The Unbreakable You With Fabienne Sandoval

In this episode, I welcome Fabienne Sandoval, the author of Twenty8: The Age of Power, to join me to talk about strengthening intuition, stepping into your power, and learning to love yourself. Fabienne also shares her personal story of a broken relationship and how that propelled her forward into learning about what love truly is and how it all begins with you, first.

Transcript

Hey friends and welcome back to a brand new episode of the Unbreakable You podcast.

Now forgive me,

My voice during this intro might be a little weird.

I don't sound like my usual self.

I had been battling the flu since Friday of last week.

So I was just sick over the weekend and I'm pre-recording this intro on Sunday.

So it was two days,

Friday and Saturday,

Two days of feeling absolutely horrible.

And I'm on the mend now,

I'm feeling a little bit better,

But my voice is still kind of weird.

So that is why I don't sound like my usual self.

So I won't talk too much during this intro because we do have a really great conversation today with our guest Fabian Sandoval.

I'm really excited to introduce you to Fabian because her and I talk about a lot of topics and things that I love talking about,

Specifically learning how to love ourselves and why that is so important.

We also talk about relationships and how to really tap into your intuition or how to strengthen your intuition.

So this is a really great episode and I thought it was perfectly timed because if you are listening to this live when this verse comes out,

Which is February 13th,

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day and I think we should not only focus on celebrating the ones we love,

But celebrating ourselves and the love that we have for ourselves.

And Fabian is actually working with the Insight Timer app.

So that is a meditation app and she is putting together a meditation for love.

And like I said,

It's just perfectly timed with Valentine's Day coming tomorrow.

So I thought I would let you guys know if you wanted to download that app and do that meditation for yourself.

So without further ado,

I will give my voice a little bit of a rest.

I'm sorry for my outrageous sounding froggy voice right now.

But I will give my voice a rest and introduce you to Fabian.

Welcome to the show Fabian.

I am so excited to have you on with me today.

You are just like a ball of energy.

So I am super excited for this conversation.

Oh,

Thanks.

I am so excited to be here as well.

Like I love chatting with you and I've loved getting to know you.

So I'm really excited to be on the show.

Yeah,

You and I have connected several times due to tech issues.

And finally,

We are good to go today.

So I am really excited to introduce you to everyone and have our listeners meet you today.

So can you introduce yourself to everyone who's listening?

Yeah,

Definitely.

So I am the author of 28,

The Age of Power.

And I'm a life coach who teaches professional burnout women how to elevate their lives through the use of health,

Power and purpose.

Well,

That sounds phenomenal.

And you live in London.

I do.

Yeah,

I do.

And I really want to come visit you someday.

You have to.

And right now,

I mean,

I'm not sure what the weather's like where you are,

But it's freezing today.

It's like icy,

Icy cold.

But the days have been so,

So beautiful because like the sunrise this morning was phenomenal.

Just a ball of fire coming up across this white,

Icy town.

It was amazing.

Wow,

Well,

It's pretty funny because I see so many people complaining about how cold it is wherever they live.

I have a lot of friends out in Ontario in Canada,

And they're all complaining that they're going through this horrendous cold streak.

And I see the temperature there and it's like minus 20 or something like that.

It's a minus 44 where I live.

So I win.

You definitely win.

I win.

Definitely win.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But anyways,

Putting weather aside,

Let's talk about more about what you do.

So you're a life coach,

But I really want to talk about this book that you wrote.

I know you sent it to me in the mail and it's about the age of 28.

And I know before we started recording the first time,

We were chatting about how I'm 27 and it's just really perfectly timed,

I guess,

To be chatting with you about this book.

Yeah.

The synchronicities of my book specifically,

Because it is 28,

The synchronicities that come up with it,

Especially when I'm meeting with people and sharing the book with new people is just amazing.

The amount of times I've met someone and they're like,

I'm 27 or I'm 28.

And it's like,

You know,

They get to kind of read about my journey through what happened to me when I was 28.

But they also get to kind of experience it and feel it for themselves.

So the book is a towel of,

I guess,

Metaphysics,

Veganism and the reclamation of personal power.

And it really is my journey of what happened to me when I was 28.

So my mum always used to have this,

I don't know what it was,

But she just had this intuitive thing that she just always used to say to me,

Just wait until you're 28.

