Overcome Burnout And Find Your Authentic Self: Talk 4 Of 5

This is a wonderful opportunity to listen in your own time to a series of talks that Ian Tucker has given on the Insight timer live platform. Each talk will focus on a specific action that you can adopt to overcome burnout and feel less overwhelmed.

In talk 4, Ian introduces the wonderful healing power of mindfulness and reminds us of the temporary nature of all things.

Transcript

So welcome this is become a bit of a regular thing hasn't it on a what is an early Sunday evening here in the southwest of England wherever you are in the world whatever time it is whether the Sun hasn't come up yet or whether it's setting like it will be here soon the theme for this short talk this short together is we all share this moment we all share this moment now now we've heard this folks now truly is all that there is it sort of makes sense to us as well scientifically philosophically commonsensically if that is a correct grammar now this moment this connection that you and I are experiencing is all that there is so let me before we move on talk to you about the significance of why that should be around burnout and let me start as I do each week just with the dictionary definition of burnout so burnout a state of physical and emotional exhaustion it can occur when you experience short or long-term stress in your job or life most of my burnout most of my experience of being overwhelmed most of the experience I've had in life of feeling trapped or lost or anxious or worried which will come on to is because I can't simply be here with you now that's it you see when something happens to us in the moment folks not to get too scientific because I can't but I know just about enough to say a part of our brain the reptilian brain tends to take care of us fight it off run away be small be big just get through it keep breathing keep moving so most of my burnout and most of my overwhelm never happens in the moment because you and I have been through a lot in life and here we are we're still here still doing our thing this thing called life so where does the burnout come from where does the overwhelm and the worry and the anxiety come from and that's what the next 15 minutes or so short sharp talk today to really hammer home a point we'll cover so I've used the term burnout in Buddhism and in Eastern philosophy and some religions they use the word suffering for thousands and thousands of years they've talked about the term to suffer and suffering for me is quite simply the inability for me to live with an open heart or a calm mind and again just like burnout just like being overwhelmed most of my suffering and I'm gonna say it again and I think if the cap fits let's wear the same cap most of our suffering folks comes because we can't just give ourselves the moment we can't land we can't be comfortable in our own skin however we term it we can't simply be here and yet for those thousands and thousands of years the wise the gurus the sages have all had one consistent message if you and I want a good life become aware of the moment that we're in because suffering overwhelm and burnout occurs when we leave the moment so let me just move it on a touch now let me try and frame this a little so what I'm showing you here is a line if you're listening to an audio of this consider drawing a line this can be a straight line or as I have here an arc and this is called the arc of life the arc of life and we're on it you and I here we are having a go at this thing called life so if you are considering drawing a line and for effect if you have a pen and paper there draw a line now life the arc of life the line of life and at the beginning write the term or the word birth and at the end of the line or the arc write the term death now this might be first breath last breath you may have a completely different opinion about what happens before and after but one thing we will agree on is we have this thing where we're breathing for a period of time and we're aware of life and here it is folks now really simple exercise if this is life I'd like you to place a cross on the line exactly where you are now at this age in this moment just pop your cross on the line and you'll denote exactly how long you've had and how long you've got left I'll hang on how did it go any comments folks where did you place your cross on this line called life there's an average age isn't there 83 for men 85 for women so we can just work that out now and no comments so I'm assuming that perhaps we get something here but actually we have no idea where we are on this thing called life impossible to know says fear and yet I've come to know myself and the message here is that because we can't know where the cross is how can we know what's going to happen in the future or what has happened in the past let's just reframe that slightly now let's assume that I do put a cross on this line so I'm somewhere around here let's say or halfway 57 that wouldn't be a bad innings 115 or whatever it is and let's say either side of the line we have experiences and a typical experience of something that's happened before where our crosses is perhaps regret an emotion called regret maybe an experience or a reaction or a feeling that we get for after where our crosses on this line is something called worry so let's just stay with that process now why would you and I get so overwhelmed so burnt out if we move away from this moment the cross it's because we look for a foundation in total uncertainty we look to place our feet down before the cross and that's gone forever no amount of money no amount of wealth no amount of knowledge can bring