The Secret To A Fulfilling Life - Live Talk

This is a recording of Ian Tucker's recent Insight Timer live session. Join Ian as he reveals "Your Simple Path" to a life of more purpose, contentment, and fulfillment. Give yourself just 30 minutes as he unlocks life's hidden treasure. This gem of a live talk is now yours to enjoy again and again.

Don't forget your pen and paper!

Transcript

Good morning,

Good afternoon,

Good evening,

A truly global Insight Timer welcome.

So,

A little bit about this session,

How to find fulfilment in life.

How to find fulfilment in life,

That's a big title.

Most of my work is etched out of simplicity,

Finding a path through subjects that can be quite intricate,

Quite detailed.

And so just the next 20 minutes or so is my take on how you,

I,

Can find more fulfilment in life.

Let's just think about that word fulfilled at the moment.

I guess the clues in the title to feel more whole,

To feel more connected,

To not have a void like something is missing.

So I think we live in a world that can often ask a lot of us.

Typically,

It doesn't meet the definition we'd like of ourselves.

And so bits break off,

Bits literally start to move away and attach themselves to other people,

Projects ideally we wouldn't be working on,

All of those things.

I guess that my work these days is about just inviting you to gently pull back the pieces.

Just to take back parts of you so you can feel more whole now,

More fulfilled as you step forward,

More comfortable in your own skin.

I'm going to start by just extending on a message that I often give.

This is my logo,

But it underpins what I'm going to go on to talk about.

This is the logo that you'll see on my website and attached to my work within Insight Timer and outside of Insight Timer.

And really this says everything that I need to know.

If I'm having a difficult time,

If I can't find my way through,

If life seems so good that I think I've got it sorted and I'll just check out and ride the crest of a beautiful wave for the next 30 years.

This gently brings me back.

Let me explain folks,

This is life.

The logo that I use for most of my work is life,

Your life,

My life,

And it's all in the mix here.

Here we have a wave.

So if you're listening to this rather than watching it,

We have two lines on a page here and the top line is a choppy wave effect.

And this is the stuff.

We've all got it,

We're the same you and I.

I might look and sound a little bit different,

But I'm exactly the same as everyone else listening here.

This is the stuff,

This is the anxiety,

The worry,

The uncertainty.

This is the lostness,

The disconnection.

This is the noise.

This is the financial problems.

This is the relationship issues.

This is the health worries.

It's all in here.

It never goes away.

There's a temporary nature to everything.

Things do come and go always.

But there will always be something in your life that comes to test you,

That on paper isn't ideal.

And then we have this very poignant space.

Always there folks.

Always there for you.

Always there for me.

And just underneath all of the noise and the uncertainty and my stuff and your stuff is a place to rest.

Is a place to step back.

Is a place to reset.

But we have to become aware that at any moment the temporary nature of this means that we can step back and create some space between what is difficult for us and the fact that it's temporary and we can rest here.

So just hold that thought.

If it makes sense to sketch this,

I've got it on the fridge.

I've got it on a fridge magnet.

I've got it scattered around the house.

And if nothing is ever going to go wrong again,

It's a reminder that it will.

If I think I'm stuck in the middle of something and it will never change,

It's a reminder it will.

So just keep that in mind.

So about 10 years ago I wrote a book called Your Simple Path.

It was at a point in my life where I'd been working in the corporate world for many,

Many years and it had loosened its grip on me.

It had stopped making sense to me.

Everything about that existence I felt disconnected from.

So I stepped away and I started to journal.

The journal started to look a little bit like chapters and the chapters ended up as this.

My book,

Your Simple Path.

There's no hard sell here,

Folks,

Because this is completely free to you here on Insight Timer.

If you search for Your Simple Path,

Ian Tucker,

It's all in a playlist here.

All 18 chapters,

About 90 minutes,

And it offers you a simple path through life.

It reminds you that there's always another way,

That you're not trapped,

That you don't have to do it like everybody else.