Just wait until you're 28.

And I would be like,

You know,

24,

25.

I'm like,

Mum,

What are you talking about?

Why do you keep putting so much?

It wasn't pressure,

But there was so much kind of apprehension for this age of 28.

Like what was it going to bring?

How is it going to be?

And she always saw it as this kind of aha age where you really kind of step into your true power.

You really come to understand who you are as a person,

Who you want to be as a person.

And you,

You know,

Usually a life really shifts and energetically a lot of things change for you physically and energetically,

Like just a whole kind of revamp.

And up until I,

Well,

Before I turned 28,

I always just had this kind of,

Okay,

What's going to happen?

And it wasn't until after I turned 28 and I kind of underwent my year of kind of complete transformation and started to learn a lot more about metaphysics and astrology and things like that,

That I then come to realise that this was my Saturn return.

And so my mum had experienced her Saturn return.

And for people that don't know what Saturn returns is,

It happens every 28 to 30 years.

And it's when the planet Saturn comes back into your natal chart,

So the place where it was when you were born.

And that planet Saturn really stirs like a huge awakening and a huge shift of transformation.

It brings up a lot of change in your life.

So it was quite interesting for me to realise that although my mum had no idea about astrology,

She intuitively understood this Saturn's return and was kind of already pre-preparing me for it my whole life,

Which was really interesting.

And so my book is about sharing my journey of what I went through and then helping to prepare other people for their Saturn return.

Wow,

That is amazing.

So your mum actually had no idea about Saturn return?

None whatsoever.

And so she's quite,

She laughs and she's,

I mean,

She's,

If you ask me,

She's got crazy intuitive powers.

Like she's got some really,

Really amazing mystical powers that I think she hasn't fully realised and I don't know,

Maybe she will,

Maybe she won't,

But she always intuitively knew this,

But she had no idea about kind of metaphysics or astrology and wasn't interested in that really at all.

Very,

Very interesting.

So when you were 27,

Was that the time when you learnt about some of this stuff or it wasn't until later?

No,

It was literally.

So my awakening started this just the week before I was 28.

So up until 28,

I have really had literally no idea that there was anything kind of coming.

My life was this kind of like picture perfect life.

And I feel like I had worked really hard.

I'd gotten all of the things that I wanted in my life.

I'd worked really hard in a corporate job,

Like up the ladder to try to like get myself to a position,

You know,

Had this relationship,

Had,

You know,

A nice home with my sister,

Like,

But all the things that society says that you should have,

I had all of those.

But inside there was this thing,

There was this thing that wasn't,

Wasn't fulfilled,

Basically.

And it was only the week before my 27th birthday that I really started to,

I guess,

Become really aware of that.

Wow.

So can you tell us more about this thing that you just mentioned,

Like this unsatisfied thing within you?

Can you talk more about that?

Yeah,

I think it,

I think what it comes down to is purpose.

I had all of these things.

But none of those things were a purpose.

There was no,

There wasn't a meaning in it,

Right?

So in a corporate job,

We're kind of just pushing papers around,

We're not,

We're not creating meaningful,

We're not really creating any meaning in the world,

Right?

And so sure,

Like those corporate jobs need to exist.

And I really truly understand that.

And yes,

There's a reason for why you do what you do,

Of course.

But in terms of like a greater sense of purpose,

Like,

How can I be of service to the world?

I didn't feel like I was fulfilling that.

And I felt like there was this hole inside of me where I really,

Really knew I was supposed to be doing something else.

So I was supposed to be doing something more.

But I just had no idea what it was,

Because my whole life,

I'd never been the kind of person where I just kind of let life happen to me.

I always went,

You know,

Afterlife,

I always,

You know,

Managed to manifest the things that I wanted in my life,

I always was really kind of like clear,

Like,

What's my goals?

What do I want to achieve?

Where do I want to get to?

So it was really strange for me to be a week before my 28th birthday,

Feeling some sort of unsatisfaction with my life,

But really not having any clue why that was when I seemingly had it all and anyone looking from the outside of my life would look in and it would have said,

She has everything.

Why would she be unsatisfied?

Yeah,

And that totally makes sense.

And just going back to corporate jobs and like what you were saying about having purpose and meaning,

I think it really comes down to like the person,

Right?

