Fear Is Love

Believe your Ego is a cruel saboteur, and cruelly it will sabotage your life. Believe your Ego is a loving teacher and guide, with love it will teach and guide you. In this contemplative, inspiring and thought provoking talk, we are encouraged to question our relationship with fear. We are encouraged to shift our perception towards fear, embracing it and removing any blame. In doing so, we harness the feminine elements of our character, including acceptance and leaning in to, allowing us to liberate our thoughts and cultivate a deep sense of love for all.

Transcript

I used to fear the dark,

Not the dark that comes with the rising moon or the flick of a switch,

But the darkness inside me.

I used to believe that to find peace I would have to defeat the dark,

And that to defeat it I would need to develop extraordinary capabilities,

Super yogi powers,

To be able to transcend my humanness.

I believed that one day my suffering would lead me into great battle,

Where I would go head to head with the mighty beast,

Where finally I would drag fear from beneath my bed,

Look it in the eye,

And strike it down.

Then and only then would I become the hero in my life.

Then and only then would I discover peace.

When I first wrote these words,

When I hear them back now,

It strikes me how violent they are.

How violent I was.

There is so much aggression in the words,

So much war,

Defeat,

Battle,

Strike down.

I can't believe how rejecting I was of that part of myself,

How rejecting I was of fear.

Curious,

I typed the word fear into Google,

As one does,

And it was a light bulb moment for me,

As I watched the screen fill with similar negative,

Violent,

Condemning statements.

Quotes like,

The enemy is fear.

We think it is hate,

But it is fear.

Gandhi.

There is perhaps nothing so bad and so dangerous in life as fear.

You are Helena Rowe.

To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom,

Bertrand Russell.

Fear does not prevent death,

It prevents life.

Naguib Mahfuz.

It was a light bulb moment because I realized how socialized I was when it came to my relationship with fear.

That I had been taught to demonize it.

That I had never been taught as a child,

A teenager,

An adult,

That I could choose a different perspective.

One that didn't reject fear,

One that didn't blame it,

One that didn't require conquering.

Words like enemy and conquer are so combative,

So classically masculine.

Where was the feminine element?

The leaning into,

The acceptance,

The embracing.

Both men and women can be violent.

Both can be pacifists.

I don't believe a propensity for war or peace is determined by gender.

I do believe,

However,

Man's militarization of the word fear and the propaganda surrounding it,

And man's vilification and attempts to subordinate fear as portrayed through art and literature,

Played a huge role in my conditioning.

Staring into the screen,

I realized these words,

They don't guide us to lovingly accept ourselves.

They guide us to separate and reject.

These words tell us we need to change.

We need to shed fear if we are to ever find peace.

They tell us we need to banish,

Eliminate,

Or if we're one of the lucky few,

To transcend fear.

They teach us to oppose,

To battle,

That it's us versus fear.

These words do not teach love.

And when is spirituality never not about love?

When is it never not about acceptance?

When is it never not about the unconditional embrace?

In many ways,

My socialization had misguided me.

Back then,

I didn't know that I could educate this fear of fear out of me,

That I could tell myself a new story.

It was only when I'd reached the tipping point,

When I'd had enough,

When I realized it was me hurting me,

When one day I looked in the mirror and I said,

Jack,

Enough,

Suffering,

Enough,

That I began to wake up,

That a new story began to surface.

It surfaced gently,

Like a spring revealing itself through the minerals of the earth,

Trickling over my toes,

Tickling the edges of my imagination,

Gently sinking in.

I realized my story doesn't have to involve a battle or a beast or an enemy to conquer.

I realized fear could be my friend rather than my foe,

That fear could be my guide rather than my saboteur,

That my new story could be about unity rather than division,

Embracing rather than forsaking,

Peace rather than war.

Marie Curie said,

Nothing in life is to be feared.

It is only to be understood.

Robin Sharma said,

What you resist,

It will persist.

What you befriend,

You will transcend.

My new story became about understanding and befriending.

It became spiritual.