I think I put on last week's email to my email subscribers,

Don't follow the crowd.

The crowd are lost.

And I'm not being elitist or egotistical.

It's just a reminder that when you step onto your simple path,

When you define what really matters to you in life,

Then you can step forward slowly in the right direction rather than keep running in the wrong direction.

So this is free here on Insight Timer,

Your Simple Path.

And when I was writing the book,

It almost started to unfold.

I had a direction for each chapter,

I thought.

But then as soon as I would do the modern version of putting pen to paper,

I.

E.

Start to tap things out on the keyboard,

It would almost take me in a certain direction.

And this talk,

Just the next 10-15 minutes,

Is taken from one of the chapters that was an amazing penny drop moment for me.

As I started to look at fulfilment and what life really is about,

A message came to me.

Now,

This might seem obvious to you,

But awareness is always the first step to creating change.

We have to slow down and become aware.

So I called the chapter Give or Take.

Give or Take.

So I put in the notes for this course,

This talk,

That it would be great to have a pen and paper handy.

And I'd like sort of whether you actually write things down or just use the chat.

It would be lovely just to get your input at this point.

So here's what I'd like you to do.

Now,

I've used this concept before,

But for something different.

So stay with me if you've seen something like this before.

So I'd like you to take a piece of paper.

And across the centre of the page,

Draw a line.

A horizontal line.

So this will see you with a piece of paper.

Portrait,

Landscape,

Diagonal.

But just draw a line across the middle.

Give yourself this time,

Folks.

It's a really valuable lesson here.

Now let's pause.

So we have this line across a page.

And I would like you to take a moment now.

To think of any emotions that you and I could feel.

An emotion is a feeling.

An emotion is a response.

An internal response that we have to something that we witness,

Feel,

See.

Whatever it might be,

It creates something in us that's an emotion.

I've heard it said recently that emotion is just a call to action.

There's no such thing as good or bad.

I quite like that.

An emotion is simply a call to action.

Not something that's here to knock us over and keep us down.

It's on our side.

Maybe more about that in a little while.

So I'd like you to think of emotions that you could feel.

Not how you're feeling now,

Or it could be.

And we'll start to populate this page.

Now for now,

If the emotion is ideally something you wouldn't like to feel.

I'd like you to place it below the line on the page.

So let's just start to name a few.

This could be sad.

I feel sad.

I'm pretty certain that ideally you and I wouldn't like to feel sad.

Melancholy,

Listening to Van Morrison,

Slightly different,

But sad,

No.

So you would place sad below the line.

Now the great thing about this is most of them have a polar opposite.

So if you thought about happy,

I think happy would go above the line.

So let's start to populate this.

Let's just take 30 to 40 seconds and start to write things down.

So it might be anxious,

Calm.

Just start to populate your page now.

So anything that ideally you wouldn't like to feel or experience,

Place below the line on the page.

Anything that you think,

Yeah,

I'll take a bit more of that,

Put it above the line on the page.

And see what starts to unfold in front of you.

In fact,

If you'd like to use the chat now,

Maybe give me some examples of emotions,

Types of behavior,

Things like that,

That would sit below the line on the page.

And if you wanted to use the chat just as a way of giving other people ideas as well,

That would be wonderful.

So Annalise says stressed,

Fantastic.

Philippe says anger.

Yeah,

A big one,

Philippe.

Donna,

Fear,

Worry.

Martin,

Aggravation.

Liz,

Anxious.

Jeanette,

Anxious.

Worthlessness,

Says Melanie.

A big one.

Let's work on that.

Annalise,

Resentless,

Helpless,

Sad,

Lonely,

Fearful.

Disgust,

Says Sandy.

Frustration,

Unloved,

Unmotivated.

Now here's the thing.

These people in chat are good enough to take a moment to put their name to it.

I'll put my name to all of those as well.

It's all in the mix.

