the cutest little ball fluff you ever did see and simply does what hamsters do.

They're nocturnal and they need to run.

Thankfully,

The hamster does not live in our bedroom.

I do not believe that Peachy has the mental capacity to do anything wrong or bad on purpose.

She simply does what hamsters do.

And while doing so,

She looks so darn cute.

The only thing that happens inside me is simple,

Uncomplicated,

Love.

Now,

I'm only choosing to answer one of the creatures or people that I think of today.

But maybe in the future,

I will share more.

There's my marketing hook for the week to keep you coming back.

As we always do,

Let's take a moment to remind ourselves that when practicing loving kindness meditation,

We do not do it to accomplish a goal or prove a point.

Metta has no conditions.

It does not depend on whether one deserves it or not.

It's not restricted to friends and family.

It extends out from personal categories to include all living beings.

There are no expectations of anything in return.

It is merely a process to experience.

Enjoy.

So if you're ready,

Let's begin practice loving kindness.

Take a moment to ensure you're in a position that's comfortable for you.

Tried our walking meditation earlier.

For this instance,

I may suggest something a bit more stationary.

Wish to be seated.

Wish to lay down.

Wish to be seated with your legs up.

Whatever works for you.

Let your body rest.

Your heart is soft.

You may choose to close your eyes,

Or if you wish,

You may leave them open,

But allow your gaze to soften.

If you have it to be human,

Like me,

And at any time,

Find that your mind has wandered,

Be kind to yourself,

And gently bring your focus back to my homes.

This instance,

We'll choose to use our breath as our anchor.

Of course,

If you have something that works better for you,

Again,

There is no room.

If you are going to use your breath as an anchor,

Perhaps start by taking a few slower,

Deeper breaths.

See if you notice where it is in your body.

You experience those breaths.

You know,

Birth places.

Your belly rising and falling.

Your chest expanding and contracting.

Could simply be the flow of air through your nostrils.

Perhaps you notice that air is cool.

Maybe it's warm.

Allow your breathing to return to a comfortable and realized pace.

No need to attempt to control it anymore.

Just allow it.

Regardless of how you have yourself situated.

Maybe you could start by thinking of your feet.

We used them earlier.

Let's return to them again.

If you're seated,

Have your feet on the floor.

Again,

Perhaps seeing if you're able to notice the floor coming up to me and support your feet.

See if you can get a sense of falling and relaxed.

Start with big toes,

Balls of your feet,

Heels,

Ankles.

Allow that calm,

Relaxed feeling to continue up your legs.

Full muscle inside your shin bone,

Calf muscle in back.

Intricate your knees.

Larger muscles in your upper legs,

Quads in the front and back.

If you're seated,

We thank your close friends.

Allow the sense of relaxation and calmness to continue upwards.

Allow the belly that you noticed rising and falling earlier,

Sense the relaxation of calmness into your chest.

Slowly working its way up to various broad muscles.

Let's return to the top of your back.

Maybe that's where you subconsciously carry some tension.

Right now and again,

I catch myself with my shoulders up to my ear.

Signal to myself through the breath that allows some relaxation.

Shoulders settle to be perfectly relaxed.

Still have some faith.

Let's have calmness and relaxation.

Flood down your elbows,

Wrists,

Your thumb,

Neck,

Ring,

Middle,

Middle ring.

Let's have a sense of relaxation.

Slowly.

Powerful jaw muscles.

Let's have a sense of relaxation.

This is in the back of your neck.

Do so much allowing your head above.

So many instances not even realize they've been engaged.

Allow us to watch.

Turn and see.

Dad,

Look out.

Catch this.

The muscles in the front of our face,

Our eyes.

Allow us to blink.

It's clear.

The muscles over the tops of our eyes.

Do so much.

So small.

All around.

Start by directing with a kindness.

Those who already love be ease.

True.

I imagine.

If someone or something is easy to love.

Someone where love comes easily,

Some will be.

