Discover The Secret To A Better Life

This is your chance to listen to a special recording of a recent InsightTimer live talk by "Your Simple Path" author Ian Tucker.

In just 30 minutes, you'll discover simple yet powerful wisdom to help you experience more peace, joy, and fulfilment, as Ian reveals the real secret to a better life.

Sometimes, all it takes is one gentle reminder, this may be the message that changes everything.

Transcript

Good morning,

Good afternoon,

Good evening,

A truly global Insight Timer welcome,

Thank you so much for being here.

This is,

My name's Ian Tucker,

If this is your first time with me in this lovely group,

And this is a sort of a regular chat really,

A regular interpersonal session that we've had for the last few Saturdays.

This is the fourth talk of four,

But don't worry if you've missed the previous three,

Because they've all been recorded and they're available here on Insight Timer to listen to for free,

As this one will be in about a week's time.

So the first talk was how to raise your vibrational energy,

The second talk was how to forgive and finally let go,

The third talk last Saturday was about how to live a more authentic life,

How to slow down and really find that purpose,

That meaning to your life.

And this one,

The fourth talk of four,

Is the secret to a better life,

The secret to a better life,

Big title.

So what's the secret?

Well let me unfold it,

Unwrap it over the next 20-25 minutes or so.

These sessions are always short,

They're always to the point,

I've come to realise that at this point in my life,

And maybe for the rest of my life,

I teach simple tools to bring a better life.

That's what my book is all about,

Which is free,

Here on Insight Timer,

It's called Your Simple Path,

And most of my teachings come out of the book,

So you can find it here if you just search Your Simple Path,

Ian Tucker.

So simplicity,

So let me start by explaining what I mean by slowing down,

And I'm going to use the logo that I introduce for most of the talk,

Slightly different this week.

I normally say that this logo,

It's a wavy line,

Almost like choppy sea,

With a space and underneath it a horizontal line.

And I'd like to focus really on this space here between the two lines on the page.

So as we know,

This choppiness at the top,

This waviness is the stuff,

It's the things that come to test us in life.

But I've come to realise that anything that works for me has to have a degree of awareness around it.

So this space that you and I find for half an hour or so today,

Here now,

Is just to create awareness.

There are no rights and no wrongs in this space,

It just is.

So rather than just keep going,

Keep pushing,

Trying to sort,

Trying to fix,

Become louder,

Become busier,

What about if we step back and pause and just consider that there may be a different way.

So this space can mean awareness,

This space can bring you clarity,

We still need to have the conviction to step forward from this space at some point when you're ready.

But more importantly,

I think this space contains meaning,

This space contains meaning and gives us direction.

So the secret to a better life,

Let me just take a step back before we take two steps forward,

It sounds like a really bad dance class.

The secret to a better life.

We live in a cold,

Harsh world at times,

You and I,

And doesn't it seem like it at the moment,

It feels like somebody's got the world and just sort of moved it on its axis,

Nothing seems to be flowing,

Everything's clunky and stuck and not right.

So it's cold,

It's dark,

It's harsh,

It's difficult,

It just doesn't feel natural to us and that's because it isn't for reasons that I'll come on to.

One thing that I've come to know is that the reason that all of this stuff exhausts us,

All of this news and social media and trying to win and trying to get ahead and striving and thriving,

It's because it doesn't suit our true nature,

It's not who you and I really are.

But we sometimes check into the news daily,

We scroll on a regular basis and our heads become full of this.

And if you get enough of anything,

It starts to sort of make sense,

Even if it doesn't make sense,

It does,

It's like a juxtaposition.

So our heads become full of something that just doesn't feel right to us and that's where the stuckness starts.

Now my mind can play tricks on me,

It adds plots and subplots and characters and timelines and before I know it,

I'm adding to the craziness that I'm taking in from other people.

But let's allow ourselves in this space,

Between the lines on this page,

To drop and let's focus on this area,

So the heart.

I'm placing two hands now on my chest space and this is an area that we associate with feeling,

I feel a certain way.

But we know as well here,

This mind stuff runs away with us,

Like a runaway train,

A bull in a china shop,

Whatever it is.

But this is the part here,

Around the heart,

In this area,

Around the emotions,

Around the feelings,

Where we sense the truth,

Where we just know when something isn't right.

My mind can be heartless but my heart,

If I settle and listen and rest and notice,

It always tells me how it is,

Makes me feel a certain way.

So things that are associated with this area of us,

The chest,

The heart area,

The somatic feeling,

Are emotions and an emotion is quite simple really,

An emotion is a reaction to something that you and I witness in life.

So that can be something that we've done ourselves that makes us feel a certain way,

It can be something that we've witnessed somebody else do,

Good,

Bad or indifferent,

And that reaction manifests itself as a feeling,

Typically felt in the chest or around the solar plexus.