It became about love.

I realized the dark is the light.

I realized fear is love.

This realization,

This change in perspective,

This new story changed my life.

This podcast is about the stories we tell.

In particular,

It's about the big story behind all the other little stories we tell.

When it comes to core beliefs,

Our fear of fear is a heavyweight,

A bright burning sun that pulls and influences every other story we tell.

Thus,

Every thought,

Feeling,

Behavior and action in some way revolves around our fear of fear.

If you are someone who suffers from fear,

For example,

You may suffer from self-doubt,

Stress,

Anxiety,

Anger,

Apathy,

Rage,

Depression.

My intention for this podcast is to help you learn how to heal your relationship with fear and in doing so,

Inspire a more peaceful,

Happier existence.

This podcast proposes a shift in perception in the way we understand and relate to our ego,

In the way we understand and relate to fear.

There are two voices inside our head,

The voice of our ego and the voice of our soul.

These two perspectives,

So to speak,

Shape the way we see the world and shape the world we see.

Mike Holden popularly refers to these two voices as the inner critic and the inner coach,

A no energy and a yes energy.

Ego creates within us a fear perspective and soul creates a love perspective.

Ego tells us stories that make us feel insecure and oppressed.

And soul tells us stories that make us feel safe and nurtured.

Ego tells us life is against us and soul tells us life is for us.

We blame our ego for our negative thoughts and celebrate soul for our positive ones.

It's easy to perceive the two,

Soul and ego,

As separate opposing forces,

Peace versus pain,

Good versus evil,

Love versus fear.

It's easy to believe this because it's what we've been conditioned to believe.

But it's just a story and stories can be changed.

I would like to share with you a different story,

One that puts an end to the violent struggle within,

To the war between ego and soul.

A story that invites us to reconceptualize the ego,

That voice of fear inside our head,

As positive.

Imagine for a moment that your soul and ego are a team,

Two sides of the same coin,

Equaling the same universal value,

Love.

Divine teachers sprung from the same source.

One teacher's approach is gentle.

The other's is a little tough.

Gentle love,

Tough love.

The tough teacher has a shake to wake approach.

The gentle teacher whispers softly,

Fear is love.

Both are working for your greater good.

Both are leading you towards self-actualization and spiritual happiness.

Both have your best interests at heart.

The tough teacher,

Gentle love,

Has a shake to wake approach.

Tough love,

The gentle teacher whispers softly.

Both work in tandem.

Both want you to make choices that are kind,

Non-judgmental and loving.

Both approaches,

Both directions,

Lead to love.

Ego,

Our divine teacher,

Leads us down what we perceive to be the dark path.

And soul,

Our divine teacher,

Leads us down what we perceive to be the light.

Not because one path is wrong and the other is right.

Not because it's a test and we're going to be judged.

But because there are two distinct and necessary paths of thinking,

Dark and light,

That we need to virtually tread in life in order to learn,

Heal and grow.

The use of the word virtual is important here because I'm not suggesting that we act out our dark emotions.

I'm suggesting that we truly listen to them.

True listening is an act of love.

It means asking our fears to speak and then listening through the heart without judgment.

Our emotions are part feeling,

Part story.

And so true listening means feeling deeply whilst listening mindfully to the fear-based stories our ego has to tell.

When we truly listen to our most challenging emotions,

Those that we would prefer to run away from,

To bury,

A kind of poetic blossoming occurs.

Just like flowers in sunlight,

Our tortoised petals open first.

And at the heart of every emotion shimmers love.

This is what it means to express an emotion rather than suppress it.

When we truly listen,

Our act of love is mirrored back to us and we are gifted inside.

So why do we find it so hard to truly listen to the voice of our ego?

A voice that we have such a deep emotionally intimate connection with.

Why are we so scared to truly hear what our ego has to say?

Not listening is not giving.

Not listening is not loving.

So if you are someone who believes in unconditional love and acceptance,

An important question to ask yourself is,

Do I unconditionally love and accept my ego?