There's some of us that are meant to do other things.

And then like you said,

There is a reason for those types of jobs.

And there are special types of people that need to do those jobs.

Because that does give them meaning.

But then there's other types of people that are more like,

I don't know,

That they are seeking something else.

And I just thought that was worth mentioning.

I don't know.

I'm so into like enneagrams these days.

I don't know if you know much about the enneagram,

But it's just fascinating how many different types of people there are and how so many of us are so similar,

But there's so many different types.

It's so interesting.

Yeah,

I think that one of the things I always stand by for myself is we all have our own journey.

So what my journey looks like isn't going to be the same as what yours looks like or what somebody else's looks like.

And just because I was listening to a podcast by Ram Dazz,

And he was talking about the curriculum that you get given.

So the curriculum that I got given,

That hand that I got dealt was to be in the corporate world was to learn from the experiences that I would have there.

Someone else may have totally different things,

But for me,

I needed to go through those challenges and see those through in order for me to grow into the person that I am today.

And so I think it's really interesting when you talk about people being different,

Everyone being really different and everyone being similar,

But then also,

We all need purpose and meaning,

But purpose and meaning comes in a variety of different ways for all of us.

So it can be so,

So different.

It can be from one extreme to the next,

Like one person's sense of meaning and purpose could be jumping out of a plane because they love that thrill.

Another person's could be,

How can I change the world?

What can I do to be of service to the world?

How can I change the world that I live in?

So I think that's really beautiful and I love that it is so vast in terms of what people see as their meaning or purpose in life.

Yeah,

I know I fully agree with that.

There's so many people out there that look at what you and I do online coaching and they couldn't imagine ever doing such a thing,

Right?

Yeah.

Yeah.

No,

I totally agree with that.

So you kind of gave us a glimpse as to what your life looked like before,

Like a week before your 28th birthday.

So can you take us through this awakening or this transformation,

Give us some more details about what that transformation actually looked like.

Like what happened?

Yeah.

Well,

It was a crazy ride.

And that was why I wrote about it in the end because I got to the end of my 28th year and I just said,

Oh my God,

This story has to be told.

Like I think that this is what a lot of people go through.

Maybe not exactly my story,

But I feel like when people read the story,

They usually say that they really resonate because a lot of the things that happened to me were not uncommon things.

So first of all,

It started,

So beginning part of my 28 journey was the relationship that I was in.

I had been with someone for a short period of time,

But we had decided to move in together and we were really both full into that relationship and was like planning to be together.

Not really be together and spend our lives together.

And we wanted to get a place together.

And the first part of my journey was really around me kind of having this,

I guess,

A freak out,

You know,

About,

Am I supposed to be living with this person?

What am I doing?

And it was all internal and I was not honoring my own truth.

So I was so badly seeking love and seeking that relationship and not wanting to be single and thinking,

Well,

I'm 28,

This is the time for me to be like married and have kids and all of this kind of stuff.

And it's my time now.

I didn't really want to honor what was really going on in that relationship and how it really wasn't serving me and probably how I wasn't serving them.

And so the first part of my 28th year was really about the breakdown of my relationship.

And so the book starts with me talking about where I was in that relationship and kind of,

I guess,

The things that went wrong with it.

And for me,

It was quite difficult because he,

Although I see things quite differently now because I'm three years on,

At the time it was really,

Really hard for me because we,

I guess,

Hadn't been together all that long.

It was eight months,

Right?

It's quite a short period of time,

I guess,

In the grand scheme of things.

But it was only when we actually physically moved in together that I felt like I got to see his true colors.

And before that,

I felt like he had maybe sold me a lie in some ways.

And once we actually moved in together,

It was very disempowering as a woman to be in a relationship with him.

He really was very controlling and it really was not a good positive place for me to be.

And I quickly,

Quickly realized that.

And within four weeks I moved straight back out,

Which was not what I intended to do at all.

And I definitely did not,

I was not planning on devaluing myself in that way.

And although it was really tough to come to the truth of what that situation was,

I really had to.

And we should never settle.

We should never be in something that makes us feel less than what we are or makes us feel like we're in danger.

And I really did feel that way in that relationship.

And so that was pretty deep and quite hard for me to deal with at the time.

