Shutting Down & The Avoidant Attachment Style

If you're avoidantly attached, you learned that having a need or a feeling isn't safe. Your parents likely weren't attuned to you in a healthy way. In order to get acceptance, safety, and validation, you learned to be invisible, suppress feelings, and be independent. This was an adaptive survival response that makes sense. However, now as an adult, it may be doing you more harm than good.

Reviews

Attachment theory is such an awakening to me, having been married to a guy from a very dysfunctional family. I needed this awareness and these tools 30 years ago!! Alas, they are available to me now! Thanks for this lesson!

Incredibly insightful commentary and tips for the avoidant attachment folks out here! Thanks a mil, Rob!

Really helpful- a hard message no doubt to hear given in a way that makes it possible to hear and see a path towards healing.

This was in short completly hitting the nail on its head. I was the nail. I am in a fitty with a friend and noe I understand why. I do not understand her emotional reaction to so many things. I strp away, become practical. Am very independent, even named my dog that name, became indy in short, but wow. Thank you’n it really well explains what I finally started to see, why I cant have/keep a relation and what feels so lonely now. I am so scared to let some one in. I dont trust it. I cant deal with it. It overwhelms me.
And … it sucks
But well… work in progress I guess.
Thank you! 🙏🏼

Nice, but what if the avoidant is not able to open up to this insight… Pain is driving them away from safety. It is really sad, but it is their path to walk by themselves.. Love is all around. ♥️