And it's the emotions,

It's this area that holds the secret,

That holds the key to a better life.

Remember our minds are always going to take everything on face value,

It's like scrolling through a radio,

I'm showing my age here,

I don't think we do it anymore,

But it's like scrolling through a radio dial and it's station after station after station and nothing actually settles but it still goes in.

So we're going to find the secret to a better life here folks,

Around our emotions and our feeling self.

So I don't think there's such a thing as a good emotion and a bad emotion,

I think an emotion is simply a call to action,

An invitation to perhaps do something to take care of ourselves.

If we're feeling great about something,

Then let's sit with that,

Let's experience it,

Let's do more of it,

Would be the call to action.

If we're feeling anxious,

If we're feeling depressed,

Then maybe if we can,

Remember we're sitting in this space,

We're considering anything's possible,

Maybe that's just a gentle call to action from a part of you that wants you to be better.

So no good,

No bad,

Just a call to action,

A gentle nudge,

A reminder,

Wrapped up in an emotion.

So loosen the edges of what's good and what's bad.

Let's roll this now into a very simple exercise.

I put in the description that it'd be good to have a pen and paper,

So if you've got one great,

If not maybe just take a few seconds to get something that you can write on and we can use the chat here as well.

Okay,

So quick recap,

The world can be crazy,

The world can feel crazy,

We invest our time in that consciously,

Subconsciously,

But something doesn't sit right.

We know that there's a rubbing between what feels right to us and what we're witnessing,

Maybe what we're even acting out ourselves to be like everybody else,

With all due respect,

And I'm speaking to myself as well.

But this exercise starts to give us clarity,

It starts to give us an awareness.

So remember,

An emotion is just a reaction to something,

An emotion is just a feeling.

So what I would like you to do,

And I've used this exercise before for different aspects of well-being,

But it fits perfectly here,

Is to draw a line horizontally across the page,

Centrally.

So in the middle of the page,

Portrait or whatever the other one is,

Draw a line across.

Now let's go there,

I would like you to now think of some emotions that even though I've sort of framed them that can't be good or bad,

Ideally you and I wouldn't want to feel.

Okay,

So an emotion,

And we have felt this way,

We may feel it around now,

And we will feel it in the future.

We're all in this thing called life together,

You and I,

We're exactly the same.

So this emotion that ideally you wouldn't want to feel,

So it might be helpless,

It might be sad,

Remember that I feel this way,

And just start to populate the chat folks with some emotions that ideally,

Ideally you wouldn't like to be associated with on a regular basis,

Or at all if possible.

So Jennifer said lonely,

That's perfect.

Thank you Melodew,

I'm sticking with it,

Sad.

Angie said anger,

Patty says grief,

Kim says abandoned,

Maiki says anxious,

Debbie says frustrated,

Sharon anxiety,

Eve despair,

Doreena disappointment,

Guilt,

Shame,

Jen grief,

Chris frustration,

Christine stressed,

Resentment,

Anger,

Excuse me for not putting the names,

Discouraged says Sandy,

Lonely,

Lost,

Scared,

Helpless,

Jealous.

Now if you can,

Start to populate the bottom of the page,

Or just sit with these,

Okay.

Remember these are reactions to something that we experience in life,

A call to action,

If nothing else,

But they stick with us.

They can then start to reframe how our minute,

Hour,

Day,

Week,

Month,

Year goes.

So all of these are available to us just like what we're moving on to.

Disappointed,

Afraid,

Uneasy,

Lost,

Jealous,

Helpless.

So imagine even if you haven't done it,

We've got this page folks,

And underneath the line,

We've populated it with emotions that ideally we wouldn't like to experience.

We haven't got to the secret yet,

But we're working towards it.

In my book,

Your Simple Path,

There is a section here,

There's a chapter called give or take,

And it encompasses this perfectly.

I think it's chapter six.

And when I sat down on that day to write that chapter,

Or to start that chapter,

I had this clarity,

This penny drop moment,

This secret revealed to me,

Which is what I want to pass on to you today.

So we can extend this outside of our emotions folks,

Because this can be around actions as well.

These doing things that we do,

And an action can be physical,

An action can be vocal.

So it could be lying,

It could be an untruth,

It could be aggression.

So give me some,

Yet the ha ha moment,

Exactly Chris.

So give me some actions now that would sit below your line on the page that ideally you wouldn't want to be associated with,

That you wouldn't want your name linked to.

So it could be aggression,

It could be,

And sometimes an emotion and an action are very similar.

It could be violence,

Lying says Kim,

Nastiness says Melodue,

I'm sticking with it Melodue.

Passive aggression,

Big one Angie,

Yeah,

Absolutely.

Lashing out says Jennifer,

Betrayal says Sharon,

Murder says Chris,

Caring about social media,

Absolutely Eve.

Weakness says Olia,

Yeah.

