Four Ways of Letting Go | Dharma Talk With Ajahn Brahm

Straight from teaching a meditation retreat, Ajahn Brahm reveals ways of letting go. Ajahn offers a teaching on how to train your mind to let go, to be peaceful and happy. And reflects upon why we find it so hard to let go of our hurts and difficulties and how beneficial letting go is for us and others.

Transcript

Okay,

So as Dennis said,

I just interrupted meditation retreat down at our retreat centre in Jhāna Grove to come and give this talk this evening.

The retreat finishes tomorrow evening and so obviously my mind has been full of talks and meditation and so I thought I'd drag one of those talks out and recycle it today.

Recycling is all the rage.

But not just to recycle it because it's an interesting aspect of how,

Not just to meditate,

But just how to let go of difficulties in your life.

This is the talk on the four ways of letting go.

And this is straight from a Buddhist teaching,

In fact the first teaching of the Buddha,

As part of that teaching.

But also it's a case that number one,

No matter whether you meditate or you don't meditate,

Whether you're a Buddhist,

A Christian,

A Muslim,

A Hindu or whatever,

Each one of us has from time to time to learn how to let go.

Because sometimes that not being able to let go,

Carrying around the bad memories of the past,

The bad feelings of the present,

The fears of the future,

Not being able to let them go causes us so much pain and suffering.

And not just us pain and suffering,

It causes all the people who have to put up with us a lot of pain and suffering.

So at the very least,

For the compassion of your family and the people you work with,

Please train your mind to be able to let go to be peaceful and happy.

And so that's one of the reasons I decided to be happy,

Out of compassion for all the people who have to put up with me.

That's a very good reason.

So you learn something in Buddhism called how to let go.

And by learning how to let go,

It doesn't mean you let go all the time and become a monk or a nun.

Even if you do become a monk or a nun,

You still have to work hard,

You have to keep your responsibilities.

You can't just let go all the time,

But it's a very beautiful part of your repertoire that you know at any time,

In any situation,

You've got something to do which most other people can't do.

You just let things go and let things be.

Simple things.

It always surprises me why it is that someone hurts you.

They cheat you,

They let you down,

They say terrible things about you big time.

Why can't you just let it go?

Because if you don't let it go,

That person continues to hurt you,

Continues to harm you.

It's a really weird thing,

Isn't it?

They've hurt you once and because you attach to it and carry it around,

They hurt you again and again and again and again.

Every time you think of it,

They're hurting you one more time.

When you look at it that way,

It's totally unreasonable,

Illogical.

One of the most foolish thing you could ever do is to get angry at someone who hurt you.

Because when they hurt you and you get angry,

They're hurting you twice over.

So if someone hurts you,

Can't do anything about it,

Let it go,

It's gone.

You let it go and they can only ever hurt you once and then you let it go.

So easy to do when you realize how you let these things go.

Not only that,

Sometimes we have all these fears of the future.

I don't know,

Some of you probably,

If you haven't yet,

One day you go to a doctor and say,

You've got breast cancer,

You've got prostate cancer,

You've got lung cancer,

You've got some sort of cancer.

There's a whole variety of cancers now,

Just like the whole variety of them usually.

When I was young,

You could only get one brand.

So this is the choice you have these days.

So when you have any of these diseases,

What do you do?

You worry yourself sick.

You're already sick enough,

And now you worry yourself sick even further.

It's a totally daft and stupid thing to do.

So why can't you let go of the future?

Enjoy this moment.

And as I said,

I actually never said that this evening,

It's strange,

I used to say this every week,

In meditation,

Where is your future made?

When is the only time you can do anything about your future?

Right now.

This is the place,

Your future,

Peace,

Health and happiness is being constructed.

So every time you worry about your future,

Oh,

What's going to happen to me?

I'm going to die.

You're actually neglecting the place you can do something,

Which is right now.

So if you can just make peace,

Be kind,

Be gentle,

If you can let go of the future and the past and just be now,

You're going to be a very healthy,

Happy,

Successful person.

And people sort of do bad things to you,

Just let it go.

Why should I allow those people to control my happiness?

Or as one of my favourite sayings goes,

You know you get these calendars,

You used to get the calendars,

We run out of them,

Every year the Buddhist Society makes a calendar and they try and put some of Ajahn Brahm's sayings on that calendar.

And the one saying I like the most,

Which never gets on that calendar,

Is this one,

Why seek for revenge?

Because you know that karma will get the bastards anyway.

I don't know why that never gets on the calendar.

But it's a good one,

Isn't it?

You don't have to do anything,

Karma will sort it out,

Leave it alone,

You let it go.

The trouble is we all know it's a reasonable thing to let it go,

It makes a lot of sense.

But you can't do it.

Which is why we teach the four ways of letting go.

Instead of saying let go,

How do you let go?

Tell me how to let go.

And now the Buddha is going to tell you how to let go with the four ways of letting go.

The first way of letting go,

It was starting off with an old experience with my teacher Ajahn Chah a long time ago.

He was,

We were walking back from alms round and a great teacher,

They always find an opportunity to sort of give you some teaching.

But not these teachings with so many words and big concepts,

Just simple down to earth teachings which once you hear you think,

Crikey that's really good.

And you remember it and it changes much of your life.

What he did on this occasion walking back,

He picked up a stick,

There's forest all over the place,

Picked up a stick and turned around and says,

Bhama Wangso is this heavy?

