Ending Suffering

This is a 25-minute talk on 'Ending Suffering' from Hugh's live Insight Timer session of September 4, 2022 that discusses the Buddha's central teaching on suffering and ending suffering--and how we can apply this teaching in our life.

Transcript

So the theme for today's session is ending suffering,

Ending suffering.

So I want to share for about 15 minutes this talk on suffering and ending suffering in our lives.

The Buddha said,

He was asked to kind of encapsulate his teachings,

You know,

As simply as possible,

And he said,

I teach one thing,

Suffering and its end,

Suffering and its end.

Sometimes there's an emphasis of,

Oh,

Buddhism is all about suffering,

But it's about suffering and ending suffering.

That's,

Don't forget the ending of suffering.

And all of the Buddhist teachings are really linked to and come back to this central teaching about suffering and how to end it in our lives.

It was the Buddha's first teaching called the Four Noble Truths.

And it's the most important of the Buddha's teachings because if we understand it and practice it,

We can change our lives dramatically.

If we can understand suffering and our own relationship to suffering,

It can change our lives dramatically.

We say it can change our lives or we can change our lives by through our practice.

It's actually quite easy to understand,

But not so easy to put into practice because really we get accustomed to our suffering.

You could almost say we cling to our suffering,

We cling to our suffering,

And it can take attention,

Diligence,

Really courage to see that there is a way out of suffering and to make a change.

So the teaching can be stated quite simply.

When we cling,

We suffer.

And when we let go of clinging,

Stop clinging,

We end suffering.

We realize or attain or achieve freedom from suffering.

There's a quote from the Buddha on this.

He says,

Anyone or one who understands clinging and non-clinging understands all of the Dharma.

One who understands clinging and non-clinging understands all of the Dharma,

All of the teachings and practices of wisdom.

If you understand this clinging and non-clinging,

It's really at the heart of this practice.

It's not always easy.

That's why we need all of the other teachings.

If it was just a simple question of like,

As I said,

You know,

We cling,

We suffer,

We let go of clinging,

We let go of suffering.

If it were as easily said,

Done as said,

Then what more would we need?

You know,

Maybe for a very rare person that can be enough.

For most of us,

We need the other teachings of loving kindness and equanimity and cultivating wisdom and concentration,

All of these qualities in order to be able to kind of still the mind enough to be able to see things clearly.

You know,

That's why we need all of these other teachings.

So,

The Buddha taught that there is a way out of suffering,

A way to live freely in the world,

Whatever the conditions,

Because it's a freedom that doesn't depend on conditions.

It doesn't depend on feeling good or being healthy or the kind of day we're having,

You know,

Waking up feeling terrible or waking up feeling good.

It doesn't depend on that.

It's a freedom really that comes from untangling the knots that keep us locked in suffering and depending on things being a certain way for us to feel okay.

I have to feel,

You know,

Just right to be out for things to be okay.

We're depending on conditions for us to be happy and that's not a good recipe for genuine happiness.

Just a thought experiment.

Imagine your own life as it is today.

You know,

The family you have,

You know,

Whatever relationships,

You know,

You have partner,

Spouse or significant other or not as the case may be,

Your work,

Your health,

Your finances,

Your friendships,

As well as the state of the country,

You know,

That you're living in,

The state of the world right now,

Climate change,

All of that.

So,

Imagine your life as it is today where you could be happy without anything necessarily needing to change in the overall conditions.

So,

With everything you have,

You know,

If you have a,

You know,

A chronic condition or you have a,

You know,

A difficult relationship you're in or,

You know,

Some health condition or other,

You know,

Struggle in your life.

In the midst of this,

Imagine you can be happy with whatever you have,

Where you could be happy without anything necessarily changing in the overall conditions.

So,

Not needing to be healthier than you are,

Wealthier than you are,

Younger,

Have more friends,

Have a different family,

Live in a less troubled world,

But exactly as things are right now.

You think of it,

What,

You know,

If you think of your own life,

What has to be different in order to be happy?

And if something needs to be different,

Then,

You know,

The invitation is to kind of focus less on what needs to change,

Although sometimes obviously things need to change,

But what is my relationship to this thing that,

You know,

I'm finding difficult or in some way an obstacle to being happy?

This,

I think,

Is an important question because most people,

If they're not happy or if they feel that life isn't entirely how they want it to be,

Think of happiness or inner freedom and well-being as being dependent on conditions.

