Metta Mondays - May 2, 2022

The simple translation of the Pali word “Metta” into English is typically defined as: “Loving Kindness” - it also captures aspects of benevolence, compassion, friendliness, amity, and goodwill. At a high level, Metta meditation uses words, images, and feelings to evoke feelings of compassion and friendliness. It is a method of developing unconditional love and acceptance toward oneself and others.

Transcript

Hello there,

Thank you for joining us tonight.

I'm Jeffrey Hunter.

This is MetaMondays and welcome to Being Human.

Before we start with our grounding practice,

Please allow me to remind you that as human beings we have powerful thought generating machines sitting inside of our skulls and that expecting them to stop throwing out ideas and suggestions would be like trying to stop the rain from falling by standing outside and shaking your fist up at the sky.

The rain may in fact stop,

But as a student of economics in a past life,

I can't help but to repeat the phrase,

Correlation does not equal causality.

So as we do our short grounding practice,

Remember your mind will wander or throw out ideas.

It's not our job to prevent these thoughts,

But to simply allow them to appear and then dissipate without self-judgment or effort,

Simply allowing them to pass with the act of acknowledging them.

Let's take a moment now.

Hopefully you've been able to find yourself into a somewhat comfortable position.

If you're at all like me,

You don't want to be too comfortable because you may end up becoming so relaxed that it turns into sleep,

Which is not necessarily a bad thing,

But if you're trying to meditate,

You might miss out.

So hopefully you've got yourself in a relaxed,

Easygoing position.

Let some folks stand.

I usually prefer to sit.

There's a few who like to lay down or sit with their feet up,

Whatever works and is comfortable for you.

You're always welcome to leave your eyes open.

If you choose to do so,

I would encourage you to attempt to soften your gaze.

Too focused on anyone.

You ready?

Start by taking a few breaths in a most natural manner that works for you.

The idea would not be to manipulate your breath,

Simply observe it the way it is.

We often like to use our breath as an anchor,

As a place that we can return to.

For the most part,

As far as I know,

It's always with us.

As you observe your breath,

Take a moment or two to gently inquire,

See,

Feel where your body is.

Be the rise and fall of your stomach.

This could be the expansion contraction chest.

Then,

Suddenly,

I've been over the past year or so where I've actually started to notice my breath.

I'm going to take a quick little breath,

Going through my nostrils.

Notice the in-breath through my nose.

Notice the in-breath through your mouth.

As we're standing,

Sitting,

Sitting with our feet up or laying,

You notice how you feel the floor,

The chair,

The footstool,

The bed,

Touching parts of your body,

Sensations,

Temperature,

Softness,

Tingly,

Smooth breath.

Maybe even take a moment and see if you can feel whatever it is that's holding you,

Actually coming up,

Bringing its presence to you.

So if you're seated and you have your feet on the floor,

See if you can just feel the floor coming up to meet your feet.

It's a part of comforting you.

Perhaps you notice the softness of a couch or a bed.

Notice that softness coming up to meet all of you,

Providing you with support and some comfort.

If your mind's wandered off,

Your idea-generating machine has tossed some ideas into things you want to remember to do after,

Don't forget to what have you.

Simply thank the idea-generating machine for those kind of reminders.

This little effort is possible.

I'm speaking for myself.

This is extremely relaxing today.

And if you aren't metamundos,

I'd encourage us all to just continue to enjoy this.

Not to fear,

It will return.

So as it suits you,

As you feel comfortable,

Your eyes happen to have closed,

And you're ready,

Perhaps you're really wished to meet.

I'm not going to ask anybody to do any jumping jacks or burpees,

So you don't need to.

Get up and shake it up.

Wiggle your toes or your fingers.

Bringing you back into the present moment to your body as it sits curled.

Either good or bad,

Simply as it is.

So as we typically do,

We have a bit of a discussion.

Sometimes it involves or surrounds the practice of metta,

Or as it loosely translates into English,

In a very simplistic form,

Loving kindness.

To admit I was guided by the universe earlier today,

I had a variety of notes,

Completely different subject,

Ready to go.

Not quite the last moment,

But there is the urge to share another discussion.

As I've come to learn,

It's usually best not to fight the universe and things like that.