Is this heavy?

Not now.

I was very careful,

I didn't throw that too far,

I wonder why it was going to bust.

It's only heavy when you hold it.

But if you let it go,

It's got no weight at all.

Profound,

Simple and unforgettable.

So what heavy things have you got in your life right now?

Job,

Cancer,

Relationship problems,

Money problems,

Is that heavy?

It's only heavy when you hold it.

So why on earth can't we let it go?

Why can't we throw it away?

At the retreat I told all those people who are still worried about their family,

Worried about their job,

To actually to get a stick in the forest in Jhāna Grove and either get a pen or carve my family on the stick.

Look at that stick,

That's my family and throw it as far as you possibly can.

So you're free for nine days and you can change that,

You can put my job,

You can put my husband,

My wife,

My kids,

My life,

Throw it away.

Because what that does,

It gives you an understanding that the first way of letting go is chucking things out.

Because you live such complicated lives.

You have so many things in your basket.

And that means you cannot travel lightly on the journey of life.

Imagine a big backpack,

You see all these backpackers in Perth.

I used to go backpacking,

My backpack was really small,

These days I have huge backpacks.

Just wonder what they got in there,

What do you actually need in there?

Probably got their computer and they didn't have computers in those days,

Just go to a box as a phone if you want to read,

Don't have to have your own phone,

But you have very light in those days.

They got big backpacks.

Imagine you've got a big backpack on and it's really heavy,

It's full of all these not just clothes but rocks,

Heavy granite rocks.

And you walk through life with this and you just don't know how to take it off and put it down.

You're going to get very tired.

You're going to get very sick and you're going to have no happiness at all.

You're going to be so grumpy because every moment of your life you're exhausted.

Do you feel exhausted in your mind?

Why?

Because you've been carrying too many things in the backpack around your mind.

So we actually look in that backpack,

What can I throw away?

And this is the first way of letting go.

See what you can jettison,

See what you can throw away.

It's amazing,

You can throw away many,

Many more things than you could imagine and nothing goes wrong.

If you throw away all this concern about your future and past,

Actually nothing goes wrong.

That's the first big stone to get out of your backpack and throw away.

I don't know about your history.

Has it been a good history or a bad history?

I haven't got a clue because I threw my stone out a long time ago.

So you're free of your past.

The past is a prison.

It's a cell with an open door.

You can walk out any time you like.

But a lot of times,

Just like people who have been in prison a long time,

They're just a bit afraid of leaving.

They've been used to that prison cell.

So much so,

It's hard to walk out.

But once they have the courage to let go of the past,

Just like the prisoner walking out for the first time,

Freedom,

Ah,

I feel so good and so happy.

This big burden,

This big pain,

This big rock,

I've let go of.

Isn't that wonderful?

So see if you can look at your past.

Even get a stick in the forest,

Write my past on it and throw it,

It's far even better,

Get a rock,

Spray paint past on it and throw it in the river and let it sink with no trace left behind.

And then imagine how free you feel.

You know,

You can do this,

You can let go of these things.

But when we don't have the courage to let go,

The first way of letting go with throwing things away is have someone convince you it can be done and it's good to do.

A lot of times we think we shouldn't.

A lot of times we think we can learn from the past.

You don't learn from the past,

You actually get a lot of pain from the past.

You learn much more from letting go of the past than you do from keeping the past.

So we just allow it just to disappear.

And as for the future,

What might happen next?

At the retreat people were telling me about 2012,

When the world is going to end,

The tectonic plates are going to shift,

There's going to be tsunamis,

There's going to be earthquakes.

So forget about having a mortgage,

You don't have to pay it off for another two years.

Of course it's not going to end in two years' time or whatever it is.

You don't think about that.

In fact I sold in Indonesia,

People were talking about it,

Even in Indonesia,

In the islands over there.

And I said,

Look,

I volunteer my monastery and the whole Buddhist society of Western Australia with all its assets against your house.

I'll bet.

If the world ends,

You get our monastery and the Buddhist society of Western Australia's assets.

If it doesn't end,

We get your house.

No one took me up on it.

Of course,

You know that's not much of a deal.

But people are so afraid of the future.

One thing I can guarantee you about your future,

You know I can read futures,

Just like Ajaan Shah used to do,

I can predict.

And I predict the future of Australia.

And I tell you,

I won't be wrong,

The future of Australia is uncertain.

That's not just a joke.

That actually shows you that you cannot know what's going to happen next.

Any time in your life,

You just know,

You don't know what's going to happen.

Your life has been so surprising.

It's gone in directions you could never have predicted,

Each one of you.

And that's just the uncertainty of our life.

So let go of the future,

Throw it away.

So what we're doing is we're letting go by throwing things out,

Seeing what we can jettison,

Seeing what we don't really need on our journey.

And then next thing you can do is throw away this complaining mind.

Look,

Dogs are barking again.

How many times do they bark?

Should we do something about these dogs?

You can't.

You know,

That's what dogs do.

They bark.

That's their nature.

So throw away all this complaining.

No.

I've finished now,

You can stop barking dogs.

Same as your husband.

Sometimes you want to throw your husband away.

That's what husbands are like,

That's what they do,

That's what wives do,

That's what kids do.

I was on this aircraft,

Many aircraft flying all over Indonesia and they always have these kids,

All the time in the aircraft.