And I really mourned that relationship a lot.

And I felt like I had done something wrong there.

And obviously as we go in our journey,

We can always look back and realize,

Yeah,

Well,

I could have done this or I could have done that.

But a lot of what I found in that relationship and in some of the other situations that presented themselves to me in my 28th year was really about how do I empower myself to make the right decisions and how do I honor my truth?

And I think having those two things is really important in any situation in our lives.

But a lot of the time we tend to shy away one from the truth,

Right?

Because that's scary.

Saying what you really want is a little bit scary,

Right?

Because it might not be what everybody thinks that you should have.

And also,

You know,

Just,

Yeah,

Relationships can be difficult.

And it's two people and it's two different people.

And so,

You know,

That doesn't always look like sunshine and roses.

So we have to be aware of that as well.

So moving through my journey a little bit more,

I then came,

So first had a breakdown of a relationship.

So that was really tough and then started to come out of that and then came to find out about veganism.

And that was something I had no idea about,

But my health at the time was really suffering because the corporate job that I was in,

I was working crazy hours.

I didn't really have time for a lunch break and I was probably snacking on like sugary sugary treats and just grabbing anything I could from a vending machine and was making at home way too late to eat dinner.

I was tired,

Couldn't be bothered.

My health was really not in a good place.

I wasn't nourishing my body.

I didn't have any kind of perspective of what good health looked like.

Although I'd grown up in a household where health was important,

My mom made me my vegetables.

It wasn't necessarily something that I had taken with me once I left home and came to discovering veganism,

Watched one 10 minute video and it literally changed my entire perspective on what that was.

Because before I found out about it,

I thought that it was just really weird that everyone wanted to save the animals.

And I just had no concept of what veganism was or why people did it.

And the 10 minute video changed my perspective completely.

I realized that it was more than just saving animals,

Although that is very important and it's important to me now.

So I've done kind of a whole complete change on that perspective.

But realizing the impact on our environment,

So rainforests and all of this kind of space that we actually take up to do animal agriculture,

Understanding how meat can have an impact on the meat and dairy industry,

Really has an impact on the foods that we eat and put into our body.

And from a health perspective,

Plant based diet is said to be amongst one of the healthiest diets that we could really have.

And so really just kind of stepped into that and then started to actually look at what was on my plate in front of me.

And I was,

How am I nourishing myself?

Hold on a second.

This bar of chocolate isn't going to cut it.

Like a snack from the vending machine isn't going to do it.

That's not dinner.

That's not lunch.

Wait a minute.

What am I drinking?

And then I really started to go deep into this whole kind of just complete transformation of what am I putting into my body?

What am I consuming?

And then I took that really deep because I didn't just question why I was eating,

But I started to look into all the forms of what I was consuming.

So what was I consuming in terms of television?

What was I consuming in terms of advertisements?

What was I consuming in terms of like everything?

And I really started to just ask all the questions under the sun.

Like,

Why,

Why,

Why,

Why,

Why?

I just couldn't stop asking why I was doing all of the things I was doing.

It really,

It really helped to kind of enlighten me in,

In that sense of things.

Yeah,

That makes so much sense.

So we talked about your relationship.

We talked about the change in how you were nourishing your body.

Was there any other big changes that happened throughout your 28th year before I start getting to my questions?

Yeah,

There's one more thing that I definitely need to mention,

Which is metaphysics.

So I,

I had,

I was not a spiritual person before my 28th year.

I'd been brought up in a religion for like up until the age of about 10.

And after that hadn't really,

You know,

I,

I think I believe that there was always something more,

But really had no kind of,

No kind of reason to look into spirituality,

To be aware of that,

To kind of care about it.

And along my 28th year I happened to meet a guru who really just started to help to teach me some various different techniques and ways that we can live.

And he helped to share and open my mind and,

And,

And myself up to,

You know,

More ways in terms of like raw foods and how that can nourish you,

Herbs,

Which I got really into and absolutely love.

I think they're so amazing for our nourishment of our bodies and just everything.

And I know that you do essential oils as well,

But it's like,

There's so many things that are just so fascinating that aren't necessarily like put out there in society as part of like the mainstream,

But are so beneficial to our health and to our wellbeing.

And he taught me so many different things about that.