Today we'll spend a few minutes talking about expectations and forgiveness.

Don't worry,

We'll get into too much detail,

But let's start with a little bit of neuroscience.

From a neuroscience perspective,

Much of how many of us,

Or most of us,

Live,

Think,

Act,

Day to day,

Hour to hour,

And even minute to minute,

Is usually governed by habitual thought patterns that we are not often even aware of.

And many of those are based in the amygdala,

Sometimes referred to as our reptilian brain.

In that,

That is where roughly reptile brains stop devolving,

And from an emotional perspective,

Can be thought of as the cold-blooded part of our brain,

Responsible for triggering our fight,

Fight,

Flight,

Freeze responses.

When our amygdala hijacks,

Or triggers one of these fight,

Fight,

Or freeze responses,

It essentially hijacks the prefrontal cortex,

Which is the more evolved part of our brains.

It allows us,

Provides us the capability of rational thought,

Reasoning,

Empathy.

Therefore,

When hijacked,

We revert back to our habitual thought and action pattern.

Metta,

Or loving kindness meditation,

Helps us rewire those habitual thought patterns,

And helps to reduce automated,

Emigdallic responses.

I think I've done some searching,

Emigdallic is a word that I think we've decided to coin here on Metta Mondays.

Over time,

Our thinking minds developed a usefulness at some things,

And have actually proven to be less useful at others.

I've got a little list here,

I'm happy to run through.

So the uses,

Or common ways that people might use their thinking mind for on a regular basis,

For better or worse,

Things like judging,

Evaluating,

Analyzing,

Reasoning,

Planning,

Organizing,

Predicting,

Remembering,

Me less so perhaps,

Explaining,

Or reason giving,

Holding remorse or regret,

Worrying,

Blaming,

Criticizing,

Narrating,

Storytelling.

Well,

Some of those things can be very helpful.

Areas where the thinking mind can often be less helpful,

Not quite as useful,

Are things like allowing situations or things to simply be.

Providing insight and intuition.

Taking risks and being vulnerable.

Being present.

Paradox,

Contradiction.

Forgiveness.

Faith and trust.

Care,

Compassion,

Love.

And simply experiencing.

It's helpful to review those.

For me personally,

Now I always find it interesting to go back through the list and note how some of the uses and some of the limits have impacted me throughout the day or perhaps even the week.

But going forward,

I'll talk a little bit about expectations,

I believe is listed on the list.

I've heard an expectation described as one person placing a self-made obligation on another person without the other person's input,

Understanding,

Consent,

Or even knowing the obligations are there.

The intent,

Not usually consciously,

Is to force somebody's right way upon the other person.

This situation then,

The relationship is more with the expectation and not the other person.

This is very dictatorial.

To contrast this,

An agreement takes communication,

Negotiation,

Creation of terms that both parties agree to fulfill.

There's an intent to work together to create desired results.

In this situation,

The relationship is between the two people.

More than two people.

And generally,

It can be thought of as more cooperative.

A somewhat simplistic example of expectations and agreements,

At least for myself anyways,

Is when we're driving.

In many cases,

Most of us,

Including myself,

Expect that as drivers,

We and the other drivers on the road have agreed to a common set of rules.

Therefore,

When we get cut off in traffic,

It can trigger our amygdala to release a fight,

Flight,

Or freeze or spawn.

Now an emotional perspective that might show up is anger or rage,

Which are close relatives.

However,

Giving it a little bit more thought,

If the person who cut you off in traffic was in fact an expert on the rules of the road,

Had a spotless driving record,

And has complete and full intention to follow the rules,

But,

Like all of us here tonight,

Is a human being,

And they simply made a honest mistake,

Then our expectation that other drivers will all always follow the rules of the road is challenged.

Another example could be between children and parents.

A parent may have an expectation of a certain action or behavior by the child.

However,

As an expectation,

The expectation itself is unbeknownst to the child.

They may act in a way that goes against the expectation of the parent.

Those actions may very well trigger another amygdala response,

Creating a potentially significant issue between the parent and the child.

Now being both a child and a big child,

Apparently,

And having a child,

I'm fairly certain I've been on all possible sides of this equation,

And generally speaking,

None of them are the preferred side.