Sometimes I think,

Can we not open the door and throw them out?

But I can't do that because I'm a compassionate monk.

But instead of throwing the baby out,

What you do is you throw your complaining out the window.

Stop complaining,

Let go of that.

So I look at my mind and you've got this what we call fault-finding complaining mind.

You know what that type of mind is.

That fault-finding complaining mind can drive you nuts.

There's always something wrong.

Buddhist society,

There's always something wrong with this place.

Like today,

We didn't have the right tea.

That's not good enough.

If it's not the right tea,

Next week,

Dennis Shepherd,

President,

I'm not coming ever again.

Now of course you don't think like that because that's just a complaining negative mind.

And it doesn't get you anywhere.

Even if you do get the right tea,

Someone will drink it before I get to it,

So who cares?

So the point is,

Just let go of your complaining mind.

Throw it out.

Has that ever got you anywhere?

When you look at that complaining mind,

It just drives you nuts and makes you a really terrible person to live with.

So there's nothing else.

You can see,

I don't want this.

Literally,

Throw it away.

It's as easy to do as that.

Just letting go of the negativity.

And letting go of all this stupid thinking we do.

Not only the negative thinking,

But even some of the positive thinking.

Because we think far too much and that stops us getting any peace in life.

Whenever you're thinking about life,

You can't enjoy life.

You're just listening to the commentary.

You're reading a book about life.

The thoughts and ideas in your mind,

You're not really enjoying the real thing.

That's why there's this old simile.

It's an old meditation story of Lao Tzu.

Every evening he would go on a walk and he'd choose one of his disciples.

Only one could go on a walk with the great master.

There was a golden rule.

If you weren't on a walk with the great Taoist master,

You had to be quiet.

You weren't allowed to speak.

Not even one word.

One day this young man was going on a walk with the master and they got to a ridge in the mountains at sunset and it was one of these amazing gorgeous sunsets.

And the young man couldn't help himself but say,

Wow what a beautiful sunset.

He broke the rule.

Lao Tzu turned around,

Went back to the monastery,

Would never allow that young man to go on a walk ever again.

The young man's friend pleaded for him,

Said look there's only one sentence.

Give him a break.

Cut him some slack.

What's the big deal anyway of keeping silent?

And that's when the master said this very profound explanation.

He said,

When that young man said what a beautiful sunset,

He wasn't watching the sunset anymore.

He was only watching the words.

He wasn't watching the sunset.

He was only watching the words.

That's actually very deep.

Every time you think what a beautiful sunset,

You're not watching it anymore.

You're watching the words.

And so much of us,

We just watch words.

That's all our life is,

Just words.

Just divorced from real life.

We don't feel,

We don't see,

We don't hear.

We just live in what we think we hear,

What we think we see,

What we think we know.

It's a great thing to be able to throw out all that thinking.

And you get peaceful life at last.

You don't have to do this all the time.

Just every now and again,

Learn how to throw it out.

I told a story a long time ago about my mother's mantel shelf.

She's an English woman.

Well,

She's in a home now.

She's very old.

But in her house,

Like many English people's house,

They had a fireplace.

And above the fireplace they have mantel shelf.

And on that mantel shelf they keep the knick-knacks,

The mementos,

The photographs and all the things which bring back happy memories.

And so that one day,

I'd just been in Australia for a few years,

And I went to visit my mother and so I brought her a gift.

And what sort of gift do you bring?

Someone gave me a stuffed kangaroo.

You know,

A little fluffy toy.

Really cute.

So I brought that back and gave it to my mother and she liked it very much.

She put it on her mantel shelf.

Next time I went over there,

Someone managed to get me a koala.

And so I took that back and she said,

Oh it's so beautiful.

Every time I see this I can remember you in Australia.

So she put it on her mantel shelf next to the kangaroo.

The next time I managed to get a kukkupara.

The time afterwards,

A platypus.

The fifth time I went,

I managed to get a wombat.

The trouble was the wombat was so big,

She tried to put it on the mantel shelf and all the other ones fell off.

And she spent about an hour trying to balance it on her shelf and everything else fell off.

I said,

Why don't you throw those other things away?

She said,

No,

These are nice,

They remind you of me.

And he had so much rubbish on that shelf.

And I said,

Mother,

This is like the person,

They get one more thing in their head,

They have nervous breakdown.

Your mantel shelf is having nervous breakdown.

That's what happens,

We collect so many thoughts and so much stuff.

So if that was my mantel shelf,

Every time if I got a kangaroo,

I just put that on,

Everything else will be clear.

The next time someone gave me something else,

I'd throw that one away and get something new.

So one thing at a time in your head and then your mantel shelf inside your brain never ever has a nervous breakdown.

That's what I always do.

I have all these jobs which I'm supposed to do.

I've just been on this teaching tour of Indonesia,

All over the place.

And I'm also spiritual director of the Buddhist Society of Western Australia,

Abbot Bodhinyana Monastery,

Look out for the Nuns Monastery at Dharmasara,

Spiritual advisor of the Buddhist Society of South Australia,

Spiritual advisor,

Patron of whatever,

Buddhist Society of Victoria,

The director of Wat Buddhadharma in Sydney,

Spiritual patron of Bodhikusama Meditation Centre,

Director of Brahm Education Centre in Singapore,

Spiritual patron of Buddhist Fellowship in Singapore,

What else am I doing?