So yeah,

He's,

He's,

He's in my book and I think a lot of people are quite interested because he helped me to find my purpose and that was really,

That was awesome.

And he was such a great teacher.

Yeah.

It's pretty amazing when teachers or figures like that,

Like come into our lives and just completely shift our world and teach us so much.

Oh,

Totally.

And one of the quotes that I have in my book is when the student is ready,

The teacher will appear.

And I think that we,

Yeah,

I think that we,

You know,

When we are truly ready,

That person will show up and they will be there to guide us in the way that we need to go.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So where did you meet him?

How did he actually show up into your life?

Well,

It's all really a mystery,

I suppose.

One day,

Gosh.

So he just,

It was crazy because he just turned up into my life.

I hadn't seen him around before.

He wasn't really there.

And he just started asking me the questions or seemingly started to know the answers to what I was thinking.

You know,

Like one day I was contemplating about my relationship and with my ex and I was having a hard time like post our breakup with some of the stuff that was going on as we,

As you do in relationships when you're trying to part ways and you then you have a house that you need to divide things and you know,

Organize things and bank accounts and all of this kind of crazy stuff.

And I was kind of in a little bit of a stress about that and I was kind of really just like,

Why doesn't he just leave me alone?

You know,

When you're in that space,

You just,

I just want someone to go away and leave me alone.

I don't want them to bother me anymore.

They've bothered me enough.

Please leave me alone.

And he just said,

Well,

I have an exercise for you.

I was like,

Who are,

Who the heck are you?

Why are you here?

And what the heck is this exercise?

But for some reason,

Although he was just kind of this mystery man that just showed up out of the blue,

I really felt like some kind of connection to him.

And for some reason,

Because of the way that he was and spoken,

I don't know,

He just had this kind of,

I don't know,

This way of being that I just kind of instantly connected with him and felt that even though the things that he was offering me seemed a little bit out there,

I felt like I should do this.

And so I guess that that was my intuition speaking to me that,

You know,

It's the right thing to do.

And I think that we know deeply inside whether we should or shouldn't do something.

And so I kind of just followed that gut reaction of,

Okay,

I'll give this a go.

And after the first exercise that he gave me,

And I tried,

I was pretty much hooked after that.

I was like,

I just wanted to spend more and more time with him.

I was like,

Where did you come from?

Like,

You know,

What are you,

What are you all about?

Like,

How can I learn more about this stuff?

Where did you learn this stuff?

You know,

And I was just obsessed,

Basically.

Well,

That is pretty incredible.

Are you still in touch with him?

Not right now.

No,

I think that with every teacher,

I was every good thing,

I guess,

It comes to an end,

You know,

If we look at life as a circle,

It's always coming back around again,

Right.

So I have no doubt that he will enter my life again at some point.

But I also believe that when you have a teacher and they show you something,

There has to come the point where you go out into the world and live for yourself,

Right.

So it's great to have someone there telling you what to do.

But you also need to learn like you need to learn to trust yourself to trust your own intuition,

Your own gut.

And I know,

Like,

Obviously,

With both of us being coaches,

You can't,

You can't have people with you forever,

Right?

Sometimes it will be lovely to and sometimes they want to.

But it's really important to make sure that you instil the right set of skills and tools and give them everything that they need in order to go on their way.

And that's what he would say to me.

He used to be like,

Please don't ever leave me.

And he said,

Look,

When the day comes for that to happen,

It won't,

You won't even think of it like that,

Because you already have everything that you need.

And he was right.

Yeah.

Wow.

So I know you shared with us about your relationship,

The breakup,

And the whole transformation around that.

And I think it's worth going back,

Because I know that something that so many women struggle with,

And I personally was in a situation back in 2014,

I was actually engaged to someone.

And throughout that entire year,

I was getting a lot of signs and closer to the time where it ended,

He actually ended up leaving me.

But leading up to that moment,

I was actually personally getting a lot of gut signs,

A lot of intuitive signs,

My soul was speaking to me a lot.

But I was very confused as to whether or not that was actually me or if I was just having these like really strange out there thoughts.

So it is and I personally think I am a very intuitive person.

And I know I am based on so many other life events.

But in that moment,

And I think it's because it's a relationship,

Right?

We know things can't be 100% perfect.