So many of us believe love is all-encompassing.

We know nothing new can come into our lives unless we are grateful for what we already have.

And most of us understand if we want to be happy,

We need to practice compassion.

We believe in these principles,

Yet how many of us are actually practicing?

Especially when it comes to the way that we perceive and treat ourselves.

How many of us,

For example,

Are grateful for our ego?

Practice compassion towards our ego.

Look upon our ego with love.

When it comes to our spiritual beliefs,

Are we practicing what we preach?

Are we putting our money or rather our spiritual currency where our mouth is?

Are we extending these altruistic beliefs into all areas of our lives?

Or could it be because we are so afraid of fear?

We are neglecting our darkest corners.

This Fear is Love story invites you to be kind to yourself,

All parts of yourself,

Including your ego,

For it is loving kindness that heals all suffering.

Sometimes I wonder if all the people we refer to as enlightened were not without fear.

Perhaps they just looked upon it with love.

The universe is divinely balanced.

So to run away from fear is to run away from love.

To deny intimacy with the ego is to deny intimacy with the soul.

When we suppress our relationship with one force,

We suppress our relationship with the other.

Only when we are unconstrained by both forces do we have freedom of choice.

Only when we are unconstrained can we be free.

And so if we wish to deepen our relationship with love,

We must deepen our relationship with fear.

Only when we embrace both do we understand polarity is just an illusion,

That seemingly opposing forces are interconnected,

Symbiotic,

Indivisible,

Dark and light,

Yin and yang,

Fear and love.

You know,

I think we're so afraid of fear because we are so afraid of love.

I think our fear of fear is actually our fear of love.

Just like Marianne Williamson says,

Our deepest fear is our light,

Not our darkness.

I think we use fear as an excuse to resist our own power,

Our own good,

Our light,

Because it's not fear,

The dark,

We're so afraid of.

It's love,

The light.

It's easier to blame fear than to accept our own feelings of self-hatred or doubt.

It's easier to scapegoat fear than to accept we might be being cowardly.

It's easier to delude ourselves we are victims of something greater than ourselves than to change our perspective than to step out of the crib and into our adult feet than to accept it is our duty to shine our light on the world,

Knowing it will heal reality as we know it.

Lydia Yuknavich says,

Words carry oceans on their small backs.

I feel sorry for fear,

For the ocean of condemnation we have placed on its tiny back.

Have you ever wondered why it's so hard to stop thinking fearful thoughts?

No matter how many books you read,

No matter how much you meditate or how many affirmations you affirm,

It's because we're supposed to think fearful thoughts.

To stop thinking them would be unnatural.

It would stunt our evolutionary development.

Emotions are symbiotic.

They provide a balance that can only be achieved by working together.

We can't have hope without despair.

We can't have sadness without joy,

Jealousy,

Without compersion.

We all know this.

Why then do we give the dark part of the equation such a hard time?

If the greatest moments in our lives are defined by courage,

So too they must be defined by fear.

It's often said our minds wander towards negative thinking.

I prefer to think our minds wander towards learning.

I think of the mind as a virtual classroom where soul and ego use oppositional extremes to help us arrive at new awareness.

I think of ego as one of those brilliant teachers that uses reverse psychology to incite within us an emotional reaction that is opposite to the one our heart truly desires,

Simply to help us find our way back to heart.

It is this journey through darkness and light that brings us home.

Home is not one direction or the other.

It's where the pendulum comes to rest.

This is what the team,

Soul and ego teaches us.

Every time we feel scared,

We need to remind ourselves the moment is sacred.

Scared,

Sacred,

Such a beautiful anagram.

The moment is sacred because fear is always helping us to navigate the landscape of our lives,

Always drawing our attention to the lessons we most need to learn and always pointing us towards our heart's desires.

We are not supposed to stop being afraid.

We're just supposed to stop being afraid of fear.

I once heard a GPS described as guidance provided by source.

This is what fear is,

A divine GPS guiding us towards true purpose and self-actualization.