We're all the same,

You and I.

We either have,

Are,

Or will experience all of those at some point in our lives.

And we place them,

Imagine,

Under the line on the page.

We bring them out.

We name them.

We say,

I am capable of that.

I have experienced that.

Loneliness,

Jealous.

Yeah.

It is Gloria.

It really is a great group.

I'm always very blessed.

So now let's go upstairs,

Folks.

Because you may have noticed maybe there's half a page above the line where we haven't started to write.

The interesting fact is that using this simple but profound exercise over the years in workshops,

One-on-one,

And the rest of it,

For some reason the pen doesn't always seem to flow quite so easy above the line.

So this is emotions and types of behavior.

There we would like to experience it more.

Maybe and then life would be OK.

Fantastic,

Donna.

Thank you.

Gratitude,

Joy,

Love,

Happiness.

Brilliant.

Liz says,

I hope I'm saying your name right,

Liz,

Is Hope.

Jeanette,

Calmness.

Helen,

Mindful.

Catherine,

Grateful.

Jeanette,

Grounded.

Marlon,

Freedom.

Nancy,

Content.

We have all of this as well.

These aren't just words that we learnt at school.

We may not feel them on such a regular basis.

But these are in us.

Compassion.

Determination.

Clear-minded.

Supported.

Inner peace.

Confidence.

In control.

Safe.

Can you feel the energy just change?

Everything is energy,

Folks.

Another talk,

But a reminder to me.

There's something just listening to these words.

Being around them.

Security.

Heard.

Big oneself.

Belonging,

Says Liz.

Craig says joy.

Yeah,

Abundance.

So now,

Thank you,

Folks.

So now we have a situation where we've taken a moment and we've created a template below the line on the page.

We've created a collection of words,

Emotions,

Types of behavior that ideally you and I wouldn't experience in our life.

And above the line,

We've placed the opposite.

We've placed a collection where life would be good.

I think it's safe to say,

I think,

That you and I would rather hang out towards the top end of the page.

Life would be better.

More fulfilled,

Maybe.

Let's see.

So now we have this populated page,

Whether it's in your mind or physically in front of you.

Is there a way we used to have a program on in the 1970s in Great Britain?

And I can't think of the name,

But they used to say,

I've got one here.

I prepared earlier.

There we go.

So this gives you an idea of where we are.

So we've got below the line.

Don't worry if you can't see it.

I'll paraphrase.

Worried,

Aggressive,

Rageful,

Violent,

Revengeful,

Depressed,

Dishonest,

Guilty,

Cruel,

Fearful,

Anxious,

Lonely,

Insecure,

Controlling,

Selfish,

Critical,

Complaining and manipulative.

Above the line,

Happy,

Forgiving,

Honest,

Compassionate,

Empathetic,

Allowing,

Generous,

Complimentary,

Kind,

Caring,

Grateful,

Respectful,

Authentic,

Calm,

Sympathetic.

You get the message.

So now just looking at this template.

Is there a way we could simplify it even more?

Is there a way where you could combine all of this into a phrase or an understanding?

What would above the line and below the line mean to you?

And please share that in the chat.

So how can we simplify this even more?

How can we boil into it even more?

That's great,

Annalie.

That's brilliant.

Awareness is the first key.

So maybe you'll agree with what I'm about to say.

Maybe not.

Well,

What about positive and negative?

What about if this happened to me,

If I sat right in the middle of these words,

I would have a positive outlook.

I would feel positive.

If this happened to me,

I would feel negative.

I said simple's in the title,

Annalie.

Keep with me.

I would feel negative.

But here's the first sort of penny drop moment that I had.

What we tend to do,

And I'm speaking for myself here,

I'm always a work in progress,

Is hope that this happens and hold our breath when this happens.

But we can't have this without this in life,

Folks.

We can't,

I,

You,

Can't truly be happy until you've known sadness.

It's just a collection of letters until we've known the opposite,

Until we can define it and understand it.