Vice chair of the Australia Sangha Association,

A few other things,

I've missed out a few,

What is it?

I forget now.

Anyway,

I've got all these jobs.

But I only do one at a time.

So when I'm sort of here in this building,

I just put Buddhist Society of Western Australia on my mantel shelf and that's all I am.

And then as soon as I leave,

I throw that away and then I'm just teacher at Jhana Grove Meditation Retreat Centre and that's the only thing on my mantel shelf.

And as soon as I leave that and go back to Bodhinyana Monastery,

I throw that away,

Now Abbot Bodhinyana Monastery,

I just got one thing on my mantel shelf at a time.

That's why you're sane and peaceful and happy.

So throw things away and only keep one thing,

The present moment,

What's happening now.

That becomes the first way of letting go,

Learning to throw things out and stop keeping so much,

Especially don't keep the past or the future.

Second way of letting go is just learning what freedom truly is.

And this particular story is an anecdote when one of our monks,

When I was too busy doing all these other things,

We used to go teaching in prison but another monk started teaching in prison.

When he started teaching in prison,

This was in Kajarina Prison,

One of the top security jails.

After a while the monks,

The prisoners there said,

Can you stay back a bit longer,

We want to sort of talk to you,

Just find out about you.

So he stayed back a little bit longer,

They gave him a cup of tea and some chocolate.

You know if you give a monk a cup of tea and chocolate they're going to stay forever so he stayed behind for a bit of tea and chocolate and they started asking him questions about life in a Buddhist monastery in the West.

What do you guys do?

Have you ever wondered what we do,

You know,

In our monastery?

And so he said,

Okay,

The day in the life of a monk,

We get up at four o'clock in the morning and just at that the prisoners were aghast.

Four o'clock in the morning,

Even in prison you don't have to get up that time.

And the monk,

He did actually make a qualification,

He said actually it's voluntary,

It's optional getting up at four o'clock in the morning which is true,

It's optional,

You can always get up earlier if you want to.

That's the only option.

And then what do you do?

And he told them,

We meditate.

He said,

What,

Can't you just like watch the end of the late night movie?

He said,

No we don't have TV's,

You don't have TV's in the monastery,

We have TV's in our cells.

In prison,

That's terrible.

So what do you do then?

You have your breakfast.

We do have a breakfast at the monastery,

We usually have one cup,

We have cereal in it and that's about it.

Or you know someone like Santuti,

You know,

He has his noodles,

But it's only one cup,

That's all.

And I said,

Wow,

You know in casuarina jail we can have bacon,

We have pancakes,

We can have cereal,

We have everything there,

Whatever you want.

He said,

Why didn't you do that in the monastery?

No,

No,

We only have just a bit of cereal and that's it.

And then what do you do in the morning?

And then we work hard at Bodhinyana monastery.

We do this amazing chores,

You know,

Building.

And even I do that,

You know,

If you go down to a retreat centre,

We're doing this ramp and I was spending two days cutting the bricks,

You know,

This huge angle grinder,

Really heavy work,

Getting myself all dusty.

And I like some joining in when there's any concrete work.

I tell the story once,

We're doing concrete work.

When you do concrete work,

He was the monk,

You get it all splashed all over you.

So you know,

It's boys being boys and I'm still a boy,

You know,

Still just maybe a bit old to be a boy,

But I still like getting myself all dirty.

So I got all this concrete on top of me.

As I was walking back to my hut to have a shower,

You pass the Sri Lankan woman and she was in this really expensive site,

She was visiting the monastery.

She came up to me and I'll never forget this,

She said,

I've come to see the Abbot Ajahn Brahm.

And I was thought very quickly and I said,

Madam,

If you go to the hall over there,

He'll probably be there in about 15 minutes.

That was enough time for me to go to my room,

Get a shower and get changed into some clean robes.

So I went up to the hall and there she was waiting.

I said,

I'm Ajahn Brahm,

You know,

She never recognised me.

That's how dirty I was.

And I gave her a nice talk,

You know,

About the monastery and about Buddhism,

What we're doing here.

And she was really impressed.

So just before she left,

She said,

You know,

You've got a really good monastery and you're a really good monk,

But if you don't mind me saying this,

I saw this really dirty monk when I came here and I think you should do something about that.

I said,

I'll talk to him later,

Ma'am.

Which I did.

So that's actually how hard we work.

And when the prisoners heard this,

Again,

They were really surprised.

Because yeah,

I mean,

In prison you have to do jobs,

But I mean,

They really take it easy in those jails in Australia.

They said,

They'll never get us to work that hard.

They said,

Didn't you have your lunch?

Yeah,

We have our lunch.

We have it,

You know,

You've been to,

Many of you have been to our monastery,

We eat it out of a bowl.

Everything goes in one bowl.

You know,

Sometimes it's true you do get curry on spaghetti.

No,

Sorry,

I've got that wrong.

You've got custard on spaghetti,

That's right.

Have you ever had custard on spaghetti?

Why are you saying yuck for?

You've never eaten it.

But actually you're right,

It is gross.

So I know you have custard on spaghetti.

I've had ice cream on curry.

Chocolate ice cream.

Yeah,

That's also yucky.

Because you put it in your bowl.

And for me,

Because I'm the senior monk,

I put it in the bowl myself and I give it to somebody to take up because that's their duty.