If only I didn't have this job I have,

If only I had another job where I'd be more autonomous or more etc.

,

That something needs to be different for me to be okay,

To be truly happy.

This is kind of the,

You know,

The way I think most people think of happiness.

I need this,

I need more money,

I need a different job,

I need a different relation,

Whatever it might be.

Now the Buddha's teachings are different.

The Buddha's teachings say the only thing that needs any change is our own relationship to our experience,

To the conditions that we face.

That change in our relationship typically calls for a letting go of what is superfluous,

What is unnecessary,

What is unhelpful,

And what the Buddha called this craving or clinging.

I prefer the term clinging because it kept,

You know,

In English it captures more.

Craving tends to a little bit more focus on that kind of addictive quality,

At least in English,

Whereas clinging,

You know,

We can cling to our hatred,

You know,

And,

You know,

Cling to many,

Many things,

You know,

The way we're used to doing things.

So I'll use clinging mainly.

So the Buddha pointed to a way of being with our experience where we're not holding on.

You know,

What we,

You know,

We call clinging is a way of being that leads us to suffering.

Clinging leads to suffering.

Now I was inspired to talk on this theme in the last week or so by some feedback that I got on one of the courses on Insight Timer,

The one on mindfulness and habit change,

And I was really struck by how this short story of a person's experience really encapsulates the Buddha's teachings on the Four Noble Truths,

His teachings on suffering and freedom.

So I'll just quote it.

I won't share a name but just what the person,

Woman,

Shared.

She said,

On day four of the 10-day course,

And I just had this earthquake of a revelation,

The urge,

I think the habit that she was working with,

Used to be sweets,

And I realized before that it was cigarettes,

And then,

Capitalized then,

I realized after cigarettes it was drugs,

And then it was sex,

And then it was shopping,

And I really hear you say,

Stop and pay attention,

And there's the revelation.

It's really none of these things that matter.

It's what I'm running from,

What I'm avoiding that runs these cravings.

It's the dark,

Lonely emptiness,

The longing,

And none of these cheap fillers really change that feeling.

They just mask it.

The longing for intangibles,

Love,

Comfort,

Kindness,

Peace.

It's for the loveliness of life,

And the drive,

The craving,

Is to escape that feeling of hunger or hopelessness or despair.

And she goes on,

I've been trying to bury those sweet needs instead of heal,

So they can be satisfied,

And then she says,

What a ride this quick little meditation turned out to be,

And then she says,

Thank you for that,

And I found this really a really powerful sharing of somebody's individual experience,

And it really points to me,

You know,

Points to how her experience was really an understanding,

A seeing clearly,

An insight into this teaching about suffering and the end of suffering.

You know,

In what she shared,

The suffering is clearly there.

You know,

She talked about underlying,

You know,

I've just used some words,

You know,

Unpleasantness,

Angst,

Hunger,

Hopelessness,

Despair.

This really is the first noble truth.

It's like,

There's suffering.

This is difficult.

This is painful.

I don't like this.

This is unpleasant.

Just the simple truth of suffering.

That's the first noble truth.

The craving,

You know,

In her case,

The food,

The drink,

The drugs,

The sex,

The shopping,

Is what is causing the suffering.

You know,

What she's holding on to,

Thinking it's going to end the suffering.

If I get more of this,

I get more,

You know,

Drink,

Drugs,

Food,

Sex,

Etc.

,

You know,

Nice things in the store,

Then I'll be happy.

This will satisfy me.

This will make me happy,

At least somewhat happy.

This is the second noble truth,

That craving or clinging is the primary cause of suffering,

Is the primary cause of suffering.

You know,

That craving leads to suffering.

You know,

Craving is based on not seeing things clearly,

So it has ignorance underneath it,

Or not clear seeing underneath it,

But it's that reaching out for happiness.

I often think of it as looking for love in all the wrong places,

You know,

Looking for happiness where you can't find it.

And then,

As she said,

There's the realization and the letting go of clinging to any of these things that are not clear,

And the letting go of clinging to any of these,

What Tara Brath calls false refuges,

Letting go of these false refuges of food,

Drink,

Sex,

Drugs,

Etc.

,

Is what leads to the end of suffering.

Letting go of clinging leads to the end of suffering,

And this is the third noble truth.

Letting go of clinging brings the end of suffering.

You know,

Letting go completely leads to the complete end of suffering.

