Heal Your Heartbreak

An invitation to uncover the sacred in a broken heart. Heartbreak is our heart’s way of telling us that we are made for other things. Within it is a deeper truth. Your experience doesn't define you: love is behind everything. A talk on an expansive secret of the universe.

Transcript

Hi,

This is Tina El-Hudge from Hema's team.

We're delighted to share with you a recording of Hema's recent talk on heartbreak originally live on Insight Timer.

In a year where there's been lots of heartbreak for lots of different reasons we hope that this serves to lift your spirits.

I'll just start again just to say that we're going to be talking about heartbreak.

It's one of the most common experiences we all have in our lives,

But it's one of the most misunderstood.

In my experience we can have multiple heartbreaks,

But it's the one that really,

Really gets us.

That's really a wake-up call.

So that moment,

You know,

When we've had multiple sort of disappointments and feelings of being hurt or being rejected or,

You know,

Things not quite working out as we would like to.

Those are all little mini heartbreaks that we experience.

And then at some point we have something that feels like a really,

Really big heartbreak,

Something that we feel we might never get over.

We can have that,

You know,

More than once in our lifetime.

But when it happens,

It's really about understanding what that means and what we can do about it,

Especially if we have multiple heartbreaks over time,

Then it's understanding that there's a reason.

And that reason is,

It is our heart's way of telling us that the old paradigms,

Something,

Old structures,

Old conditioning,

Old thoughts,

Feelings,

Beliefs,

Memories that we've been holding onto,

Whether they're our own or whether they're ancestral,

Whether they belong to our families,

You know,

Our parents,

Our society,

Our culture,

That it's really,

Really time to let go of something.

So for me,

Heartbreak is really an opportunity.

But the first thing that it gives us is an opportunity to actually be self-indulgent.

And what I mean by that is that,

You know,

There are a few times in our lives where we are actually allowed to just go into ourselves and to take some time for ourselves,

As opposed to being overly concerned about what's going on in the outer world.

That's not to say we shouldn't care about other people while we're going through our heartbreak,

Because actually it's the opposite.

But it's about understanding our relationship to other people,

Understanding that,

You know,

Really who we are is so much more than our experiences.

And the experience of heartbreak can give us an opportunity to say,

I want to get to know myself better.

Because,

You know,

Within us we have the capacity for such joy,

We have the capacity for so much love,

We have the capacity to both give and receive love.

But heartbreaks are the universe's wave sink to us.

In some way,

Something is not aligned with us.

And the fact that so many people experience heartbreaks,

But don't actually know how to metabolise those experiences,

Suggests that really we're a society that needs to begin to start looking deeper into ourselves,

Into,

You know,

Who we really are,

What makes us who we are,

What are our values.

But most importantly,

What is it that we want out of love?

Why do we experience certain heartbreaks?

Why do we experience disappointments?

Disappointments come from expectations.

Expectations come from a belief that things should be other than how they are.

Everything is exactly as it needs to be.

And what needs to happen,

What needs to change,

Is our own perception of how we fit into the world and how we fit into our relationships with other people.

And I think our relationships with other people are ultimately an opportunity to grow,

An opportunity to evolve,

And an opportunity to let go of what no longer serves us.

Each moment with any person,

Any relationship,

Any situation,

Is an opportunity to evolve.

And so that heartbreak is really the heart saying,

Listen to me.

Heartbreak is really our heart saying,

It's time for you to do some inner work,

To do some deep diving,

To go into the depths of your being,

And to work out who you want to be in relationship to the situation or the person or the people that brought about the heartbreak.

It's an opportunity to raise our vibration,

Because when the heart breaks,

It's literally breaking open.

It's opening up to a kind of a divine energy,

So it's opening up to a sacredness.

It's the recognition that we think we're separate,

And therefore we get hurt.

But in reality,

We are not separate.

Separation is the greatest illusion of our time.

We are so absolutely connected to everything and everyone,

And each person,

Each situation that comes into our life is a part of our inner being.