And by the time they're not really careful,

They shake it all over the place.

You know,

I put it in the right positions when I start.

By the time it gets up,

It's all over the place.

But that's life.

And they were saying that sort of in prison,

Actually,

Even when you go to solitary,

You get a tray.

You know,

The custard is here and the spaghetti is over there.

Separate compartments.

Don't you have compartments in your bowl?

Look at our bowls.

We don't have compartments.

It all goes all over the place.

That's disgusting.

So what do you do in the afternoons?

So we meditate.

Kind of sort of,

You know,

Play some music or sort of play a game of footy or something.

No,

We're not allowed to play footy.

We just meditate all afternoon.

So we don't get bored.

I don't know what I'm supposed to do.

I suppose you hang out for dinner.

Dinner?

We don't have dinner in our monasteries.

We just eat in the morning time.

There's no dinner.

Or even in prison,

They give you something to eat in the evening and you have snacks throughout the day,

Whatever you want.

So what do you do in the evening then?

You know,

Can you play cards?

You know,

Play Monopoly or something?

Pass the time?

And they said,

No,

We can't do that.

Don't tell us,

They said.

You meditate,

Don't you?

Yeah,

Of course we do.

Oh God,

That must be terrible.

Then what time do you go to bed?

And the monk said,

Bed?

Bed?

We don't have beds.

I sleep on the floor.

They were absolutely disgusted.

Even in prison they put you in that little cot with a mattress on top.

Not in our monastery.

I sleep on the floor.

And anyway,

The prisoners were actually really surprised.

They were really surprised.

But not only surprised,

They felt sorry for this monk who had been visiting them.

And this is a true story,

One of them was so upset that this man who they got to like was living in such a harsh situation,

One of them blurted out,

That's terrible in your monastery.

Why didn't you come in here and stay with us instead?

And they had a point.

It is actually much more comfortable in any prison in Western Australia than in Bodhinyana monastery or even in Dhammasabhadna's monastery.

So why is it that people are trying to get out of jail and they're trying to break into our monastery to stay there,

Waiting lists.

And that got me thinking,

What's the difference between a monastery and a prison?

Prison is actually more comfortable.

Monastery is much more harsher.

What's the difference?

The only difference is in a monastery,

People want to be there.

In a prison,

Doesn't matter how comfortable it is,

People don't want to be there.

That's the only difference.

And from that you worked out there are many prisons in life.

I saw the many prisons I had made for myself and the many prisons other people continue to make for themselves.

Any place you don't want to be,

That's your prison.

If you don't like this talk and you're thinking when's it going to end,

This hall is your prison,

You don't want to be here.

If you're in a relationship which you don't like,

Your relationship is your prison,

You don't want to be there.

If you're in a job which is not giving you any satisfaction,

Now the prison for you.

Even in a body which is sick,

You don't want to be here,

Your body is now a prison.

Any place you don't want to be is a prison.

However,

It's a very easy way to escape from those prisons you make in life.

You don't need to change your husband,

Your wife,

You don't need even to change your job,

You don't even need to get better with your sickness.

All you need to do is to change your attitude and want to be here.

When you want to be here,

You're free.

It doesn't matter sort of how painful,

Uncomfortable it is,

As long as you want to be here,

Then you are free.

That's called contentment.

It's the second way of letting go.

Want to be here,

Wherever here happens to be.

And that's one of the most powerful attitudes,

Especially when you're meditating and also other times in your life.

When you're meditating,

Doesn't matter what you're experiencing,

You can be dull,

Sleepy,

Restless,

Thinking,

All sorts of weird things in your head.

But if you want to be here,

You feel peace and freedom.

If you want to be somewhere else,

You'll always feel this tension and suffering.

The great trick is you don't need to change anything except your attitude and want to be here.

Not only when you're meditating,

But there are many other times in your life,

So you're stuck in a traffic jam.

You've got no choice.

It's not going to move faster because you get angry.

So when you're stuck in a traffic jam,

Want to be there.

And if you want to be here,

It causes you no stress at all.

You feel perfectly free and at ease and at peace in the traffic jams of your life when you want to go somewhere and you can't.

The only thing of stress is I want to be somewhere else.

I don't want to be here,

Just like in a prison.

If you want to be here,

You're free.

There comes a time when you're dying,

You're sick and in pain.

I've seen so many people struggle at that time and it's so sad and desperate to see.

So when that's you in your last moments of life,

Just all the struggle,

It's not going to get you anywhere.

There's no escape,

You're dying.

So don't make a prison of your body at the very end.

Instead,

Want to be there.

If you want to be there,

You're totally free.

That's the third,

Second way of letting go,

Wanting to be here.

The other,

Third way of letting go,

This all comes from the Dhammacakkha Puvattana Sutta,

The third noble truth.

The Buddha said,

Let it go craving leads to enlightenment.

I've already mentioned two of the ways he said to let go.

The third way of letting go is called giving.

Not ordinary giving,

But giving expecting nothing back in return.

In this hall here,

This hall has been built for a long time,

There's no sign saying who gave this.

There's no names of the donors of this place.

Even in our retreat centre,

Which cost over five million.

Many people donated,

Many,

Many small sums and big sums.

There's not even one sign in that retreat centre opposite our monastery of who gave what.

There's a reason for that.

