Loneliness Help

Follow Doug with this short lesson on how to deal with loneliness. We dive into what loneliness is and how we can overcome the hardships associated with being lonely. This is the first installment of three.

Transcript

Welcome to Pocket Master.

If you're feeling lonely today,

Then listen to these words that I'm about to share with you.

We can define loneliness as the want or the need to be with others or to be around others and enjoy other people's company.

With millions of people surrounding us,

All around the world there are people everywhere,

And yet you can still feel this loneliness.

But loneliness has another aspect to it,

And that is called aloneness.

And aloneness is a positive state,

Whereas loneliness can be considered a negative state.

It seems that the extroverted people have no problems being around other people and attracting people and making friends with people.

But the introverts,

On the other hand,

They feel it to be a little bit of a problem to be around people.

And what's amazing is that the introverts think that the extroverts are very happy people.

When deep inside,

A lot of extroverts are very unhappy people.

They think the introverts are actually happier because they seem to exist in this world without the need to be surrounded by others and have others' approvals.

The key to resolving this issue is to learn to be balanced between the two,

Between extrovert and introvertism.

So a balance that is created by you wanting to have times where you'll be alone.

And like I said,

Loneliness and aloneness are two separate things.

Being alone is absolutely beautiful.

There's so much you can experience and so many things that can have a different perspective in your life when you are alone.

You can meditate,

You can go for walks,

You can ride motorcycles by yourself,

You can do all kinds of things.

And sure,

You can do these things in groups too,

But the feeling of aloneness is special.

It's a grasp of being godly,

To be and having godliness radiate throughout your being.

But you just have to have an awareness to understand and see that.

I used to go down to the Outer Banks of North Carolina when I lived in Virginia Beach on surfing trips all by myself.

I wasn't really a loner.

I just didn't have a lot of friends because I moved there and I didn't know a whole lot of people.

And it took many years for me to get accepted in Virginia Beach and to become part of the in-crowd in the surf lineup at a spot called First Street.

That was the greatest surf spot in Virginia Beach.

And it took many,

Many years for me to get accepted by these people because they don't let outsiders in too much.

And that's not a bad thing either,

I found out in life.

Because later on down the road you understand why they did these things and why people had to behave in a certain way where you're not considered one of the crowd.

So yeah,

It was amazing.

But anyway,

I would make trips down to the North Carolina Outer Banks.

There's a two hour drive to get to Nags Head and then another hour drive to get down to the lighthouse.

So it's a three hour drive.

Anyway,

There's about 50 miles of beaches that you can be secluded at where no one else is watching or anywhere near you.

Maybe there might be a fisherman here or there every once in a while.

But basically those are soul sessions.

Many a time I would just park my truck,

Even though I knew there were other people at some of the more famous spots like S-Turns and Rodanthe and other places,

The lighthouse,

All kinds of stuff like that.

Sometimes I'd just park my spot and just surf alone.

And I didn't think about it at the time how dangerous that could be or what could happen to me.

Those weren't the thoughts that ever went through my mind,

Even though I knew there were sharks in the water and I knew that if I had an injury with a surfing mishap or something,

Then it'd be really hard for me to get to a hospital because back then in the 80s and the 90s there wasn't a hospital in North Carolina on the Outer Banks.

Now there is,

But back then there wasn't.

It was quite a trip to get back to civilization first and then get from civilization to somewhere where you could be treated and taken care of.

So anyway,

I didn't think about the caution that I should have taken maybe,

But in those alone sessions when I was completely by myself,

I felt bliss.

I felt serenity.

This feeling of nature overcomes you and you feel one with nature.

And when that happens to you,

You don't feel lonely anymore.

You don't feel aloneness or anything.

You feel complete.

You feel whole.

You feel like you're a part of something that maybe you couldn't feel when you were around a million people.

So there is a key to finding happiness.

And being alone is beautiful.

Like I said,

Loneliness is a negative state of that.

That's a need or desire.

But if you look into need and desire,

You'll find that those things are things that are pulling you off your center.

Those things are pulling you away from being happy right now.

So if you can just dive into your aloneness and focus on that rather than being negative and feeling lonely,

Then the whole perspective change.

You change.

Inside you change.

And a feeling of bliss will come over you and you'll feel centered.

It's quite exhilarating.

Sometimes the best thing to do when you're feeling lonely is to stop.

Stop going outward.

Because the outwardness is what is making that negative emotion appear in your mind.

So the best thing to do is to go inward.

So close your eyes if you're not driving or anything crazy like that.

If you've got a moment,

Just close your eyes when you're feeling lonely.

And go within.

And feel the centering,

This is-ness of what we call the now,

The present moment.

And try to focus and stay into the present moment.

And time will pull you from the past into the future or the future into the past.

That's just psychological time.

And don't let that deter you.

Just like I said,

Go inside and feel your centeredness.

Feel your oneness and your wholeness.

And feel like you are connected to the universe.

You are connected to it,

But we lose sight of it.

We lose focus now and then.

And there's nothing wrong with losing focus.

The key is to be centered,

To be aware,

To be conscious.

And if you're centered and you feel this loveliness about you,

This blissfulness about you,

This blissness that comes from the inside,

Not the outside.

That's why the extrovert can't feel happy because he feels everything outwardly and not inwardly.

He has no problem expressing it,

But the introvert does have problems with it,

Reaching out and going outwards.

It's easier for the introvert to go within.

But a lot of times I said the introverts feel loneliness more than the extroverts because they are in essence more alone.

So if you really want people to associate with and be around and be able to get rid of that feeling of loneliness,

Then you yourself have to make a little bit of a change.

You have to become something or someone that someone else is attracted to.

You have to have some quality about you that is alluring and attractive.

And being centered,

Being in a state of awareness and meditating for a few minutes every day.

Fifteen minutes is good in the beginning.

It's a start.

It's somewhere to start.

It's a start to a journey of a new you.

It's a start of reuniting yourself with all of existence.

Because when that happens you will not feel lonely anymore.

You'll feel aloneness now and then,

But you'll feel the beauty of that.

Sometimes the night sky has its own beauty that the daytime doesn't have.

And the daytime can be like being around all the people all the time and having friends to associate with.

And the nighttime can be like being alone because when you go to sleep no one else can go to sleep with you.

You are alone.

But it's beautiful.

Dive into that.

Dive into going to sleep.

Dive into being alone.

And rejoice in it and feel the centering,

Feel the beauty of it.

And your life will change.

I guarantee you.

Thanks for listening to this short recording and stay tuned for the next one.

Reviews

Pleasantly surprised to hear my home mentioned. I live in Nags Head and have been on the Outer Banks 31 years.