anything back that's before the cross so if you start hanging around there you have no foundation for peace it's gone forever you're left searching regretting what ifs if onlys and what about if we try and hang about after the cross what's going to happen after this talk folks we have an idea we have a framework and a template for the next hour the next 24 hours but every single one of us on this call will have an example of the frailty of not knowing about the future and experience someone we know an illness news so all of this is suggesting that the more we can just come back to the cross wherever it is on our line the more we can rest the more we can breathe the more space we can have the more awareness we will have so another way of putting this folks is if we're overwhelmed if we're burnt out if we're worried if we're anxious it's that we feel unstable it's almost like we can't move we feel uncertain and stable and yet we're desperately trying to seek stability in a world that's totally unstable apart from this moment apart from now mindfulness is simply the ability to notice something around you now my voice a plant the light as it comes through the window your reaction to something mindfulness is the ability to notice something without the need to dissect it for words for explanations just to be with it so to rest in the uncertainty of everything around this moment because we know that in this moment we're okay and if we're not we get through you have experience of that too so how can we perhaps look back from before the cross before this moment on the past I don't know why we're wired and tend to look back on things that have knocked us about there have not been easy for us in the past that keep us stuck in the past frightened in case they happen again so how can we reframe our view of the past how can we start to gently change our perception of how we look back so we can rest more in this moment and I'd like to offer you the term cherished memories cherished memories you and I can look back to a life of difficulty and we've all experienced it we can look back to the good times that we've had we can look back to those moments where it all seemed to make sense so immediately we can start to say do you know what to take care of myself in this moment I am going to start to offer myself the possibility of looking back at the good things the simple things that made a difference to my life and I'm going to offer you a beautiful way from this moment because now is all we have to start to really build cherished memories there's a thing in the book that I've written called your simple path where in one chapter I talk about something called a random act of kindness a random act of kindness now I wrote the book nearly ten years ago and since then random acts of kindness I think there's films about it and it's certainly become far more mainstream but I'm going to ask you to consider from this moment each day offering a random act of kindness or an act of kindness to a stranger and if you don't leave the house to yourself very often has nothing to do with monetary value the simple things deliver our deepest needs so it's a smile to someone in the street you'll be amazed how often that person needed that smile that day it can be a kind word a compliment even if it doesn't flow from you at first it's like anything in life we get better at it but here's the thing all of these little cherished memories all of these moments of connection that you start to build with strangers with people who are not in your inner circle really start to add up and when you look back in those moments when you need reminding that the past isn't all about what went wrong you can remember the smile that came back you can remember how the person was left speechless at the simple compliment that you paid you can remember how the person turned around and thanked you from a much deeper place when you let them go in front of you in a supermarket queue the little things folks but they start to add up so we're on this cross this thing called life when we look back let's start to fill it with cherished memories let's take action so it becomes within ourselves the story that we build and not left as a victim to when something happens to us have the courage the conviction to start building kindness into your day so let's move back to the cross from what's happened in the past folks again can I just get a thumbs up if that look back and that different view maybe make sense to you or if there's any questions exactly Donna Donna lives on Long Island you should see how shocked people look when you hold the door for them I like that Donna you know when you're walking down a corridor sometimes and there's five or six doors and you've run out of ways of saying thank you maybe start saluting or hug the poor I don't know brilliant thanks folks so we're back on the cross now now is all there is but what about after now what about the future the total uncertainty you and I are craving stability in an unstable world so I'd like you to write a figure down that helps us with the future folks ninety nine point nine percent would you write that down for me ninety nine point nine percent what's the relevance of ninety nine point nine percent ninety nine point nine percent of anything that you and I have ever worried about has never happened Wow ninety nine point nine percent of anything that you and I have ever worried about has never happened things happen but how often does it play out just like the four o'clock in the morning dread that you had we worry ourselves sometimes to the point of illness sometimes past that the British Medical Association in a recent