Because we encourage giving expecting nothing back in return.

If you give donation and expect to have your name inscribed over the entrance of that hall which you donated,

That's not called giving.

That's called buying advertising rights,

Selling your name.

That's not real giving.

So for us,

The way Buddha described it,

It's giving expecting nothing back in return.

So what does that mean,

You're letting go?

When you get married and have a relationship,

Are you giving or are you expecting something back in return?

Are you really letting go?

Too often we expect things back in return and that causes a huge amount of suffering in life.

And our expectations never get realised.

You'll find that much of your life is expectations being frustrated,

Being thwarted.

All the things were promised to you when you were young,

Which you expected from life.

How many of them have you reached and got?

Mostly very few.

When you get married,

When you get your job,

When you get out into the workplace,

When you go travelling,

You have so many expectations and the more expectations you have,

The less you can enjoy the trip which is your relationship or your life.

If you can go into a relationship,

Giving expecting nothing at all,

See what happens,

You'll get a huge amount of fulfilment.

Even when you meditate,

Those people who meditate,

Expected to get something,

They're the ones who cause all the problems.

If you want to get enlightened,

If you want to get peaceful,

If you want to get rid of your cancer,

If you're doing it to expect something,

There'll never be any peace for you.

That's why again,

Quoting Ajahn Chah,

He used to say,

You meditate not to get something,

Not to attain things,

You meditate to let go.

It's an act of giving,

Expecting nothing back in return,

Of emptying,

Of letting go.

It's a beautiful way of living life.

Whenever I give any talks,

I don't expect anything back in return and usually I don't get anything.

Even this evening,

Not the right cup of tea,

I don't expect it anyway,

Who cares?

So whenever you do anything,

You give it,

You don't expect anything back.

Sometimes people get quite surprised at that.

There was somebody rang me up once from here.

It was a Polish lady actually,

I remember her.

And she rang me up and said,

Are you giving a talk tonight?

And I said,

Yeah,

I'm giving a talk tonight here in this centre.

And she said,

How much do you have to pay to get in?

I said,

Nothing,

You don't have to pay anything to get in,

You all know that.

And she stopped a while and then she said,

You don't understand me,

How much money do you have to pay to get through the door?

I said,

Madam,

You don't have to give any money to go through the door,

Just come in and listen,

If you don't like it,

You can go out again.

And then she paused again.

She said,

Listen,

How much dollar and cents do I have to cough up to come listen to your talk?

I said,

Madam,

You don't have to cough up anything.

You don't have to pay any money to go in,

You don't have to pay any money to go out.

We don't give you sort of brochures and propaganda,

You know,

Which will ask you money afterwards,

It's totally for free,

Just come in and listen and you go out again afterwards.

And then she paused,

I always remember this pause,

Because I knew that she was really surprised.

And then she asked with utmost sincerity,

Well,

What do you guys get out of this then?

She couldn't believe that you can do something expecting nothing back in return.

You just give.

That becomes such a beautiful way of living a life,

To give expecting absolutely nothing back in return.

Why?

Because it's just a joy to give.

I think I mentioned a few weeks ago here,

Every morning when I'm having my breakfast,

The cat comes up to steal my milk.

So,

You know,

Usually I've got enough but sometimes I go without.

At least I have half instead of the whole,

Which I usually have.

So the cat,

So I give to the cat.

Do I get anything back in return for the cat?

No,

It's this thing that slips and goes away.

Never says thank you,

Not even a meow from the cat.

You know what cats are like,

So proud.

But anyway,

Who cares whether the cat sort of lets me pat it or stroke or whatever,

I don't care,

Just love giving.

So you actually,

You do give expecting nothing back in return.

You give to your cats and dogs and other people.

Sometimes mothers give to their kids.

They just want to give.

They're not thinking of getting anything back in return.

That's a beautiful way of letting go.

So why don't you give to life?

Give all your kindness,

Your love,

Your energy to life,

Expecting nothing back in return.

And then you know what letting go is and what the spiritual life is all about.

It's not what I'm getting out of this,

It's what I can give.

And of course I've given my whole life to this.

That's why I'm so rich.

Not materially,

But with happiness and health and peace.

That becomes the third way of letting go.

Giving,

Giving to your partner,

Not expecting anything back in return.

Giving to life,

Not expecting anything back in return.

Giving all your energy to this moment,

Expecting nothing back.

It's called the third way of letting go.

Just no expectations.

When you have no expectations life becomes so interesting.

You're not demanding anything.

Just life gives you so much.

Usually it gives you what you least expect.

You have much more fun that way.

You don't anticipate things.

All the gifts of life come as a great surprise.

I never expected that.

Isn't that wonderful?

Life becomes far more enjoyable that way.

And the fourth way of letting go is called having the Teflon mind.

When nothing sticks to it.

So you have this beautiful experience now.

Don't try and take notes and try and remember what's being said so you can make sure you act this way in the future so you can be a better human being.

You don't need to try to remember.

These things will just stick in your mind anyway.

So don't try and collect things and allow things to stick to you.

You have this beautiful moment.

Enjoy it now knowing it's going to go.

So you can be free for the next moment to come.

And then let that go too.

And all the happiness and the unhappiness of life never stick to you.

Which means you can always be free for the next moment.

Not allowing the last moment to influence this one.

You just flow through life and again collecting no mementos.