More recently,

I made an expectation that our landlords would be true to their words and not look to move into our residence for many years to come.

Unfortunately,

That expectation was exactly that,

An expectation and not an agreement.

On an ongoing basis,

The only piece of,

I think,

Unsolicited driving advice that I provide to my wonderful,

Beautiful partner is to lower your expectations that other drivers will do what they're supposed to do and accept what happens.

So,

Examples,

How can the practice of Metta or loving kindness help us?

Quick journey back to neuroscience will show us that the practice of Metta,

Because of its focus on using words and images to evoke feeling of compassion and friendliness,

Becomes possible to potentially bypass the amygdala in our habitual response system.

And that then allows us to spend more time in the evolved portions of our brain that allow us to experience empathy without judgment.

In addition,

While we practice our loving kindness meditation,

We could take the opportunity to forgive someone for not meeting our own expectation.

That person could be a stranger,

Friend,

Family member,

Or most importantly,

Ourselves.

A prolific author and one of the more renowned Western meditation teachers by the name of Jack Kornfeld once remarked,

Forgiveness is primarily for our own sake so that we no longer carry the burden of resentment.

As we always do,

Let us take a moment to refocus and remind ourselves that when practicing loving kindness meditation,

We do not do it to accomplish a goal or to prove a point.

Metta has no conditions.

It does not depend on whether one deserves it.

It is not restricted to friends and family.

It extends out from personal categories to include all living beings.

There are no expectations of anything in return.

It's merely a process to experience and enjoy.

Let us begin the practice of loving kindness.

If you need to readjust or reset yourself,

Feel free.

As you're able to,

Feel the position that's just the right amount of comfort.

With as little effort as possible,

Let your body and your heart be soft.

As before,

You may choose to keep your eyes open.

And if so,

All I would encourage you to do is to soften your gaze.

If you wish to close them,

Find that more comfortable,

Then that's what's best for you.

If you happen to be a human,

Like me,

And at any time find that your mind has wandered,

Be kind to yourself and gently bring your focus back to my voice.

If you have a specific anchor that you like to use,

Feel free.

But we're going to choose at this point.

Take a few slow,

Deep breaths.

In this instance to begin with,

You can manipulate those breaths.

Be slow,

Deep,

Steady.

All the while observing,

Feeling where it is that you notice.

As you allow your muscles to relax and let go of any tension that you happen to notice.

Perhaps you'd like to visualize.

Hop with the vertebrae,

Right where it meets the face of your skull.

Slowly follow it down.

Noticing each small muscle,

Each small piece of bone,

All surrounding the core,

Amazing neck,

Nerves,

Arteries.

Sense down through your upper back,

Between your shoulder blades.

Sort of feeling each little bump you go,

All the while noticing a wonderful creation.

For most of us,

It allows us to sit and stand,

Walk,

Move.

Just then continue down the middle of your back and slowly release your hips.

Directly meet up with your hip bone.

If you're able to,

With little to imagine,

Your tailbone,

Scoop at the end,

Tucks in underneath your bottom.

What amazing support,

Little scoop is there.

You can start by directing love and kindness to those you already love with great ease.

See if you're able to picture,

Imagine,

Think of someone who is easy to love.

Someone where love comes easily and is uncomplicated.

Start where it's easiest to first open your heart.

Many of us may choose to begin with a child or perhaps a four-legged friend.

If that's easiest for you,

Go for it.

There is no one.

Well,

Picture this beautiful being you care deeply about.

Allow yourself to breathe gently and inwardly recite the following traditional phrases as adapted.

May you be filled with acceptance.

May you be well in body and mind.

May you be free from expectations and forgiven for those that you love.

May you be at ease and compassionate.

May you be safe from inner and outer dangers.

May you be filled with kindness.

As you repeat these phrases,

Hold this loved one in love or kindness.

Letting the feelings permeate your body,

Mind.

Gentle inquire,

See if you're able to notice where your body is.

Your nervous is feeling.

Understanding there's no right or wrong.

Just simply being aware.

You can adjust the words and images to best open your heart.

May you be filled with acceptance.

May you be well in body and mind.

May you be free from expectations and forgiven for those that you're not.

