And today's discussion is,
Are you alone or lonely?
At a time like this,
During the unprecedented times of isolation,
When we go on the internet,
There's no shortage of advice on what to do.
There are plenty of answers if you Google it.
But there is very little in terms of how to be alone during these challenging times.
Usually self-isolation is a bit scary for some,
As they're not accustomed to being on their own.
Being only with myself,
Being isolated is not easy.
And there's an old saying that can be found on many spiritual paths and it says,
We come alone and we go alone.
When you hear this,
You're probably nodding in your head in recognition.
It reminds us that at the deepest level,
We are always alone,
Even in a crowd,
Even when we're the family at a Thanksgiving dinner or the upcoming Christmas.
But it's not the same as being lonely.
Being lonely is what happens when we are uncomfortable being alone and we long for the company and the stimulation of another.
If it's not another,
It's our TVs,
Our laptops,
Smartphones,
Seeking relief from this I am lonely feeling.
So let's try and understand why.
Why are more people more lonely than ever before?
Especially in a world that is busier with more people,
More stimulation than ever.
Why are we so uncomfortable with our self when we are left alone?
Why do we fear aloneness?
How do we overcome both our fear of aloneness and the loneliness itself?
At a time like this one,
We're asked to socially and physically distance ourselves.
The root of it could be the fact that we're social beings by nature.
It's often believed that to be unnatural,
To be by our own,
Sometimes it's perceived to be antisocial.
But we also recognize that dependency in any relationship is unhealthy.
Of course we're all dependent.
We're dependent on the farmer,
The supermarket,
Even the social care if you can no longer care for yourself.
But we're not talking about that kind of dependency.
The dependency where we want to explore here is the kind where we become dependent on another or others for how we feel,
Not physically but emotionally.
Sometimes where the presence of another is essential to relieving our anxiety,
Perhaps even restore our sense of who and what we believe of ourselves.
Let's look at couples for a moment.
One becomes dependent on another and may eventually suffer from an anxiety that the other will cease to be present in the relationship.
It's the fear of being left alone and the imagined feeling of loneliness that would follow.
Or there is the fear they may love me less,
Give me less attention.
Yes,
They are socialized as a couple but perhaps a dependency has developed on one side.
Maybe it's been there right from the start of the relationship.
Perhaps there is even a form of codependency where one is dependent on the other being dependent.
These are not any new ideas or insights.
They simply set the scene where we can understand an attachment has formed in people's minds.
Attachment to the team,
To one's fellow supporters,
To the game,
To the other person in relationship,
The objects in one's life,
To your pet,
To your position at work,
Etc.
Attachment and dependency come together and where there is any attachment there must be the presence of fear,
Fear of loss or fear of damage,
Fear that we will be separated from our attachment,
Our dependency and get isolated.
Walk any wisdom path and they have one thing in common,
The insight that a stable sense of personal security can only come from within oneself.
In one sense,
Some would say paradoxically,
It's only when there is no attachment to anything or anyone in particular but a non-attached relationship with everyone and everything in general,
Not in particular but a relationship with everyone in general that we can create a feeling of security.
This idea of no attachment to anyone in particular but a non-attachment,
Non-attached relationship to everyone in general is not easy because we're not taught about this.
Instead we are schooled into believing dependencies are natural and attachment is good.
You need to discern that there are two energies at play in your life.
There is the material,
The physical and there is the spiritual or consciousness.
We have material bodies which we need to look after and care for.
So in one sense we are dependent on food,
Air,
Shelter and light which are aspects of the material world.
But the invisible world of our consciousness is non-material and that is completely under our control.
But only if we have a level of awareness that allows us to be the master creators of our feelings,
Perceptions,
Decisions and actions.
Yet that is not easy as the very fact we do not feel secure and we are searching for security is a sign that we do not have the level of self-awareness that is the foundation for such mastery.
So what do we do?
I'm going to propose one way forward.
Notice feelings of self-security are strongest when you are either openly loved by someone or you are loving towards someone.
If you become a little bit more aware you will notice that when you give anything whether it's time,
Attention,
Help,
Guidance etc.
Without wanting anything in return you are being naturally loving.
You don't think aha now I'm being loving.
No you just are.
A little more awareness and you may notice what you feel in such moments.
You feel not only good in yourself as all your anxieties and insecurities begin to disappear and you feel you are being of value to another.
It feels natural.
At an even deeper level you may become aware there is a feeling of freedom of spirit and your heart may even soar.
Most parents in their relationship with their children when they are in their innocent years will know such moments.
But when the child grows such moments tend to become lesser and shorter.
So when we are being loving our anxieties disappear and we feel we are secure with ourself.
We no longer seek,
Need or are dependent on someone else saying I love you or indeed doing loving things for us or even being with us.
If they do that's great but we are not dependent on it.
Why?
Because we have found a state of being with ourself that is loving in itself.
And when we express that state of being we feel at our best.
And in such moments we realize we are reminding ourselves that love is what I am.
And a connection is made.
When you are being your natural loving self without needing to think it you feel secure within yourself.
Ultimate security for every human being is love.
Not the love of another but the realization that love is what I am and expressing that state.
Which brings us to a question if love is what I am then what is love?
It is simply a word that describes a state of consciousness.
It is a word that points towards the highest state of being that is possible for any and every human being.
It is a word that describes our natural state.
And we cannot know it,
Feel it,
Be it unless we express it in action.
That is unless we give it away.
You might say that we have been cleverly designed.
Then you know who you are and what you are.
A being of consciousness whose highest state is described by one word.
And don't get it mixed up with concepts of attachment,
Dependency,
Desire,
Passion or even possession.
And when you are in a loving state and loving that state to shape your intentions,
Thoughts and actions you feel naturally secure in yourself.
The search for security in what we are not that is in the world out there comes to an end naturally.
Your anxieties disappear naturally.
Emotional dependencies come to an end naturally.
Success comes to an end naturally.
Being alone or being with others are both equally okay.
And only when we start acting from our highest state of being.
And as you do there is an awareness that your sense of inner security is stable.
And that stability,
That security arises from the inside out.
Your neediness for the stimulation of another or many others is gone.
You realize those are just ways of escaping.
Now you know your value.
You know you are a source of the most valuable energy in the world.
And you also know no one can ever take that away from you.
And your sense of security is now arising from the inside out.
Nearby your fear of being alone is no more.
I want you to please bring your palms together in prayer position at your heart center and take a bow of gratitude,
Acknowledging how you feel right now.
I want you to go ahead and put your palms out facing forwards as if you are sending a blessing,
Both palms facing outwards.
We are going to practice giving away this most valuable energy in the world.
Do something like saying thank you to those amazing wonderful people on the front lines of our health service.
Give blessing to those people working tirelessly,
Well beyond their physical capacity.
As you do this you may feel a little emotional at first.
Gradually you will come to see love is not just another emotion,
It's the natural state of being of every human.
It's your reality.
Now pick some other object of your blessings,
Your good wishes,
Your love.
Could be any person,
People or place that could use the blessing right now.
As if there's a beam of light emerging from your heart center shining towards that person,
Your place,
Giving them just the amount of courage,
Positivity,
Hope.
Leading from your natural state of being love.
You give away,
You keep this blessing without any expectation.
May their troubles end.
May the obstacles in their path be removed.
May they experience joy.
Bring your palms back together in prayer position at your heart center.
And ask yourself,
How do you feel right now?
And if we could summarize how we feel right now in one word,
What would that be?
And I ask that you please go and share that one word in the comments,
So that we all may know how you're feeling right now.
Defeated.
You
