GONG GONG Hello,
This is Jacob Watson.
I was a grief counselor and I'm an interfaith minister and author.
I've been posting morning blessing gift meditations on Insight Timer for over a year and this is a continuation in the new series of teachings and meditations on grief that address the COVID-19 virus.
Welcome.
Interwoven with these teachings on grief are coping strategies and silences that I encourage you to use for meditation,
Time for reflection,
And integration.
As much as the COVID-19 virus disrupts and distorts our everyday lives,
It also leaks into our assumptions,
Usually unspoken and taken for granted,
About the future.
This I describe as future grief.
Another more politically correct name is anticipatory grief but I prefer the term future grief because we feel it now but it's about the future and these are new times with COVID-19 and so I will use a new name,
Future grief.
This is a name for grief we feel for something we think will happen or not happen in the future,
The days,
Weeks,
And months ahead.
This of course is a paradox and one that the mind ever looking for something to do relishes.
So there's a special danger here.
We try to live in the present where we are all the time.
Sometimes we succeed but sometimes we don't.
Our mind catches us and we are catapulted by future grief into the future,
Into worry and dread,
Projections into the future,
And we find grief,
Future grief,
That which we feel now about what COVID-19 might bring us for our future.
Let's acknowledge and celebrate the degree to which we can be free of future grief by living in the present and then later we can choose to take the plunge into it.
For now we recognize that we will feel future grief about the lingering effects of COVID-19 but right now we can put it on hold and be present in this present moment.
So right now,
Here,
If you feel any future grief,
Simply remind yourself,
Yes,
It may come in the future or not,
But this is right now and you can say I am choosing to be free of it or any other feeling because I am present and free now.
If any future grief comes now into your present,
Let it slide right away so you remain free in this present moment,
This coming silence.
In the silence just ended,
You have given yourself moments of freedom from future grief,
Freedom from what will be or won't happen in the future.
Okay,
So now is the chance to let go of that freedom and come back to a different present moment,
Now listening to my words.
Now you can bring your future grief into this present moment from the future to not only allow it to come forward here into your consciousness but to welcome it.
This is a radical idea.
For now,
Give it your full attention and remember that when you do that,
Whatever you focus on will grow.
So imagine your future grief,
Especially about COVID-19,
To grow,
To be here now,
To receive your full attention.
Let your imagination run with it.
Be creative,
Even beyond your earlier worries about how it is affecting people,
Say your town or city,
The region,
The whole country and even the world.
What is the worst that might happen?
Future job losses,
Illnesses,
Deaths.
Go for it.
Imagine what it would look like and imagine what it would feel like.
Flesh it out.
Give it color,
Shape,
Form,
All the many dimensions you know it wants to take.
Imagine who is involved,
Especially if it is friends or family members,
People you care about,
What they might experience in this future.
Perhaps sadness,
Grief,
Anger,
Helplessness,
The words they might speak and actions they might take.
As you get into this,
As your mind takes full reign and spins almost out of control,
Notice what is happening.
Pull back just a bit,
Just enough to notice,
To see yourself as the observer watching it all,
The person who witnesses everything that's going on.
And you are a good observer.
You don't miss a thing.
You see it all.
The witness – the observer.
As you do this,
Remember to stay with the observations without slipping into your own feelings about what you are seeing.
No judgments or identifying with what you see.
No,
You are just the observer.
This is a key coping skill.
You don't get drawn into your feelings,
But remain as the observer,
The witness,
The pure witness.
Now it's time for another period of silence,
Stillness just for you here and now.
These silences are yours,
And each one is an oasis in a desert,
An island of peace and freedom lasting for a moment or two.
This is all space,
Full of silence,
Stillness,
And freedom from thought.
When a thought comes up,
And it will,
Simply let it slide away,
So you return to the silence,
Which is here in the present,
No future,
And always waiting for you to return.
To say that again,
Because it's really important,
The silence is always waiting here for you to return.
Here it is.
As you return from the silence,
Allow it to recede into the background where it is always available and allow,
Even welcome,
The future grief to come back into your awareness.
It comes back now in a personal way,
Not out there in the news or across town or in the city,
But no,
It's really close to home.
In fact,
It is here at home,
Even in your apartment or your house or in your living room or in your bed.
Here it is,
As close as it can get,
The very droplets on your skin,
Bringing with them the symptoms of headache,
Sore throat,
Aches and pains.
You are having a hard time getting your breath inside you.
The virus is inside you.
Now,
Remember that you are observing this happen.
You are again the witness,
The one who is watching all this.
Breathe,
Witness,
Observe.
You are watching the COVID-19 virus.
It is over there.
You are here.
There is a separation,
Even a distance now,
And now this separation allows silence for you.
All that other,
The future grief,
The virus is over there and you are here in this period of silence.
As the witness,
You can let go of the future grief over there.
For now,
This is your silence and it comes with freedom for you.
The freedom is an emptiness for you.
Space to just be.
Now,
As you come back from the silence and its freedom,
You return your awareness to the sound of my voice.
When you return back from the silence,
You can again return to the future grief or perhaps it returns to you without you having to do a thing.
It has been lurking,
Waiting for you to get back from the silence.
It is likely now slightly changed,
Altered maybe,
Perhaps portraying a new scenario living with COVID-19.
Let it arrive in your consciousness and again give it your permission to be here now.
You have had these experiences of welcoming the future grief,
Both imagining it out there in your city and country and then close at hand,
On your hand,
Really getting into it with your imagination,
Then letting it go to enter the silent meditation times.
And you have accomplished coming back to the silence not just once but three times and you can do it again anytime you choose.
That's the point.
You have a choice which is a powerful coping skill.
Sometimes the future grief about COVID-19 will be insistent but you can always have the choice to say,
Wait,
Not now,
I'll get to you later or okay,
Come on in,
I'm ready for you now.
This is your call,
Your choice always.
The key point here is that future grief,
Again,
Especially about COVID-19,
Wants one thing,
To be recognized and acknowledged.
What more could it want?
Once recognized,
It loses its power.
It doesn't have control anymore.
And you are back where you are in the present moment with yourself and your awareness,
Just observing what's going on,
Present to your own life again,
Where the eternal silence lies patiently waiting for you.
May this go well for you,
Experiencing your choice for your life.
I'll post another reflection on grief and COVID-19 soon.
May you be well.
To conclude,
I'll ring the singing bowl three times.