May you be at ease and compassionate.

May you be safe from inner and outer dangers.

May you be filled with love and kindness.

In no way is it unusual for this to at times feel how slightly mechanical or awkward.

That's perfect.

As they say,

This is the practice.

It's also possible that feelings come up,

Perhaps unexpectedly.

Perhaps ones that for whatever reason may feel unpleasant.

If this happens,

Be patient and kind with yourself.

Just simply observe those thoughts,

Curious awareness,

Without judgment.

And then,

When they're ready,

Allow them to go.

Whatever arises,

Allow it to be held in a spirit of friendliness and kind affection.

After,

Two,

Picture the second person,

Child or pet,

For whom love comes easily.

Today,

You may if you wish,

Picture someone who may have recently more met an expectation.

Not something that's difficult.

Ideally,

Something simple and small doesn't cause significant distress.

Perhaps a dear friend who you know loves and cares for you and is simply human and made a mistake.

Extend the same wishes of love and kindness to them.

May you be filled with acceptance.

May you be well in body and mind.

May you be free from expectations and forgiven for those who are not there.

May you be at ease and compassionate.

May you be safe from inner and outer danger.

May you be filled with love and kindness.

Whether the specific images or feelings are clear or not does not matter.

Simply continue to plant the seeds of loving wishes,

Repeating the phrases gently,

No matter what arises.

And then after a time,

If you're ready,

You can turn love and kindness towards yourself.

It can be easiest to start by envisioning or imagining loved ones who you've just been thinking about.

See if it's possible to imagine them gazing back at you with the same well-wishing.

Know in your heart they want you too to be held in kindness.

Picture them saying this to you.

May you be well in body and mind.

May you be well in body and mind.

May you be free from expectations and forgiven for those who are not there.

May you be at ease and compassionate.

May you be safe from inner and outer dangers.

And may you be filled with love and kindness.

If you feel comfortable,

Allow yourself to receive these wishes.

Take their good wishes into yourself.

As you do so,

You may wish to place a hand on one.

Or wrap both arms around yourself.

Keep yourself with this big hug.

And if you feel comfortable,

May recite to yourself,

May I be filled with acceptance.

May I be well in body and mind.

May I be free from expectations and forgiven for those who are not there.

May I be at ease and compassionate.

May I be safe from inner and outer dangers.

May I be filled with love and kindness.

May I be free from inner and outer dangers.

May I be free from inner dangers.

May I be free from inner dangers.

May I be well in body and mind.

May I be well in body and mind.

May I be well in body and mind.

May I be well in body and mind.

Allow yourself to notice any sounds or sounds.

If your eyes and your palms are open,

Make sure you are comfortable with them.

Before moving around too much,

Take a moment to notice how you feel here in this moment.

Not judging,

But simply knowing how your body feels and how your mind and spirit feel.

As you go about the rest of your day,

Rest of your week,

You find yourself distracted.

Allow yourself to recall the images of your loved ones and their loving kindness phrases and repeating before returning to a mindful state of being.

And that was a little fingers in terminal.

But at the same time,

I'm certainly not going to ask you to do your jumping jacks or burpee.

Before we wrap up,

I'd like to leave you with a quote from an author named Brian Holliday.

He's a modern writer who writes prolifically about Stoic philosophy,

Stoic philosophy.

Anger always outlasts hurt is how Seneca puts it.

This also distracts us from the opportunity,

Deprives us from the education we could have gotten.

Anger always outlasts hurt is how Seneca puts it.

This also distracts us from the opportunity,

Deprives us from the education we could have gotten.

A quote felt nicely in our thoughts on expectation,

Forgiveness towards others.

Thank you all.

May you be filled with love and kindness.

Welcome to being human.

We do have a few minutes,

Although I do want to be mindful of people who may have their commitments.

If you're there,

You'd be more than welcome.

Also,

If there are any questions that came up,

I'm happy to discuss them.

Hopefully,

I've allowed you to unmute yourself.

Again,

In a past life,

Having sat on numerous conference calls that often last for many hours,

We'll take the fact that silence is golden.

And we'll leave it at that.

Ken,

Thank you for joining us.

Welcome to being human.

And have a great week.

Thank you.