Expecting nothing for the future.

Someone says something rotten to you.

It just goes right through you.

As I say while we have two ears.

If you look very carefully one says in and the other one says out.

So that way we don't need to keep anything.

That way all of the happy moments we can let those go too because be careful if you keep the happy moments.

That gives you so much expectations.

So much comparisons.

It means you can't enjoy the next moment.

Have to let go of all the moments.

Happy and sad moments of the past.

So you've got this mind,

This body,

This life to which nothing sticks.

Which means you can always enjoy whatever's happening next.

Not allowing the past to stop you being free in the present.

And that especially goes with all your knowledge and understanding.

Sometimes when we learn something it sticks to us and it makes us so,

If you don't mind me saying conceited that we cannot face the reality of the present moment.

People with too much knowledge can never understand the truth of now.

That's why,

Again one of my other favourite sayings is never allow knowledge to stand in the way of truth.

Never allow knowledge to stand in the way of truth.

Knowledge is all that you've learned,

All you expect to be.

Which means when you expect something to be,

When you know what it's all about,

It means that that blocks you from seeing the truth and the uniqueness of what's happening right now.

And too many people even know too much about Buddhism even.

So they can never understand it.

They can never understand the truth of this moment.

What's actually happening right now.

They can never be at peace with this moment.

They can never be free.

They can never have real happiness no matter what happens to them in their life.

Why?

Because they always allow their knowledge to stand in the way of truth.

So remember all the knowledge is just the signposts.

It's just the directions.

It's not the real thing.

And the last simile,

An old simile but a great one.

To understand what I mean by not allowing knowledge to stand in the way of truth.

There was once a professor of philosophy here in Perth.

Yeah?

The experience is important,

Which we're now going to see with a simile of the professor and.

Ah,

Experience is past is when it's interpreted from the knowledge of your past.

In other words you take the experience and you compare it with something else.

Which means it becomes limited by the past.

To learn the words actually stand in the way of truth.

That's why in meditation we learn how to be absolutely quiet.

To feel and to know.

That becomes the truth in the same way that the student of Lao Tzu could actually see,

Didn't see the sunset,

Only saw the words.

And that great Taoist master made a very good comment that it is the person,

If they want to see the sunset they've got to put aside all the words.

Descriptions,

The words actually block the experience.

That's it.

Okay,

Back to the professor.

There was a professor who,

Philosophy,

In the university whenever you mention professors of philosophy in Buddhism they always get a bad rap.

So if there are any professors over here I do apologize.

It's just our tradition.

But this professor of philosophy,

He found out there was a new five-star restaurant opening in Perth and he wanted to go there to test out the food.

So he made an appointment,

He rang up.

There was a two-month waiting list.

That's how popular the restaurant was.

And so,

Two-month waiting list,

He decided to book his place there anyway.

And when he booked his place there,

Two months later he rocked up at the restaurant.

And of course they wanted to see his ID to make sure he'd really booked a place.

And so they checked his ID,

Yes,

He was booked in.

So he went into the,

The maitre d'etat and they took him to his table.

He sat down at the table and a waiter came,

You know,

This really well-dressed waiter,

And gave him the menu.

And this menu was in thick parchment and the menu was written in gold letters and calligraphy.

Even the menu was a work of art.

As you would expect in an expensive restaurant,

This is no fish and chip shop,

This is a top-class five-star restaurant.

So,

He looked at the menu and then he ate the menu and then he paid and left.

Because the professor had no idea of the difference between the menu and the food.

Do you get it?

Too often the menu is one's knowledge and the food,

What you eat is the experience.

Which is why I said never allow knowledge to stand in the way of truth.

So we let go of all of that.

Too many people say,

But the Buddha said,

But Jesus said,

But the experts said,

But the government says,

Or whatever,

So what?

It's interesting,

It may be sort of pointing in the right direction,

But that's what they said,

But what did they mean?

Where were they pointing to?

And that's the experience which you have.

So,

By having a teflon mind,

You become this beautiful free mind which can actually see things as they are,

Rather than see things as you're told that they are.

So learn how to be free.

There's all the ways of letting go.

Little things.

I was telling people at the retreat,

I told a story,

An example of this.

In the nine years that I was living in North East Thailand,

This was a place where Western culture had not reached.

The country surrounding Thailand had been colonized,

But Thailand had escaped and whatever Westerners went into Thailand,

They were all in Bangkok,

Some in Chiang Mai,

But the part of Thailand I was in,

No Westerners had been there.

And this is no exaggeration,

I went to some villages in that place and I was the first Westerner the villages had seen.

I remember on one occasion going arms round in the morning and I was the first white man they'd seen in this village and so they were putting food in a bowl,

They were supposed to put it in a big bowl,

But they were looking at me and all the food was falling outside and the dogs were eating it all.

Thank you very much,

Because I was the first Western they saw.

But because of that,

It was like an indigenous culture which had not been tainted by the West.

And it was fascinating to observe that from inside because I was a monk.

So as a monk,

You weren't some sort of visitor,

You had a place in that social hierarchy,

You were in the middle of that social hierarchy,

You were not an outsider.

So you were treated like a Thai,

You were expected to behave like a Thai and soon you became like a Thai,

You saw it with Thai eyes.

And one of the things you saw were totally unexpected.

What I was saying at the retreat was in those nine years,

The monastery I was staying in most of the time was a cremation ground.