This learn through love approach is similar to a course in miracles.

However,

Where the course rejects the ego,

This fear is love story embraces it.

Only when we think in ways that embrace can we be in alignment with love.

If we truly believe love is all encompassing as a course in miracles iconically describes it as so many of us instinctually believe,

Then ego cannot be separated.

Ego must be love.

To not include ego to discriminate against it is inconsistent with the belief.

We are all cut from the same cloth,

The fabric of reality that is love and that includes all parts of ourselves.

I know for many it's taboo to call the ego positive,

Let alone describe it as divine.

But if ego is fear and fear can work for us,

Doesn't that mean ego can work for us?

And if there is wisdom in our dark emotions,

Doesn't that mean the generator of those emotions ego is wise?

Sure,

It's a matter of perspective,

But why choose a perspective that takes us away from ourselves and brings inner conflict when we can choose one that brings us closer to ourselves and nurtures inner peace.

Meaning a fear is love perspective means more than just saying yes to the emotions that scare us,

More than just practicing acceptance or allowing flow.

It means perceiving the ego as loving and wise.

So how can we begin to transform our relationship with fear?

Learning to recognize our fear responses is a great place to start.

Becoming conscious of fear's shake to wake approach.

Learning to say,

Hang on,

This is actually a good thing.

These physiological alarms,

This emotional discomfort,

The agitation,

The tight head,

Tears,

Sweaty palms,

Anxiety,

Increased heart rate,

Anger,

Goosebumps,

Jim Quick calls these truth bumps.

The confusion,

The feeling of constriction,

The desire to run away,

To fight,

The perception that you have lost control,

That all of it is good,

That it's fear showing up to guide you.

Fear sometimes wakes me from my sleep.

I switch my torch on,

Wrap my dressing gown around me,

Creep down the stairs to make myself a drink and a snack.

And I know it's fear because my breath may be a little hard to catch or my mind is running or while the kettle is boiling,

A finger finds its way into my mouth,

A nail to bite or my heart feels tight.

Or sometimes,

Particularly if something sad has happened,

I feel a cry so deep inside trying to work its way out,

A splinter the size of a plank.

And as soon as I recognize any of these feelings,

These feelings that I know to be fear,

I welcome them,

I thank them and I ask for their wisdom.

And every time without fail,

I am gifted clarity.

I'm able to see the wood for the trees,

The discomfort dissolves and I am filled with peace.

Sometimes it's quick,

Sometimes it takes time,

But it always astonishes me the way fear illuminates.

In patriarchal culture,

There is a general reluctance towards emotionality.

This is because men and women who see through a patriarchal lens,

Equate emotionality with vulnerability,

Instability and weakness.

A general patriarchal rule of thumb,

The less emotionality,

The more power.

And so deeply feeling and openly expressing is relegated to those considered less by the patriarch,

Those who embody or identify with the feminine.

It's easy then to understand why so many spiritual traditions emerging from masculine philosophy lean towards un-emotionality,

Why the absence of feeling is prized over feeling,

Why so many spiritual books,

Meditations and teachers encourage us to reject our ego.

Because the rejection of ego is symptomatic of patriarchy.

The patriarchy teaches us to reject the ego because the ego represents emotionality.

The ego arouses deep feeling and open expression.

It arouses our fears,

The difficult emotions that are hard to face that can make us feel out of control.

Unmasked the ego represents the feminine.

And this is why the patriarchy fears the ego.

For the ego threatens to take away the patriarchy's perception of power and control.

Because I wonder if the ancient spiritual traditions that so heavily influence spiritual practice today,

That came to light during patriarchal reign,

That continue to be suffused with patriarchy because so many teachers still cling to separatist attitudes,

Are capable of the kind of embrace we need to heal this planet.

I just don't believe philosophies that are embedded in emotional disconnection and in bed with patriarchy can bring the level of compassion that is needed to heal the world.

For how can any philosophy that teaches us to reject a part of ourselves,

Our ego,

Teach us compassion?

Compassion starts with the self.