Letting go a little,

As a great Thai teacher,

Arjun Chah says,

Leads to a little bit of freedom,

A little letting go.

Letting go a lot leads to a lot of letting go.

Letting go completely leads to a complete letting go,

Complete peace,

Complete freedom.

He says your struggle with the world will be at an end.

So,

That's the third noble truth,

All in this short paragraph that she shared about her experience,

This revelation,

And the practices of staying with her experience,

Staying with the unpleasantness,

Rather than running away,

Rather than,

You know,

Either beating herself up,

Oh,

I'm so bad,

You know,

I'm always,

I can't,

You know,

I can't do this,

Or,

You know,

My life is a mess,

Or all of those stories the mind can get into,

Not getting caught up in that,

Or going to the false refuges for the drink or the drugs,

Sex,

Etc.

This is the fourth noble truth.

It's the path that leads to the end of suffering.

It's the path of practice,

What we do in order to get to the third noble truth,

The end of suffering.

So,

The wonderful thing about this teaching is that we can use it and apply it really at any time in our life.

We just have to pause and pay attention to our experience.

Is there suffering right now?

You know,

You might just turn your attention inward.

You imagine you have a spotlight,

We put it put out into the world to look around and,

You know,

See how that everything's okay,

But then we turn it inward and say,

Okay,

Can I look at my own experience,

My own life right now?

You know,

In this moment,

And this moment is really kind of the key moment,

Just notice what's present for you.

Is it,

You know,

Is there something that this sense of wanting or needing or something that you're not liking that you're pushing away,

Or just being stuck or confused,

All of this is getting in some way caught up in clinging.

So,

Just to notice in your own experience,

You might take it more broadly to,

You know,

This time in your life these days,

This week,

This month,

This year,

You know,

What's going on,

You know,

What are you seeing,

What are the patterns that you're noticing?

So,

Is there suffering right now?

And then you can look,

If there is suffering,

Look to the cause,

Look to your own relationship to your experience.

Let's say you're angry,

Let's say you're angry,

Maybe not this moment,

But you know,

In these days,

Let's say you're angry about a particular politician or a colleague at work or a family member,

You know,

Whatever it is that they're doing or not doing.

If we're caught up in suffering,

You know,

If that person is in somehow,

Some way kind of engendering in you this kind of,

You know,

Whether it's anger or hatred or annoyance or complaining,

Then there's something to look at.

There's some clinging,

There's some holding on.

If we're caught up in suffering,

We are in some way implicated in our suffering.

I don't mean by that the word to blame,

Oh,

It's my fault.

I don't mean it in that sense,

But there's just a relationship here that isn't a wise one,

Isn't a skillful one.

There's something we're bringing or adding to the situation that is making this into a situation of suffering.

We often talk about,

You know,

The first arrow and the second arrow,

Third,

Fourth,

Fifth arrow.

You know,

Let's say you have a,

You know,

Something difficult,

You've got some digestive issues or you've got pains in your back,

You know,

That's just,

That's pain.

It's not inherently suffering until,

If in some way we get in a struggle,

Oh,

Why is this happening?

Why did I do this?

I'm to blame for this or somebody else is to blame for this or I don't like this.

I don't want this.

This needs to be different.

When we get caught up in that,

We're adding a second arrow,

As it were.

It was like we're being hit by an arrow,

You know,

The pain or the discomfort and then we're adding to that.

We're kind of,

We're adding a layer of resistance,

Of struggle,

Of,

You know,

Disliking,

Whatever.

That's what we need to really look at is this,

What am I adding?

There's a lovely story in the Buddhist teachings of somebody who comes to the Buddha and asks him,

He's dealing with somebody who is really angry with him and he asks the Buddha,

What happens if someone is angry with you about something?

How do you deal with their anger?

And the Buddha responded with a question.

He said,

What happens if somebody sends you a letter and you don't want that letter?

What happens?

And the person answered,

Well,

The messenger,

In those days,

Post-mail person,

Post-person,

Postman,

Postwoman,

Post-person,

Just sends it back,

Goes back,

Returned to sender.

So that's the Buddha's response.

He said,

What happens when you don't accept the letter?

And the person says,

You know,

It goes back to the person.

And then basically that's the teaching said,

If somebody sends you anger,

Is coming angry at you.

If you don't accept that anger,

If you don't respond to it and get hooked in it,

You know,

That in that kind of a way,

You know,

Oh,

You know,

You're this and you're that and then we get caught up in that cycle of back and forth conflict.