I can't know the true gift of being cared for until I've known loneliness.

So this isn't about facing that way and hoping this in the shadow stays out the way.

It's about gently stepping back,

Maybe to start with,

And looking at this through a softer lens.

I am capable of all of this.

It goes without saying I'd rather be here,

But I'm capable of all of it.

Let me just read some words from below the line to you again.

Not all of them,

But let me just move this on.

Worried,

Depressed,

Dishonest,

Fearful,

Insecure,

Lonely.

Complaining,

Manipulative,

Guilty,

Revengeful,

Anxious.

All of those words have their roots in lack.

All of those words have their roots in I haven't got enough.

All of those words and emotions have a very poignant thread.

They are created by something outside of you.

Let me say that again.

Everything below the line exists because of something outside of us.

So some person has to change and then we won't feel like this anymore.

My financial position needs to become something different.

And then this won't happen outside of me to help me inside.

The prognosis,

The diagnosis needs to change or this happens to me.

So we,

You and I can get stuck here on the basis that it always comes from something outside of us.

Lack,

Haven't got enough.

Something's not exactly how I want it.

So we hold our breath and we wait for something that we have very little or no control over to change.

Another way of looking at this would be closed,

Depressed,

Pushed down,

Limited.

Now remember,

This is as much you as this.

In fact,

I'm about to tell you that above the line is yours and my true nature.

That might not land with you at the moment.

We live in a world.

If you've read the news today,

If you've watched the news today,

If you've been on social media today,

We live in a world that does everything to keep you and I here.

To tell us that this is the norm.

I'm here to tell you it isn't,

Folks.

I'm here to plant a seed.

And by the way.

A tree wouldn't plant,

Wouldn't seed here,

Wouldn't root.

Children's laughter wouldn't appear here.

This isn't natural.

It's a consequence of the whole,

But not all that there is.

So let's move above here.

Let's look at some of the words happy,

Forgiving,

Honest,

Compassionate,

Allowing,

Complimentary,

Grateful,

Caring,

Kind,

Loving,

Calm,

Compassionate,

Sympathetic.

I could go on.

This is you.

This is you.

This says what's in it for me.

Something has to change and then I'll be OK.

This says,

What can I do for you?

This is something that's created because we feel we haven't got enough.

This is something above the line that is on tap that you can give again and again and again and I'll come on to boundaries and taking care of yourself.

But when you look at these words,

This says I've got enough.

In fact,

I've got so much.

I would like to pass this on to you.

So this is empty.

This is fulfilled.

So how can we move to this space?

If I'm telling you and I know that we live in a world that keeps us here,

That says you have to get more,

You have to control,

You have to get the better of,

You have to have all your ducks in a row and then it will be OK.

How can we start to break through this line to gently rub it out?

To start to live a more vibrant,

Fulfilled life.

Well,

Let me give you an example.

About 12 years ago,

When I was writing the book,

I used to hold regular workshops on a Tuesday evening at a holistic centre close to me where I lived at the time called Birmingham Holistic.

And it was an open door policy I would put back in the day,

A card up somewhere or an invitation out there and a group of maybe 15,

20 people would meet on a Tuesday evening.

And I would chair a discussion on living a simple life.

A lot of the books context contents came out of that discussion.

What's this got to do with that?

Bear with me.

So at the end of the first session,

I went up to the director of the centre,

A very humble man called Stuart Morris.

He's become a dear friend.

And I said,

Stuart,

Thank you for the loan of the room.

What do I owe you?

And he says,

You don't owe me anything.

And I said,

No,

I need to give you something for the room.

He said,

Yeah,

You do.

He said,

I'd like you to pay it forward.

I'd like you to pay it forward.

Now,

I had no idea what he meant.

So I pushed him.

I said,

Stuart,

What do you mean pay it forward?

And he said,

Well,

I'd like you to think of an amount of money.

