Overcome Burnout And Find Your Authentic Self: Talk 3 Of 5

This is a wonderful opportunity to listen in your own time to a series of talks that Ian Tucker has given on the Insight timer live platform. Each talk will focus on a specific action that you can adopt to overcome burnout and feel less overwhelmed. In this talk Ian reveals the secret to letting go of what weighs you down in life, allowing you to embark on a lighter, more fulfilling journey.

Transcript

Burnout.

A state of physical and emotional exhaustion.

It can occur when you experience short or long-term stress in your job or life in general.

So this isn't just about work,

But if that cap fits,

Then keep wearing it for the next 15-20 minutes as we have a walk through how we can perhaps overcome this.

So I said this is the third talk in a bit of a mini-series that I'm putting together.

All of the talks are standalone so you can dip in and dip out.

Talk one on the first week was really about the importance of recognising balance in your life.

Critical,

Absolutely critical.

And if you look at the logo from the course that I run online around burnout,

This sort of encapsulates everything that I'm trying to say here.

So you have the wavy line above a straight line here.

And this wavy line,

Folks,

All of this is life,

But this wavy line is the noise.

This is the uncertainty.

This is the anxiety.

This is the feeling trapped.

This is the not got the money to pay the bills.

This is the relationship problems.

This can be anything that you're going through where you feel stuck,

Trapped,

Overwhelmed.

You don't seem to have the energy or the clarity to find a way through.

But look what's just underneath,

Folks.

Let's just pause on that line for a moment.

Balance.

The dance of life between these two images on the same page.

We're always going to get the wavy line.

This isn't some sort of happy clapper talk where nothing ever goes wrong.

We're always going to get the stuff.

Sometimes it's self-inflicted.

Let's be honest.

Sometimes it comes across our path and knocks us over for a while.

But just underneath the noise,

There is a place to rest,

To step back.

So week one was all about what does that line look like for you?

How do you find balance each day,

Each week?

How can you step down from the noise and the uncertainty?

Week two,

We talked about the importance of becoming aware of how,

With whom,

And where you spend your time.

And we used an underlying principle of energy for that.

Everything in life either lifts you up or it drags you down.

There's almost nothing in between.

So if we're going to realize the importance of balance as a critical step in taking care of ourself,

Week two was about,

OK,

What drags me down?

What do I actually feel stuck with?

And this is so eclectic.

Somebody said not being able to clean the house as I want to.

Others said illness.

Others said finance.

Others said can't stay in a relationship.

It can be anything where the noise gets too loud.

But above the line on that page,

We started to identify things that brought peace,

That brought space to us,

That brought clarity when we were away from the stuckness.

So what about this talk?

What about week three?

Well,

Week three is all about letting go.

So this talk today,

For the next 15,

20 minutes,

Looks at the critical principle around overwhelm and burnout of recognizing you and I carry stuff.

And we have the opportunity and the ability to put it down.

Think about it,

Folks.

Anything that you and I pick up physically,

We know we can put down.

So why is it any different around mental or emotional baggage?

Why do we stuff it down and put it on our shoulder and just try to keep going?

So today,

It's all about recognizing the ability to let go.

So I'm just going to come out with a word here,

Folks.

And it's a strange word.

It's the F word.

I don't know if Insight Timer will suddenly press stop and get rid of me or mute me,

But I'm about to say the F word,

Forgiveness.

I'm still here.

I've got a way with it.

What is it about forgiveness that frightens us so much?

Why is it that we have a bigger issue with forgiveness than we do the actual act itself that's really bothering us,

That's really dragging us down?

Well,

Here's our starter for 10,

Folks.

If forgiveness is too big a word,

Letting go,

Traveling light,

Liberating yourself.

And the clue is in the word yourself.

You see,

You don't forgive to let the other person off.

You don't forgive to condone the other person,

To say,

You know what?

You really hurt me,

But it's OK.

You forgive.

You let go.

You put down.

You travel light for you,

For you to take care of you.

Enough now.

I'm carrying stuff here that was probably not even mine to pick up in the first place.

In fact,

While I'm on that,

And he normally gets a mention in my talks,

A dear friend of mine,

Stuart Morris.

He's the director at the Birmingham Holistic Center.

And Stuart has done lots of work for over 30 years with thousands of people.