And so that mirror that is held up to us when our heart breaks is really that mirror that is saying,

When and are you now willing to wake up to the truth of who you really are,

Which is that you are never separate.

You are never really truly disconnected from the universal energy,

The energy of love.

The energy of love is always within you,

And it is when we put our hopes and our aspirations on something or someone outside of us that the mirror is held up to say,

No,

This is about you.

Who do you want to be?

What do you want to do with where you are?

And are you willing to break through that illusion of separation?

Now,

It doesn't just happen with the idea,

The intention to say I'm no longer separate.

It comes with the understanding that we need to do some work to allow our vibration to rise,

To allow the frequency within us to move away from fear and move into a space and place of love.

And that can only really,

Really happen when we're able to take some time out for ourselves,

To recognise this is an opportunity,

To take some time to do some writing,

To do some journaling,

To actually look at the times when we may have caused her,

When we may have disappointed,

When we may have been on the other side of the heartbreak.

Because all of these experiences need to be metabolised if we're really,

Truly to grow.

And often,

When it's not our heart that's broken,

It's so easy to walk away from a situation,

To not recognise that we've hurt somebody,

To not recognise we might have caused heartbreak.

And so it's an opportunity to grow on that level,

To really be able to go back and look at the times when we may have caused it,

But also to look at the feelings,

Because it is when we feel that we are alive,

Because really that's what the human experience is,

To really,

Really live.

And the idea that we should go through life without disappointments,

Without heartbreak,

Is absolutely irrelevant.

We are here to experience a whole range of emotions.

We are here to live our lives fully,

However we've been conditioned with society,

To think that we should only be a particular way,

That we should always be happy,

That we should always be successful,

That our relationship should always be beautiful and perfect,

And without upset,

Without complexities.

And it's just not true.

Being complex is what makes us human.

We are multifaceted,

We are multidimensional.

And therefore,

When we are able to go,

This is part of living,

And I embrace this wholeheartedly,

Then you will find the sacredness in that heartbreak.

When you are able to say to yourself,

It's okay to really truly be me,

And to feel what I'm feeling,

To be able to cry,

To be vulnerable,

But most importantly,

To let down the protection.

Because when our hearts break,

Chances are that whatever's happened,

It has broken through multiple walls,

Multiple barriers that we've put up over the years to protect ourselves.

And so when our hearts finally get to a point where it breaks,

It's amazing,

Because those walls have come down,

The guards have come down,

And it gives us an opportunity to break free from those protections that are actually imprisoning us.

It gives us the opportunity to be truly vulnerable,

To be real.

And there is nothing that says that we are loved more than being real,

Being vulnerable,

Being open,

Being honest,

Being able to break down,

Being able to reach out to somebody and say,

I need support,

I need help.

What I'm going through,

I don't know how to do this by myself,

Because that's also the beauty of heartbreak,

Is that we start reaching out to other people in ways that we would never have done before.

But when we allow that guard to come down,

The most beautiful thing happens,

And that is that it opens up infinite possibilities.

When our hearts break open,

Something new enters that space,

Where there was protection,

Where there was a way of being,

A mask that told us,

This is who I am,

This is how I have to show up,

This is who I'm going to be in love,

In relationships.

And when that guard comes down,

Suddenly that vulnerability,

That openness,

Allows something new to be able to penetrate that space.

And that something new is your choice.

So in that moment,

You get to choose who you want to be.

You get to choose the aspect of you that believed in fear,

The aspect of you that believed in separation,

The aspect of you that didn't understand the truth of who you were or what love was.

You,

In that moment,

Get to choose what love is going to mean for you.

And there's nothing more beautiful in this world than being able to have that opportunity.

So for those of you who may currently be going through a heartbreak,

For those of you who may have recently gone through it,

Still not sure if you're quite there,

For those of you who don't know quite what to do with the way you have experienced heartbreak,

This is my invitation to you to say,

This is your choice to decide what love is going to mean to you.