How can we lovingly embrace the world if we can't lovingly embrace our own ego?

We need balance.

We need to bring more emotionality to spirituality.

Because what this pervasive leaning towards unemotionality does is misguide people into one,

Distrusting their emotions,

And two,

Believing their emotions are the cause of their suffering.

When in reality,

It is never an emotion that causes suffering.

It is our inability to face up to them,

Or as Miriam Greenspan says,

Our inability to mindfully bear them that causes our suffering.

We need to let go of the war-torn male story that ego is sinful,

Bad,

Wrong.

All this story does is create war inside us,

And then we project this war outside us.

That's why the world is in the state that it's in,

Because most of us are projecting this internal war between ego and soul outwardly.

Collectively,

There has been this beautiful shift where we have learnt and are continually learning to embrace our fear-based emotions.

Now we need to learn to embrace the storyteller behind them,

The generator of our fears,

Ego.

So,

What else can we do to help ourselves along this fear is love journey?

How can we learn to embrace this part of ourselves that we have been warring with for so long?

Meditations that guide us to make peace with our emotions,

And the insight app is overflowing with them.

There's Michelle Zarin's Heart Series guiding us to breathe into the listening organ that is our heart.

Cara Braak's Gateway to Presence giving us permission to kindly say yes to all of our emotions.

Nunda Simone's Purification Practice nurturing and celebrating the polarities.

Estelle Godman's Letting Go of Grief,

A powerful tool we can use to lovingly release the parts of ourselves that resist fear.

Steve Nobel's High Priestess Transmission for those who resonate with the crystalline grid.

Zosh P's Forgiveness,

A musical piece that is transcendent in its emotionality.

And then the piece de resistance,

Sarah Blondin.

With every story,

Sarah encourages us to breathe into and love our darkest corners.

If you haven't yet listened to Sarah's Transforming Fear,

It's Paradigm Shattering,

A direct portal into the new world.

It's time to change.

It's time to understand fear is happening for us,

Not against us.

It's time to shift from a belief that fear is a dangerous,

Brainless enemy to be conquered,

To a gentle knowing that fear is erudite,

Our divine protector.

Fear is love.

So often we are told to live our lives fearlessly.

I do not believe this means to live our life devoid of fear,

Rather to look upon fear with love.

This fear is love story says no to the patriarch,

No to rejecting the ego.

For many,

This will be a new seat to cross.

It will mean breaking old rules and speaking a new language.

Are you ready to look in the mirror and say,

Ego,

I love you?

With practice,

You will no longer fear fear itself.

And with practice,

You may find that your healed relationship,

Your loving integration of fear will free you from suffering and illuminate the path to enlightenment.

Enlightenment is about peacefully becoming the whole.

Its understanding on the deepest level,

The pendulum must swing both ways before it comes to rest in the center.

It's time to change.

The leap is just a few steps away.

Hello fear.

Thank you for showing up.

Know with me your wisdom.

Reviews

This was very thought-provoking. Thank you 🙏🏼🕊️ 🌷🌈☀️

That is some beautiful truth. I look forward to peeling back this onion over and over again! I now see the onion peel is beautiful! It’s not garbage at all! It’s life’s savor…it’s the good stuff! Thank you! 🙏❤️

This is the most powerful, empowering, and transformational content I have heard in years. It demands slogging through the muck to see real change. Impossible to ignore or "unhear". My inner work has just shifted direction. Thank you. 🙏