If you don't get caught in it,

If you just let things come and go,

And not saying it's always easy,

Absolutely it isn't always easy,

But with practice we can do it.

We can learn to do that.

We can learn to open fully to the experience and let the anger go.

It can pass through us,

You know,

Sometimes we can respond.

But if we allow ourselves of what one teacher calls a full internal experience of that emotion or that mind state,

Then we can respond maybe with kindness.

Maybe we can,

You know,

Put up a strong barrier if we need to and say,

You know,

That was inappropriate or whatever we need to do.

But it's not this kind of reactive,

You know,

You just kind of hitting the ball back over the net.

No,

You did,

You know,

I did,

You did,

Etc.

So if we don't accept that,

So where are we adding suffering?

So here,

Return to sender,

You know,

That we have a choice over whether we suffer because there's something we're adding to the experience.

And,

You know,

I'm sure there's a lot of questions that come out of that,

You know,

Questions about,

You know,

Are you saying that,

You know,

We just accept everything in the world as it is?

No,

Absolutely not.

But what I am saying is that rather than responding to what's going on in the world or in our families or at work or whatever,

In a reactive way,

We can respond in a,

You might say,

A responsive way.

We can fully experience what we're feeling,

The emotions,

The mind states,

The sensations and feelings.

And then out of that full internal response,

We can,

If where appropriate,

We respond in the world,

You know,

We respond,

We say something,

We do something.

Not everything calls for a response,

Sometimes it does.

So I invite you to look at and explore your own life,

You know,

And moment to moment,

You know,

Whenever,

You know,

It may be helpful,

Just ask yourself,

You know,

Is there suffering right now?

If there is,

What's the cause of suffering?

And then,

Is it possible to let go of suffering?

And then what are the practices that allow us to,

Allow me to let go of suffering?

So this is really,

You know,

The Buddha would say,

All of the teachings is contained in these Four Noble Truths.

So I invite you to reflect on these teachings in your own life,

Because the most important thing is that they're teachings to transform our life,

To live in a different way,

To live with greater ease,

Peace and wellbeing.

So we'll finish with a poem.

This is the Buddha's last instruction by Mary Oliver.

Make of yourself a light,

Said the Buddha,

Before he died.

I think of this every morning as the East begins to tear off its many clouds of darkness,

To send up the first signal,

A white fan streaked with pink and violet,

Even green.

An old man,

He lay down between two solid trees.

Around him the villagers gathered and stretched forward to listen,

Even before the sun itself hangs,

Disattached in the blue air.

I'm touched everywhere by its ocean of yellow waves.

No doubt he thought of everything that had happened in his difficult life.

And then I feel the sun itself as it blazes over the hills like a million flowers on fire.

Clearly I'm not needed,

Yet I feel myself turning into something of inexplicable value.

Slowly,

Beneath the branches,

He raised his head.

He looked into the faces of that frightened crowd.

Reviews

The teacher appears when the student is ready. It's been a long time coming....

Much needed thank you

Wonderful

Thank you for this insightful teaching. Namaste

Hugh is always clear and easy to understand. Thank you.

So helpful! I need this kind of reminder & guidance to refocus everyday because it is not yet a working part of my mind. Thank you!

Beautiful and insightful

The feedback you received resonates with my experiences.

This meditation opent my eyes how to release wanting to have more energy in my body (Burnout). My suffering immediately ended en I surrendered to what is. I now know my body knows what I need best. And I just have to listen to my body and surrender to be okay . Thank you so much 🙏

This is fantastic. Thank you Hugh. You are a gift. 🙏🏼♥️

Helpful

Thank you. 💕🙏wise words. Be open to looking within. A daily practice. Peace within.

So powerful for me to look at what I am clinging to that is causing my suffering and pain. I am reminded to come up through the branches of my heart and look at all the faces both angry and smiling 🥰🌻❤️

This is a short presentation that’s good for me to digest. But since it was 1 AM and I was in bed I didn’t last very long as far as my being present to it. Sleep overcame me.

This teaching can be listened to over and over. Very very helpful.

Amazing

Much to gently integrate here. Just now, the return to sender analogy is particularly pertinent! Thank you

Dear Hugh, thank you for this tender invitation to transformation. I accept gratefully. Sending good wishes. 🌻

Thank you 🙏

Letting go, even a little bit, results in a little more freedom. Thank you for the encouragement, Hugh.