The aspects of love you're willing to let go of,

The aspects of love that weren't real,

The aspects of love that said you have to be a particular way,

You can't be yourself,

The aspects of love that said you're not really worthy unless you're doing something,

Unless you're being somebody,

Unless you're showing up in a particular way,

The opportunity to say,

You know,

It's time to heal old wounds that I didn't even know I had.

Because when we experience heartbreak,

All of a sudden we feel all these feelings and we suddenly find ourselves faced with a situation where we're trying to understand those feelings.

But those feelings,

I can promise you,

Are not new.

They may feel new to you,

They may sound new when you talk about it,

You may think,

I've never felt this way before,

And yet I can guarantee you,

You have.

A lot of our experiences are held in our unconscious mind,

A lot of our experiences are very deep in our heart,

A lot of our experiences may not even be ours,

They may be what we were inherited from our parents,

From our families,

From our societies,

As I've said before.

And so in that moment you get to have a choice to say,

I'm going to let go of all of those things because they're not me.

That might have been my dad's experience or my mum's experience or my brother's or my sister's or it might have been my friend's or it might be a cultural thing,

But you know what,

Who do I want to be?

The greatest gift to humanity is our individuality.

And we have that gift for a reason,

And while we may have very,

Very similar experiences,

In reality we are all individual and all connected.

And so being individual means being able to let go of those old,

Old beliefs that belong to somebody else.

We take on so much precariousness,

We experience other people's emotions as if they're our own.

We learn from what we've observed,

We learn from what we've heard,

We've learned through our senses.

And a lot of those things aren't really applicable to us.

And so while it is a journey to get through heartbreak,

While it is a journey to be willing to dig deeper,

To dive into your own heart and to really,

Really work out who you are and who you want to be and why you have experienced the disappointments or the heartbreaks that you have in your life,

It's totally worth it because life is beautiful.

It will absolutely repeat itself to you.

It will repeat itself again and again and again until you are willing to step up,

Raise your vibration,

Raise your frequency and really truly get a deeper understanding of what love is.

Because only then will you be able to truly love and feel safe within all parameters of love and that includes heartbreak.

Heartbreak is our heart's way of telling us we are so deeply,

Deeply loved.

Heartbreak is our way of saying we deserve more.

We deserve to experience more,

Not from the object of our heartbreak,

Not through circumstances,

But through our own understanding of who we are.

We don't deserve more because of the person who's not giving us what we need and therefore broke our hearts.

We deserve more because it's our own heart that is actually magnetising every experience.

And so each person who comes into our life is actually a mirror for what we believe about ourselves.

And if we experience disappointment,

That is a vulnerability we need to heal.

And when we do that,

When we're willing to do the work,

Then you get to a space and place where you're able to experience love in a much deeper way.

And that is ultimately the journey of life.

It's about evolving and it's about coming back to the truth of what love really is.

And love is one of the most beautiful experiences that we can have.

Because although everything in and around us is love,

When we experience heartbreak,

We truly understand what it means to feel love.

And we also understand what it means to feel the limitations of love.

And so that heartbreak is an opportunity to break free from those limitations,

To experience a much deeper sense of love.

And we can't avoid it.

There are those people who will avoid heartbreak at all costs.

Once they've experienced it,

They will say,

Never again,

Never going to open my heart,

Never going to be vulnerable,

Never going to trust.

And yet life will force you to do exactly that.

So you have a choice now to decide that you are going to use your heartbreak to discover who you really are.

You have a choice to discover the truth of what is held in your heart,

The infinite possibilities that are held in your heart,

The infinite possibilities to experience love,

To experience yourself as love,

But also to be the giver of that love as well as the receiver of love.

That is what comes with flow in our hearts and the moment our heart breaks,

Actually the walls are broken down and it means that there is greater flow in the heart space and that greater flow allows love to absolutely transcend any and all limitations.

You have to be willing to give yourself permission to truly cry,

Permission to feel the heartbreak,

Permission to feel the disappointment,

Permission to feel the betrayal,

Permission to feel all of the emotions.

Because when you give yourself that permission,

You will come through it a lot,

Lot sooner.