Cues to all,

Cue.

Start where it's easy to first open your heart.

Child or grandchild.

A friend.

Picture this being.

Breathe and recite inwardly the following traditional phrases as we've adapted.

Direct it towards their being.

May you be filled with acceptance.

You be well embodied by.

A you be free from expectation.

You be a.

You be safe from inner danger.

A you be filled with love and kind.

Repeat these phrases to yourself.

The feelings you have.

Me and your body.

See if you're able to notice where.

You sense those feelings.

Just the words and images best to open your heart.

A you be filled with acceptance.

A you be well embodied by.

A you be free from expectation.

A you be at ease.

A you be safe from inner outer danger.

You be filled.

Any feelings.

As we mentioned,

It's the process.

It's the practice.

The process can sometimes bring up feelings that may seem unpleasant.

You can heal from the hours you wait for the primal experience.

I'll try picturing a second person,

Child,

Pet,

Friend,

Family member,

For whom love comes easily.

Extend the same wishes of love and kindness to them.

You may feel accepted.

May you be well-embodied.

May you be free from expectation.

May you be at ease with your own actions.

May you be safe from inner and outer dangers.

May you be filled with your own emotions.

May you be free from any specific feelings or feelings that are entirely clear.

It doesn't matter.

Simply continue to plant the seeds of loving wishes,

Repeating the phrases gently,

That are what arise.

Call yourself to follow the way that most easily opens your heart.

Now,

If it's comfortable for you,

We can turn loving kindness towards ourselves.

It's often easiest to start by envisioning or imagining two loved ones just been thinking about.

Imagine them gazing back at you with the same well-witching.

Know that they want you to be hell-kind.

Be safe and well.

And if it's a hamster,

Picture them saying this to you.

May you be filled with your own emotions.

May you be free from any specific feelings or feelings that are entirely clear.

May you be well-embodied.

May you be free from any specific feelings or feelings that are entirely clear.

May you be filled with your own emotions.

May you be filled with your own emotions.

May you be filled with your own emotions.

May you be filled with your own emotions.

May you be filled with your own emotions.

May you be filled with your own emotions.

May you be filled with your own emotions.

May you be filled with your own emotions.

May you be filled with your own emotions.

May you be filled with your own emotions.

May you be filled with your own emotions.

May you be filled with your own emotions.

May you be filled with your own emotions.

Stock audiences often produce driver's?

" by yourself gradually reaching out to each beloved person to recite phrases devoting a sense of love and kindness for each person in turn.

After this you can include a wider circle of friends and gradually extend your meditation step by step to the journey of the community,

Whose names people have,

Animals,

All beings.

Ready to bring your focus and attention back to your body.

Yourself.

Notice your hands and your allow for your breath to fall.

Feel free to allow yourself to notice the sounds or smells.

Feel free to open your eyes to the voice.

Still,

Take just a moment to notice how you feel.

Not judging,

Simply knowing how your body feels,

How your mind is feeling.

And if you like,

You go for the rest of the day,

Or the rest of the week.

If you find yourself distracted,

Allow yourself to recall the images of your loved ones.

The loving kindness phrases you've been repeating before returning to a mindless state of being in the present.

And if needed,

And are able to feel free to take a few steps.

See how well you're able to feel and sense.

Thank you.

Welcome to being human.

I'm happily going to,

I can unmute or allow people to unmute.

Being that we do have a few minutes.

And I'm not necessarily in a huge rush to entertain questions.

I'm going to start off with some gentle teasing.

Thoughts or feelings that came about that you'd like to share?

I'm glad you,

As long as you've set your expectation low,

Then we're good.

Thank you.

Give all credit to the hamster.

Thank you.

Fascinating.

I'm going to turn differently and drive home from work today.

As in,

As I used to say,

Often in the past life,

After being on long conference calls.

Go with the silence is golden.

Again,

Thank you all for sharing this space.

With all of us.

Thank you.