And he's come to say this now,

After all of his work,

It comes down to the ability to let go,

This wellness thing,

To travel light,

To step forward,

Knowing that you don't have to carry everything that's been given to you.

I was with Stuart a few years ago.

And I was going through something in my life at the time.

And I was probably unloading to Stuart.

And he calmly said,

Just stand up a moment and put your arms out,

Which I did like this.

And he said,

I'd like to just place a yoga.

And it wasn't just a yoga mat.

It was a yoga roll.

It was quite heavy.

You've probably seen them.

And he placed it there.

And he said,

Now keep talking about this thing that's really bothering you.

And he placed another yoga roll on my arms,

Which started to weigh me down.

He said,

Tell me how it makes you feel.

Tell me the effect it's having on your life.

Placed another two.

So by this point,

I'm sort of looking over the top of them.

He said,

Now I want you to walk around the room.

He placed another two on.

Really tell me about how you're stuck.

And you can't let go.

And it's weighing you down.

And when I got to the other side of the room,

I turned.

And Stuart said,

Drop the mats.

Let them go.

And as I moved my arms,

They'd all come crashing down.

There was a tangible lightness.

And Stuart said,

You see,

They're not yours to carry.

They never were.

But for some reason,

You decided,

Ian,

To pick them up and take them on your journey with you.

The other person might not even be alive anymore.

How crazy is this stuff called holding on?

The other person may have passed away decades ago.

There may be no chance of you ever crossing paths with them again.

And yet here I am in a room in Birmingham a few years ago,

Carrying the weight that belongs to someone else.

You and I deserve better than that,

Folks.

Let me layer this forgiveness thing,

If it's starting to make sense to you,

With something from a wonderful book called Letting Go by a bit of a guru of mine,

David R.

Hawkins.

Letting Go.

It's quite a big read,

To Let Go.

But if you find him on YouTube,

There's some great clips.

David R.

Hawkins.

And Hawkins said,

Think of it like this,

A slightly different slant on Stuart's yoga mat philosophy.

Hawkins said,

Imagine that you or me are in a relationship.

And it's 1995.

I'm showing my age here,

I know.

And he said,

And the relationship's been going great.

You've been steady for a few years.

But then you suddenly find that your partner has cheated on you.

There's been somebody else.

And it completely knocks you flat.

You pull the curtains drawn.

You pull the duvet up.

You stop eating.

You can't go to work.

Maybe we've all been there.

I have.

And you just stop living.

But you just realize that you just haven't got the energy to move on.

How could this happen to me?

But this thing called life carries on.

And sooner or later,

We undraw the curtains.

We get out of bed.

And we push all of this stuff down.

We push it down.

We think,

I've got to get on here.

So energetically and practically,

We take the partner in 1995.

And we push it down.

We add the weight.

I think you see where I'm going here.

Now,

Hawking says a really interesting thing in the book.

He said that if we don't do this work on letting go,

Then if something happens in the future that's similar to something that's happened in the past,

It attaches itself to it and starts to create a mass.

So let's say it's three years later.

We've got our confidence back.

Things have gone online now.

And we're on the dating apps,

Whatever they are.

And we get a connection.

And we're out.

And about two to three weeks in,

You realize that the partner's getting quite a few texts from an ex.

And they say to you,

Look,

I'm so sorry.

It was going well.

But I'm going back to my ex.

It's happened again.

Here we go again.

People leave me.

You take all of the stuff from this hit.

And you push it down.

What do you think it attracts and attaches itself to?

1995.

If you've just joined the talk,

You'll have no idea what I'm talking about.

But this thing that people leave me starts to grow.

Five years later,

We're out there again.

Let's have another go.

Surely not three in a row.

But by this point,

Because we've got this energetic mass of people leave me,

It defines us.

We start to talk from that place.

We actually say on the first date,

I don't give this much chance.

The last two relationships I've been in have gone south.

Nothing to do with me.

The other person just decided they were going to leave me.

Shoof.

Give it a week.

It doesn't work.

We push it down.

But here's the other interesting thing that Hawkins says,

That if you do the work that I'm about to introduce you to now,

And this works for absolutely anything,

Then if you pull a thread out of one of the things that's massed,

The rest of it falls like a pack of cards.

And I've experienced this myself with what I'm going to introduce you to now.