And it will take you to a height previously unknown,

It will help you to evolve,

It will help you to grow,

But most importantly when you learn to love,

You will be adding to the healing that is needed in humanity.

Because what we're experiencing with the chaos in the world right now is a crisis of love.

And so heartbreak is one of the most amazing experiences we can have and I know when you're going through it,

It doesn't feel like it.

But in truth,

When you expand your consciousness and you allow yourself to see it through the perspective of evolution,

You are then able to see it through the eyes of your heart and your heart will never ever betray you.

Each person,

Each situation you attract into your life,

Your heart is doing it because it wants so much more for you.

It wants something better for you.

It wants you to experience the magnitude,

The magnificence of love,

Of who you are.

And this is your opportunity.

So when you experience heartbreak,

Whether you have already or are experiencing it right now as I speak to you,

Or it's something that feels like it's very close on the horizon,

Sometimes we have a sixth sense for these things.

When something's falling apart,

Whatever that may be,

When we lose something or someone we dearly love for whatever reason.

If that's where you are,

Then I invite you to see it through this perspective,

To give yourself the space to cry,

To dig deep and to ultimately heal the untruth that is held so that you can get to a space and place of truth,

A space and place of love and a space and place of evolving to a place where love becomes something that you are totally open to and everything that love brings with it,

Including heartbreak.

So thank you for joining me today.

I can see there are some comments,

Unfortunately.

The camera's a little bit further away so I can't actually see what the comments are.

I can see lots of love hearts.

Thank you so much everybody who's been sharing love hearts and sharing comments.

If there are questions,

I will be addressing them at some point,

So perhaps we will have another live some point very soon to address some of the questions.

But I do invite you to continue with the questions and I will answer them in any which way that I can.

I really appreciate you being here today for the live and for those of you who watched the replay,

Thank you so much.

And like I say,

If there are any questions or any comments,

Any way that I can support you,

I will absolutely look over the comments and I will get back to you.

And like I say,

There may be an opportunity for us to do another one where I can go a little bit deeper.

Today was a little bit sort of high end just for those people who are perhaps new to this.

But I will be delving deeper into this conversation and this topic because I know it's a very,

Very important one.

So thank you so much for your time today.

Reviews

It's usually easy for me to leave reviews. However this for me was so profoundly catalytic that I am feeling it hard to form words. I came to this feeling great tension, sadness, anxiety; unworthiness and betrayal from a recent break up. After listening i now feel calm, peaceful; I realize that the breakup is introducing me to my true self, and is clearing the path for me to live a deeply fulfilling life. Thank you

Empowering

I totally agree with you! Thank you for the reminder! 💝🙏

This was very insightful! Thank you for educating me on heartbreak

I appreciate the perspective of this talk and looking at heartbreak in a more honest way. While there was a lot I took away from this topic, I wonder if you might also talk about the reverse. When we have broken a person’s heart. I am currently going through this, leaving a marriage of almost 30 years because I have grown more into the person I need to be and am trying to listen to my truth. It’s very early days and the edges are a bit jagged and the pain raw. I have been blessed to be loved so deeply by a kind and generous man for so long and now I have broken his heart into a million pieces. Which is breaking my heart as he is the one I held most dear. But I could not reciprocate that depth of love back in the same way, which has caused me to feel guilty and ungrateful, deceitful and sad. Eventually, I could no longer carry this weight and needed to speak my truth. We are in the early days of the aftermath of me sharing this truth. I trust this is exactly where I need to be and that it is the first step to me living a full life, without guilt or fear, where I can be whole but it hurts so much to cause such pain to someone I love. Many thanks 🙏🏽

One of the most helpful talks I’ve ever heard!! Thank you!

Really gentle voice with a lot of kindness. 🙏🏻 I just don’t know what to do. Tell me what I have to do to get over this heartbreak that keeps me in bondage over the years.

I was hooked on every word. Such an amazing talk 💕

I cried a few times ,thank you 💞 ,more on delving into release and growth sounds goood ,will be watching for more