Thank you for doing this meditation for yourself.
I want to invite you to get very comfortable.
Being depressed might make it challenging to connect with getting comfortable,
But still I imagine there's a way that your body would be most comfortable to sit or lay down right now,
Or walk.
If you're walking,
Then check in.
What pace does my body want to walk in right now?
Without changing anything,
Gently move your attention towards how the breath is naturally moving in and out of your body.
Wherever you can make easy contact with it.
Maybe that's your belly or your chest.
Maybe it's your nose.
And just observe that breathing for a moment.
And then if you want to,
You can take a gentle but deeper inhalation and exhalation,
Allowing the lungs to expand a little bit more.
And for this meditation,
Let's be with our depression.
And that will be different for different people,
But we can scan for ourselves.
So just right now,
Without thinking,
Feel into your body and just notice what you can sense in your body right now.
Maybe you're used to and expect numbness,
But then I would just challenge you to pause any expectations of what you might find,
And really look in your body and see where you find some sensations.
Just do a gentle scan.
There's no rush.
And at the same time,
I want to offer already something.
If you feel very numb,
What you can do is you can squeeze your fists together.
Just make a fist and squeeze it a little bit,
And then gently let go.
And then just notice any sensations in your hand,
Without judging,
Without interpreting,
But really be the sensing in your hands if you do that.
So any sensations in your body,
And you can also do this sensation in your hand.
There's this immediacy of feeling.
It's not even like anything to feel,
It's just the feeling is the feeling.
And zooming out,
Taking your whole body into your scan,
What can you notice?
And if you don't notice anything,
Then notice that you don't notice anything.
So depression can feel like lethargic,
Numbness,
Emptiness.
And if we resist how the body feels,
There's this contraction which actually keeps what we feel in place.
So just for this practice,
For these couple of minutes,
I would invite you to take a breath in,
And when you exhale have this intention of accepting anything right now that you feel or don't feel in your body.
Just,
You can do that a few times,
Inhale,
And when you exhale I'll have this kind of sense of this is what my body is feeling like right now.
And we don't want to accept it in order to change it,
That's a secret change agenda.
We just want to really accept this is now happening in my body.
This is what my body is telling me right now.
If something does start to change,
That is perfect,
But we don't want to make a change happen.
That is a subtle violence against what is present in our body to want to change it.
We want to be compassionately accepting,
And then any change that wants to happen will happen.
See if you can connect with that letting it be,
Just for a few more cycles of breath.
If it doesn't happen,
Then accept that it doesn't happen.
Maybe you feel mental resistance,
Then that is where you begin accepting.
There is mental resistance,
Okay,
There's mental resistance,
Let it be there.
It doesn't help to fight it.
And next what I would like to do with you is to move towards thinking.
So rumination or repetitive negative thinking is often typical for depression.
This is a kind of algorithm that is ceaselessly running,
Producing negatively biased thinking.
And I want us to realize that thinking is not who I am.
It does not define me.
It happens in me,
But it is not me.
And if I don't let it,
It can't affect me.
It is like a moon reflected in a pool of water,
And this water is utterly unaffected by it.
If now it seems like the moon is really doing something with the water,
It's only a reflection,
It's not actually there.
So whatever thoughts are coming in the next few minutes as we practice this dis-identification,
This is also an acceptance of,
Yeah,
Those are thoughts,
Those are like clouds in my sky,
Reflections in the pool of my mind.
I can just let them be.
And one way to anchor that dis-identification is to feel this presence in your body,
And I would invite you to just for ease go again with your hands.
So squeeze your hands again and then do it strongly enough so that you really feel some kind of tingling sensation or aliveness in your hands.
And then with that aliveness as your background,
Just practice watching any thoughts,
Any thoughts that come.
They might be very disturbing,
Very negative.
And just remember this is not me,
This is happening in me,
Just like sensations.
I don't choose them,
I don't make them,
They just happen,
And I'm witnessing all of this.
So just practice with this,
And if you notice that you don't feel your hands anymore,
Then squeeze again and let go.
This is your anchor of presence,
Sensing,
And the thoughts are just happening.
So practice this for a few moments.
We'll continue practicing this,
And I want to name a very pernicious thought that can be part of depression,
And that is this thought that this will never end.
That's also the fractal nature of this rumination,
It's always biting down on its own tail with this repetition.
Maybe the thoughts are speaking negatively of you,
And then there's this additional thought of this is never going to end.
And what I want to point out to you is that you know that is not true,
Because everything that's ever happened to you had a beginning and an end.
So I just want to name that this particularly challenging thought,
Possibly challenging thought,
Is not true.
This will change.
It has to.
That's the nature of the universe.
Things always change,
Even things that seem solid.
Even batteries decompose.
It takes a thousand years,
But they are completely gone.
Your depression is far less durable than that.
So keep on helping yourself by creating a very strong presence anchor in your hands.
Maybe you found another part of your body,
Another sensation that's beautiful.
Use what works for you.
The hands are sort of an easy way to do it.
So just for a few more minutes we're going to practice.
My invitation is keep practicing with accepting whatever you feel in your body.
Allowing any thinking that's already happening to just happen.
Knowing this is not me.
I am aware of this.
I am not this.
I am the awareness that is aware.
I'm not what happens in my awareness.
And then as a final invitation,
Soon the meditation will be over.
But I would love you to take something with you from this meditation.
So follow me if you want by placing one hand on your belly and one hand on your heart area.
And first just feel how that feels.
I imagine it's nicely warm.
You can feel your breathing body under your hands and your breathing body is feeling your hands.
And my invitation is to while feeling your hands on your body like this,
To just remember for the future that I can always accept what it feels like in my body.
Whatever thoughts might be thought in my mind,
That's not me.
I am NOT those thoughts.
They're just there happening.
And this too will pass.
So you might remember,
Even maybe your hands,
Your hands might remember at any moment from now on these truths.
And allow your hands to sometimes go back to the place they are right now and remind you of this.
Thank you.