Can I just get a thumbs up or a heart or something to say that this framing of forgiveness and the importance of letting go has sort of connected with you in some way?

It would be good,

Because before I move on,

Thank you,

Jack.

Thanks,

Everyone.

That's great.

We sort of get this now,

Don't we?

Traveling light is what it's about.

Stepping forward,

Liberating yourself.

So I'm going to give you two lines here,

Folks.

And if you've got a pen and paper,

I would love you just to scribble that little logo down.

You'd be amazed how it seems to turn up at the right time about finding balance and taking care of yourself.

Squiggly line,

Straight line underneath.

Just draw that down.

Write that down.

But let's reframe this now.

Let's start to say,

Well,

OK,

This is making sense,

What Ian is saying.

But how can we bring it off the page?

Well,

Here's the thing.

We weren't born to suffer,

You and I.

You might want to write that down as well.

We weren't born to suffer.

I look out of the window now at a blue sky with white fluffy clouds.

Sometimes it's a dark sky with rain against the window.

It's just the weather.

We weren't born to suffer.

Nature gets it.

You know this.

We weren't born to suffer.

We were born to experience life.

We were born to develop our human nature,

To understand things better,

But not to get stuck in suffering.

So what I'd like to do now is introduce you to a very simple but profound three-step program,

Three-step philosophy on how to let go.

And after this,

I'll give you a real-life example from me and how it works.

So let me give you another quote.

We weren't born to suffer.

What about if things happen for us and not to us?

Can we just step back and soften our gaze around all of this victimization and suffering and say,

OK,

I'm going through this.

I've gone through this.

But how can I now take this and become a better person because of it?

How can I not get stuck in the suffering?

How can I make sure this doesn't happen to me again?

How can I pass on this to somebody else who's going through it?

How can I get past the suffering?

So here's the three-step process,

Folks.

So step one,

It's to recognize that something happens to you and me,

That it becomes part of our life,

Our world.

It creates a mental and emotional imprint.

It's here.

It's with us.

So step one is something happens.

Now,

I don't want to sound elitist or egotistical because I've been there myself for most of my life and at times now till I remember.

But most of us stay at step one.

How unlucky was I there?

I can't believe that's happened to me.

What are the chances?

I'll lay low and hope it doesn't happen again.

And maybe there's a raw part of this process where we have to feel the suffering for a little bit.

But if you and I fall over,

We tend to decide when we get back up again or how long we stay down.

So step one is the thing itself.

Most people stay at step one.

And remember what Hawkins said.

If we keep pushing stuff down,

Like stuff that's very similar starts to come and attach itself.

Step two,

Let's move on to step two.

Now,

This is a reminder that we weren't born to suffer,

You and I.

We weren't born to suffer.

So we move on proactively to step two.

And step two,

You take a piece of paper.

At the top of the page,

You write down the thing I wish to let go of is.

And you name it.

Cheating partner,

Financial worries,

Dead-end job,

Whatever it is.

We've all been there.

We are there.

We'll be there again.

So at the top of the page for step two,

You write the thing that I would like to let go of is.

And then you have,

And then you name it.

So you're left with a blank page.

Now,

This is private work,

Folks.

I would then like you to just empty yourself onto that page.

Be vulnerable.

Be honest.

Be authentic.

Get all of this mass,

This weight out onto the page.

And write down exactly what you've been carrying.

You'll be amazed at what comes out.

When you sit there and you're open and you allow the work,

Then what ends up on that page is quite amazing.

This in itself is a massive step towards letting go.

Can you feel that just by facing it,

Having the courage to name it and bring it out,

It's a massive part of the process.

So step two,

You're naming it.

I said there was three steps,

Just three steps.

And this works for anything.

So you'll come to a point with step two where you suddenly think,

I can't really think of any more.

I'm done.

Or words start to repeat or mean the same thing.

You then write step three on a separate piece of paper.

And at the top again,

You write,

The thing I would like to let go of is,

The thing I would like to become free of is.

You name it again.

And now you sit with the blank page.

Now,

What I'd like you to know,

With step two,

You've created a space.

There is now a space for the gift or the lesson that you've learned from this to come to the surface.

And you ask,

What is the gift?

What is the lesson to me about what I've been through?

And you actually start to write under step three,

The gift or the lesson.