The timing of this is serendipitous. And- transformative. I bow in gratitude. I wish I could tell you the fear of my fearr- tormented with PTSD. I told my dear soul sister yesterday that I was ready to make changes for my greater good. I have had years of CBT therapy, Conquering a monster that wielded abuse and torture. He no longer lives in this world. However, I slay dragons daily from nightmares— and “day mates.” Pinching myself into reality- with mindfulness. Practice. Knowing that my few hours I give myself in the morning - for stretching, yoga and meditation - are vital to walking away from fear. Loving myself and my courage to still be here today. My dear soul sisters and brothers look to me for hope- as they know the strength and tenacity it took for me to survive my abuse. And, also to survive life changing back surgeries- most failed—- and then a miracle happened. Surviving a brain tumor. Mental and physical pain. I have survived… to this moment that I call precious. I say “be gentle on you,” “you are loved.” To all those I love—- yet, I am under a burden of my own “helpless” soul to what and where I feel stuck. The awareness of reaching over the fence to tell my dear soul sister that I am suffering and I am sick of it- yesterday… and, then finding you here with this wisdom- will arm me with peace. In gently flowering into real and scary days ahead—- I will try to walk gently on this path- and use armor to slay the dragon- yet, I will be very cautious of the swords and Sharp edges of each knife - each sword. I will choose a gentler peace- as that is my spirit. Because I am strong- does make me weak. A burden so heavy. I believe in serendipitous moments- as they are winks to me that I am headed on the middle path- welcoming peace between the neighbors in my mind. Ego meet soul. Soul meet ego. I introduce “them” in a new way- and a new day. I bow..

That was amazing. So wonderful I have A.D.D and followed the entire talk ! Great job. I love that Ego is love too. In my spiritual awakening I was told the Ego is the problem. Now I see more deeply about it. Thanks 🙏

This really speaks to me. I feel like I’ve been waiting for someone to say something like this for a long time. Thank you.

This is powerful. I am so grateful for this perspective. It is life changing!

Deeply introspective. Approaching fear and ego with this perspective is transformative

Goosebumps. Some 'revelations' are right in front of us and only take 41 minutes (:
"If we want to deepen our relationship with love, we have to embrace our relationship with fear." Compassion instead of rejection. Thank you for sharing!
❤️

I listened to this on my morning walk and it was just perfect for introspection. I will make it my daily routine until I feel like it has sunk in appropriately. Thank you so much 😊

Wow wow wow!! This was a big f***ing game changer🤯 there should be more of this in spiritual educations!! It got me thinking that how much work it needs to be done in this community, in our practices and in ourselves!!
I feel so blessed to have found this talk!! Thank you so much Jac for sharing your transformative wisdom ✨💞

That was really revelatory. Thank you for this beautiful message. A gift.

Thank you. So clearly expressed and very helpful. 🙏❤️

This is amazing ! Thank you for this I so needed to hear this. It is something I feel in my soul and ego. With gratitude.

Thank you so much for creating this. It brought me so much relief when I was struggling with some heavy emotions that I thought I wasn’t supposed to be feeling. This is the most transformative talk I have heard on the subject so I thank you so deeply 🙏🏾

THIS. Really enjoyed every word of profound wisdom filled wit love. goosebumps aka TRUTHbumps 🫶🏽🙏🏽🧘🏽‍♀️ thank you for sharing

Thank you. I’m definitely going to listen to this track again h 😘

Need to listen to this again. What an expanding perspective on fear and oneness! For me not the most pleasant intonation or use of voice but that’s okay. Thank you 🙏

And I’ve listened again… or yet I am listening again but had to stop to write what I’m writing now. As I’m listening I’m realizing that with my story I keep doing to myself what was done to me in the past. Holding myself down, not others telling me anymore I’m not worthy… I’m telling me, by holding myself small out of fear of being judged again. I’m stunned at this insight and couldn’t continue listening without sharing this. You’re so right… fear is love. My invitation to myself to start believing in myself and encouraging myself to finally start living. What an incredible message, very powerful and surely I will be listening to this often the upcoming time to get the message integrated, to reprogram my story. Thank you so much 💝🙏✨

This is a journey, is it a call. I would recommend this to each and all.
Beyond moving. From all of me to all of you, Thank you. 😊 💜

This message is Divinely given and brilliant! I’m sure I will listen many more times. The wisdom, and insights are nothing I have ever heard. I am grateful for this new perspective on fear, ego and love. Your voice is gentle and easy to hear. Thank you, Jac. 🙏🏽♥️