And I think a lot of women,

When they are in relationships,

That's kind of where their intuition can kind of get murky,

Or they can kind of start covering it up in a way.

So I would love for you to share with us more about some of like the intuitive signs you may have been getting and how you were able to actually realize that,

Okay,

This is my intuition speaking to me,

And I need to listen to it.

Yeah,

Sure.

So I think that all of us know,

So when it comes down to it,

Right,

You know,

For example,

When I'm trying to explain intuition to people,

I say to them,

Okay,

If you were walking down a street and all of a sudden,

You realize that you were in the wrong street,

And there was something,

There was a bad vibe about that street,

You would change the street that you're on,

Right?

Like you would take the right or the left turn as quickly as you could,

You would know that there was a sense like you feel this kind of like,

I'm in a sense of danger,

Or there's something feeling wrong here,

And you would change it really quickly.

It comes down to the same when we're talking about relationships or events or experiences.

It's the exact same as that,

But maybe sometimes the feelings are a little bit more subtle.

So we need to learn from the time where you're walking down the street and your intuition speaking like really loudly to you because it thinks that you're going to be in danger and it's kind of all the sirens are going off and you're like,

You know,

You start even maybe getting a little bit like feeling like a little bit hard to breathe and stuff like that.

That is like intuition definitely speaking to you.

Sometimes though,

Like I say,

When we're in relationships and stuff,

It's more subtle.

So need to start with the big things first and start to be aware of those.

And then we can learn to tap into the smaller things.

So every single day that you go about your life,

You're always getting little signs,

Like even the feeling where you're walking down the street and you have this crazy feeling like,

Oh,

I should go into that shop,

But you don't need anything from that shop.

And it's not a shop you'd ever go into.

Like for example,

I'm walking down the street and I should go into the shop,

But it's a pet store and I don't own a pet.

So why would I go into the shop?

Well,

A lot of the time we don't know why these things are saying these things to us,

But we should follow it.

And so for me,

I've learned really how to just,

Just be at one with that and to just,

You know,

If,

If the thing,

If something says to me,

Go and do that,

Like if someone's something saying to me internally,

Like just do that,

Man,

Just do it and see what occurs from it.

Maybe you're going to stop yourself from being in car accident,

Or maybe you've got to stop yourself from something else negative happening,

Or maybe you're going to get there and there's going to be like your childhood best friend from when you were five is going to be in the store and then you're going to be like,

Oh my God,

This is amazing.

So there's many ways in obviously which intuition can come to us.

I think when it comes to relationships,

Like you say,

It is so hard,

Especially for women.

For us to accept,

I think what our intuition is telling us and to accept the truth of a relationship because I think that there still is in some ways pressure on us to be in relationships.

And I say that for all humans,

That's not just a woman thing,

A woman thing,

That is a man thing as well.

It's very much like more socially acceptable for us to be in relationships and you know,

To have progression in relationships and all of that kind of stuff.

And especially if you're in a group where maybe all of your friends are in relationships,

Right?

It's going to feel really hard to let go or to be honest with yourself about the one that you're in.

Say you've been in something where you're engaged,

Right?

And it's like,

For me,

I was saying it wasn't an engagement,

But it was like that was the road we were going down.

And ultimately we were living together and it can feel really hard when those feelings start to arise.

You kind of don't know what to do with them.

You don't know where to go.

But the recommendation that I would make to any woman that is in a relationship and this conversation right now is resonating with her because she's feeling like,

Maybe it's just me,

Maybe the relationship is fine.

I would say just start gently like just tapping into and inviting whatever signals,

Whatever it is that you're experiencing,

Just invite that in more and just say like,

I'm open to receiving whatever it is that's coming through for me.

And I would start to journal about these things.

I think journaling is really helpful.

That's something that has helped me massively in my life because I find that it allows you the space to have freedom of thought and you can write as much as you want.

And for me,

Typically that's where the kind of those truths come out.

So when you're feeling you're in a relationship and something's disappointing you or something is feeling not right to you,

Maybe you can't put your finger on it exactly,

But maybe it's just not feeling right.

The amount of days that you write about how it doesn't feel right,

If you add those up,

If it becomes to more than like a month,

You know that you've got something serious happening in that relationship.

So maybe it's that you need to have an honest communication with the person that you're with and you need to both establish where you are because obviously we're always evolving as humans.