It was it was cash.

That's how long ago it was.

I'd like you to think of an amount of money that you would have given me in a heartbeat,

Not even thought about it.

And I would like you to give that to a stranger as a random act of kindness.

Now,

I wasn't happy.

Immediately,

The anxiety kicked in.

The idea of going up to a stranger.

And handing them cash.

I wasn't comfortable with.

So I said to Stuart,

But where?

He said,

You will know when the time is right.

So a seed was planted that day.

Stuart wouldn't take anything from me.

Stuart expected nothing from me.

But he asked me to pay it forward.

So about two weeks later,

I'm with my wife and three young children.

And we're out on a day trip in Cornwall,

Right down in the southwest of England.

And it's absolutely pouring down with rain.

It's England.

It would be England in the summer.

So just before we jump on the train,

The train's not quite due.

We step into a charity shop.

Now,

To say this charity shop was a bit down on its luck is an understatement.

It had a couple of pasting tables,

A few items,

Two ladies behind the counter.

So we didn't buy anything.

It was literally to get out the rain.

As we were leaving the shop,

My wife and children was just in front of me.

Stuart's words of,

You'll know when,

Came to me.

Can you see how this starts to play out when we accept above the line as normal?

And quite nervously,

I stepped back and I said to the two ladies behind the counter,

Could you tell me something about the charity?

I hadn't connected with them at all.

They explained to me that it was a charity for adults,

Local adults with learning difficulties who would come together once a month at an arts and crafts.

And the few pounds,

The few quid that they made at the shop helped to buy materials.

One of the ladies who was behind the counter did have learning difficulties and was a member of the group.

So at that point,

I took a very modest amount of cash out of my pocket,

Out of my wallet.

And I told them it was from a very special man in Birmingham.

I paid it forward.

And so it was,

The hugs started,

The tears started,

They couldn't believe it.

They said it was typically what they made in a day.

It was a very modest amount of money.

So when we break the shackles of,

I need it to be this way and then I'll be OK.

Two,

I have all of this in abundance.

It's on tap.

I'm overflowing with it once it starts to flow.

And I'm going to give it away.

I'm going to step out and be the change that Gandhi said we wish to see in the world.

This is empty.

This is waiting for something to happen.

This is purpose.

This is meaning.

This is fulfillment.

There is a catch,

Folks.

There's always a catch.

You see,

When you start these random acts of kindness,

Hardly ever,

If ever,

For money.

If ever.

This can be letting somebody step in front of you in a queue.

In fact,

Let me tell you a story that has just come to me.

Three hours ago,

I took my father,

Who's 90 and wheelchair bound,

To the local GP,

To the doctor.

He has some problems at the moment.

As we went back out into the car park,

It was absolutely pouring with rain.

My dad's nearly 90.

The car was stuck in a spot and I had to back the car out and leave him in the middle of the car park.

So I've got room to get the wheelchair to the side of the car.

When I turned round,

A man had appeared and was standing over my father with an umbrella.

Not over himself,

Over my father.

It makes the world go round,

Folks.

Be the change you wish to see.

Don't hold your breath and wait for the change you think you need.

Fulfillment.

Purpose.

Meaning.

Here's the catch.

When you start to give this out,

It comes back.

It comes back.

You'll be amazed who crosses your path at just the point that you need it.

Because what goes around,

Comes back around.

Let me finish with a quote from my book that I certainly can't take any credit for.

The book is Your Simple Path.

It's here on Insight Timer,

Completely free.

And the final line from this chapter reads as thus.

Perhaps we then begin to understand the wise and knowing words of His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama.

If you contribute to other people's happiness,

You will find the true goal.

The true meaning of life.

You will become fulfilled.

Reviews

Profound and beautifully simple. A wonderful sincere non judgmental life affirming talk. I feel truely motivated to rise above those negative emotions and thoughts. I’ll return and make notes. Fantastic thank you 🙏❤️