So all the villages in the local area used that place for the funerals.

So we do the funeral,

We see all the villagers,

They come and they bring their dead,

We do all the charting and services,

We see them that afternoon,

That evening,

The next day.

And there was something very strange,

There was no grief.

They just didn't cry,

Not just cry,

They weren't even sad when somebody died.

And this was not suppressing their grief because you saw them every day.

They just wasn't there.

It was a culture in which grief was absent.

And that really shocked me and I was there nine years.

So there was no just short visit.

And I thought that was impossible because my learning had said that when you lose someone you love,

You have to have grief.

The truth of the matter,

There was no grief there.

You can see and sometimes people say that's impossible.

It was there.

Can you see how people,

They can't see the truth because of their learning?

Never allow your learning to block the truth.

So a lot of times we have to let go even our learning and our assumptions in order to see the truth.

And that's having what I call this Teflon mind.

Otherwise you'd have all these assumptions of who your husband is,

Who your enemies are,

Who your friends are,

What life is all about and that will block you seeing what's really out there.

And life is totally surprising,

At least as far as I'm concerned,

What I've seen in my life.

Even like Indonesia,

My trip to Indonesia,

That's where all the Muslim terrorists are,

All the Bali bombers they came from over there.

I had such a wonderful time with the Muslims.

They came to all my talks,

We had photos together,

Got interviewed and photographed in the Muslim newspapers.

Even one Muslim family they came to the airport,

They just caught me in time.

Said,

Oh Ajahn Brahm,

Ajahn Brahm,

You must sign our book,

It's the best book we've ever had.

So this whole Muslim family in the veils and everything,

Me in the middle with the book,

Having our last photograph taken together.

Isn't that wonderful when people of different religions can have so much fun together.

Did you expect that?

That was the truth.

So a lot of times when we think,

Ah,

Muslims they don't like Buddhists,

That's actually what stops us seeing the truth.

So remember,

Just have a Teflon mind,

Don't allow these things to stick because they will stop you from experiencing the truth.

So these are four ways of letting go.

And those four ways again,

They're just throwing things away.

I'm not talking about throwing your material possessions away,

But throwing those mental stuff which you keep,

The past and the future,

Worried about the future and all this other stuff which you worry about,

Throw it out and be simple and be free,

Have few possessions,

Don't carry so many rocks in the backpack on top of your mind.

And number two is learning how to be content.

It's wonderful having a mobile phone,

Isn't that wonderful.

So be content that it's ringing,

Because it's going to ring anyway,

You can't do anything about it.

So be happy to be here.

That's very nice music,

Thank you so much.

It's very rare that monks hear music,

You know,

Because we're not allowed to hear music.

So it's very wonderful to hear this,

Thank you so much.

So be content and happy no matter what's happening.

Number three is actually whatever you do,

Just give,

Expecting nothing back in return.

So I don't expect thanks,

I don't expect anything back.

So whatever you like this talk,

That's your problem.

I've just given my talk,

I've done my duty and that's it.

So I don't expect anything back in return.

I just give because I love giving,

I love teaching,

I love serving,

I love being kind and seeing what you need next.

So that's my joy,

So thank you for giving me the chance to teach.

That's all I need,

Nothing back in return.

That's beautiful because then you're free with no expectations.

And last of all have a teflon mind,

Which nothing sticks,

So don't keep things,

Especially your thoughts,

Even your knowledge,

So you can be free.

And then you understand what letting go is.

And if you can do that from time to time in your life,

You find that most of the problems of life you can overcome.

There is a time when you work hard,

When you carry things,

You do your duties and jobs.

There has to be the time when you just put things down and let go.

The problem is,

As Westerners living in a Western world,

Or as Asians living in a Western world,

We all know about doing things.

We're very good at that.

But what we don't know is how to put things down,

Let go and rest.

So that's how to let go.

The four ways of letting go.

Thank you for listening.

Thank you.

I never expected that.

Reviews

That was wonderful and so helpful. Thank you.

I love this so much!! Thank you 🙏🏼

Loved the humor and simplicity

Lovely! Funny yet profound beyond words. Looking forward to listen to more of his teachings and meditations. Gratitude! ✨️🙏

Looking forward to putting this into practice. Thank you!

Lovely. Thank you.

Great! Started off a bit rough, but glad I kept listening! Wonderful talk, very helpful, useful for all. Grateful.🌹

🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻✨

Gratitude!!!

Incredible! Perhaps the best and most enjoyable way of seeing truth!

Thank you.
I laughed, cried and threw something away.
I´m determined to declutter. I love doing it with stuff, it feels good. My head is the biggest challenge of my life, letting go. This talk was helpfull and resonated. I will keep it in my bookmarks for some time to help me remember to say goodbye to the heavy weight of past and future thoughts.

Learning how to let go in a very positive way in daily life!❤️❤️😃

Excellent Thank you

Handy things to remember. Thank you 🙏🏼❤️

Came exactly when I needed to her this! Clear, guiding, joyful and absolutely grounding. Thank you!

Really informative, plus with bits of humour. Well worth listening too.

Thank you for this talk 🙏🙏🙏

Fantastic! You make it seem so simple - because it is, right? Merci beaucoup 🙏🏻🌞

Absolutely delightful! I do love hearing these talks. Many thanks. ☮️💖🙏🕉️