So where you start in a relationship will never be where you end up and you do both grow to be different people.

And sometimes that means that you grow apart and that what you want in life is not the same.

So it is important to keep establishing that communication.

I'd say journaling,

Journaling is the number one thing and following those signs,

Inviting them in and just giving them space to breathe and giving them space to actually be and listening to them.

And I fully agree with you.

Journaling is absolutely so powerful and I do recommend it or suggest it to so many of the women that I work with in my private practice,

But also my friends.

My friends will come to me with some personal issues and I always ask them,

Are you journaling about this?

Because it allows you to gain so much clarity.

But one thing that I find is so many people tell me that,

Oh,

I've tried that and I hate journaling or I tried that and it doesn't work for me.

So I give them suggestions of my own,

But for you being someone else who is an advocate of journaling,

What would you say to someone who maybe has tried journaling and it doesn't really work for them?

So they say,

Or they don't like it?

Oh,

That's an interesting one.

So I would say if you are struggling with journaling,

You need to begin with questions.

So usually what I do,

So every day I have a pretty good routine now where I stretch out and practice a little yoga in the morning.

I do some meditation and then I do morning pages,

Which was founded by Julia Cameron and she has a book called The Artist's Way,

Which is really,

Really incredible.

I highly recommend that as a read.

But one of the things that I would say to get into journaling is ask yourself questions.

So for me,

If I'm having a day where I'm struggling,

Maybe not every day is the same,

Right?

So some days you might sit down and then you don't feel like you want to write or you feel tired or you feel a little cranky or there's something going on and you don't really want to express yourself.

For me,

It's always in the questions,

Right?

So how am I feeling?

And then if you want to write,

I'm not feeling good.

I'm not feeling good.

I'm not feeling good like 10 times.

Eventually something else is going to come through.

So I believe it's a lot about having a series of questions that you resonate with that will get you to respond in a positive way.

And when I say in a positive way,

That may mean that the reaction is negative,

Right?

Or that the feelings that are coming up are negative,

But a positive reaction in terms of you'll be able to actually write about it.

A lot of the time I think we feel stuck with journaling because a piece of paper and a pen is in front of us and we don't even know where to start.

I would say it's just about starting.

And for me,

A lot of the time it's just like kind of mental chatter that's going on in your head that you put down.

So it's not an exercise to be a perfect writer.

You're not going to publish this as a book.

Nobody else is going to read it.

So it's about just freeing whatever is in your mind,

Whatever that is.

I'm thinking about the fact that I need to go and buy more almond milk right now.

I'm like,

Oh gosh,

I really have that course that I'm working on.

Oh,

I need to deliver that.

And oh gosh,

The deadline is this date.

Just whatever is there,

Let it out.

And a practice that can be really good as well is a free and fast practice.

So you literally just write as fast as you possibly can.

Don't think about it,

But you just write whatever comes out as fast as you can.

And that usually is one to kind of break the ice in terms of journaling as well.

Those are some great suggestions.

And I think honestly,

The majority of the people that are saying that it doesn't work for them or they just don't like it,

Haven't really allowed themselves the space to just write whatever they want.

They are in that mindset where they need to write about a certain something.

And then if it's not perfect or if it's not about that certain something,

Then they did it wrong and they don't enjoy it.

But it's the practice of just letting your thoughts just touch the paper,

Essentially.

So I do want to go back to your relationship because you said something that sparked my interest.

I am huge on educating and empowering women on loving themselves and providing them with the tools to do that.

And I think when it comes to relationships,

Like you said,

You were in a state you just wanted to be loved.

And a lot of the times I see women stuck in relationships because they are in the place of just seeking love,

But they're not actually giving that love to themselves,

Which is why they're kind of like stuck in these relationships.

So did you find from your personal journey that once you ended that relationship,

What has changed for you over the past few years in terms of loving yourself and self-love?

This is one of my favorite subjects,

So I'm really excited to tell you about this.

My first book was called 28,

The Age of Power.

And that was where I felt like I really come into my power.

I let go of things that weren't serving me.

I allowed satan to work its magic and awaken me.

But as I moved past that year,

It then became really apparent to me that love was a subject I had always been so curious about and had really no idea about.

And when I looked around me,

Most other people have no idea about it either.