So we start to build this picture up below the line,

Okay.

And even though the words have come in a scattergun fashion,

Wonderful for using the chat,

I'd like you to sort of take any that have really stuck with you and visualise them on this page,

On your snapshot page,

Your life below the line.

Now,

We're going to go above the line folks,

Because in case you hadn't noticed,

We've got half a page just sitting and waiting.

Now remember,

An emotion may not be good or bad,

It just is.

But let's associate this,

For the purpose of this exercise,

Some emotions now that you would like to be associated with,

That you would like to feel on a regular basis,

That you would like to experience around you and within you each day.

And let's start to think about populating that page above the line.

So,

Peaceful says Faz,

Jennifer says joy,

Happiness,

Joy,

Bliss,

Gratitude.

Let's keep going folks,

Wonderful,

Peace,

Caring,

Love says Suzanne,

Freedom,

Healing,

Confident,

Content says Patty,

Beautiful,

Trust says Faz,

Hardworking,

Dependable.

And these can be actions as well,

So some of them have crossed over that line into actions,

Which is perfect.

Melody says happiness,

Kindness,

Inspiring says Katie,

To inspire,

Peace says Michelle.

So we've now got this audit,

This snapshot on a page.

So think about that now,

You've got below the line,

A mix of emotions and actions and real life stuff that you and I are not only capable of,

But other than murder,

Which I think Chris threw in there,

Have experienced in our life.

And it's all there in the mix,

But just the same,

You and I and every other name that you see here are going to go at this thing every day,

But they're there and they're real and you can feel trapped around them and you can feel stuck with them.

And then above the page,

Visualize the other words that are still coming.

Mitch says serenity,

Compassion says Chris,

Good,

Self-compassion says Angie.

It always begins with yourself,

Angie,

Absolutely.

And we've got this snapshot of goodness above the line.

So we sit and they're all just letters and vowels and consonants,

But they all have an energy to them,

Above and below the line on the page.

Life,

Life.

Now let's pause.

Can we simplify above and below the line even more at this point?

What would above and below the line mean to you?

Above the line could be positive,

Below the line could be negative.

We're starting to edge towards this secret now,

This real seed of goodness that you can take into your life.

Closed and open,

Says Emma.

Easy and difficult,

Interesting Doreena.

On paper,

They're just letters and consonants.

So what is it that makes them easy and difficult?

I really like that approach.

Expansive and constructive,

I really like that Faz,

More on that in a moment.

Closed and open,

Says Emma,

Much of the same.

Dwelling in depression versus moving on in life.

Light and dark,

Says Kim,

I like that.

Optimistic or pessimistic,

Says Katie.

Heavy and light,

Says Roel,

A defensive versus curious.

Interesting Emma.

Expanding and contracting,

Yes.

Yum and yuck.

Sheila,

I have been giving this talk for 18 years.

Yum and yuck has never come up,

But I may use it in the future with your permission.

Okay,

So let's pause again folks.

We get the gist.

So here we have the collection of words.

I'm going to start folks with below the line and most of these have come up.

Worried,

Aggressive,

Revengeful,

Depressed,

Dishonest,

Violent,

Guilty,

Cruelty,

Fearful,

Anxious,

Lonely,

Insecure,

Controlling,

Selfish,

Critical,

Complaining,

Manipulative.

Capable of all of these,

Experience them and will again at some point,

Even with the awareness,

Things will trigger us.

So this to me,

Says everything that you have said.

It's the opposite of expansive,

It's contracting,

It's low energy,

It's pessimistic.

But let me take a step back and just reframe that slightly.

All of these words come from a position of lack.

All of these words,

Whether they're actions or emotions,

And please just let me go with this for now,

Say to yourself and to anybody else who witnesses me or you like this,

I haven't got enough in life.

I need more.

I need the outcome of something to be exactly like I want it to be.

I need to have an experience more than this.

I need to be right.

I need to control the situation and if I can't have all of those things or one of those things when I need it,

This happens to me.

And I experience this and you experience this if you're with me.

So a position of lack to coin a phrase,

What's in it for me?

What's in it for me?

What does the world owe me?

Now I'm generalizing and we're all going to have specifics where this might not land very well.

But if you can allow yourself to stay in that space that we talked about at the beginning of the talk and step back and say that there's this controlling,

Almost manipulative sense that if I can't have what I think I need and there's a real frailty in that,

How many times have you and I almost dropped to our knees and said,

Please God or whoever you are asking,

Give me this in three months time.

Only in three months time to say,

Thank God,

I didn't get what I was asking for 12 weeks ago.

So there's a frailty in thinking we know what we need.

It closes us down.

Worried,

Revengeful,

Anxious,

Critical,

Fearful,

Dishonest,

Violent.

I need what's in it for me.

The world owes me.

Now let's pause there.

Let's just let that land because it might not land very well with some people.