paper said that I think it was 86% of non-accidental death so natural death now has its roots in stress in worry in anxiety so we die young folks and ninety nine point nine percent of the things that finish us off early never happen and there's a real frailty to worry I've had times in my life when I've dropped to my knees and I've said please God please I'll do anything but in three months time I need this to happen I need it just like this and then I'll be okay in this moment so if I could just leave that with you in three months time something completely different manifests and I think to myself thank God that didn't happen that I was desperate for thank God it played out differently does that make sense to you about the frailty of worry I think Gandhi said nothing racks our bodies like worry nothing makes us lose sleep stop eating become ill and it simply doesn't happen something happens but how often is it exactly like you thought it was going to be enough now folks let's start to take care of ourselves let's get back on the cross let's know that all of this before the cross gives us an opportunity to be the person we want to be from this moment let's start to build cherished memories from this moment knowing they haven't got to be grand gestures the little things start to add up let's look forward from this cross this moment and remind ourselves that ninety nine point nine percent of anything that you and I worry about doesn't happen enough now so how can we stay on this cross if it started to make sense to you that this moment truly is all there is this moment is the only time that you can really take care of yourself to be kind to yourself to nurture yourself to live with an open heart and a calm mind is a very simple three-step practice that you can get down in real time to build mindfulness into each day throughout the day so step one something happens to you and me it can be anything it can be a health result it can be a financial statement landing it can be somebody being abusive towards us it can be somebody boring us to death and by the way we do that to others too we're all in this together but something happens to us step one and it causes a mental and emotional reaction in us now here's what typically happens if something happens to you in the moment for some reason and again somebody far better than me will have to explain this our brain goes back to all the stuff in the past that's just like it and here I am again so we've gone from the moment we've left the only time we can take care of ourselves or our brain says let me take what's just happened and I'm gonna fly off into the future and I'm gonna fill myself with dread and worry and anxiety and uncertainty at how I simply can't control this and remember what the British Medical Association's told us folks the clock starts ticking when we keep worrying so how do we stay on the line how do we stay here step one we notice it okay something has happened to me but I'm conscious now I'm aware that I don't have to leave this moment step two and there's only three steps you count to three this might seem over simplistic but it is a game changer step two you internally count to three and connect with your breath the essence of mindfulness don't read thousands of books and YouTube videos it's all about noticing your breath and you just breathe in this moment I notice my breath step three you remind yourself of a universal truth the universal truth means something that always has been true something that is true now and something that will be endlessly true step three is a simple mantra this too shall pass everything is temporary you me every thought every word every action every situation every time the bank statement say zero every time the health diagnosis lands on the table there is a temporary nature to everything it doesn't define you what is happening now it doesn't mean that that's how things have to be from now it doesn't mean that you have to remind yourself that you've experienced this before step one bringing yourself back to this moment is realizing that something has happened and it wants to take you away step two pause count to three fill your feet on the floor is an amazing practice so simple so effective the roots of a tree I'm here now and I'm gonna connect with my breath for a few breaths the person who's just giving you the insult might wonder what the hell is happening this isn't about giving your energy and your power to them it's about taking it back and keeping it step three this too shall pass it's temporary everything comes across my path it's temporary the only bit I have to take care of is me and how I am as it comes across three steps towards mindfulness each day everything that has happened has gone forever there is a total uncertainty to the future to after this session you know that the only time you can truly take care of yourself is now it's time to create change to slow down and to realize that it's possible to rest in the uncertainty of life in fact it's the only way to guarantee inner peace an open heart and a calm mind

Reviews

Thanks Ian for this talk. I am gently reminded that to practice random acts of kindness as we journey this life, creates precious memories along the way.
As always, with much gratitude 🙏

Thank you for putting these talks on Insight Timer Ian. I'm in the middle of selling my house and I'm trying not to think too far ahead but it's a bit of a habit with me and I'm finding things stressful. I'm working on remembering to bring myself back to the moment when I feel overwhelmed by what's happening and to try not to be fearful of something that could turn out to change my life for the better.