But it's something that we all deeply,

Deeply long for.

We all really have this desire to be loved,

Right?

Whether it's by our parents or our siblings or,

You know,

Romantic partner,

That is something that we all really want.

And ultimately,

You know,

Like they say,

Like a baby,

When a baby is born,

If a baby is not loved,

It will die.

It needs that love.

It needs that care.

And so I actually went upon my own kind of journey really.

So the year while I was 30,

So I just finished last November,

I spent the entire year of 30 deepening my practice of love and coming to understand what love really is,

What it means,

How I can love myself better,

And how I can love others better.

And I think a few of the tips that I have really kind of,

Or some of the kind of findings that I had throughout that year were,

One,

The fact that love only shows up when you're ready.

So love will come when you are ready.

And it's assertive.

It says,

I love you.

It's right there.

It does not mess you around.

It does not disrespect you.

It does not undervalue you.

It does not make you feel bad.

It's everything that you could possibly dream of when love is ready and it presents itself to you,

Right?

And that can come from a space of not just a romantic partner,

But that can come from you saying yes to loving yourself,

Right?

Because if you love yourself and you respect yourself and you give yourself space and you can care for yourself in that way,

Then that can be equally as beautiful as a romantic relationship.

And I believe that we have to start there first,

Right?

How can we love another person if we don't know how to love ourselves?

If we don't know how to love ourselves,

It's impossible for us to give to anyone because our own tank is going to be empty.

And I kind of like to think about it like in the sense,

Well,

If you have a car,

The car runs out of petrol,

You fill it back up again.

With us as humans,

When we kind of run out of love,

We run out to seek to find someone to sit in the gap.

But what about if we just filled ourselves?

We don't need to buy,

Like when the car runs out of petrol,

You don't go and buy a new car.

You fill it up.

When we run out of love,

Why don't we just fill ourselves up instead of trying to find someone to fix us or fill us up from an external perspective?

Because you have so much more joy in any relationships,

Romantic and otherwise,

If you are full,

First of all.

But I think that there is a journey around learning how to love,

How to love yourself and how to love others.

And one thing,

Like I say,

I'm so excited about this subject.

I absolutely adore love.

I've always been kind of so perplexed by it in the past.

And after my year of learning to love,

I've just discovered so many different things about it.

And I actually have,

I'm working with the meditation app Insight Timer and actually have a love course coming out.

It's called Learning to Love.

It's coming out on the 14th of February for Valentine's Day.

Oh my goodness.

Yeah.

It's a very different course because it's not just about how to attract your soulmate.

I am not sure that that necessarily works.

I've tried some of those courses.

I don't really find any kind of joy with them.

But I think learning how to love and starting with that,

Starting with the question of what is love and how do I receive love and how might other people receive love and these kinds of things is the way I think that we can actually get onto the path of good self love and good self love practices and also learning to love others as well.

That is beautiful.

So thank you so much for sharing that.

And obviously,

Like I said,

This is a topic that I could literally talk about forever,

But we are nearing the end of the show,

Unfortunately.

And I do have one more question for you that I ask all of my guests and it's what does it mean to you to be unbreakable?

Oh my gosh.

So I've listened to your podcast before,

So I know that this is a question that you always ask and I love it because I think the term unbreakable is just,

I know it's an amazing term.

So what does it mean to me to be an unbreakable you?

Well,

I think it's about three years ago,

I would have said it's about learning to find your power and stand in that,

But now I would say it's about learning how to love and sharing that with others.

Thank you so much.

Can you please share where we can find you?

Because I know everyone is going to want to learn more from you.

Grab your books and just connect with you on social media.

Yeah,

Sure.

So you can find me on Instagram,

I'm fabs thoughts.

So that's F A B S T H O U G H P S.

So you can find me there and then you can find me on my website as well www.

Fabsthoughts.

Com.

On my website you can get my book 28 the age of power,

Which my first book and you can also sign up to find out about when my second book gets released,

Which will be called 30 the age of love where I talk about my journey to love.

And as I mentioned on the meditation app insight timer,

I also have a learning to love course coming out on Valentine's day.

Perfect.

I thank you so much for joining me today.

I had a blast with you,

Sweetheart.

Oh,

Me too.

I love speaking to you.