What sort of person can you now be that you simply couldn't be if you hadn't gone through this?

What mistake will you never make again?

Because you're really going to take care of yourself now you've experienced this.

Can you see the difference between being stuck at step one and liberating yourself by step three?

It's the same thing.

You're just not stuck on the first page.

Step two,

You get it out.

You're honest.

You say,

This is really not me about.

I feel vulnerable.

I feel hurt.

I feel helpless.

I feel small.

I feel weak.

All out.

Step three,

Reframe.

Use the space you've created to step forward,

To grow as a result of it.

You owe it to yourself.

So I said I would give you a real life example.

A few years ago,

I'd lived a bit of a Peter Pan lifestyle with my health.

Nothing had ever really gone wrong.

And a few years ago,

About three years ago,

I had some symptoms,

Which I won't go into now.

But it was worrying.

And I went to the doctor and he was concerned too.

And he said that I needed to do some bloods and also go away for a test at the hospital.

This was right in the middle of COVID.

So everything could slow down.

So I was waiting up to three weeks for blood results and waiting about three to four weeks to get in for an emergency sort of examination.

And it was the longest three to four weeks of my life.

Time stood still.

So luckily,

Happy ending,

I was okay at the end of it.

But during that time,

Obviously it left a mental and an emotional imprint.

And here's the interesting thing,

Because I was carrying it with me,

When I looked back for a few months afterwards,

I got this sort of stuckness here.

It was still in me,

This uncertainty,

Even though the results had come back,

I suddenly felt that I've moved to.

.

.

So step one,

I had symptoms,

A health issue.

Step two,

It had left me feeling helpless,

Vulnerable,

Like I hadn't lived really.

I'm too young for something like this to happen.

I'm frightened,

I'm a victim.

What will happen with the kids?

All of that suddenly become part of my life.

And I got it out onto the page with step two.

And then I paused.

And I thought,

Okay,

I've been through it.

I can't change any of it.

And it's made me feel like this,

But that's out now.

I can see the words on the page,

Which have an energy all of their own.

I can feel the weight in those words,

But they're out.

And then I sat with step three.

And the one thing that came to me is life is short.

Life is short.

Now I'd thought this in the past.

I'd quoted it,

I'd flippantly said it to people,

But now I knew it.

This experience of this illness and the symptoms had made me really know and understand that life is short.

I can honestly say hand on heart,

Since that time,

I've gone on to develop the business,

The connection with Insight Timer and other platforms,

Online courses,

Everything just moved me into a completely different mindset.

Let's get on with life.

So can you see,

Step one,

I have symptoms.

Step one,

I have total uncertainty.

Step two,

It's left me feeling this way.

Step three,

Life is short.

I'm gonna get on with life.

This is the wake up call I needed.

And I don't think I would be sitting here today,

Honestly,

Talking and connecting with you and lovely group if I hadn't gone through that.

So there's the three-step process.

Let's recap,

Folks.

Travelling light,

How is it connected to being overwhelmed and burnt out?

Well,

We become what we're carrying.

We become the workload at work.

We become the uncertainty around illness.

We become whatever it is.

We have no balance,

No space.

So it's time to put things down so we can step back,

We can breathe,

We can assess,

We can realign.

If we don't put this stuff down,

It tends to join up with like-minded things that have happened to us in the past and we can start to project from it.

It can start to define us.

But you now have a three-step process which I guarantee you,

I give you my word will work if you face it with authenticity and honesty.

Step one,

It's happened,

Acknowledge it.

But know you're not stuck.

Step two,

Bring it out onto the page how it's made you feel,

How it's left you.

Don't leave anything in,

Go for it.

Pause,

Use the space that you've created to reframe it and ask your question,

What's the gift in this for me?

What's the lesson?

How can I now go on to be a different person because of what I've experienced?

I'm not stuck,

I'm free.

Reviews

Absolutely incredible timing for this talk. I find myself in step 2 at the moment about something but love the idea of a reframe because I know I have been given a huge gift and I am not going to waste it. 💝Thank you, as always, Ian 🙏🏻

Much love for this talk, Ian! 🤍
Just realized I'd already done this work but needed the reminder... Thank you, thank you, thank you! I feel a lot lighter; now I remember am strong and resilient. Be blessed.