Shut-Door Heart - Transform Co-Dependent Relationships

In this 3-minute talk, Jac explains how our desire to 'fix' and 'change' another person is actually our subconscious desire to push them away... To keep people at a distance... To not address our own issues... To keep our hearts closed... This talk is intended to spark self-realisation, to help you begin to heal and transform your codependent relationships... To learn to open your 'shut-door heart', so you and your loved ones feel 'the freedom to be'...

Transcript

When we want to fix someone,

It means we want to change them.

Even if in our head we are telling ourselves we want to change them for them,

That it's an act of kindness,

That we want to change them for them.

When we want to fix someone,

It means we want to change someone.

And when we want to change someone,

It means we are not accepting them for who they are.

And so any relationship where we are focused on wanting to fix someone,

That person in our lives will never ever feel fully accepted by us.

That person will never ever feel fully comfortable to be themselves in our presence.

That person will never ever feel fully safe in our arms.

So this codependent tendency towards wanting to fix others as a way of care,

It's a way of keeping people at a distance.

And in that respect when we flip the focus around to us at what we are doing,

We are pushing these people away.

We are keeping them at a distance.

And the person who actually needs changing is us.

Our desire to change another person,

To fix another person,

Is simply our desire to keep love away,

To have a closed heart,

To not let people in.

To accept people as they are is to let them walk in a door that we have flung open so wide.

To try to fix them is to have a shut door heart.

Codependency is about trying to control our environment and others.

It's a way of avoiding going within,

A way of avoiding contacting the parts of us that need to heal.

We delude ourselves that we are caring for others,

But all we end up doing is failing.

And I use the word failing in a positive light because it is one of our greatest teachers.

We end up failing ourselves and others because to honor another is to allow them to be without trying to change them.

And to honor ourselves is to turn codependent energy that we are inadvertently using to push people away back inward towards ourselves,

Back into our self-reflective hearts where we can heal and transform the only person that we possibly can.

Allいます umvit agoida Eurêna do asou.

Reviews

Exactly what I needed to hear today. Thank you for sharing these beautiful words

It was hard to hear but its what i needed to hear. Thank you.

Excellent - a bit confronting (!) but definitely something I needed to hear 🙏🏼💗

Simple truth yet it somehow eludes me most often. Thank you very much for reminding and sharing this🙏💗

This is one of the most succinct, short meditations, or talks I’ve heard in a long time. You knocked my socks off. Every word you spoke is a gem to be cherished. No wasted time. No wasted words. Outstanding. Thank you.

That was spot on. Very nicely put. And a lovely gentle reminder to those of us who are codependent 🙏✨

Thank you for this powerful message . My younger suster sent it to me and i realize that i have been unknowingly pushing her away when she needs to be drawn closer. I have some work do do…on myself

So true! Wish more people can hear this message. Thank you! 🙏🏻❤️

That was so good and informative. It made a lot of sense. Thank you.

Straight and to the point.Thank you for making this so simple

The message I needed to hear this morning. The message most of us need to hear at one point or another. 🙏🏽

Wow, I've never thought about it like that! Thank you 🙏

Well. This was a gut punch. And probably just what I needed to hear. Bookmarked to listen to and ponder again.

I am teaching a Self Awareness Class. This may be a valuable tool to share. May I use it with your permission?

Sherrie Chesterland, Ohio, USA

Hard to swallow truths. But truths I needed to hear .

Wow!
Wish l’d heard that a decade ago. Simply and briefly put - felt as if it was written for me!
Thank you 🙏

Wow! A Brilliant & simple gem. Integration? …. well… it’s one interaction at a time. Thank you for this little yet powerful & not so subtle reminder 🧘🏽‍♀️🙏🏼☮️😊💪🏼💚

Great insight into what codependency really is in regards to loving another.

I love the way you think and how you share your thoughts is sparking new thinking for me… 🙏

One of the good ones in centering on the only thing you can change, yourself