Let's move up the page.

Happy,

Forgiving,

Honest,

Compassionate,

Empathetic,

Allowing,

Generous,

Complimentary,

Caring,

Kind,

Grateful,

Respectful,

Authentic,

Loving,

Calm,

Sympathetic.

If this says what's in it for me,

The words above the line say,

What can I do for you?

What can I do for you?

Taking,

Giving.

I haven't got enough.

I have everything I need.

I need to control a situation.

I'm open and trustworthy.

Exactly the same letters,

The same vowels,

The same constants,

Everything is available to you on this page.

In fact,

When we start to operate towards the top of the page,

We realize that this is on tap.

This comes from lack.

This comes from fear.

Somebody's just said it.

The root cause is absolutely fear,

Fas.

Absolutely fear.

So this comes from fear.

I haven't got enough.

I need to get more.

I need to close down and I need to control.

This says,

This is on tap.

But because I lived in a world that tells me this is how it has to be,

I'd forgot all about this.

And all of this energy,

Kind,

Loving,

Calm,

Complimentary,

You could walk out of the house now and compliment another person.

It's on tap.

And guess what happens to you when you start to hang around these words?

You become these words.

What we give to ourselves,

We recognize in others.

What we give to others comes through ourselves.

It's a self-fulfilling prophecy.

So if you're willing to consider that you could hang around at the top of the page,

But it's been a while because for whatever reason,

Life,

People,

Situations have kept you here.

What's a quick way to the top?

Let me give you a quick story.

20 years ago,

I was working in the corporate world and I was sales and marketing director for the largest lighting company in the UK with all the trappings,

Flying around Europe,

Business class.

I mean,

You've heard this.

You've heard the story many,

Many times.

And I was away for three or four nights a week.

I've got three small children at the time,

But I happened to be home this one day when there was something on at the children's school.

And my children,

I think,

Were about 10,

Five and two at the time.

So I'm this executive who's used to flying around and being busy,

But I'd landed.

Maybe I wasn't even there,

You know what I mean,

But I was there.

And it was for a charity and the school,

Bless them,

Had opened up the hall and the charity was giving a talk and all the kids were there and they'd done stuff.

And I don't know if it was the same all around the world,

But about 20 years ago in the UK,

Charities started to give away wristbands.

Just give me a thumbs up or a heart or something.

And the name of the charity would be on the wristband.

And the charity started to give the wristbands to all the kids.

And my youngest,

Who was only about two or three at the time,

He wasn't at the school,

But we took him with us.

It suddenly dawned on him that they were running out of wristbands.

And as they got closer and closer with the box,

They completely ran out,

Empty box.

And he looked at me and his face filled up and his eyes filled up and he was completely devastated.

He'd ended up without a wristband.

So nobody really noticed,

You know,

Everybody's excited.

It's the end of the session.

So everybody's turning to leave the hall.

20 years ago,

Everybody's turning to leave the hall and we're all moving en masse in one way and he's still crying,

I'm holding him.

And everybody's walking towards the back of the hall in the same direction as us,

Apart from one old man,

Flap cap,

Long coat on.

And he's sort of moving around people and coming towards us.

And as he gets to us,

He stops in front of me and he rubs my son's head,

Gets down on one knee,

Takes a band off and puts it on my little boy's wrist.

Now I get emotional 20 years later thinking about it.

Now here's the interesting thing about that simple act of kindness.

It completely changed the direction of my life.

That was in the October.

In the December,

I decided to leave my work and with the early the following year,

My life had changed completely.

I couldn't step back into the corporate world that was full of this.

It just wouldn't fit.

It wasn't me.

It wasn't right.

I couldn't get over that simple act of kindness.

I never saw the man again,

But it completely changed the direction of my life.

So if you're wondering how we can get from here to live the secret of a better life,

Then I'm going to encourage you to practice one random act of kindness a day,

Preferably with a stranger,

Never for money,

But just something that lifts you and them to the top of this page.

The secret to a better life is to give.

The secret to a better life is to show kindness and compassion,

First of all to yourself and then to others.

The secret to a better life is not to follow the crowd,

But to tread your own path.

To be able to look yourself in the mirror at the end of each day and know whatever happened,

You were there for yourself and just one other person.

And then this becomes normality.

This still happens,

But we know our way back.

We live in a world that works day and night to make us just like everybody else.

And whilst that may make sense to us here most of the time,

Some of the time,

If we stop and sit with it here,

The truth bubbles to the surface.

Kindness,

Compassion,

That's the secret to a better life.

So when you look back and you do,

We will look back,

You and I in our lives,

We can hold these cherished moments where we either witness kindness or even better,

Gave it to others.

Thanks again,

Folks.

Bless you all.

See you soon.

Bye-bye.

Reviews

A lovely, inspiring talk. Thank you for teaching on IT. 💜💜💜