Reveals environmental health reveals environmentalDr continues Hello,
This is Jacob Watson,
And we continue this series of teachings and meditations on grief that address the new realities we are living in in these days,
The COVID-19 virus,
Black Lives Matter,
Climate change,
Pervasive economic inequality,
And a debilitating combination of systemic greed and addiction to transcendence.
Grief is a common denominator.
Welcome!
Interwoven with these teachings on grief are coping strategies and three silences for meditation,
Time for reflection and integration.
Grief is a fundamental and natural human response to these realities.
Yet,
We must both acknowledge the deep sadness and longing behind grief and move into and through grief to avoid depression and lethargy.
To do this,
We need to acknowledge and express the deeply personal quality of grief in these times.
Well,
You may say,
All grief is personal.
Well,
In a way it is,
To be sure,
Because all grief,
No matter its source,
Affects us personally.
It is our loss,
And we feel it in our very being.
It is our voice that is keening.
Those are my tears falling from my eyes.
Yet,
Our grief is highly personal because we had a quality or a person torn away from us,
Torn away from the very fabric of our lives.
The loss feels so personal it is as if a part of ourselves has been ripped away.
No one else feels this grief the way we do.
So,
Yes,
All grief is personal,
But some grief cuts like a sharp knife.
The pain is excruciating,
Deep,
And it's messy and doesn't go away at least for a while.
It's embarrassing,
Inconvenient,
Annoying,
A bother,
A distraction.
But there's no doubt about it now in these COVID-19 times.
It's here,
Right now,
Demanding attention,
And it won't go away.
It's affecting my life now in this moment.
Sometimes it's expected,
But sometimes not.
Maybe it's familiar,
Even old,
Or maybe it's strange,
Even new.
If reason helps at all,
It tells us the grief is here because we loved and were loved that old two-way street,
And then we lost the love,
Or we think we did.
And while the natural emotions,
Including grief,
Are least likely to reflect mathematics,
No matter how much we would like to have the security of that knowledge,
And even formulas that tell us if only we did X,
Y,
Or Z,
Then the result will be Q.
No,
Math doesn't help.
In my experience,
However,
The degree to which I was loved and or loved is the exact same degree of grief I feel when I lose that person,
And there is the personal grief,
That precise person,
Their love,
Making it personal for me.
This intense grief is a function of love,
How much we loved specific people,
And,
In all likelihood,
How much they loved us.
But is it really in the past tense?
Probably not.
This personal grief has come to tell us,
Or at least to remind us,
This is not in the past.
We know that already because of the fierce intensity,
The white-hot feeling of personal grief.
This pain,
This personal grief,
Certainly is not in the past.
It is right now.
In our three silent times for reflection and meditation,
I invite you to bring specific people into your heart.
In the silence of your heart,
Please name them by generations,
Beginning in the silence now with your mother,
Father,
Any aunts or uncles,
Elders or mentors,
Teachers,
Anyone who touched your heart and for whom you feel grief.
As we come out of the silence that holds the memories of these dear people,
Feel how personal they still are,
How even present they are for you here,
Now,
Today.
This personal grief tells us it is time right now in this painful moment that it is okay,
Even healing,
To go against conventional wisdom,
Which is not even clear in these COVID-19 times,
To break the rules which weren't protecting us anyway,
And to name these dear people out loud who are no longer in our lives in physical forms.
It is a valuable coping skill to consciously bring your deceased loved one into your heart.
Express your love to them and even talk with them.
Find a way to express your love to them right now,
Child,
Parent,
Partner,
Or even a stranger.
As you do this,
You will likely learn and feel that this process is a two-way street.
As you recall and reflect and remember your love for them,
You will also feel their love for you.
Even when it may not happen quite this way,
You can create in your mind,
Really your heart,
Precisely what you wished could have happened.
And because you know what you needed then,
It will happen now,
Just as you wished it would then.
For this is the spiritual arena you are in now.
No time,
No space,
Without body,
Without form,
So love is acknowledged and shared without shape or form,
And for that matter,
Without any limit either.
In the silence of your heart,
Please name them again by generations,
The new generation,
Your son,
Perhaps your daughter,
Or the young,
Infants,
The new ones.
Again,
As we come out of the silence that holds the memories of these precious people you have lost,
Feel how personal they still are.
Both voluntary and involuntary ways are at work here,
And both work for healing your personal grief.
Healing,
Not forgetting,
A critical difference.
Voluntary,
Here you have the choice to say their names,
Who it is you have lost,
And the grief you feel about it.
You choose whom and when and how you bring them into your heart and grieve and honor their relationship with you.
Involuntary,
This is a little more challenging because it is out of your control.
It will happen whenever the grief wants,
Whenever it wants to tap you gently on the shoulder or punch you in the gut or wrench your heart open.
Often they,
These dear people,
Say,
And sometimes not softly,
Remember me,
Don't forget me.
I was a part of your life.
You meant something to me.
You still mean something to me.
I loved you and I love you still.
And here they are,
Right back in your life,
As if to bring you up to date,
Certainly to bring them back into your life in this new way.
This can be as simple as the powerful word remember.
This is a time and opportunity to name everyone else,
Real or imagined,
Including animals and while we're at it all things,
For inanimate things have not only shape and form,
But essences too.
Each one has a name and an is-ness,
Which implies a relationship,
And in these cases,
Because you have a feeling of grief,
It is a relationship with you.
This includes you,
That is all parts of yourself,
Qualities you had and still have from all your ages,
The innocent baby,
The toddler,
The teenager,
Young adult,
And the wise elder.
These are just as worthy of bringing now into your heart,
Remembering and honoring.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Now,
Leaving behind the silence,
Yet perhaps not the names,
May you reflect and meditate on these loved ones beyond this time and create additional silences to bring these dear people into your heart again.
Good times to do this are when it is quiet in your apartment or house or outdoors in the grass,
Flowers,
The trees and hills of nature.
Remember,
They are waiting and available,
These dear people.
I'll post another reflection on grief and COVID-19 soon.
May you be well.
To conclude,
I'll ring the singing bowl three times.
