This reflective meditation is a piece of writing from my journal.
It is simply titled Day 48 Change.
It is a series of reflections,
Thoughts,
Meandering loops to explore what this experience of change really feels like and why it is something that we can embrace in order to better support ourselves.
It is an unedited piece of writing from my journal and I share it in this way because I think it shows how our mind flows through from one reflection to another but that through the practice of journaling we begin to make sense of those thoughts.
Day 48 Change.
This love,
This loving kindness,
This bravery,
This fear,
This worry,
This endless agonizing over what needs to be done and when it needs to be done by.
This flow.
Not this flow but that flow,
That stream of consciousness,
Never-ending thought flooding,
Wafting,
Sifting,
Sinking,
Poking,
Eluding,
Drifting,
Sharpening,
Shaping.
All because my mind is doing its job,
The one it was created to do.
To keep me safe.
To identify sources of fear or hurt or pain or shame and say stop this doesn't feel safe.
I don't know what's happening here.
I've lost control or I will not have control if you keep going in this direction,
Physical or metaphorical.
And I don't like it.
You're not listening to me.
That childlike voice shouting and crying out because things aren't clear and I don't know who's going to look after me if I won't even listen to myself.
All that stuff is going on right now.
But you know it's okay and I need to trust that to make things happen,
To make them change,
Takes courage and to remember that my mind is beautifully,
Caringly,
Kindly doing its very best to look after me and make sure everything is okay.
But what the mind can forget is that deeper knowledge that without risk,
Without putting ourselves into the unknown,
Without seeing what is around the corner or behind the door,
All that happens is we just stay here.
We don't grow.
We don't shift.
We don't learn.
We don't expand our consciousness of ourselves or of the world around us.
And if we only ever experience change as something that happens to us,
Then we are simply a passenger and we'll never get to fly the plane,
Drive the car,
Steer the boat,
Choose the direction of travel.
And that can leave us without hope,
Just carrying our baggage from place to place,
Building up the stuff we carry with us and never stopping to check we still need it all or choosing where we want to go.
So our minds are wonderful things and it's good to know they're there to look after us.
But living in fear stifles our creativity and empathy and joy.
Releasing ourselves from that while still acknowledging and thanking our mind for being there for us releases us from old patterns,
Old beliefs,
Old behaviors.
It opens us up to new experiences and new people and new opportunities.
And without all that we stay as we are,
Which may be the right thing.
It may be that everything just as it is,
Is just as it should be.
And that in itself is a wonderful place of peace,
Of harmony,
Of present.
But my sense is that without being open to change,
It's hard to get there.
The change may be internal,
A shift in thinking,
Breaking through some resistance that's locked in a thought or an emotion or a memory.
It may be a tangible practical change,
A new geography,
New role,
New people or it may be that any one of those helps unlock another.
The key is that if fear is holding us back from change or from taking a new step,
Physical or metaphorical,
Then that is where we need to focus our attention and understand why we are trying to protect ourselves.
Acknowledge it,
Love ourselves for doing it,
Thank ourselves for loving us so much that all we want to do is keep ourselves safe.
And then with an arm around our shoulders,
Step forward bravely,
Wisely,
Thoughtfully,
Open-hearted,
With an open mind.
